Monday, March 31, 2008
A New Era
PREGAME
We begin anew. I know what you're thinking: "How will we win any games without him?" "He was the heart and soul of this team!" and "It's getting close to dinner time. For what am I hungry?"
But we have to let him go.
So long, sweet prince. A flock of angels sing thee to thy second home run.
JASON TYNER
"This lemonade is pretty good - oh, I should work on my power stroke?"
It's the end of the Tyner Era.
But don't get nostalgic: Jason Bartlett's not walking through that door, So-and-so Pirdie's not walking through that door, Lew Ford's not walking through that door (he teleports through the interwebs), Dustan Mohr's not walking through that door.
But we do have some mashers. And some young pitchers. And guys battling their tail off and playing small ball and doing the right thing and putting chives on their baked potatoes and understand that a kiwi has more Vitamin C than an orange (true fact).
Maybe the summer won't go their way without Tyner's leadership and slap singles. Maybe we'll just surprise the hell out of everybody and take off. Hey, the Tigers have already lost once, and the Cleveland Native Americans/Bitch Sox game didn't look good once the bullpens came out.
Just think, young ones, as we dish out nicknames and say inappropriate things, that if you say "Renyt Tyner" 3 times into a mirror with the lights out, Gordon Lightfoot will appear behind you. Uh... no more NASCAR, ESPN2! Today's baseball! LET'S GO.
TOP 1ST
RK: So uh, 6 inches of snow. Good call with not putting a roof in the new stadium
WV: Either way the outfielders are going to lose pop flies in a blanket of whiteness
RK: It's the Walker Cherry Spoon! Must be the only landmark in MSP
WV: Minnehaha Falls will be so offended to hear that
RK: Jon Miller is pissing on the HHH Metrodome. Thanks Matt. Good to be back, good to have baseball back, good for most things that include the word "back."
RK: And Joe Morgan: Reliably Zombie-looking Since As Long As I Can Remember
WV: Jon Miller can't keep up with the on-screen graphics. He'll get to the #9 hitter by about the 3rd inning
RK: I'm sold! First out - World Series Champs
WV: If you squint Livan could pass for Jack Morris
RK: Oh yeah, we're gonna call Livan Bon Jovi. In the interest of a clearer etymology, it goes thusly: Livan Hernandez = Livan on a Prayer = Bon Jovi
WV: Christ, our team has more personnel turnover than a Starbucks
RK: 1-2-3 on 6 pitches - could it the return of the ghost of the spectre of 2005 Carlos Silva?
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: "Key losses: Torii Hunter and Johan Santana." Apparently, ESPN doesn't read this
WV: "it's the case where both parties...err..both teams,". Joe Morgan, concerned that his argot was getting too specialized for our small brains
RK: I go to parties and drink fuckin' Jagerbombs
WV: Golly Sinn Fein, we sure do miss you more than Johan
RK: Not to quibble Joe, but don't we want good hitters in every slot in the order? 2nd or 3rd, this is still Global Warming here
RK: AAAAWWWWW YEAH SON
WV: Chairman Mauer: Got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth. Gimme your heart make it real, or else forget about it
RK: Brings a tear to my eye to think of that song. I think I remember pretending to like it so a girl would think I was deep and make out with me
WV: Frozen ropes down the middle of the plate aren't Cuddy's style
RK: He just wants to see all young Weaver has to offer
RK: Do you suppose, in the spirit of Ray-Moan Ortiz, John Gordon has been calling Livan Lye-Van?
WV: I wouldn't doubt it, unless Dazzle has him going on about Polaris snowmobiles
RK: Or some kind of bock beer. Patience from Morneau is good to see
WV: Delmon, or in the spirit of his brother, Dlmon Young, however, shows no such virtue
RK: Weaver's not looking good. He keeps hanging breaking balls like that... when Craig Monroe was up I thought it was Hoverboard for a minute. I was ready to call the whole damn thing off
TOP 2ND: THE ANGELS ANGELS OF THE HOUSE OF ANA: 0 THE FIGHTIN' WALKERS: 1
WV: So RK, would you be cheering or winding up for a dome dog special?
RK: Not gonna lie, I'd cheer. I like Gardy's take: "I love him dearly. That said, I hope he goes 0-16"
WV: A lack of plate discipline? There's plenty more where that came from, Mr. Soscia
RK: Bon Jovi has only thrown 4 pitches so far this game. That's a true fact
WV: Yeah, but who says you can't (throw) home
RK: Why are you punishing our reader(s)?
WV: The same reason I'll bore legions of young scholars for the next few decades
RK: Touche.
BOTTOM 2ND, SAME SCORE
RK: Y'know what we need more of? Media coverage of the Yankees
WV: Any reason Kubel's not in against the righty?
RK: Have you seen Mike Lamb's salary? Because I haven't. Maybe they don't either. Maybe they thought they had resigned David Lamb... Hey, Harris is a PoliSci person outta Virginia? We should hang out
TOP 3RD SAME SCORE
WV: You two can go on about negative dialectics and its relation to a .000 batting average
RK: In the end everything is reduced to zero. I don't think Adorno would approve of our discussion
WV: Polaris...Bon Jovi...Gordon Lightfoot. Good gracious, we're our fathers
RK: Let's get it all out: Lucky Strikes, cheap gas, AM radio
WV: All this talk about 50 year olds is really a tribute to Bon Jovi. OVER THE LINE!
RK: Well... Non-Model Guy has a decent arm
WV: He was more out than Zubaz
RK: Out like Pogs
WV: Even Joe Morgan saw it
RK: Usually all he sees are brains
WV: Gary Matthews Jr., the 100 million dollar catch
RK: I swear I just saw Tyner in the stands drinking a beer
WV: Renyt works at Blockbuster now
RK: No more late fees.
BOTTOM 3RD, NO CHANGE
RK: Is the moniker Speedy Go[m]ez still racist? Hell of an infield hit, with shades of Punto with the head-first slide into first.
WV: Andale, Andale, Arriba
RK: ... I guess I'll ask around.
WV: This sliding into first will not do.
RK: It's not faster!
WV: That wasn't a stolen base on a pitchout was it
RK: Oh yes it was. Cuddy, I'm at a loss for words
WV: Oh God, I'm having 2007 flashbacks, with this inability to get runners in
TOP 4TH, CRUISIN RIGHT ALONG
RK: Free seats, whatever, we get it: the view up there sucks, the Metrodome sucks, my childhood sucks, etc.
WV: There's something philosophical about sitting behind the curtain free of charge
RK: Johns Rawls's Veil of Ignorance
WV: Hockey comparison in 5 4 3 2 1
RK: That's like a goalie! He must be from Canadia or something. Whadda double play!
BOTTOM 4TH, CH-CH-CH-CHILL,
WV: Whoa Bra, it's like hella snowing our bra, I can't pitch in this bra
RK: I could watch Vlad chase down fly balls all day with that gait of his. Heeheehee
WV: What do we have against RISPs
RK: Them and their smug bourgeois values
WV: March, in like a lion, out like a Lamb
RK: Bite yer tongue!
WV: Harris' RBI single had the sweet smell of not being associated with LNP
RK: He's our new Phil Nevin
WV: Shhh, don't scare him
RK: Oh my head. I suppose that's a tit-for-tat double play
TOP 5TH L TRIPLE A: 0 LOS GEMINIS: 2
WV: Aren't you happy you fled to a coast having seen that shot of Nicolett Mall?
RK: I thought that was part of the Walker
WV: If it's not the cherry on the spoon I get confused
RK: It's all ESPN shows. It must be. Quod Erat Demonstrandum
WV: KC Crotch Man is Livan's worst enemy today
RK: I thought we were talking about Mike Sweeney for a second
WV: Death by a thousand singles
RK: Come on, Bon Jovi
WV: Oh Mike Soscia, way to adapt and tell your hitters Bon Jovi's been throwing softly thrown junk
RK: That's the second-best outcome we could have had this inning with the double play on a bases loaded 0 out situation
WV: It's like wanting the prom queen but getting her shy but not unattractive and somewhat more intelligent sister
RK: And you realize that this is what you wanted all along. So basically, baseball is like a John Cusack movie?
WV: Exactly
RK: Oh, I guess it's not Greg Maddux up there, I guess Bon Jovi shouldn't try to nibble the corners. "Livan... Livan Rodriguez" Nice work Joe Morgan. You probably thought "Latino player... 50/50."
WV: Good thing he caught it, I wouldn't want Vlad Gomez to have a chance
BOTTOM 5TH TIED AT 2
RK: Arriba!!
WV: Speedy Gomez it is. I speak Spanish, it's ok. It's not like I'm an Anti-Dentite. He totally could've scored
RK: Cuddy needed the RBI
WV: Unlike Sandcastle, he actually scores
RK: I'm literally holding my breath. The meat of the order needs to be more meaty. The schnozzberries should taste more like schnozzberries
TOP 6TH DAS ENGELS AUF ENGELHEIM 2 YOUR MINNESOTA TWINS 3
WV: Vlad is a downright Buffalo Soldier
RK: Kayla, probably not. I'm sure it's not an original idea, but we're happy to support the hive mind
WV: Delmon has to rehearse to make those charging catches seem nonchalant
RK: Fly ball pitchers always make me nervous. Stay down, Bon Jovi!
BOTTOM 6TH THE SCORE HOLDS
RK: Thanks EMH, I have no idea how to speak German. But I've read Immanuel Kant
WV: WFT was Monroe skipping to 1st?
RK: NOT RUNNING HARD. Oh haternation, don't hate so much. It's a bizniss
WV: That's the centerfielder's call right?
RK: Whoops! Can't lose it in the ceiling, right Sinn Fein? *snicker snicker*
WV: Sinn Fein lets the bomb drop
RK: Beatsie Boys known to let the beat...
WV: Deeeerrrrop
TOP 7TH NIHIL NOVUM SUB SOLE
RK and WV: BASEBALL!
BOTTOM 7TH SCORE IS ENTROPYING
WV: You know, a former left handed pitcher of ours also went 7 innings and gave up 2 ER today
RK: What do you suppose the odds are mlb.com makes a "dreamweaver" pun about tonight?
WV: I'm liking the odds
RK: Such pedestrian verbiage
WV: Joe Mauer will never be The Natural until he hits a homerun into the center field lights after his slighted lover stabs him in the gut
RK: That's happened to me. I'm surprised you didn't know that.
TOP 8TH [NOTHING] CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
RK: DEATH METAL
WV: "the problem with somebody with a funky motion, as we say...". Oh Joe, you and your big words again!
RK: He also brings the noise. Thank you Kayla, spread the good word
WV: "Anytime you win a World Series or a Super Bowl, you're pretty good." I'm sorry this is just over my head
RK: He and Madden... just think of it
WV: Welcome to the Metrodome!
RK: Yeesh
WV: Ron Gardenhire got skinnier, if Jon Miller's right
RK: And why would we think otherwise?
WV: SIT DOWN, VLAD
BOTTOM 8TH, STILL THE GOOD GUYS BY 1
WV: Odd seeing the Royals with a winning record
RK: What a great game that was. The Rubik's Kubel!
WV: At least one of the tripartite Jason monster is still alive
RK: Maybe he'll spawn like the hydra
WV: Today has been a shining example of why the Metrodome is an entertaining and pragmatic baseball venue
RK: It's a version of the Real
WV: Gardy just didn't have the heart to keep LNP out
RK: Just don't scare him. Adam Everett, trying his best to do his 2003 Pierzynski
WV: Insurance is overrated. That's Adam Everett's stand. How about yours?
TOP 9TH, THE DRAMA MOUNTS
WV: Well we paid Dr. Neau a bunch of money and he's gone 0 for 4, so let's hope Twitch n' Pitch doesn't follow suit
RK: Justine is a slow starter
WV: You think Nathan knew Torii would swing at the first pitch? ... and the second
RK: Empirical data
WV: Maybe he can get the 3rd out in a similar fashion...idealist
RK: Oh Gawwwwd
WV: Dougy Baseball woulda had it
RK: Hnng.... BALLGAME
POSTGAME
WV: The post-Tyner era starts out with a bang
RK: So, this is pretty much the ideated version of the Twins. 7 IP from the starter, Neshek bridges to a flawless Nathan
WV: Textbook. And I'd like to think that on the nickname front, we too had a fruitful opening day.
RK: We're making headway here. God I love baseball.
We begin anew. I know what you're thinking: "How will we win any games without him?" "He was the heart and soul of this team!" and "It's getting close to dinner time. For what am I hungry?"
But we have to let him go.
So long, sweet prince. A flock of angels sing thee to thy second home run.
JASON TYNER
"This lemonade is pretty good - oh, I should work on my power stroke?"
It's the end of the Tyner Era.
But don't get nostalgic: Jason Bartlett's not walking through that door, So-and-so Pirdie's not walking through that door, Lew Ford's not walking through that door (he teleports through the interwebs), Dustan Mohr's not walking through that door.
But we do have some mashers. And some young pitchers. And guys battling their tail off and playing small ball and doing the right thing and putting chives on their baked potatoes and understand that a kiwi has more Vitamin C than an orange (true fact).
Maybe the summer won't go their way without Tyner's leadership and slap singles. Maybe we'll just surprise the hell out of everybody and take off. Hey, the Tigers have already lost once, and the Cleveland Native Americans/Bitch Sox game didn't look good once the bullpens came out.
Just think, young ones, as we dish out nicknames and say inappropriate things, that if you say "Renyt Tyner" 3 times into a mirror with the lights out, Gordon Lightfoot will appear behind you. Uh... no more NASCAR, ESPN2! Today's baseball! LET'S GO.
TOP 1ST
RK: So uh, 6 inches of snow. Good call with not putting a roof in the new stadium
WV: Either way the outfielders are going to lose pop flies in a blanket of whiteness
RK: It's the Walker Cherry Spoon! Must be the only landmark in MSP
WV: Minnehaha Falls will be so offended to hear that
RK: Jon Miller is pissing on the HHH Metrodome. Thanks Matt. Good to be back, good to have baseball back, good for most things that include the word "back."
RK: And Joe Morgan: Reliably Zombie-looking Since As Long As I Can Remember
WV: Jon Miller can't keep up with the on-screen graphics. He'll get to the #9 hitter by about the 3rd inning
RK: I'm sold! First out - World Series Champs
WV: If you squint Livan could pass for Jack Morris
RK: Oh yeah, we're gonna call Livan Bon Jovi. In the interest of a clearer etymology, it goes thusly: Livan Hernandez = Livan on a Prayer = Bon Jovi
WV: Christ, our team has more personnel turnover than a Starbucks
RK: 1-2-3 on 6 pitches - could it the return of the ghost of the spectre of 2005 Carlos Silva?
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: "Key losses: Torii Hunter and Johan Santana." Apparently, ESPN doesn't read this
WV: "it's the case where both parties...err..both teams,". Joe Morgan, concerned that his argot was getting too specialized for our small brains
RK: I go to parties and drink fuckin' Jagerbombs
WV: Golly Sinn Fein, we sure do miss you more than Johan
RK: Not to quibble Joe, but don't we want good hitters in every slot in the order? 2nd or 3rd, this is still Global Warming here
RK: AAAAWWWWW YEAH SON
WV: Chairman Mauer: Got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth. Gimme your heart make it real, or else forget about it
RK: Brings a tear to my eye to think of that song. I think I remember pretending to like it so a girl would think I was deep and make out with me
WV: Frozen ropes down the middle of the plate aren't Cuddy's style
RK: He just wants to see all young Weaver has to offer
RK: Do you suppose, in the spirit of Ray-Moan Ortiz, John Gordon has been calling Livan Lye-Van?
WV: I wouldn't doubt it, unless Dazzle has him going on about Polaris snowmobiles
RK: Or some kind of bock beer. Patience from Morneau is good to see
WV: Delmon, or in the spirit of his brother, Dlmon Young, however, shows no such virtue
RK: Weaver's not looking good. He keeps hanging breaking balls like that... when Craig Monroe was up I thought it was Hoverboard for a minute. I was ready to call the whole damn thing off
TOP 2ND: THE ANGELS ANGELS OF THE HOUSE OF ANA: 0 THE FIGHTIN' WALKERS: 1
WV: So RK, would you be cheering or winding up for a dome dog special?
RK: Not gonna lie, I'd cheer. I like Gardy's take: "I love him dearly. That said, I hope he goes 0-16"
WV: A lack of plate discipline? There's plenty more where that came from, Mr. Soscia
RK: Bon Jovi has only thrown 4 pitches so far this game. That's a true fact
WV: Yeah, but who says you can't (throw) home
RK: Why are you punishing our reader(s)?
WV: The same reason I'll bore legions of young scholars for the next few decades
RK: Touche.
BOTTOM 2ND, SAME SCORE
RK: Y'know what we need more of? Media coverage of the Yankees
WV: Any reason Kubel's not in against the righty?
RK: Have you seen Mike Lamb's salary? Because I haven't. Maybe they don't either. Maybe they thought they had resigned David Lamb... Hey, Harris is a PoliSci person outta Virginia? We should hang out
TOP 3RD SAME SCORE
WV: You two can go on about negative dialectics and its relation to a .000 batting average
RK: In the end everything is reduced to zero. I don't think Adorno would approve of our discussion
WV: Polaris...Bon Jovi...Gordon Lightfoot. Good gracious, we're our fathers
RK: Let's get it all out: Lucky Strikes, cheap gas, AM radio
WV: All this talk about 50 year olds is really a tribute to Bon Jovi. OVER THE LINE!
RK: Well... Non-Model Guy has a decent arm
WV: He was more out than Zubaz
RK: Out like Pogs
WV: Even Joe Morgan saw it
RK: Usually all he sees are brains
WV: Gary Matthews Jr., the 100 million dollar catch
RK: I swear I just saw Tyner in the stands drinking a beer
WV: Renyt works at Blockbuster now
RK: No more late fees.
BOTTOM 3RD, NO CHANGE
RK: Is the moniker Speedy Go[m]ez still racist? Hell of an infield hit, with shades of Punto with the head-first slide into first.
WV: Andale, Andale, Arriba
RK: ... I guess I'll ask around.
WV: This sliding into first will not do.
RK: It's not faster!
WV: That wasn't a stolen base on a pitchout was it
RK: Oh yes it was. Cuddy, I'm at a loss for words
WV: Oh God, I'm having 2007 flashbacks, with this inability to get runners in
TOP 4TH, CRUISIN RIGHT ALONG
RK: Free seats, whatever, we get it: the view up there sucks, the Metrodome sucks, my childhood sucks, etc.
WV: There's something philosophical about sitting behind the curtain free of charge
RK: Johns Rawls's Veil of Ignorance
WV: Hockey comparison in 5 4 3 2 1
RK: That's like a goalie! He must be from Canadia or something. Whadda double play!
BOTTOM 4TH, CH-CH-CH-CHILL,
WV: Whoa Bra, it's like hella snowing our bra, I can't pitch in this bra
RK: I could watch Vlad chase down fly balls all day with that gait of his. Heeheehee
WV: What do we have against RISPs
RK: Them and their smug bourgeois values
WV: March, in like a lion, out like a Lamb
RK: Bite yer tongue!
WV: Harris' RBI single had the sweet smell of not being associated with LNP
RK: He's our new Phil Nevin
WV: Shhh, don't scare him
RK: Oh my head. I suppose that's a tit-for-tat double play
TOP 5TH L TRIPLE A: 0 LOS GEMINIS: 2
WV: Aren't you happy you fled to a coast having seen that shot of Nicolett Mall?
RK: I thought that was part of the Walker
WV: If it's not the cherry on the spoon I get confused
RK: It's all ESPN shows. It must be. Quod Erat Demonstrandum
WV: KC Crotch Man is Livan's worst enemy today
RK: I thought we were talking about Mike Sweeney for a second
WV: Death by a thousand singles
RK: Come on, Bon Jovi
WV: Oh Mike Soscia, way to adapt and tell your hitters Bon Jovi's been throwing softly thrown junk
RK: That's the second-best outcome we could have had this inning with the double play on a bases loaded 0 out situation
WV: It's like wanting the prom queen but getting her shy but not unattractive and somewhat more intelligent sister
RK: And you realize that this is what you wanted all along. So basically, baseball is like a John Cusack movie?
WV: Exactly
RK: Oh, I guess it's not Greg Maddux up there, I guess Bon Jovi shouldn't try to nibble the corners. "Livan... Livan Rodriguez" Nice work Joe Morgan. You probably thought "Latino player... 50/50."
WV: Good thing he caught it, I wouldn't want Vlad Gomez to have a chance
BOTTOM 5TH TIED AT 2
RK: Arriba!!
WV: Speedy Gomez it is. I speak Spanish, it's ok. It's not like I'm an Anti-Dentite. He totally could've scored
RK: Cuddy needed the RBI
WV: Unlike Sandcastle, he actually scores
RK: I'm literally holding my breath. The meat of the order needs to be more meaty. The schnozzberries should taste more like schnozzberries
TOP 6TH DAS ENGELS AUF ENGELHEIM 2 YOUR MINNESOTA TWINS 3
WV: Vlad is a downright Buffalo Soldier
RK: Kayla, probably not. I'm sure it's not an original idea, but we're happy to support the hive mind
WV: Delmon has to rehearse to make those charging catches seem nonchalant
RK: Fly ball pitchers always make me nervous. Stay down, Bon Jovi!
BOTTOM 6TH THE SCORE HOLDS
RK: Thanks EMH, I have no idea how to speak German. But I've read Immanuel Kant
WV: WFT was Monroe skipping to 1st?
RK: NOT RUNNING HARD. Oh haternation, don't hate so much. It's a bizniss
WV: That's the centerfielder's call right?
RK: Whoops! Can't lose it in the ceiling, right Sinn Fein? *snicker snicker*
WV: Sinn Fein lets the bomb drop
RK: Beatsie Boys known to let the beat...
WV: Deeeerrrrop
TOP 7TH NIHIL NOVUM SUB SOLE
RK and WV: BASEBALL!
BOTTOM 7TH SCORE IS ENTROPYING
WV: You know, a former left handed pitcher of ours also went 7 innings and gave up 2 ER today
RK: What do you suppose the odds are mlb.com makes a "dreamweaver" pun about tonight?
WV: I'm liking the odds
RK: Such pedestrian verbiage
WV: Joe Mauer will never be The Natural until he hits a homerun into the center field lights after his slighted lover stabs him in the gut
RK: That's happened to me. I'm surprised you didn't know that.
TOP 8TH [NOTHING] CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
RK: DEATH METAL
WV: "the problem with somebody with a funky motion, as we say...". Oh Joe, you and your big words again!
RK: He also brings the noise. Thank you Kayla, spread the good word
WV: "Anytime you win a World Series or a Super Bowl, you're pretty good." I'm sorry this is just over my head
RK: He and Madden... just think of it
WV: Welcome to the Metrodome!
RK: Yeesh
WV: Ron Gardenhire got skinnier, if Jon Miller's right
RK: And why would we think otherwise?
WV: SIT DOWN, VLAD
BOTTOM 8TH, STILL THE GOOD GUYS BY 1
WV: Odd seeing the Royals with a winning record
RK: What a great game that was. The Rubik's Kubel!
WV: At least one of the tripartite Jason monster is still alive
RK: Maybe he'll spawn like the hydra
WV: Today has been a shining example of why the Metrodome is an entertaining and pragmatic baseball venue
RK: It's a version of the Real
WV: Gardy just didn't have the heart to keep LNP out
RK: Just don't scare him. Adam Everett, trying his best to do his 2003 Pierzynski
WV: Insurance is overrated. That's Adam Everett's stand. How about yours?
TOP 9TH, THE DRAMA MOUNTS
WV: Well we paid Dr. Neau a bunch of money and he's gone 0 for 4, so let's hope Twitch n' Pitch doesn't follow suit
RK: Justine is a slow starter
WV: You think Nathan knew Torii would swing at the first pitch? ... and the second
RK: Empirical data
WV: Maybe he can get the 3rd out in a similar fashion...idealist
RK: Oh Gawwwwd
WV: Dougy Baseball woulda had it
RK: Hnng.... BALLGAME
POSTGAME
WV: The post-Tyner era starts out with a bang
RK: So, this is pretty much the ideated version of the Twins. 7 IP from the starter, Neshek bridges to a flawless Nathan
WV: Textbook. And I'd like to think that on the nickname front, we too had a fruitful opening day.
RK: We're making headway here. God I love baseball.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Play Ball!
I always hear the robot voice of one of my favorite NES games, BaseWars when I hear that.
Play ball, motorcycle wheelie deathbot! If you put in TERMINATOR 02 in the EDIT B team, all your players areBonds jacked up. Where were we?
Oh yeah. Hi everybody, we're RK and WV, and we run this here blog. If you haven't been here before, what we try to do is liveblog each game and try not to focus too much on the game, instead making inside jokes, obfuscating player nicknames, and discussing continental philosophy. Let us appropriate some of the current political climate and make fun of it, delegitimization for everyone!
RK:
RK was born in Hawaii on August 4th, 1961. His father, RK Sr., was born and raised in a small village in Kenya, where he grew up herding goats with his own father, who was a domestic servant to the British. RK's mother, Ann Dunham, grew up in small-town Kansas. Her father worked on oil rigs during the Depression, and then signed up for World War II after Pearl Harbor, where he marched across Europe in Patton's army. Her mother went to work on a bomber assembly line, and after the war, they studied on the G.I. Bill, bought a house through the Federal Housing Program, and moved west to Hawaii.
WV:
WV was raised in a middle-class family in the middle of America. From that classic suburban childhood in Park Ridge, Illinois, WV went on to become one of America's foremost advocates for children and families; an attorney twice voted one of the most influential in America; a First Lady of Arkansas who helped transform the schools; a bestselling author; a First Lady for America who helped transform that role, becoming a champion for health care and families at home and a champion of women's rights and human rights around the world.
So y'know, pick one of us over the other, or whoever emerges victorious! Or you could just go for that other blogger...
But seriously folks, you'll get to know us all too well... more than you ever wanted to know as the season progresses. I'm excited about baseball, now lets watch some young guys defy expectations.
Play ball, motorcycle wheelie deathbot! If you put in TERMINATOR 02 in the EDIT B team, all your players are
Oh yeah. Hi everybody, we're RK and WV, and we run this here blog. If you haven't been here before, what we try to do is liveblog each game and try not to focus too much on the game, instead making inside jokes, obfuscating player nicknames, and discussing continental philosophy. Let us appropriate some of the current political climate and make fun of it, delegitimization for everyone!
RK:
RK was born in Hawaii on August 4th, 1961. His father, RK Sr., was born and raised in a small village in Kenya, where he grew up herding goats with his own father, who was a domestic servant to the British. RK's mother, Ann Dunham, grew up in small-town Kansas. Her father worked on oil rigs during the Depression, and then signed up for World War II after Pearl Harbor, where he marched across Europe in Patton's army. Her mother went to work on a bomber assembly line, and after the war, they studied on the G.I. Bill, bought a house through the Federal Housing Program, and moved west to Hawaii.
WV:
WV was raised in a middle-class family in the middle of America. From that classic suburban childhood in Park Ridge, Illinois, WV went on to become one of America's foremost advocates for children and families; an attorney twice voted one of the most influential in America; a First Lady of Arkansas who helped transform the schools; a bestselling author; a First Lady for America who helped transform that role, becoming a champion for health care and families at home and a champion of women's rights and human rights around the world.
So y'know, pick one of us over the other, or whoever emerges victorious! Or you could just go for that other blogger...
But seriously folks, you'll get to know us all too well... more than you ever wanted to know as the season progresses. I'm excited about baseball, now lets watch some young guys defy expectations.
EVERY DAY IS OPENING DAY!
Or opening night. I can't keep these things straight anymore. Coupled with home openers, next you're going to tell me there's some magical "International date line" that people can cross and play opening day games in Japan!
Christmas lasting 48 hours? Blogger please.
So if it feels like opening day has lasted about a week.... it's because it has.
In the same spirit:
I'm close to it being opening day on the next quarter-century period of my life
Every day is opening day for someone in recovery. Think about it.
Somewhere, it's opening day for a Wal-Mart. Closing day for local stores soon to follow! Oops, sorry, I'll redouble my efforts not to let politics come in here. I just recently visited my parents in their tiny Nebraskan town where there are almost no more downtown shops and the Wal-Mart pulses like some sort of L'Engelian leviathan. Alliteration and young adult lit? I'm in prime form, people.
Not that I really care what you call it, right? I mean, as long as the season gets underway, I don't care if you start it in February on the moon. I don't have any connection to Cincinnati - who cares if they used to be the place the season started? I used to have blue hair, and we can all agree that was a bad idea.
I just get greedy. I don't want to have to watch Atlanta in DC. Boring. I want 13 other games! I want doubleheaders, day games, night games, intramural games, ugly Sunday uniform games, and however they organize things on that time warp of a vortex that is the west coast!
In re: post below - we're right about baseball about as often as Joe Morgan, so we'll try to limit ourselves in the predictive department and stick to our guns - off-color remarks, colorful invective, and junior high nostalgia.
NOTA BENE
I want this season to start. I don't have high expectations, but I'm ready for some baseball in my life. You know the feeling. That said, I have
1. A monstrous thesis to finish
2. to move in July
These are the only conceivable roadblocks I can see to consistent roadblocks. Other contingencies, exigencies, emergencies, and etymologies:
1. Social life
2. Summer job
1 looks unlikely, but I also have no idea what I'll be doing for work this summer. Sitting by the pool sounds nice, but is so far a bleak career option.
OK, enough tickling and teasing. A proper reintroduction forthcoming, hopefully today.
--RK
Christmas lasting 48 hours? Blogger please.
So if it feels like opening day has lasted about a week.... it's because it has.
In the same spirit:
I'm close to it being opening day on the next quarter-century period of my life
Every day is opening day for someone in recovery. Think about it.
Somewhere, it's opening day for a Wal-Mart. Closing day for local stores soon to follow! Oops, sorry, I'll redouble my efforts not to let politics come in here. I just recently visited my parents in their tiny Nebraskan town where there are almost no more downtown shops and the Wal-Mart pulses like some sort of L'Engelian leviathan. Alliteration and young adult lit? I'm in prime form, people.
Not that I really care what you call it, right? I mean, as long as the season gets underway, I don't care if you start it in February on the moon. I don't have any connection to Cincinnati - who cares if they used to be the place the season started? I used to have blue hair, and we can all agree that was a bad idea.
I just get greedy. I don't want to have to watch Atlanta in DC. Boring. I want 13 other games! I want doubleheaders, day games, night games, intramural games, ugly Sunday uniform games, and however they organize things on that time warp of a vortex that is the west coast!
In re: post below - we're right about baseball about as often as Joe Morgan, so we'll try to limit ourselves in the predictive department and stick to our guns - off-color remarks, colorful invective, and junior high nostalgia.
NOTA BENE
I want this season to start. I don't have high expectations, but I'm ready for some baseball in my life. You know the feeling. That said, I have
1. A monstrous thesis to finish
2. to move in July
These are the only conceivable roadblocks I can see to consistent roadblocks. Other contingencies, exigencies, emergencies, and etymologies:
1. Social life
2. Summer job
1 looks unlikely, but I also have no idea what I'll be doing for work this summer. Sitting by the pool sounds nice, but is so far a bleak career option.
OK, enough tickling and teasing. A proper reintroduction forthcoming, hopefully today.
--RK
