Tuesday, November 21, 2006


So Many Feelings


Canadian National Anthem! (Shut up, you can feel it)


Triumph of good over the Antichrist from Kalamazoo!

Honestly, you can blame a lot of things on Derek Jeter. Michigan's loss to THE Ohio State University (Troy Smith saw his permasmirk and thought, "How dare you. I will now go win the Heisman.")

But can you believe JustIncredible has won the AL MVP? Who would have thought that (at least some) of the writers could unplug themselves from the Bos-Wash Sports Media Superstructure long enough to realize that Morneau truly deserved the accolade. Sure, Jeter had a career year. And that should tell you all you need to know about his career (as a hitter, mind you) on a stacked team.

Tony Kornheiser will probably throw a fit on PTI, but only because Joe Namath didn't win and he only knows 3 athlete's names.

But to be totally serious with you for a second, here's the rationale: would the Twins have done what they did without Morneau? (even down the stretch) The answer to that is no. Would the Yankees have won the AL East with your grandmother playing short and batting second? Probably. Sooo, who has more value? Thank you for getting it right, baseball. The most valuable player happened to win the award of the same name.

More as I stop acting like a Knucklehead McSpazatron


Thursday, November 16, 2006


That's a Prediction That Makes it Easy to Look Smart

Everybody on the planet thought Johan would win the Cy Young? Well thanks for the hot tip, Quincy. I was hoping at least one sports writer would have had the chutzpah to throw in a Josh Beckett or a Kris Benson or a... um... Kelvim Escobar?


-It will be called "2007"
-The Democrats will be in control of both houses of Congress
-Robert will turn 25 sometime in August (yeah, it is kinda sad that this is the output you get from a supposedly fully functioning adult. Makes me want to drink too)
-April showers will bring May flowers
-Rush Limbaugh will pop some pain pills
-Russel Crowe will assault or verbally abuse someone
-The course will be stayed
-In the quarterly war to see who can make the most ridiculous pizza, Dominos will win 3 out of 4, with the "upside down raw pizza" narrowly beating out Pizza Hut's "Spaghettio's 'n' corn pizza"
-There'll be another British rock invasion. Again. Seriously. Every damn year it happens.
-One of those ridiculous Esurance commercials will finally make sense
-The word "skullduggery" will make a rampaging comeback into the nation's lexicon
-William will win second prize in a beauty contest and get 10 dollars
-And most importantly, Johan will win the Cy Young. You heard it here first

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Reading Too Much Into Something and Overuse of Acronyms

We here at P.A.B., as much as our lack of posting proves otherwise, do pay attention to the news wire during the off-season. And no, it has nothing to do with the Vikings tanking and the...uh..what are they called again..oh yes, Timberwolves playing basketball.

1. Kiko places 3rd in R.O.Y. voting.

The real issue that chaps my behind is that Neshek didn't get a single stinking vote. No, I'm not saying he should have been R.O.Y. But that delivery deserves something right? Anyways, back to Kiko. Well, he was International League R.O.Y. in 2005, so he'll have to be content with that for now. The third place finish is nice, but doesn't it sort of feel like getting a tax refund check a few days after being notified that you're being audited?

2. Gardy Finishes 2nd in M.O.Y. Voting.

You know, if Gardy is given whatever talent 10 million extra dollars in payroll would afford like Leyland, we could be discussing him winning a World Series and an *already* well-deserved M.O.Y. award. But alas, our owner would rather that we go to Spring Training with Jason Tyner in left field rather than Gary Sheffield. Really, my quibbling begs the question as they're both deserving candidates. However, as a homer I would have liked to see Gardy get it.

3. So....Kiko gets 3rd place...Gardy gets 2nd place....Is it safe to say that Santana will get 1st? Not like that would be shocking. My only regret is that you can't create an an acronym like P.A.B., R.O.Y. or M.O.Y. for the Cy Young. C.Y.A.....cee-ya!


Sunday, November 05, 2006


Oh word?

Some commentary on recent moves not having to do with UCL replacement surgery:

1. Torii wins gold glove.

In a world where the haves are the have nots, Little Nicky Punto would be hoisting an amorphous block of gold above his head instead of Sinn Fein. In a move that confirms that Rawlings Sporting Goods suckles from the same teet as the Augusta National Golf club, the status quo reigns supreme. As much of a homer that I am, it's difficult to argue that a man whose defensive limitations were painfully apparent LONG before his botched dive in the ALCS, is worthy of another defensive honor. That said, let's hope Torii avoids Fenway as much as possible this off-season and reverts back to a semblance of his old self next season. But, I've got 12 million bucks that say otherwise.

2. Gardenhire extension

In a world where Kyle Farnsworth makes 5.5 million dollars, it's nice to see one of the good guys get his due. Ken Macha, whose winning percentage is close to Gardenhire's in a similar span of time, has gotten the old heave ho, proof of how ass-backwards this racket is. Pohlad, as senile and miserly as he is, has done good here. Now about that one ALCS appearance in 4 playoff berths........

3. Silva's option picked up.

We're gonna have to do this fucking thing over again because I FUCKed it up.

4. Alexi Casilla wins award for Twins' top minor league hitter.

IN YOUR FACE J.C.! But honestly, let's have some guarded optimism here. I don't believe that a .294 average at AA is reason to believe this guy's the next Ty Cobb. Oh, you say, he stole a whole bunch of bases. Well, your mom could take a few bases on some of these A and AA catchers. Plus, guess who else had great success stealing bases at AA. That's right, Luis Rivas. 31 swiped bases at New Britain in 1999. We know how that worked out. ¡Viva Rivas!

5. Rick Helling files for free agency

Looks like the F-M Redhawks will be selling more tickets next season. Just don't break your shin in spring training buddy.

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