Tuesday, September 30, 2008
It's A Beautiful Day For Baseball, Let's Play 163!
PREGAME
Apologies to Ernie Banks. I had to move my computer into the living room because I'm only able to watch the game on TBS, so that probably says something about my pathetic life, but whatever.
DK told me that in one-game playins, the away team is 11 for 14. So hey, that's good!
Let's see what we got here:
Nick Blackburn, who has not been pitching like the Dread Pirate Blackburn, more just like Dreadful Blackburn, but could it be that Ozzie's comments could fire him up and we'll see the Blackburn of July? Maybe
We have John Danks coming on 3 days rest. He's never had to do that before, but he only threw 80 pitches in his last start. None of this means anything of course
Hey Cal Ripken Jr. is an analyst for TBS. I had dinner with him once. He has scary white teeth.
WV is going to be here later - he has to give a presentation on Sartre, which could be apropos depending out the outcome.
My emotional well-being is at stake here. I'm gonna go put some coffee on and start saying ridiculous things in a few minutes. Could you be mine, would be mine, won't you be my coblogger?
Both pitchers are evenly matched, just like these teams are evenly matched. Let's go insane together.
Shit, I finished this 15 minutes early. What else should I say?
Eck and Rip picked Griffey and Thome respectively as their big guys tonight. I love this stuff. Remember in 2002 when everybody said the Athletics were going to romp all over the Twins and they were gonna lose in like 2 games and they wouldn't even show up for the 3rd? And then the Twins won it?
Gardy and Ozzie were talking, and that helps me remember that for these guys it's a game, and they can have fun with it, and they can laugh and whatever... errr, this isnt' working. Score 10 runs in the first like that one time against Baltimore. DO IT
TOP 1ST
LK: Interesting. Cuddy is DHing. Harris at third.
SJ: I'M EXCITED!!!!!!
DK: omg...Harris starting...Gardy grew a brain?
RK: Did Span just get booed?
DK: and we can haz 6-man ump crew? kthxbai. 1.5 times the blown calls!
LK: We all need homer blankies. I hope any Twins fans at the game are wearing bright colors.
SJ: I heart when my boyfriend starts
LK: Does Joe-Ma look nervous? Maybe as nervous as he ever does, which isn't much.
RK: God I love Span in leadoff
SJ: leadoff walk! love it!
DK: Ball four, base hit. aw crap...I'm quoting the effing Hawk...damn yesterday's game being only on WGN
LK: Yesterday's game was on ESPN2 as well.
DK: school doesn't get the deuce
SJ: ps -- i left the bar to come home for the game so i could be with you guys...feel special 
DK: fact: Darrin Jackson was a Twin...1997
EH: I kept an eye on yesterday's game with the sound off.
LK: Remember when Alexi was the best on the team at bunting?
SJ: Yesterday's game was not the best...
DK: someone posted a gameday screenshot of the pitch thrown to Ramirez. my grandmother could've hit a homer off it
SJ: i love dazzle talking about the sea of black and how easy it is to spot your favorite vendor as they wear bright green
DK: in a word: fuck
SJ: argh!
EH: Jeez
RK: Now that's just dumb luck
DK: baseball gods, why must you provide the bitch sox with such favor?
SJ: do they seriously just boo everyone there?
EH: Probably
DK: OMG should line one off Danks' shoulders
SJ: So I have a tough choice, Morgan or Crown?
BOTTOM 1ST
LK: FRACK! GIDP is what I wanna see.
RK: Oh, I had to remind myself to breathe just there
DK: There you go, DP
SJ: Nice work on the rundown
EH: Sweet
RK: Good job by Casilla there
DK: anybody else mad that after out-dueling the BItch Sox in the first 18 games we're playing this in their stadium?
LK: Yes, I hate the coin flip.
RK: The tiebreaker rules are stupid, to be sure
EH: yeah. why on Earth do they use a coin toss to decide?
LK: Though at least if we win the White Sox can't whine about the Dome.
SJ: Yes -- but just think of how sweet it's going to be when we get to celebrate being the division champs in their stadium -- we should spray champagne on their fans
LK: Who am I kidding? These are the Bitch Sox, they'll still complain.
EH: True enough
RK: Keep it down, Nikolai
LK: I think they need a few more announcers in the booth.
SJ: Woo!
EH: I'll take that
TOP 2ND
LK: Alrighty then, now let's get some hits! (And runs!)
SJ: I'm down for runs
DK: anyone got over/under on a bench clearing brawl before this is over? cause from the sounds of it you could cut the tension at the Cell with a knife
SJ: Ooooh
RK: Justin, please break your slump. I say this as a concerned citizen
DK: ok...Morneau, do some Waste Management and deposit that Danks garbage in the seats, please
LK: Please Justin, please get it together. ARGH. Why is Justin swinging at bad pitches? It's like he's Jacque Jones up there.
RK: Grumblecakes
LK: Good grief, make him throw more pitches, guys.
RK: Good thing we have Delmon up oh wait
SJ: Remember when we used to take about 10 pitches and then knock one out of the park? Let's do that. That's fun
LK: C'mn Dlmn!
SJ: I felt that swing all the way over here. Oh super... drink time.
BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE
RK: That Arby's commercial... good bestial fun (?)
LK: I'm still haunted by the talking baby commercial from earlier.
RK: Well for the love of...
EH: little green apples?
RK: Those are pretty tasty. Especially in a pie
LK: Let's focus on the positives: Thome is easy to double-up.
SJ: Thats right...go back to first. however it would've been quite exciting to see that double play
RK: We can still see one...
LK: Please let the Twins not make any big mistakes tonight (like losing a ball in the lights).
RK: The baseball gods are listening
SJ: Nice work blackburn!!
RK: The Bratz doll is up
LK: Stop showing that grand slam! (I was in the other room when it happened yesterday, had hoped to avoid seeing it at all.)
RK: Mr. Owl is good for a groundout, right?
LK: Let's hope so
LK: I thought we didn't walk guys. This worries me.
RK: I love being right
LK: Oh thank you, AJ
EH: Thanks, AJ!
TOP 3RD, STILL NO SCORE
LK: C'mon Cherry Pie!
SJ: Let's go boyfriend!
SJ: Are they seriously booing Punto?
LK: They're scared of him, 'cause he's such a tiny superhero.
RK: Nobody ever accused the Southsiders of being overly intelligent
SJ: That's for damn sure
EH: True story
LK: I suppose he's the only remaining piranha from that year with the piranhas.
LK: Keep battling, LNP, keep battling. Now I think "battling" looks weird and wrong plus it makes me miss BatGirl.
RK: Hell yes, Nicky
SJ: nice work LNP...way to get my 10 pitch at bat!!
SJ: are they seriously going to boo everyone everytime they come up to bat?
RK: Yes, because they're troglodytes
LK: C'mon, Go-Go!
RK: Punto: psych!
LK: IHOP hit .384 against White Sox this year? Wow. Had no idea.
LK: I'd love to see Danks throw the ball away.
SJ: I'm all for Danks wearing his arm out throwing to first if he wants...
LK: I just like to say "Danks" as if it's the bad sound your computer makes when you hit the wrong key.
RK: It is a good noun to verb
LK: Crapcakes
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
LK: Did the Twins not get my memo about scoring a lot of runs early?
EH: They want to keep the suspense going.
LK: TBS told them to, maybe.
RK: "Might be a close game" I feel like I could be a baseball analyst no problem. I'm probably at least half as smart as Eck
SJ: Can your nickname be "Captain Obvious" then?
LK: We all could do better than Telly Hughes. *Lots* better.
RK: Captain Slackass. I've always wanted that nickname
EH: Is Gardy nervous? He is totally speed talking.
TOP 4TH
RK: Yeah, he's totes mumblecore
SJ: I think this is a good time for some Mauer Pauer
RK: Unlikely with 2 strikes, but I'll take a single to left
LK: It's so nice to see Joe landscaping the batters box there. Nicer if he gets a hit too. WTF? Two strikeouts of Joe-Ma? How is that possible?
EH: Joe! what happened to one of the best eyes at the plate?
LK: Is Joe sick or something?
RK: Boy, ugly inning for the boys
LK: Good grief
SJ: QTF?
EH: You can say that again
BOTTOM 4TH
RK: OK, easy DP potential here, right?
SJ: Right
LK: GIDP would be fab right now, please. I get nervous whenever announcers praise any aspect of our team.
RK: Haha, you're such a good Minnesotan, LK
LK: It's true, it's true
SJ: NICE WORK UMP!
EH: Hehe!
RK: Sit down, bitch!
DK: Dazzle you did NOT just call Konerko "Paulie"
SJ: Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one who heard that...I was thinking that the Morgan was starting to talk...
DK: Twins are tighter than things that are not fit to publish I see
LK: Ugh. But at least Justin caught it.
SJ: You're not Punto...stop trying to make the fancy play Casilla!
LK: Get some runs for Blackburn guys, please.
TOP 5TH, STILL NO RUNS
LK: I'm not sure playing Cuddyer is the best idea ever.
SJ: I think Cuddy might be a sleeper surprise here...I think he'll have a shining moment
DK: w00t
RK: Standup double!
LK: Thanks Cuddy!
SJ: Lt's g Dlmn!
RK: All's right with the world, Young swings at first pitch
SJ: Way to advance the runner
RK: Productive out
LK: Yay!
RK: SQUEEZE
EH: Does Ozzie have a towel around his neck, or a really bizarre sweatshirt?
RK: Towel
SJ: Come on boyfriend
DK: Damn
RK: Bad call, dudes
EH: That is a good way for Cuddy to get hurt again too.
BOTTOM 5TH
RK: BlackCatBurn
LK: I guess I can kinda understand why the Twins might try that given it was Griffey with the throw and AJ at the plate. End result still sucked though
RK: Mr. Owl is good for two groundouts, right?
SJ: just think if it was like kubel running in...
LK: Cuddy needed to do some sort of magic trick as he came in to distract AJ. Obviously
RK: AJ is bitching, further proving the Onion's hypothesis that owls are assholes
SJ: Blackburn on fire!
LK: Blackburn!
SJ: I think Ozzie should start talking more shit...
RK: I gotta say in re: Blackburn. I am pleasantly surprised
LK: Now seriously guys, score some runs. I mean it!
TOP 6TH, STILL NO RUNS, O RLY?
LK: A two pitch out? Darnit, Nick! Though I guess if you average it with that 10 pitch at bat . . . Still.
RK: Stop wasting ABs!
LK: Why are we making Danks look like freaking Cy Young?
RK: 2 out rally: I would like one
LK: Get big hits . . . at Denard's.
RK: Denard's, I like that a lot
LK: Some loud guy at the Dome yelled prices on Dutch Boy paint . . . at Denard's. It was hilarious.
EH: Nice camera work there...
RK: "You wanna get a lead." O RLY?
LK: Anyone know the pitch counts for Danks? Blackburn?
RK: Danks has 83?
EH: Danks has 83
LK: 84 for Danks now. It's like the announcers heard my request.
SJ: Those black towels will be nice to clean off the champagne we will spray them with after the game...muah ha ha ha
SS: So, one hit so far? Awesome
EH: but a bunch of walks - two I think.
SJ: it was a double by cuddy....then he ran over AJ...
RK: Well shit
EH: Argh
LK: ARGH
SJ: Sandcastle, washed away
DK: Grrr
BOTTOM 6TH, STILL NO SCORE
SJ: nice snag!
EH: HOT!!
DK: Glove save and a beauty!
RK: If you don't bring your bat to the game make sure you bring your glove!
LK: I like that Justin Morneau guy
DK: normally, that'd be wrong sport, but Morneau IS Canadian...
LK: He really should get a gold glove someday.
SJ: I love having first baseman with goalie experience...
EH: Yes please
RK: Who is in charge of the cameras?
EH: "A strike to die"
RK: Hahaha, it's like Hamlet in here
SJ: I'm loving these 1-2-3 innings by Blackburn
TOP 7TH, STILL NO SCORE
LK: And the English majors laugh out loud.
LK: I'm assuming Justin won't be bunting as Joe just did.
RK: He sure needs to figure something out
LK: Though no one would expect it.
SJ: Note to Justin -- one RBI from tying the druggie! Let's go!
LK: We think it'd be funny if Justin made it his "thing" to be behind Josh Hamilton and then rally to beat him.
RK: 6 pitches! They gotta wear this guy out! Get to that shitty bullpen!
BOTTOM 7TH
LK: I'm ready to start swearing and I'm a mild-mannered Minnesotan, dammit. Blackburn's gotta be all SRSLY?
RK: You're right Nibbish, but of course we all hope for an outcome in the boys' favor
SJ: This is the worlds quickest game...
RK: Didn't Mark Mulder have a 1 hour 38 minute game years ago with the A's once upon a time?
LK: Their pitching coach is on the phone? Please call in someone awful, thanks.
SJ: NO NO NO FUCK FUCK FUCK
EH: SHIT SHIT SHIT
LK: Bright side mode, no one was on base, and the Twins were gonna have to score at least one run anyway.
SJ: I like bright side mode...but FUCK
LK: I know, right. Figures it'd be Thome though
SJ: Of course. Just wait until we see the emm vee pee performance coming up from Dr. Neau
LK: I was worrying re Blackburn going into this inning, we've asked an awful lot of him.
SJ: Blackburn has been beautiful...absolutely beautiful
LK: And we didn't exactly let Blackburn sit down while we batted. Probably didn't even have time to wrap his arm.
SJ: I still have faith...it's not over
LK: But they have Jesse Crain warming up.
SJ: What goes around, comes around....we've got ours coming
LK: Danks can't keep on the way he's been.
SJ: We don't need the long ball (although it'd be nice)...our small ball is going to come through
LK: It would be really sweet for small ball to win the day, especially after all the Bitch Sox bitching.
SJ: all we need is that one bullpen pitcher before Jenks....
SS: the radio guys said there was work in the pen, that they thought Danks might have called down and said he was hitting a wall
LK: Oh God
EH: That was heart attack inducing
SS: good decision walking Ramirez.
LK: AJ's good for another groundout, right? RIGHT?
SJ: at least
SS: he's even in line for the DP
EH: perhaps a DP
LK: GIDP! DO IT!
SJ: Moons over Mijares!
LK: Will the other starting pitchers all hug now like in the last game of the season? 'Cause that was cute.
SS: the only thing that is keeping from freaking out entirely right now is that my mom just made pumpkin bars and they are delicious. As delicious as a GIDP would be from AJ
LK: GIDP, please please please.
EH: ok, well it was a grounder.
RK: OK, AJ is good for a million grounders
LK: Another out, please, that would be good. <--- stating obvious
SJ: NICE CATCH OTHER BOYFRIEND!
RK: Delmon, thank you for coming up big defensively
SS: thnk y Dlmn!
TOP 8TH, BITCH SOX UP 1
EH: I am seriously gonna keel over here. This is killing me.
TB: Mijares rox the sox
LK: I honestly don't know how I survived game 7, 1991. I was much younger then, I guess.
LK: Danks has gotta be tired now, right?
RK: Only thrown 93 coming off of 80
DK: Harris, now would be an awesome time to get a hit
SJ: Do work son....and by son I mean the Twins
LK: Maybe he's rusty from sitting in the dugout all that time. Or something
SS: Delmon, if you had to get out, you could have at least hit Danks in the arm and knocked him out
LK: Heh. Waitaminute, i blinked and there was an out already? Crap.
RK: You know Dlmn and first pitches
TB: Brendan!!!
SJ: Nice work boyfriend
LK: Base hit!
SJ: here comes the small ball!
SS: beautiful! he was swinging well in that AB
TB: Marc Fein? Any relation to Sinn Fein?
SJ: tolbert running...
LK: I don't care what AJ said unless we get to make him eat his words later.
SS: Seriously?
SJ: yes...tolbert is the pinch runner, and was not prepared at all
SS: well, best of luck to my backup boyfriend
SJ: we subbed sexy for sexy....my thoughts anyways...
SS: I really wish they would stop calling LNP "Punt-o"
LK: C'mon Danks, throw it away.
RK: Oh fuck
LK: GAWD
BOTTOM 8TH, SAME
[RK would like to apologize to contributors and readers of the blog. He's too jittery and "running around" to transcribe right now. We appreciate your patience]
SS: HR, that's pretty much ridiculous logic right there
RK: Yeah, that was pretty stupid
SS: like if the game ended 1-0 here, it would somehow be terrible if Nathan hadn't pitched
LK: Well that's surely what we'd all feel bad about. Awful. Just miserable.
DK: Well crap
DK: Thome needs to GIDP
SS: if he does, can we roll over the second out to count for the 9th?
LK: Yes please
SS: screw the old guys! now, as in the election, youth will reign supreme!
LK: HR has a mancrush on Joe Nathan.
TB: I mean really, who doesn't?
LK: It's the horseblow, isn't it? ;-p
SS: good god, does AJ think he's Billy Idol or something? He looks hideous
TOP 9TH, SAME SCORE, LAST CHANCE
DK: so we're sending up a combined 0-6 to the plate in the 9th
SJ: HERE WE GO BOYS!!!!!
DK: at least Span's walked twice
LK: RALLY TIME
SJ: Remember how fun it was to beat them last time? LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!! Rally caps, baby!
SJ: KUBEL pinch hitting!
RK: Well... he's getting the bat on the ball
SS: he knows what he's in there for
LK: if he could connect with one of those fastballs, that'd be nice
SJ: FUCK
LK: Okay, Go-Go could've done that. Or, you know, bunted or something.
SJ: Still have faith
DK: c'mon D'Nard
SS: ok, boyfriend #1. looking so manly, better get a triple
DK: triple and score on an error DO IT
RK: Well here it is
ALL: Shit
Apologies to Ernie Banks. I had to move my computer into the living room because I'm only able to watch the game on TBS, so that probably says something about my pathetic life, but whatever.
DK told me that in one-game playins, the away team is 11 for 14. So hey, that's good!
Let's see what we got here:
Nick Blackburn, who has not been pitching like the Dread Pirate Blackburn, more just like Dreadful Blackburn, but could it be that Ozzie's comments could fire him up and we'll see the Blackburn of July? Maybe
We have John Danks coming on 3 days rest. He's never had to do that before, but he only threw 80 pitches in his last start. None of this means anything of course
Hey Cal Ripken Jr. is an analyst for TBS. I had dinner with him once. He has scary white teeth.
WV is going to be here later - he has to give a presentation on Sartre, which could be apropos depending out the outcome.
My emotional well-being is at stake here. I'm gonna go put some coffee on and start saying ridiculous things in a few minutes. Could you be mine, would be mine, won't you be my coblogger?
Both pitchers are evenly matched, just like these teams are evenly matched. Let's go insane together.
Shit, I finished this 15 minutes early. What else should I say?
Eck and Rip picked Griffey and Thome respectively as their big guys tonight. I love this stuff. Remember in 2002 when everybody said the Athletics were going to romp all over the Twins and they were gonna lose in like 2 games and they wouldn't even show up for the 3rd? And then the Twins won it?
Gardy and Ozzie were talking, and that helps me remember that for these guys it's a game, and they can have fun with it, and they can laugh and whatever... errr, this isnt' working. Score 10 runs in the first like that one time against Baltimore. DO IT
TOP 1ST
LK: Interesting. Cuddy is DHing. Harris at third.
SJ: I'M EXCITED!!!!!!
DK: omg...Harris starting...Gardy grew a brain?
RK: Did Span just get booed?
DK: and we can haz 6-man ump crew? kthxbai. 1.5 times the blown calls!
LK: We all need homer blankies. I hope any Twins fans at the game are wearing bright colors.
SJ: I heart when my boyfriend starts
LK: Does Joe-Ma look nervous? Maybe as nervous as he ever does, which isn't much.
RK: God I love Span in leadoff
SJ: leadoff walk! love it!
DK: Ball four, base hit. aw crap...I'm quoting the effing Hawk...damn yesterday's game being only on WGN
LK: Yesterday's game was on ESPN2 as well.
DK: school doesn't get the deuce
SJ: ps -- i left the bar to come home for the game so i could be with you guys...feel special 
DK: fact: Darrin Jackson was a Twin...1997
EH: I kept an eye on yesterday's game with the sound off.
LK: Remember when Alexi was the best on the team at bunting?
SJ: Yesterday's game was not the best...
DK: someone posted a gameday screenshot of the pitch thrown to Ramirez. my grandmother could've hit a homer off it
SJ: i love dazzle talking about the sea of black and how easy it is to spot your favorite vendor as they wear bright green
DK: in a word: fuck
SJ: argh!
EH: Jeez
RK: Now that's just dumb luck
DK: baseball gods, why must you provide the bitch sox with such favor?
SJ: do they seriously just boo everyone there?
EH: Probably
DK: OMG should line one off Danks' shoulders
SJ: So I have a tough choice, Morgan or Crown?
BOTTOM 1ST
LK: FRACK! GIDP is what I wanna see.
RK: Oh, I had to remind myself to breathe just there
DK: There you go, DP
SJ: Nice work on the rundown
EH: Sweet
RK: Good job by Casilla there
DK: anybody else mad that after out-dueling the BItch Sox in the first 18 games we're playing this in their stadium?
LK: Yes, I hate the coin flip.
RK: The tiebreaker rules are stupid, to be sure
EH: yeah. why on Earth do they use a coin toss to decide?
LK: Though at least if we win the White Sox can't whine about the Dome.
SJ: Yes -- but just think of how sweet it's going to be when we get to celebrate being the division champs in their stadium -- we should spray champagne on their fans
LK: Who am I kidding? These are the Bitch Sox, they'll still complain.
EH: True enough
RK: Keep it down, Nikolai
LK: I think they need a few more announcers in the booth.
SJ: Woo!
EH: I'll take that
TOP 2ND
LK: Alrighty then, now let's get some hits! (And runs!)
SJ: I'm down for runs
DK: anyone got over/under on a bench clearing brawl before this is over? cause from the sounds of it you could cut the tension at the Cell with a knife
SJ: Ooooh
RK: Justin, please break your slump. I say this as a concerned citizen
DK: ok...Morneau, do some Waste Management and deposit that Danks garbage in the seats, please
LK: Please Justin, please get it together. ARGH. Why is Justin swinging at bad pitches? It's like he's Jacque Jones up there.
RK: Grumblecakes
LK: Good grief, make him throw more pitches, guys.
RK: Good thing we have Delmon up oh wait
SJ: Remember when we used to take about 10 pitches and then knock one out of the park? Let's do that. That's fun
LK: C'mn Dlmn!
SJ: I felt that swing all the way over here. Oh super... drink time.
BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE
RK: That Arby's commercial... good bestial fun (?)
LK: I'm still haunted by the talking baby commercial from earlier.
RK: Well for the love of...
EH: little green apples?
RK: Those are pretty tasty. Especially in a pie
LK: Let's focus on the positives: Thome is easy to double-up.
SJ: Thats right...go back to first. however it would've been quite exciting to see that double play
RK: We can still see one...
LK: Please let the Twins not make any big mistakes tonight (like losing a ball in the lights).
RK: The baseball gods are listening
SJ: Nice work blackburn!!
RK: The Bratz doll is up
LK: Stop showing that grand slam! (I was in the other room when it happened yesterday, had hoped to avoid seeing it at all.)
RK: Mr. Owl is good for a groundout, right?
LK: Let's hope so
LK: I thought we didn't walk guys. This worries me.
RK: I love being right
LK: Oh thank you, AJ
EH: Thanks, AJ!
TOP 3RD, STILL NO SCORE
LK: C'mon Cherry Pie!
SJ: Let's go boyfriend!
SJ: Are they seriously booing Punto?
LK: They're scared of him, 'cause he's such a tiny superhero.
RK: Nobody ever accused the Southsiders of being overly intelligent
SJ: That's for damn sure
EH: True story
LK: I suppose he's the only remaining piranha from that year with the piranhas.
LK: Keep battling, LNP, keep battling. Now I think "battling" looks weird and wrong plus it makes me miss BatGirl.
RK: Hell yes, Nicky
SJ: nice work LNP...way to get my 10 pitch at bat!!
SJ: are they seriously going to boo everyone everytime they come up to bat?
RK: Yes, because they're troglodytes
LK: C'mon, Go-Go!
RK: Punto: psych!
LK: IHOP hit .384 against White Sox this year? Wow. Had no idea.
LK: I'd love to see Danks throw the ball away.
SJ: I'm all for Danks wearing his arm out throwing to first if he wants...
LK: I just like to say "Danks" as if it's the bad sound your computer makes when you hit the wrong key.
RK: It is a good noun to verb
LK: Crapcakes
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
LK: Did the Twins not get my memo about scoring a lot of runs early?
EH: They want to keep the suspense going.
LK: TBS told them to, maybe.
RK: "Might be a close game" I feel like I could be a baseball analyst no problem. I'm probably at least half as smart as Eck
SJ: Can your nickname be "Captain Obvious" then?
LK: We all could do better than Telly Hughes. *Lots* better.
RK: Captain Slackass. I've always wanted that nickname
EH: Is Gardy nervous? He is totally speed talking.
TOP 4TH
RK: Yeah, he's totes mumblecore
SJ: I think this is a good time for some Mauer Pauer
RK: Unlikely with 2 strikes, but I'll take a single to left
LK: It's so nice to see Joe landscaping the batters box there. Nicer if he gets a hit too. WTF? Two strikeouts of Joe-Ma? How is that possible?
EH: Joe! what happened to one of the best eyes at the plate?
LK: Is Joe sick or something?
RK: Boy, ugly inning for the boys
LK: Good grief
SJ: QTF?
EH: You can say that again
BOTTOM 4TH
RK: OK, easy DP potential here, right?
SJ: Right
LK: GIDP would be fab right now, please. I get nervous whenever announcers praise any aspect of our team.
RK: Haha, you're such a good Minnesotan, LK
LK: It's true, it's true
SJ: NICE WORK UMP!
EH: Hehe!
RK: Sit down, bitch!
DK: Dazzle you did NOT just call Konerko "Paulie"
SJ: Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one who heard that...I was thinking that the Morgan was starting to talk...
DK: Twins are tighter than things that are not fit to publish I see
LK: Ugh. But at least Justin caught it.
SJ: You're not Punto...stop trying to make the fancy play Casilla!
LK: Get some runs for Blackburn guys, please.
TOP 5TH, STILL NO RUNS
LK: I'm not sure playing Cuddyer is the best idea ever.
SJ: I think Cuddy might be a sleeper surprise here...I think he'll have a shining moment
DK: w00t
RK: Standup double!
LK: Thanks Cuddy!
SJ: Lt's g Dlmn!
RK: All's right with the world, Young swings at first pitch
SJ: Way to advance the runner
RK: Productive out
LK: Yay!
RK: SQUEEZE
EH: Does Ozzie have a towel around his neck, or a really bizarre sweatshirt?
RK: Towel
SJ: Come on boyfriend
DK: Damn
RK: Bad call, dudes
EH: That is a good way for Cuddy to get hurt again too.
BOTTOM 5TH
RK: BlackCatBurn
LK: I guess I can kinda understand why the Twins might try that given it was Griffey with the throw and AJ at the plate. End result still sucked though
RK: Mr. Owl is good for two groundouts, right?
SJ: just think if it was like kubel running in...
LK: Cuddy needed to do some sort of magic trick as he came in to distract AJ. Obviously
RK: AJ is bitching, further proving the Onion's hypothesis that owls are assholes
SJ: Blackburn on fire!
LK: Blackburn!
SJ: I think Ozzie should start talking more shit...
RK: I gotta say in re: Blackburn. I am pleasantly surprised
LK: Now seriously guys, score some runs. I mean it!
TOP 6TH, STILL NO RUNS, O RLY?
LK: A two pitch out? Darnit, Nick! Though I guess if you average it with that 10 pitch at bat . . . Still.
RK: Stop wasting ABs!
LK: Why are we making Danks look like freaking Cy Young?
RK: 2 out rally: I would like one
LK: Get big hits . . . at Denard's.
RK: Denard's, I like that a lot
LK: Some loud guy at the Dome yelled prices on Dutch Boy paint . . . at Denard's. It was hilarious.
EH: Nice camera work there...
RK: "You wanna get a lead." O RLY?
LK: Anyone know the pitch counts for Danks? Blackburn?
RK: Danks has 83?
EH: Danks has 83
LK: 84 for Danks now. It's like the announcers heard my request.
SJ: Those black towels will be nice to clean off the champagne we will spray them with after the game...muah ha ha ha
SS: So, one hit so far? Awesome
EH: but a bunch of walks - two I think.
SJ: it was a double by cuddy....then he ran over AJ...
RK: Well shit
EH: Argh
LK: ARGH
SJ: Sandcastle, washed away
DK: Grrr
BOTTOM 6TH, STILL NO SCORE
SJ: nice snag!
EH: HOT!!
DK: Glove save and a beauty!
RK: If you don't bring your bat to the game make sure you bring your glove!
LK: I like that Justin Morneau guy
DK: normally, that'd be wrong sport, but Morneau IS Canadian...
LK: He really should get a gold glove someday.
SJ: I love having first baseman with goalie experience...
EH: Yes please
RK: Who is in charge of the cameras?
EH: "A strike to die"
RK: Hahaha, it's like Hamlet in here
SJ: I'm loving these 1-2-3 innings by Blackburn
TOP 7TH, STILL NO SCORE
LK: And the English majors laugh out loud.
LK: I'm assuming Justin won't be bunting as Joe just did.
RK: He sure needs to figure something out
LK: Though no one would expect it.
SJ: Note to Justin -- one RBI from tying the druggie! Let's go!
LK: We think it'd be funny if Justin made it his "thing" to be behind Josh Hamilton and then rally to beat him.
RK: 6 pitches! They gotta wear this guy out! Get to that shitty bullpen!
BOTTOM 7TH
LK: I'm ready to start swearing and I'm a mild-mannered Minnesotan, dammit. Blackburn's gotta be all SRSLY?
RK: You're right Nibbish, but of course we all hope for an outcome in the boys' favor
SJ: This is the worlds quickest game...
RK: Didn't Mark Mulder have a 1 hour 38 minute game years ago with the A's once upon a time?
LK: Their pitching coach is on the phone? Please call in someone awful, thanks.
SJ: NO NO NO FUCK FUCK FUCK
EH: SHIT SHIT SHIT
LK: Bright side mode, no one was on base, and the Twins were gonna have to score at least one run anyway.
SJ: I like bright side mode...but FUCK
LK: I know, right. Figures it'd be Thome though
SJ: Of course. Just wait until we see the emm vee pee performance coming up from Dr. Neau
LK: I was worrying re Blackburn going into this inning, we've asked an awful lot of him.
SJ: Blackburn has been beautiful...absolutely beautiful
LK: And we didn't exactly let Blackburn sit down while we batted. Probably didn't even have time to wrap his arm.
SJ: I still have faith...it's not over
LK: But they have Jesse Crain warming up.
SJ: What goes around, comes around....we've got ours coming
LK: Danks can't keep on the way he's been.
SJ: We don't need the long ball (although it'd be nice)...our small ball is going to come through
LK: It would be really sweet for small ball to win the day, especially after all the Bitch Sox bitching.
SJ: all we need is that one bullpen pitcher before Jenks....
SS: the radio guys said there was work in the pen, that they thought Danks might have called down and said he was hitting a wall
LK: Oh God
EH: That was heart attack inducing
SS: good decision walking Ramirez.
LK: AJ's good for another groundout, right? RIGHT?
SJ: at least
SS: he's even in line for the DP
EH: perhaps a DP
LK: GIDP! DO IT!
SJ: Moons over Mijares!
LK: Will the other starting pitchers all hug now like in the last game of the season? 'Cause that was cute.
SS: the only thing that is keeping from freaking out entirely right now is that my mom just made pumpkin bars and they are delicious. As delicious as a GIDP would be from AJ
LK: GIDP, please please please.
EH: ok, well it was a grounder.
RK: OK, AJ is good for a million grounders
LK: Another out, please, that would be good. <--- stating obvious
SJ: NICE CATCH OTHER BOYFRIEND!
RK: Delmon, thank you for coming up big defensively
SS: thnk y Dlmn!
TOP 8TH, BITCH SOX UP 1
EH: I am seriously gonna keel over here. This is killing me.
TB: Mijares rox the sox
LK: I honestly don't know how I survived game 7, 1991. I was much younger then, I guess.
LK: Danks has gotta be tired now, right?
RK: Only thrown 93 coming off of 80
DK: Harris, now would be an awesome time to get a hit
SJ: Do work son....and by son I mean the Twins
LK: Maybe he's rusty from sitting in the dugout all that time. Or something
SS: Delmon, if you had to get out, you could have at least hit Danks in the arm and knocked him out
LK: Heh. Waitaminute, i blinked and there was an out already? Crap.
RK: You know Dlmn and first pitches
TB: Brendan!!!
SJ: Nice work boyfriend
LK: Base hit!
SJ: here comes the small ball!
SS: beautiful! he was swinging well in that AB
TB: Marc Fein? Any relation to Sinn Fein?
SJ: tolbert running...
LK: I don't care what AJ said unless we get to make him eat his words later.
SS: Seriously?
SJ: yes...tolbert is the pinch runner, and was not prepared at all
SS: well, best of luck to my backup boyfriend
SJ: we subbed sexy for sexy....my thoughts anyways...
SS: I really wish they would stop calling LNP "Punt-o"
LK: C'mon Danks, throw it away.
RK: Oh fuck
LK: GAWD
BOTTOM 8TH, SAME
[RK would like to apologize to contributors and readers of the blog. He's too jittery and "running around" to transcribe right now. We appreciate your patience]
SS: HR, that's pretty much ridiculous logic right there
RK: Yeah, that was pretty stupid
SS: like if the game ended 1-0 here, it would somehow be terrible if Nathan hadn't pitched
LK: Well that's surely what we'd all feel bad about. Awful. Just miserable.
DK: Well crap
DK: Thome needs to GIDP
SS: if he does, can we roll over the second out to count for the 9th?
LK: Yes please
SS: screw the old guys! now, as in the election, youth will reign supreme!
LK: HR has a mancrush on Joe Nathan.
TB: I mean really, who doesn't?
LK: It's the horseblow, isn't it? ;-p
SS: good god, does AJ think he's Billy Idol or something? He looks hideous
TOP 9TH, SAME SCORE, LAST CHANCE
DK: so we're sending up a combined 0-6 to the plate in the 9th
SJ: HERE WE GO BOYS!!!!!
DK: at least Span's walked twice
LK: RALLY TIME
SJ: Remember how fun it was to beat them last time? LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!! Rally caps, baby!
SJ: KUBEL pinch hitting!
RK: Well... he's getting the bat on the ball
SS: he knows what he's in there for
LK: if he could connect with one of those fastballs, that'd be nice
SJ: FUCK
LK: Okay, Go-Go could've done that. Or, you know, bunted or something.
SJ: Still have faith
DK: c'mon D'Nard
SS: ok, boyfriend #1. looking so manly, better get a triple
DK: triple and score on an error DO IT
RK: Well here it is
ALL: Shit
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Shout Me Out
PREGAME
Well this is it, huh? It's tempting, very tempting to say, "hey, even if the Twins don't make it, they were in the race the whole 162 game season, and isn't that great?" But I'd rather say, "hey, nobody thought these guys were gonna do anything, let's go to the postseason!" I don't think I'm saying anything too controversial right now.
So what does the scene look like? Unless the Twins W and the Bitch Sox L then the Monday makeup game comes into play. But here's what I like:
Twins hitters have owned Scrooge McDuckworth and the assbats have to stop, right?
Clevelandia is absolutely hitting the snot out of the ball. If they can make Buerherelhe hit the showers early especially, they may score double digits again.
EVEN IF it goes to Monday, here's what I like: Freddy Garcia and Magglio Ordonez are going to have a lot of reasons to spoil the White Sox season.
But let's hope it doesn't come to that, right?
I have to admit, as I've done before, that these games have far too much of an impact on my emotional well-being, even tangentially. Case in point: when Konerko hit that homerun in the bottom of the 8th last night, I started shaking. I'm not proud of this, and I don't recall it being this bad before, but uh, a Twins win would really go a long way toward putting my nerves back together. And I'm talking blowout here. I want the boys to bat around in the first. Morneau to at least put himself back in the MVP discussion (though let's be honest, it's going to go to Pedroier), and Mauer to lay claim to that batting title.
Ozzie threw a picture of his wife in his office last night, so he's clearly unhinged. Let's hope after today someone has to talk him off a ledge. Metaphorically, of course. I don't want anything bad to happen to Ozzie. And you know why? I kinda like him. Be honest, if he was your team's manager, you'd be OK with that. Fuck the rest of those guys though.
I want to see Thome re-crying those country boy man tears he had in the TerrorDome. I want J-Dye's steroids to fall out of his back pocket (kidding!) I want Swish's "don't give a shit" glaze to well... stay the same. I want to see the look on Griffey's face when he realizes he'll never win a ring.
I'm rambling, it's true, but it's more productive than other things I could be doing.
Who the hell's Jim Rich?
TOP 1ST
RK: If I were a smoker, I would have gone through 2 packs already
EH: Yikes! The game has only just started. Good thing you are not a smoker.
RK: And a fine start to the game for Senor Baker
SS: let's do this thing!
RK: Throw a strike!
RK: Jeezy Creezy I have got to calm down
BOTTOM 1ST
SS: yeah, it's early yet. so far, so good
RK: A 5 spot would soothe me right quick
EH: Deep cleansing breaths and maybe some chamomile.
SS: I just hope our offense comes to play today
EH: Amen
RK: The telestrator's not working? Is this an omen, a portent, or both?
SS: well, since I can't see it, it can't be too bad. lucky for me, it's the biggest game of the season and I'm stuck listening on the radio
RK: With Buck behind the plate, a walk is just as bad as a double
RK: Clevelandia scored!
SJ: I heart Jhonny!
RK: Morneau statistically owns the Royals, so he's due, right? Ooooh and Hamilton re-took the RBI lead, so he needs to be due!
SS: Damn, a walk
RK: I'll take that, with Kubel Khan up
SS: yes, go MViceP!
RK: It's OK it's only the first
TOP 2ND, NO SCORE
SS: I know I should be happy they got two on base. Duckworth will tire out quickly. it's just so hard to see so many chances go by us.
RK: Aaaand Bitch Sox have tied it
SJ: Nice bunt, Gordon, do more of those.
SJ: "I think the fans of the White Sox and the organization will be very disappointed if they don't get the division" really Dazzle? You think? that was right after he said that the Twins are the cinderella team
SS: I can see Punto in glass slippers
SJ: Alright Rocket Bats -- that's the only 4 pitch walk you are allowed today. now sit bitches down like it's your job
SS: maybe instead of the piranhas, we can have little singing mice
SJ: Sit. Bitches. Down....check ack, bases juiced for uribe with one out....
RK: Luckily Uribe sucks
BOTTOM 2ND, STILL NO SCORE
SS: who is pitching for Clevelandia?
SJ: Bullington
RK: Some sort of aristocratic sounding name. Yeah, Lord Bullington III And CWS takes the lead
SJ: Clevelandia should just pitch Lee...it's not like they need to save him for the post season
RK: Wouldn't that be lovely, but he's got a sore neck. Another Chicago run
SJ: Bastard hitting my boyfriend....i kill you!
RK: Thank the baseball gods a baserunner
SJ: Time for a little game I like to play....Duck Hunt
SS: haha. let's capitalize on this lack of control by not handing them easy outs.
RK: Way to get the job done, LNP
SJ: Hehe -- Gordo saying "Ray-moan" -- it never gets old
SS: LNP, obviously helped by his fairy godmother, showing how it's done
EH: Sometimes I wonder why I bother listening to the game, you all with video and Gameday are ahead of my radio feed by miles.
SJ: I've got old school radio going on today
RK: It wasn't until Dick just said so, but this is the last time I'll hear them this year. God I hate the offseason
SS: my radio feed is pretty slow too, but luckily gameday is in the future and I can hope to keep up
RK: Feel better, laurel. Save your strength for the ALDS!
SJ: You wanna know what I could go for... a little "Touch 'em all" action
SS: a trip to Souvenir City?
SJ: I'm liking Span running the pitch count up...now if we can get the ball to go the other way... C'mon Span...you KNOW you wanna do a little duck hunting BASER! We're on the board!
RK: Well I feel good about that. If the Sandcastle is strong in low tide, I'll feel even better
SS: YAY! Let's just keep this going, show the M&M boys what to do
SJ: That kind of makes me want M&M's... hehe...Duckworth and Buck...kinda makes me want to go hunting
SJ: Bah
TOP 3RD, TWINS UP 1
EH: Duckworth and that Queen song in the background kind of makes me want to go dig out my old Mighty Ducks tapes.
SJ: Quack quack quack..
SS: keep swinging, Charlie, maybe you'll give 'em a cold!
RK: That is a gem of a movie
SJ: It is a classic
SS: true story: the Mighty Ducks is a big reason why I wanted to go to school in MN
SJ: Hoping to meet coach Gordon Bombay? 
RK: Eden Prairie has that power over people. Or was that where they filmed Mallrats?
SS: I always thought Mighty Ducks was Eden Prairie, since the school in the 3rd was was Eden Hall
EH: Yeah, though that could have been a nice hybrid of Eden Prairie and Cretin Durham Hall. And they always claimed they were in Minneapolis, though that Diner car is in Downtown Saint Paul.
SS: yeah, I was so psyched when I first drove by it
SS: of course, I went to St. Cloud with all the country kids who had never skated before in their lives. major bummer.
RK: Doesn't/didn't the Huskies have a decent hockey program?
SJ: I don't think they do...but I'm biased
SS: they're ok, made it to the postseason last year, but no one cares much about them, not like at the U or UND
RK: I know nothing of hockey, except the coach at SJU was on the Miracle On Ice team
SJ: Nice work Rocket Bats!
RK: Alright, and now a ground ball right at someone
SS: How about we keep those wild pitches down to a 0
RK: Well hellbuckets
SJ: Wooo!! I heart stupid baserunners!
RK: Maier, I'm gonna buy you and all your family pizzas!
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
SJ: Oh Gordo -- "he must not've heard his alarm clock this morning because he sure isn't awake for this game"
RK: Bert: "But he got a great jump!"
SS: Yay, my present finally caught up to your future!
SJ: So I just heard the commercial about Bert stopping the drunk drivers -- hilarious
RK: Yeah, I like when he says he "dropped a dime" because to me that means smoking pot
EH: I wish pay phones still cost a dime.
SJ: Haha yeah
EH: Or even a quarter
SJ: Does anything cost a dime anymore?
SS: I think there is only one payphone in all of Lincoln
RK: hey're giving out 2 year leases? Uh... yay? You've won a car! FOR TWO YEARS
SJ: WOO
RK: Sign of the times. I'd rather win 10 british pounds so I could buy a house
EH: I guess they are hoping you like it so much, that you go ahead and buy it at the end.
SJ: Throwing error! Let's capitalize on this - Cm n Dlmn!
SJ: Charge the mound!
SS: Dear Royals, thank you for being the Royals. Sincerely, the Twins
SJ: Alright boyfriend, do work son
SS: Yabuta warming up? music to my ears
RK: While Tom Selleck squeezes his stress ball
SS: I'm watching the Cubs/Brewers on WGN, and they just showed some idoit with a sign that said "Time for a Century-peat (a World Series every 100 years)"
SJ: Wow...
SS: if you have to parenthetically explain your sign, it's not a good one.
EH: It is never good when you have to ..... exactly
SJ: SAFE AT HOME! YEAH!
EH: Future says good things!
SJ: The Twins have yet to get a hit this inning....
SJ: Argh, bad LNP
RK: At least it wasn't a DP
SJ: Come on GoGo...you know you want to go to Denny's for the Grand Slam breakfast...it's your faaaavorite
RK: He's a little excitable up there huh?
SJ: Oh just a little
SJ: Just imagine if we would've gotten a hit that inning...
TOP 4TH, TWINS UP 2, SOMEHOW SCORED WITHOUT A HIT
SS: I really wish Span would have gotten a chance to bat with runners on.
SJ: Pinch hitter already...hmm...
RK: I didn't know Butler was so young
EH: Desperate times call for desperate measures, and after that inning, I would say they might be feeling some desperation.
SS: yeah, he is. and he's married, which makes it even weirder.
EH: How young is he?
RK: 22. He must be from the midwest. What is it Jensen, 80% of our high school class is married?
SJ: He's still a baby!
EH: Geez! I am probably older than him.
SJ: Yeah...with kids
SS: nope, he's a Floridian
RK: OK, then he's wacky
EH: Perhaps a panhandler then?
RK: Ha!
SS: but yeah, I get the midwest thing. I'm about to turn 25, and I have a highschool classmate who just got married for the second time.
RK: Alright boys, go to work WITH HITS
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
RK: I predict a double
RK: I should stop predicting things
SJ: can switch hitters switch the side they're on during an AB? cuz that'd be pretty sweet
SS: I don't think so, at least they can't in college
RK: An ambidextrous pitcher in the Yankee organization put that question to the quick. Once the pitcher decides which hand, the hitter has to decide which side
SJ: Aahh, lame
RK: Kinda low there, blue
SS: yup. Creighton has a switch pitcher, they tried to pull a fast one on the Huskers once, but forgot the guy up was a switch hitter and it backfired.
RK: I recall that
SJ: Jhonny doing work...let's hope the team can capitalize on it...
SS: switch pitchers are crazy. the Creighton guy has a glove that looks like it should belong to one of Hemingway's cats
TOP 5TH, SAME
SJ: Nevermind-- Garko sucks at life
TB: Time is running out Clevelandia
SJ: Bullington is out -- Rundles is in
EH: I do not know if my nerves can handle sitting through a Sox-Tigers game tomorrow...
RK: Mine surely cannot
TB: What is with Cleveland and having british-sounding relief pitchers?
SJ: Los Tigres are still up on the non-deviled Rays
TB: Bullington? Rundles? Rinc--- oh wait, scratch that
RK: Yeah, but we're talking about pitchers, right?
RK: "Baseball gods, lower case" Way to be ecumenical, Dick!
TB: Ka'aihue, huh?
SJ: Sitting bitches down...I like
SS: oh man, CC is batting right now, he hit the ball a long ways foul, but just stood there watching it stupidly
SJ: Rocket Bats can sit down the side, and that's a fact!
RK: Now go punish the subpar pitching!
BOTTOM 5TH, SAME
SJ: OMG -- Rincon is pitching
RK: And we'll see you Monday evening!
RK: When Frank Viola goes down to Florida for the Twins All-Star Fantasy Camp, do you think he checks his arm or takes it carry-on?
SJ: These days -- probably carry-on, costs too much to check it
TB: If he was flying Southwest he would have to buy a second ticket or something
RK: But we kid Sweet Music. When did Duckworth become Cy Young?
TB: Rincon wins! At least for now
TOP 6TH, SAME
SS: we've got to stop getting pitchers on the ropes then letting up
RK: Baker, that was beautiful. Fucking beautiful
SS: let's push that strikeout personal record, Rocky
RK: Well... at least Mourneau caught it, right?
EH: Always gotta see the good in the bad.
RK: Smart fans not reaching over - well done
SS: good that the fans are trying to help the team as best they can, by doing nothing. you don't know how happy I am to hear Justin make a good play. I feel like he has been struggling defensively as well as at the plate, even though he really hasn't
RK: Let's see if the bottom of the order can do something!
BOTTOM 6TH, SAME
SJ: Goooo boyfriend
TB: SIZEMORE
SJ: Aagh
RK: What did Sizemore do?
TB: Sizemore just robbed Asshole of an almost-homerun
RK: Excellent
WV: Who needs the Vikings right?
TB: I don't
EH: Not me
RK: What's a Viking?
WV: We've reappropriated RAGNAROK from Norse mythology.
SJ: I might, but that's cuz I'm constantly surrounded by Bears fans
WV: It's the Duckworths of the world that give guys like Brian Bass hope.
SS: Walk it out, LNP
RK: I see runners on the corners down in Chicago
TB: Yeah and Uribe just blew it, slow grounder to short and he didn't run
RK: I would love for the boys to take advantage of this gift-wrapped opportunity
SS: there's the magical 3 errors
EH: nah, they gave LNP a steal
RK: But we know better
SS: or not, apparently
EH: Which is sorta weird
TB: Blech, 5-1 bitches
SJ: I hate Dye. F'in Rincon
RK: The duct tape holding Rincon together could only last but so long
SJ: That'll teach them to keep him in for "just one more"
EH: Everyone has to learn that lesson at some point
RK: No steroids will do that to you
WV: A one game playoff looks likely.
RK: Unless they lose to the Motor City Kitties
SS: ok, boyfriend. here is your shot at getting another RBI
RK: OK then!
TOP 7TH, SAME
RK: I have to be perfectly honest, I am ill at ease right now
WV: I feel a certain latency, this is true. The 7th inning tends to be our starters' kryptonite.
SS: well, hopefully we can get a little more out of Baker, his pitch count isn't bad, and thus saving us from using the bullpen too early
RK: What a time for the feed to cut out!
WV: I know right Apparently there was an out.
SS: Teahen flied to Span
WV: Nice.
WV: Rocket Bats is a veritable Fucklion today. Meanwhile, Tom Selleck grumbles to himself in the KC dugout.
RK: "I used to make out with Courtney Cox on the teevee"
SS: that's the stuff, Rocky. 1 more K to break your own record
SJ: Ok...I'm almost done with the Clevelandia announcers...they're trash talking the Twins -- at least we're in a Pennant race -- bastards
RK: So unlike their teevee announcers
EH: who fall over themselves to praise the Twins and especially Mr. Blyleven.
RK: Deservedly so, natch
WV: I'm going to find those Clevelandia announcers and demonstrate what a real stiff neck feels like. Hmm...this could be taken as a threat.
WV: By demonstrate, I mean narrate in metaphors.
BOTTOM 7TH, SAME
RK: Guys, I'm getting sick of saying this - GO TO WORK
SJ: "If the Twins lose today, they can just count themselves out. I don't see them coming in here and putting up much of a fight"
TB: In the words of Scar from Lion King... "IS THAT A CHALLENGE?!"
RK: As Bert would say, "That's why you play the game, though"
SJ: Exactly
RK: Though I hold out hope the Twins will not have to run down to the South Side
RK: Looks like the Bitch Sox are close to locking it up
WV: But think of how amazing it would be if we went there and won. Almost akin to a world series title.
SS: alright, Duckworth out, about 3 innings later than he should have, but better late than never
EH: Though I would prefer not to press our luck...
WV: This is true. I think this team pressed their luck many moons ago
SJ: Way to start the inning, Sandcastle!
WV: What's the batting title race looking like?
TB: Joe
SS: yes! let's play a little game of "hit 'em where they ain't
WV: Mauer is "auer champ". Only on this blog may the diphthong in Joe's surname be used in world play.
SJ: Going to the 9th in Bitch Sox territory -- quick, one of our players promise them cases of champagne!
RK: And Mosaic stopped working for me entirely
EH: The radio just said that Joe has a point lead on Pedroia.
SJ: and Joe dropped a base hit
SS: looks like Mahay was a good choice. whoa, has anyone been following the Detroit/TB game?
EH: No. What is happening?
SJ: Yeah...that one got out of control fast
SS: 7-7 tie, extra innings
EH: What a way to end the regular season.
SJ: Los Tigres were up by 4 going into the 8th or 9th...
RK: Y'know, I kinda expected that. What Morneau did just there
SJ: Oooo...do we have a 2 out rally coming on in the Indians game...
WV: It wasn't a double play, so. Count your tidings, RK.
WV: "Cuddy Buddy" sounds somewhat lewd.
SJ: Nope, Hafner fucked it up -- Bitch Sox won
RK: Alright, so Detroit is heading down to Chicago
WV: Anyone know the probables?
RK: Garcia v Danks right?
SJ: I think so
RK: Well well, if the Mets don't make a comeback now, they're done
WV: The fact that the Tigers are in extra-innings indcates that they haven't given up, so that's a good sign for tomorrow.
SJ: "Always get to first base by buying that special person a Summitt" HAHAHAHA -- I love it! Especially coming from Gordo
SS: is it weird for me to want the Mets to win, if only b/c that would make Jon Stewart happy?
RK: But if they don't, we know Jerry Manuel will be looking for work next year
SJ: Woo! Good hitting!
RK: Dlmn's beat is correct
SS: Delmonster!
WV: Wow, I'm surprised their CF didn't try to catch that.
RK: Torii's not out there
WV: I know right. And, a rare display of positive emotion from Gardy. Uh, Pridie is supposed to be fast, right?
TOP 8TH, TWINS UP 4
WV: Really, I couldn't distract my attention from his unoriginal early 2000's goatee/mustache.
SJ: Woo! What a play!
WV: I think Reyes should pack his bags, because Mijares aint goin' nowhere. And he won't cost a lot of money
SJ: Si senor
SS: ugh, I lost my audio. gameday only it is.
RK: I think a lot of people are trying to watch/listen to this
SJ: yeah...mlb is being not fun right now
RK: they can't handle the awesomeness that is the MNTwins
SJ: It takes special people to do that
BOTTOM 8TH SAME, A MILLION POINTS OF LIGHT CRASHING MLB.TV'S SERVERS
EH: Oh no! Will he get to his canoe in time, or will the canibals get him! I cannot handle the suspense.
SJ: This game better get done with quick; I'm hungry
SS: yeah, I wouldn't mind if they make this bottom of the 8th zip by
SJ: LNP!
SJ: Tomorrow's game, 2:05PM EST Garcia v. Floyd
RK: And the Mets miss the playoffs
EH: That is sort of sad
TB: Oh darn. Are we going to liveblog that there game?
EH: Ooh, Gobble!
SS: Duckworth and Gobble in the same game? poultry-rific!
RK: I wouldn't mind a Mauer walk here to let Morneau try to retake the RBI lead
SJ: Their names are making me even hungrier....and I don't know what to eat!
SJ: NICE, MAUER TRIPLE!
EH: Wow the future is really good right now
RK: And now with a dinger, Morneau can retake the lead
SJ: And I believe that would most likely secure a batting championship
RK: Boston plays again tonight, so who knows
SJ: Who's pitching for the Yanks?
RK: Joe Bodus for all I know
SJ: Boo
RK: Oh well
TOP 9TH, TWINS UP 6
RK: Heh, with the Mets loss I get the feed back. Normally I don't like closers in non-save situations, but what the hell
SJ: I'm trying to decide what I want to eat...our abundance of pitchers from south of the border have me craving a little Mexican food...
SS: mmm, that sounds good
RK: When I'm unsure, I look to whatever's on Food Network for guidance
SJ: I know -- Six Pack and a Pound Sunday at Taco Johns -- if only the six pack part was beer....*sigh*
RK: If only there was a Taco John's in Blacksburg!
SS: better make sure Mexico's favorite son, Joakim Soria, doesn't get in to pitch
SJ: TWINS WIN! TWINS WIN!
POSTGAME
SJ: HELL YES!
SS: GO LOS TIGRES!
EH: YES! I cannot beleive I am about to say this: GO TIGERS!
SJ: Hey -- we only have to be Tiger fans for 24 hours
RK: Freddy Garcia, you're my boy. Right now
RK: Like Bert said, the Motor City Kitties are gonna show up angry for having to go down there and they'll steamroll the Sox
Well this is it, huh? It's tempting, very tempting to say, "hey, even if the Twins don't make it, they were in the race the whole 162 game season, and isn't that great?" But I'd rather say, "hey, nobody thought these guys were gonna do anything, let's go to the postseason!" I don't think I'm saying anything too controversial right now.
So what does the scene look like? Unless the Twins W and the Bitch Sox L then the Monday makeup game comes into play. But here's what I like:
Twins hitters have owned Scrooge McDuckworth and the assbats have to stop, right?
Clevelandia is absolutely hitting the snot out of the ball. If they can make Buerherelhe hit the showers early especially, they may score double digits again.
EVEN IF it goes to Monday, here's what I like: Freddy Garcia and Magglio Ordonez are going to have a lot of reasons to spoil the White Sox season.
But let's hope it doesn't come to that, right?
I have to admit, as I've done before, that these games have far too much of an impact on my emotional well-being, even tangentially. Case in point: when Konerko hit that homerun in the bottom of the 8th last night, I started shaking. I'm not proud of this, and I don't recall it being this bad before, but uh, a Twins win would really go a long way toward putting my nerves back together. And I'm talking blowout here. I want the boys to bat around in the first. Morneau to at least put himself back in the MVP discussion (though let's be honest, it's going to go to Pedroier), and Mauer to lay claim to that batting title.
Ozzie threw a picture of his wife in his office last night, so he's clearly unhinged. Let's hope after today someone has to talk him off a ledge. Metaphorically, of course. I don't want anything bad to happen to Ozzie. And you know why? I kinda like him. Be honest, if he was your team's manager, you'd be OK with that. Fuck the rest of those guys though.
I want to see Thome re-crying those country boy man tears he had in the TerrorDome. I want J-Dye's steroids to fall out of his back pocket (kidding!) I want Swish's "don't give a shit" glaze to well... stay the same. I want to see the look on Griffey's face when he realizes he'll never win a ring.
I'm rambling, it's true, but it's more productive than other things I could be doing.
Who the hell's Jim Rich?
TOP 1ST
RK: If I were a smoker, I would have gone through 2 packs already
EH: Yikes! The game has only just started. Good thing you are not a smoker.
RK: And a fine start to the game for Senor Baker
SS: let's do this thing!
RK: Throw a strike!
RK: Jeezy Creezy I have got to calm down
BOTTOM 1ST
SS: yeah, it's early yet. so far, so good
RK: A 5 spot would soothe me right quick
EH: Deep cleansing breaths and maybe some chamomile.
SS: I just hope our offense comes to play today
EH: Amen
RK: The telestrator's not working? Is this an omen, a portent, or both?
SS: well, since I can't see it, it can't be too bad. lucky for me, it's the biggest game of the season and I'm stuck listening on the radio
RK: With Buck behind the plate, a walk is just as bad as a double
RK: Clevelandia scored!
SJ: I heart Jhonny!
RK: Morneau statistically owns the Royals, so he's due, right? Ooooh and Hamilton re-took the RBI lead, so he needs to be due!
SS: Damn, a walk
RK: I'll take that, with Kubel Khan up
SS: yes, go MViceP!
RK: It's OK it's only the first
TOP 2ND, NO SCORE
SS: I know I should be happy they got two on base. Duckworth will tire out quickly. it's just so hard to see so many chances go by us.
RK: Aaaand Bitch Sox have tied it
SJ: Nice bunt, Gordon, do more of those.
SJ: "I think the fans of the White Sox and the organization will be very disappointed if they don't get the division" really Dazzle? You think? that was right after he said that the Twins are the cinderella team
SS: I can see Punto in glass slippers
SJ: Alright Rocket Bats -- that's the only 4 pitch walk you are allowed today. now sit bitches down like it's your job
SS: maybe instead of the piranhas, we can have little singing mice
SJ: Sit. Bitches. Down....check ack, bases juiced for uribe with one out....
RK: Luckily Uribe sucks
BOTTOM 2ND, STILL NO SCORE
SS: who is pitching for Clevelandia?
SJ: Bullington
RK: Some sort of aristocratic sounding name. Yeah, Lord Bullington III And CWS takes the lead
SJ: Clevelandia should just pitch Lee...it's not like they need to save him for the post season
RK: Wouldn't that be lovely, but he's got a sore neck. Another Chicago run
SJ: Bastard hitting my boyfriend....i kill you!
RK: Thank the baseball gods a baserunner
SJ: Time for a little game I like to play....Duck Hunt
SS: haha. let's capitalize on this lack of control by not handing them easy outs.
RK: Way to get the job done, LNP
SJ: Hehe -- Gordo saying "Ray-moan" -- it never gets old
SS: LNP, obviously helped by his fairy godmother, showing how it's done
EH: Sometimes I wonder why I bother listening to the game, you all with video and Gameday are ahead of my radio feed by miles.
SJ: I've got old school radio going on today
RK: It wasn't until Dick just said so, but this is the last time I'll hear them this year. God I hate the offseason
SS: my radio feed is pretty slow too, but luckily gameday is in the future and I can hope to keep up
RK: Feel better, laurel. Save your strength for the ALDS!
SJ: You wanna know what I could go for... a little "Touch 'em all" action
SS: a trip to Souvenir City?
SJ: I'm liking Span running the pitch count up...now if we can get the ball to go the other way... C'mon Span...you KNOW you wanna do a little duck hunting BASER! We're on the board!
RK: Well I feel good about that. If the Sandcastle is strong in low tide, I'll feel even better
SS: YAY! Let's just keep this going, show the M&M boys what to do
SJ: That kind of makes me want M&M's... hehe...Duckworth and Buck...kinda makes me want to go hunting
SJ: Bah
TOP 3RD, TWINS UP 1
EH: Duckworth and that Queen song in the background kind of makes me want to go dig out my old Mighty Ducks tapes.
SJ: Quack quack quack..
SS: keep swinging, Charlie, maybe you'll give 'em a cold!
RK: That is a gem of a movie
SJ: It is a classic
SS: true story: the Mighty Ducks is a big reason why I wanted to go to school in MN
SJ: Hoping to meet coach Gordon Bombay? 
RK: Eden Prairie has that power over people. Or was that where they filmed Mallrats?
SS: I always thought Mighty Ducks was Eden Prairie, since the school in the 3rd was was Eden Hall
EH: Yeah, though that could have been a nice hybrid of Eden Prairie and Cretin Durham Hall. And they always claimed they were in Minneapolis, though that Diner car is in Downtown Saint Paul.
SS: yeah, I was so psyched when I first drove by it
SS: of course, I went to St. Cloud with all the country kids who had never skated before in their lives. major bummer.
RK: Doesn't/didn't the Huskies have a decent hockey program?
SJ: I don't think they do...but I'm biased
SS: they're ok, made it to the postseason last year, but no one cares much about them, not like at the U or UND
RK: I know nothing of hockey, except the coach at SJU was on the Miracle On Ice team
SJ: Nice work Rocket Bats!
RK: Alright, and now a ground ball right at someone
SS: How about we keep those wild pitches down to a 0
RK: Well hellbuckets
SJ: Wooo!! I heart stupid baserunners!
RK: Maier, I'm gonna buy you and all your family pizzas!
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
SJ: Oh Gordo -- "he must not've heard his alarm clock this morning because he sure isn't awake for this game"
RK: Bert: "But he got a great jump!"
SS: Yay, my present finally caught up to your future!
SJ: So I just heard the commercial about Bert stopping the drunk drivers -- hilarious
RK: Yeah, I like when he says he "dropped a dime" because to me that means smoking pot
EH: I wish pay phones still cost a dime.
SJ: Haha yeah
EH: Or even a quarter
SJ: Does anything cost a dime anymore?
SS: I think there is only one payphone in all of Lincoln
RK: hey're giving out 2 year leases? Uh... yay? You've won a car! FOR TWO YEARS
SJ: WOO
RK: Sign of the times. I'd rather win 10 british pounds so I could buy a house
EH: I guess they are hoping you like it so much, that you go ahead and buy it at the end.
SJ: Throwing error! Let's capitalize on this - Cm n Dlmn!
SJ: Charge the mound!
SS: Dear Royals, thank you for being the Royals. Sincerely, the Twins
SJ: Alright boyfriend, do work son
SS: Yabuta warming up? music to my ears
RK: While Tom Selleck squeezes his stress ball
SS: I'm watching the Cubs/Brewers on WGN, and they just showed some idoit with a sign that said "Time for a Century-peat (a World Series every 100 years)"
SJ: Wow...
SS: if you have to parenthetically explain your sign, it's not a good one.
EH: It is never good when you have to ..... exactly
SJ: SAFE AT HOME! YEAH!
EH: Future says good things!
SJ: The Twins have yet to get a hit this inning....
SJ: Argh, bad LNP
RK: At least it wasn't a DP
SJ: Come on GoGo...you know you want to go to Denny's for the Grand Slam breakfast...it's your faaaavorite
RK: He's a little excitable up there huh?
SJ: Oh just a little
SJ: Just imagine if we would've gotten a hit that inning...
TOP 4TH, TWINS UP 2, SOMEHOW SCORED WITHOUT A HIT
SS: I really wish Span would have gotten a chance to bat with runners on.
SJ: Pinch hitter already...hmm...
RK: I didn't know Butler was so young
EH: Desperate times call for desperate measures, and after that inning, I would say they might be feeling some desperation.
SS: yeah, he is. and he's married, which makes it even weirder.
EH: How young is he?
RK: 22. He must be from the midwest. What is it Jensen, 80% of our high school class is married?
SJ: He's still a baby!
EH: Geez! I am probably older than him.
SJ: Yeah...with kids
SS: nope, he's a Floridian
RK: OK, then he's wacky
EH: Perhaps a panhandler then?
RK: Ha!
SS: but yeah, I get the midwest thing. I'm about to turn 25, and I have a highschool classmate who just got married for the second time.
RK: Alright boys, go to work WITH HITS
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
RK: I predict a double
RK: I should stop predicting things
SJ: can switch hitters switch the side they're on during an AB? cuz that'd be pretty sweet
SS: I don't think so, at least they can't in college
RK: An ambidextrous pitcher in the Yankee organization put that question to the quick. Once the pitcher decides which hand, the hitter has to decide which side
SJ: Aahh, lame
RK: Kinda low there, blue
SS: yup. Creighton has a switch pitcher, they tried to pull a fast one on the Huskers once, but forgot the guy up was a switch hitter and it backfired.
RK: I recall that
SJ: Jhonny doing work...let's hope the team can capitalize on it...
SS: switch pitchers are crazy. the Creighton guy has a glove that looks like it should belong to one of Hemingway's cats
TOP 5TH, SAME
SJ: Nevermind-- Garko sucks at life
TB: Time is running out Clevelandia
SJ: Bullington is out -- Rundles is in
EH: I do not know if my nerves can handle sitting through a Sox-Tigers game tomorrow...
RK: Mine surely cannot
TB: What is with Cleveland and having british-sounding relief pitchers?
SJ: Los Tigres are still up on the non-deviled Rays
TB: Bullington? Rundles? Rinc--- oh wait, scratch that
RK: Yeah, but we're talking about pitchers, right?
RK: "Baseball gods, lower case" Way to be ecumenical, Dick!
TB: Ka'aihue, huh?
SJ: Sitting bitches down...I like
SS: oh man, CC is batting right now, he hit the ball a long ways foul, but just stood there watching it stupidly
SJ: Rocket Bats can sit down the side, and that's a fact!
RK: Now go punish the subpar pitching!
BOTTOM 5TH, SAME
SJ: OMG -- Rincon is pitching
RK: And we'll see you Monday evening!
RK: When Frank Viola goes down to Florida for the Twins All-Star Fantasy Camp, do you think he checks his arm or takes it carry-on?
SJ: These days -- probably carry-on, costs too much to check it
TB: If he was flying Southwest he would have to buy a second ticket or something
RK: But we kid Sweet Music. When did Duckworth become Cy Young?
TB: Rincon wins! At least for now
TOP 6TH, SAME
SS: we've got to stop getting pitchers on the ropes then letting up
RK: Baker, that was beautiful. Fucking beautiful
SS: let's push that strikeout personal record, Rocky
RK: Well... at least Mourneau caught it, right?
EH: Always gotta see the good in the bad.
RK: Smart fans not reaching over - well done
SS: good that the fans are trying to help the team as best they can, by doing nothing. you don't know how happy I am to hear Justin make a good play. I feel like he has been struggling defensively as well as at the plate, even though he really hasn't
RK: Let's see if the bottom of the order can do something!
BOTTOM 6TH, SAME
SJ: Goooo boyfriend
TB: SIZEMORE
SJ: Aagh
RK: What did Sizemore do?
TB: Sizemore just robbed Asshole of an almost-homerun
RK: Excellent
WV: Who needs the Vikings right?
TB: I don't
EH: Not me
RK: What's a Viking?
WV: We've reappropriated RAGNAROK from Norse mythology.
SJ: I might, but that's cuz I'm constantly surrounded by Bears fans
WV: It's the Duckworths of the world that give guys like Brian Bass hope.
SS: Walk it out, LNP
RK: I see runners on the corners down in Chicago
TB: Yeah and Uribe just blew it, slow grounder to short and he didn't run
RK: I would love for the boys to take advantage of this gift-wrapped opportunity
SS: there's the magical 3 errors
EH: nah, they gave LNP a steal
RK: But we know better
SS: or not, apparently
EH: Which is sorta weird
TB: Blech, 5-1 bitches
SJ: I hate Dye. F'in Rincon
RK: The duct tape holding Rincon together could only last but so long
SJ: That'll teach them to keep him in for "just one more"
EH: Everyone has to learn that lesson at some point
RK: No steroids will do that to you
WV: A one game playoff looks likely.
RK: Unless they lose to the Motor City Kitties
SS: ok, boyfriend. here is your shot at getting another RBI
RK: OK then!
TOP 7TH, SAME
RK: I have to be perfectly honest, I am ill at ease right now
WV: I feel a certain latency, this is true. The 7th inning tends to be our starters' kryptonite.
SS: well, hopefully we can get a little more out of Baker, his pitch count isn't bad, and thus saving us from using the bullpen too early
RK: What a time for the feed to cut out!
WV: I know right Apparently there was an out.
SS: Teahen flied to Span
WV: Nice.
WV: Rocket Bats is a veritable Fucklion today. Meanwhile, Tom Selleck grumbles to himself in the KC dugout.
RK: "I used to make out with Courtney Cox on the teevee"
SS: that's the stuff, Rocky. 1 more K to break your own record
SJ: Ok...I'm almost done with the Clevelandia announcers...they're trash talking the Twins -- at least we're in a Pennant race -- bastards
RK: So unlike their teevee announcers
EH: who fall over themselves to praise the Twins and especially Mr. Blyleven.
RK: Deservedly so, natch
WV: I'm going to find those Clevelandia announcers and demonstrate what a real stiff neck feels like. Hmm...this could be taken as a threat.
WV: By demonstrate, I mean narrate in metaphors.
BOTTOM 7TH, SAME
RK: Guys, I'm getting sick of saying this - GO TO WORK
SJ: "If the Twins lose today, they can just count themselves out. I don't see them coming in here and putting up much of a fight"
TB: In the words of Scar from Lion King... "IS THAT A CHALLENGE?!"
RK: As Bert would say, "That's why you play the game, though"
SJ: Exactly
RK: Though I hold out hope the Twins will not have to run down to the South Side
RK: Looks like the Bitch Sox are close to locking it up
WV: But think of how amazing it would be if we went there and won. Almost akin to a world series title.
SS: alright, Duckworth out, about 3 innings later than he should have, but better late than never
EH: Though I would prefer not to press our luck...
WV: This is true. I think this team pressed their luck many moons ago
SJ: Way to start the inning, Sandcastle!
WV: What's the batting title race looking like?
TB: Joe
SS: yes! let's play a little game of "hit 'em where they ain't
WV: Mauer is "auer champ". Only on this blog may the diphthong in Joe's surname be used in world play.
SJ: Going to the 9th in Bitch Sox territory -- quick, one of our players promise them cases of champagne!
RK: And Mosaic stopped working for me entirely
EH: The radio just said that Joe has a point lead on Pedroia.
SJ: and Joe dropped a base hit
SS: looks like Mahay was a good choice. whoa, has anyone been following the Detroit/TB game?
EH: No. What is happening?
SJ: Yeah...that one got out of control fast
SS: 7-7 tie, extra innings
EH: What a way to end the regular season.
SJ: Los Tigres were up by 4 going into the 8th or 9th...
RK: Y'know, I kinda expected that. What Morneau did just there
SJ: Oooo...do we have a 2 out rally coming on in the Indians game...
WV: It wasn't a double play, so. Count your tidings, RK.
WV: "Cuddy Buddy" sounds somewhat lewd.
SJ: Nope, Hafner fucked it up -- Bitch Sox won
RK: Alright, so Detroit is heading down to Chicago
WV: Anyone know the probables?
RK: Garcia v Danks right?
SJ: I think so
RK: Well well, if the Mets don't make a comeback now, they're done
WV: The fact that the Tigers are in extra-innings indcates that they haven't given up, so that's a good sign for tomorrow.
SJ: "Always get to first base by buying that special person a Summitt" HAHAHAHA -- I love it! Especially coming from Gordo
SS: is it weird for me to want the Mets to win, if only b/c that would make Jon Stewart happy?
RK: But if they don't, we know Jerry Manuel will be looking for work next year
SJ: Woo! Good hitting!
RK: Dlmn's beat is correct
SS: Delmonster!
WV: Wow, I'm surprised their CF didn't try to catch that.
RK: Torii's not out there
WV: I know right. And, a rare display of positive emotion from Gardy. Uh, Pridie is supposed to be fast, right?
TOP 8TH, TWINS UP 4
WV: Really, I couldn't distract my attention from his unoriginal early 2000's goatee/mustache.
SJ: Woo! What a play!
WV: I think Reyes should pack his bags, because Mijares aint goin' nowhere. And he won't cost a lot of money
SJ: Si senor
SS: ugh, I lost my audio. gameday only it is.
RK: I think a lot of people are trying to watch/listen to this
SJ: yeah...mlb is being not fun right now
RK: they can't handle the awesomeness that is the MNTwins
SJ: It takes special people to do that
BOTTOM 8TH SAME, A MILLION POINTS OF LIGHT CRASHING MLB.TV'S SERVERS
EH: Oh no! Will he get to his canoe in time, or will the canibals get him! I cannot handle the suspense.
SJ: This game better get done with quick; I'm hungry
SS: yeah, I wouldn't mind if they make this bottom of the 8th zip by
SJ: LNP!
SJ: Tomorrow's game, 2:05PM EST Garcia v. Floyd
RK: And the Mets miss the playoffs
EH: That is sort of sad
TB: Oh darn. Are we going to liveblog that there game?
EH: Ooh, Gobble!
SS: Duckworth and Gobble in the same game? poultry-rific!
RK: I wouldn't mind a Mauer walk here to let Morneau try to retake the RBI lead
SJ: Their names are making me even hungrier....and I don't know what to eat!
SJ: NICE, MAUER TRIPLE!
EH: Wow the future is really good right now
RK: And now with a dinger, Morneau can retake the lead
SJ: And I believe that would most likely secure a batting championship
RK: Boston plays again tonight, so who knows
SJ: Who's pitching for the Yanks?
RK: Joe Bodus for all I know
SJ: Boo
RK: Oh well
TOP 9TH, TWINS UP 6
RK: Heh, with the Mets loss I get the feed back. Normally I don't like closers in non-save situations, but what the hell
SJ: I'm trying to decide what I want to eat...our abundance of pitchers from south of the border have me craving a little Mexican food...
SS: mmm, that sounds good
RK: When I'm unsure, I look to whatever's on Food Network for guidance
SJ: I know -- Six Pack and a Pound Sunday at Taco Johns -- if only the six pack part was beer....*sigh*
RK: If only there was a Taco John's in Blacksburg!
SS: better make sure Mexico's favorite son, Joakim Soria, doesn't get in to pitch
SJ: TWINS WIN! TWINS WIN!
POSTGAME
SJ: HELL YES!
SS: GO LOS TIGRES!
EH: YES! I cannot beleive I am about to say this: GO TIGERS!
SJ: Hey -- we only have to be Tiger fans for 24 hours
RK: Freddy Garcia, you're my boy. Right now
RK: Like Bert said, the Motor City Kitties are gonna show up angry for having to go down there and they'll steamroll the Sox
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Razzle Dazzle
PREGAME
Well, here it is. The Twins need to win. The Bitch Sox don't need to, but would be helpful if, they lost. But anyway, as you all know, I'm stuck in Blacksburg, VA. And Fox picked up the game, so
NYY/BOS rained out yay!
I'm closer to PHI boo!
So I may have to live with radio and running Gamecast gameday, whatever. Because I can't count on Gordo and Dazzle to give me an accurate description of what happened. No, what I need are red green and blue dots. Don't you hate on gameday when the dot is blue but it doesn't say (outs) or (runs)? I hate that
You know what to do if you want in on this special Saturday action
TOP 1ST
Aaaand I get the Brewers. Welp, here's to you, Gordo
After a first strike, 3 straight balls from Perkins. Which is kinda like eating at Perkins. The first bite you're all "YES PANCAKES" but then you realize they're not very good pancakes and that you're getting full, but not in a good way but at least you're not eating at Ponderosa.
Sounds like people are crazygonuts at the TerrorDome. That's good.
I hope Glen doesn't decide to let every hitter get 10 pitches.
If the boys win this game, I will praise Brendan Harris for firing this team the hell up. I'm even fired up over the radio!
BOTTOM 1ST
I do kinda like hearing the old familiar commercials though. I remember jingles. It's a weird talent I have. The CaRX song? I know it.
Oh no guys, no more backwards Ks. First of all, it's communist.
RK: OMG needs a double in the gap. Moreso, I need a double in the gap from OMG
SJ: You missed GoGo doing the starting lineup..hi-larious. and Bert and Chris Rose doing the commentary -- I'm in love
RK: Grumble grumble Mark Grace in Milwaukee grumble grumble
RK: Well, if nothing else the boys are making Gilgamesh work a bit
SJ: casilla steals third! woo!
RK: I love it when players steal third. That's always on the pitcher
SJ: uh huh -- he jogged into the base pretty much
RK: Man I would love a straight steal of home
RK: Oh dear, Hamilton's almost caught up to Morneau
SJ: bah
RK: Oh jeez
TOP 2ND, NO SCORE YET
SJ: If they're voting MVP's on how many perfect pitches got past them -- Dr. Neau would win on that at bat
RK: Oh Dazzle, he said they were all really close pitches
SJ: If you call right down the heart of the plate close, then yes
SJ: So the random thing I forgot to tell you about GoGo doing the starting line-ups....he was wearing a Superman shirt under his warm up shirt
and was all like "batting 9th is me, Superman, ahhhhh" and he flew away
RK: That is pretty incredible
SJ: I think someone should get Bert and Chris a beer -- I think it could make for a more interesting game
TB: You know who I'd want to see alongside Bert? Joe Buck.
RK: Only if Bert punched Joe Buck is his nepotistic mouth
SJ: Oh that would be super.
WV: like in those Holiday Inn commercials where they want to touch Joe Buck's throat. Only more brutal.
RK: 6 in a row by Perkins and only on 200 pitches!
BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE
TB: Wait. Kubel going the other way?
RK: Where's Gordo from? I'm guessing iron range. Everybody I know from there says "cunner" instead of "corner"
SJ: Ooo...Bert and Chris are getting witty...I love it
RK: I have hope for this game; Dlmn swung at the first pitch; the world is back to normal, everything in its right place, God in his kingdom
RK: SJ, you best be getting some stuff they're saying, or I'm gonna break your other leg
TB: WAKKA WAKKA DOO DOO YEAH!
SJ: Bert: "I love these graphics, if you throw it down the middle he hits .411. The other squares you'll see aren't as high" Chris: "I'll take Whoopi in the middle sqare to block"
SS: Fox is showing the Cubs, and the radio is playing college football
SJ: THATS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!
RK: Brendan Harris, you're the spark this team needs today. Much like that one thing Optimus Prime keeps in his chest. We can learn a lesson from SS, WV. Like poor children in other parts of the world, while we bitch about having to listen to radio, some people don't have anything. Won't you give 70 cents a day?
TB: "This twelve-year-old girl has never eaten. Won't you help her?"
SJ: Sorry, my money goes to the beer I drink during the games.
RK: You hear that, SS? No cents for you
EH: there is always gameday pitch-by-pitch
SS: I don't need your charity! I actually found the radio broadcast so I've got a little access
RK: I'm running it - exciting dot matrices!
TB: Awww fiddlesticks
SJ: Good deal SS, I was starting to feel guilty...
TOP 3RD, TWINS UP 1
WV: I feel like bitching about this inning-ending double play, plating only one run. But some teams don't have ANY runs...like the Royals!
RK: You know what I'm learning? Nobody under 70 goes to Grand Casino
WV: I bet nobody under 70 lives in all of Hinckley.
SJ: They all go to Treasure Island Resort and Caseeeeeeeeeeno
RK: OK, this will sound strange. But my eldest sister got married in January in Hinckley because she's fucking insane. But I swear, somewhere between Hinckley and St. Cloud, on some highway (23?) there is a stretch of highway cleanup sponsored by 4 of the X-Men
TB: Hey I've been on Highway 23. Though I missed that sign I guess
SS: awesome. I never had the pleasure of driving that far up 23, but I don't doubt it. Good ol' Stearns County
RK: St. Cloud has a 5 Guys!
EH: as in the one that everyone is gaga about around here?
RK: Oh yes
SS: When did they get that?
RK: I dunno
TB: I'm certain I feel asleep at the wheel on that road, woke up an hour later, and then turned onto I-35 to Duluth like nothing happened.
RK: A double play here would just make my socks roll up and down
TB: That'll do as well
RK: Whew, got some help from Aviles there
TB: Aviles might have the most annoying batting stance ever
RK: Worse than Craig Counsell? This I gotta see... oh wait dammit
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
RK: BERT BLYLEVEN TRAFFIC SAFETY P.I.!
SJ: Bert already said that Rick Anderson is probably hoping that Perkins will go 5 or 6...heaven forbid he go anymore on 8 days rest...
RK: Perkins could stand to have an economical inning
EH: A hit!
RK: Not an error?
EH: i have no idea
RK: Gordo made it sound like an error is why I ask
SJ: Span stealing! Woo!
TB: Why must the FOX Scoreboard line make an entrance noise? What is this, PowerPoint?
EH: power point by high schoolers
SJ: I love when Mesh double clutches on the throw so Lexi can get on base 
WV: The Fox network is like the pretty but insecure girl at school; always making sure people are still paying attention.
TB: Gil, this isn't MLB The Show for PS3, you don't have to double clutch everytime you throw
RK: Gilgamesh beginning to crumble. Like in the story? No, wrong story. Who's his friend who died? My mythology is all wrong
EH: oh man, notre dame scored.... not that you all would care.... now i hear about the twins score.
SJ: Woot woot -- 2-0
RK: I care, EH. I like the Boilermakers
EH: Excellent
SS: OMG! I'm finally all settled in, and I get to hear OMG helping score my boyfriend
SJ: That was a lot of OMG...
RK: And now Morneau will hit an upper deck home run. WON'T YOU JUSTIN
TB: Good contact Morneau, we're making progress
SJ: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT
RK: 'cept Jermaine Dye. Who is not cool
SJ: He's a wannabe
SJ: Woo-- a baser!
RK: That'll do - I can haz Koobelsmash plz?
EH: huzzah. double play
RK: OK guys I can do without the ending potential rallies with DPs
TOP 4TH, TWINS UP 2
SS: however, if they keep scoring one run an inning before the DP, and keep shutting KC out, I won't argue
SJ: Neither will I
RK: That's true, but I also want Meche outta there to get into that bullpen
SS: yeah, maybe then can launch a couple in the next inning to run up the score, then go back to their pattern
RK: Callaspo, back to the dugout to man the steel drums
SS: I think Callaspo makes me think of calliope, is why I think of circus music, but steel drums could work too
EH: Or calypso
SJ: Guillen is a fan of Perkins...
RK: And that, Jose, is why you run hard out of the box
RK: I like that Glen, do it again
SS: why is it that gameday is sometimes in the future and sometimes in the past when compared to the radio broadcast?
EH: ah the mysteries of internet
RK: That's a great question, SS. I will say, talking to the head... internet guy at mlb.com, he designed the site with macs in mind
DK: He did it again, there you go
RK: Well if it's that easy - Gomez, hit a home run plz. Kthnx
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
RK: Brendan Harris is gonna do something here
RK: By doing something I did not mean strikeout, but there's still time
DK: two on for D'Nard
RK: And hey, we can't end this inning with a double play! Trick's on you, Gil! Sucks to your ass-mar!
SS: woo, I'm liking this version of IHOP that can get on base by hitting the ball out of the infield
SS: damn, the future tells me that my boyfriend grounded out
RK: He did, SS. He did
TOP 5TH, SAME
RK: Quik trip sells potatoes and onions for .39/lb?
EH: and do not forget the apples bananas and oranges.
RK: It's been too long since I've been to Minnesota
EH: ditto here
TB: Me too. Something like two weeks
SJ: I haven't been there since...Thursday
RK: I keep telling my former high school students who are at St. John's to sponsor me for a guest lecture but they are lazy no-good punks
RK: OK, Gordon will ground into a double play. Yes.
WV: "I think you need to get into those big time games and perform...to be a big time pitcher." Thanks Dazzle, that's brilliant.
EH: As always
RK: He understands the irresistible power of the tautology. A=A, bitches!
SS: SJ, does Gordon still have his ridiculous facial hair?
WV: He would've made a fine deconstructionist.
TB: How often are you gonna label "Twins/Royals" as a big time game?
WV: Well, Gilgameche is epic.
TB: Yes, in fact, I think that's one of the 5 or so things I learned in 11th Grade Literature.
RK: I'm sure Young made that look more difficult than it was, but now, now is the time for a DP for my mental well-being
SS: yes, Buck is not the most fleet of foot so a grounder would do the trick
SJ: Mother of...
DK: Did Dazzle just say "Dlmn playing the corner perfectly on that one"?
RK: Indeed he did
DK: It made me go O RLY?
SJ: If he did...let me tell, he was not. I swear it took him about 5 minutes to get to the corner. I wonder if Butler's ever been considered for a middle reliver...
EH: Agh!
WV: I've never been so anxious for Bonser to warm up quickly.
SS: yikes! Vi, if you hit into a DP, I will love you forever
RK: Yeah, he can still get outta this, he can still get outta this
SJ: Blah
EH: Or not so much
RK: Well... not the worst outcome possible
EH: True, true
SJ: Thank the good Lord...it's done
SS: we still have the lead
SJ: I'd really like to see that 17 game hit streak not extended today
BOTTOM 5TH, ROYALS 1 TWINS 2
RK: I'd like to get 15 runs here. Order up!
SS: I think the goal for this inning should be to get Meche out of the game
RK: "So that could be it for Perkins" Dazzle, I'd bet the rent on it
WV: Bad week to be ranked in the top 5 in college football.
SS: who is losing now?
WV: Florida
SS: beautiful
RK: Morneau, I am quickly losing patience with you
DK: Dr. Neau needs a new prescription of patience inducing medication
SJ: Dr. Neau is reeaaally good at watching perfect pitches go right by him....except for the last one that he swung through
DK: Fuck
RK: So much for this inning's goal
TOP 6TH, SAME
SJ: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF, Bert better say it, he's on national TV dammit
RK: This commercial about Morneau being a premier tattoo artist is dripping with unintentional irony
SJ: Bert...that was the weakest "BOOOF" I've ever heard...so disappointed
SS: hopefully the Boof, as Bert is wont to say, is on fire today
RK: The outcome of this inning will have a direct correlation for how much whiskey i'm going to put in the coffee i have brewing
EH: not a very auspicious beginning
RK: Dazzle sounded really disgusted with Bonser there
SJ: I'm disgusted with Bonser right now
WV: Well, this has put me in a sour mood.
SJ: I'm switching to whiskey...which could make for an interesting evening
WV: I mean, why is Bonser your first call to the pen anyways? I know he's been decent lately but his ERA is still 5.80 or so
RK: Hahahahahah, oh you laugh or you start crying
TB: Oh snap. That would have just been rotten
RK: I'm glad I didn't see that
TB: It was not cool. But way to go you silly ol' Bulldog
RK: OK OK OK OK ground out
SJ: That was a little intense... Maybe too intense for one out...
TB: "We're all the way out here in the bullpen, and you'll never guess what we've found. The internet! Seems it can't hide here either."
RK: Dazzle: "Way outside" MLBGameday: "more inside than the first pitch"
EH: !
RK: OK OK OK OK one more out
SJ: What a snag!
DK: Guerrier you beast you
RK: Dear baseball gods, don't you ever let this happen to me again
SJ: Do you think they call Guerrier grandpa since he's like 30 years old...he's creeping up to Redmond and Punto...
EH: you are a Twins fan, that is like asking for it to never rain again.
BOTTOM 6TH, TIED AT 2, ULCERS FOR ALL!
SS: whew, I can live with a tie game for now
DK: wonder if Gardy's wishing he could take a mulligan and just leave Perk in
RK: Hopefully that lit a fire under their asses that they have to score some damn runs
SS: and in other news, Dlmn swung at the first pitch
DK: dlmn mssd th mm
EH: Shocking!
SJ: I am shocked
SJ: So what do you think Dick is doing without Bert today?
RK: Eating pounds of sausage links
DK: remember when the Royals were good for at least 3 errors a game? I miss those Royals
SJ: Me too
RK: Remember when knocking Meche out after 5 seemed like a really reasonable goal?
SS: we were such idealists in our youth
RK: Now we are wizened, hard, and cynical
TOP 7TH, TIED AT 2
SJ: denny's
RK: Out of context, that's really funny. Or it's at least tickling me anyway, like "yknow what? Denny's. I said it"
SJ: I like Denny's
DK: "A foul grand slam home run by Alex Gordon..." says Gordo...doesn't the whole "foul" bit negate the rest of that sentence? Or have I had the rules wrong for all these years?
SJ: I get scared when he throws more than 4 pitches. QTF?
SS: alright, Vi is quickly becoming dead to me, and I'm not very happy with any of the other Royals either. I'm stripping them of all the nicknames I've given them in the past
RK: Thoughts are brewing in my head that I can't believe the Twins wasted all that effort sweeping the Bitch Sox just to piss it away now
TB: Again, Gardy. Why is this the thought process? "Let's see, tie game, runners on, important game to win. Let's put in Crain"
RK: What else can you do? Everybody's thrown their arms off
TB: Moons over Mijares or something. Did he pitch last night?
RK: I bet you'll see him next inning
SS: nope, he shoud be good
RK: Even when things go right they don't go right
RK: This game is making me ill
WV: This is just ridiculous
SJ: Morneau!! You forgot to say "go go gadget arms!!" AHHHH so close!!
RK: Just think, no wild pitch, infielders aren't playing in
TB: There goes the MVP
RK: He probably lost it in his ABs the past week
WV: Overall, I think he lost it by not being the most valuable
EH: that could be the key
SS: ok, time to stop the bleeding. good start with an out
RK: Apparently they turned the fans on when Teahen hit that
RK: Alright guys 9 outs left, now go to work
BOTTOM 7TH, ROYALS UP 2, PANIC!
SS: I really want not to be really torn up about this game, but I just can't help it
RK: Yeah, if this is how it's going to end, at the hands of the Royals, I would rather have had the team swept by the Sox, blasphemous as that sounds
TB: Myself as well.
SS: it's like the Royals are trying to cash in on some debt we owe them for helping us get into the playoffs in '06
RK: Ha, that may be it!
RK: Cargo has to get on here, right? I mean, the only time we've touched Meche was when the leadoff man was on
DK: Well there you go, he's on with an E5
SS: I'll take it
RK: Here's their chance!
DK: D'Nard as the tying run...this has so much poetic potential here
SS: boyfriend, I would like you to hit a triple here, please!
DK: Since Dick is absent, I shall do it. THREE and one with Casilla on deck!
DK: ihop ihop ihop all the way to 2nd base
RK: I hope this payoff pitch treats Span well
DK: Yes it does - free pass
RK: double steal DO IT
DK: followed by squeeze play DO IT?
RK: Yeah why not?
DK: y'know...D'Nard could probably score from 2nd on a squeeze. He's done it before
EH: Good-bye, Gilgameche
SS: Adios, Meche!
DK: "Royal 55, turn left, contact departure...cya!"
TB: Oh geez
WV: ??
TB: Nobody here speaks airplane nerd, DK
DK: I said what I said...
DK: way to flop down for drama, lexi
RK: We'll see if Casilla wants to be the hero again
DK: Or not
SS: that's the beauty of this thing we've got going, right? no one is watching the same broadcast, no one is speaking the same language, but it somehow seems to work
TB: Nope he doesn't
RK: OK now double steal for real
TB: That's a million dollar fine in my book
SS: except when the future brings bad news, like how the sandcastle is crumbling. OMG, your batting average is dipping. I need you to get a hit. you need you to get a hit
DK: is OMG above red lights?
RK: Haha, he'd never swing at a 3-0
TB: No of course not
EH: No need to swing
RK: Justin, you can reclaim your MVP status right here
DK: Justin, we wouldn't complain if you upped your RBI total a bit more
DK: Hamilton's in the rearview mirror and all
SS: how about a grand slam of the fair variety
SS: none of this foul stuff like Gordon likes
RK: You know, the kind that score runs
DK: Mutter, not quite. 6-4-3
EH: i really do not like it when the future says things like that
SS: on the first pitch? who doe she think he is, Dlmn?
DK: you like it as much as I like being the bearer of such news
RK: OK I'm gonna go throw up
TOP 8TH, SAME, SOMEHOW THE SAME
RK: This is rigoddamndiculous
WV: This is as ridiculous as that time we had Ridiculous Day down at the deli when prices were so low it was ridiculous
EH: here is another shocker: the Nats just lost
DK: the Royales are taunting us now, they're stealing bases
TB: I know, my roommate the Phillie Phan just squealed
DK: Gordon's dancing on 2nd going "Pitcher pitcher pitcher! You caaaaan't get me"
SS: damnit, Alex. I hate you and your stupid facial hair
WV: I was waiting throw in "Royal pain in our asses" but that seems like a ship that has long since sailed.
WV: I had to read Sartre and other existentialist stuff for a class before the game and I have to say, I sure do feel a lot of nothingness and anxiety.
RK: The abyss is currently staring back into me
DK: he's in ur infield, stealing ur bases...
SS: fuck. just fuck.
TB: No, Buck. It's John Buck
DK: aaaand for those scoring at home, that's a 1-2-5-1-6 FC
TB: Pinko: Ya'll get on outta here!
RK: Or even if you're not. Huh, sounded better when Olbermann would say it
WV: Wow, Michigan came back down 19-0. Wanting Wisconsin to lose is my only real ambition now.
SS: I'm trying to store up all my college football energy for the "big game" starting in about an hour
TB: Ok. OKAY. Come on boys
RK: The little guys have had to shoulder the load the past week, they're gonna have to do it again. I don't like their chances against the likes of Soria
BOTTOM 8TH, SAME
DK: whoa...a Tolbert sighting
RK: Delicious! Raymoan Ramirez. Glad to hear that
DK: normally pitchers whom Gordo called Raymoan end up sucking. good sign
TB: Infield hits really taking their toll, Bert
EH: well, lead off
RK: Maybe Young will make us all deliriously happy?
SS: I'll likely be delirious regardless, hopefully the happy part will be true as well.
RK: Well that was like a swig of lukewarm water
TOP 9TH, SAME
DK: Moons over Mijares in
TB: well if it means anything, the Indians are winning
DK: I was really looking forward to wanting the White Sox to lose, instead of needing them to lose
SS: I still have a tiny kernel of hope
RK: Me too. Like I said, I can't help it
DK: I have faith until all 27 outs are recorded, as misguided as it may be
RK: Alright, well, let's see what the top o' the lineup can do
BOTTOM 9TH, SAME
SS: well, KC has two errors so far, RK. can we count on them to commit another one so we can actually capitalize on it?
DK: I'd like to see Soria commit a couple errors in the form of meatballs over the heart of the plate
RK: Everybody's got a blow a save sometime
DK: that's a start
RK: "Possibility Morneau will bat in the inning" At this point, Gordo, that's more of a threat than a promise
SS: yeah, don't set him up to crush our dreams
DK: sshhhhh Soria can't find the plate
TB: Would it be too naive of me to want Morneau pinch hit for?
RK: Hopelessly
DK: with whom, dare I ask? Cuddles?
TB: Macri
SS: that's a tough call. right now I'll settle for anyone who will stand in the box and not swing
DK: well, ask and ye shall receive as OMG is up
SS: let's let Soria make as big of a mess as he can
DK: and his patience at the plate approaches that of a Zen Buddhist
SS: ohmMG
DK: Curse you baseball gods, my head visibly hung there
RK: Seems something like that has happened every inning
SS: please give Tolbert the chance to be a hero
DK: and of course it would go to a full count just to torture us
DK: hate
Well, here it is. The Twins need to win. The Bitch Sox don't need to, but would be helpful if, they lost. But anyway, as you all know, I'm stuck in Blacksburg, VA. And Fox picked up the game, so
NYY/BOS rained out yay!
I'm closer to PHI boo!
So I may have to live with radio and running Gamecast gameday, whatever. Because I can't count on Gordo and Dazzle to give me an accurate description of what happened. No, what I need are red green and blue dots. Don't you hate on gameday when the dot is blue but it doesn't say (outs) or (runs)? I hate that
You know what to do if you want in on this special Saturday action
TOP 1ST
Aaaand I get the Brewers. Welp, here's to you, Gordo
After a first strike, 3 straight balls from Perkins. Which is kinda like eating at Perkins. The first bite you're all "YES PANCAKES" but then you realize they're not very good pancakes and that you're getting full, but not in a good way but at least you're not eating at Ponderosa.
Sounds like people are crazygonuts at the TerrorDome. That's good.
I hope Glen doesn't decide to let every hitter get 10 pitches.
If the boys win this game, I will praise Brendan Harris for firing this team the hell up. I'm even fired up over the radio!
BOTTOM 1ST
I do kinda like hearing the old familiar commercials though. I remember jingles. It's a weird talent I have. The CaRX song? I know it.
Oh no guys, no more backwards Ks. First of all, it's communist.
RK: OMG needs a double in the gap. Moreso, I need a double in the gap from OMG
SJ: You missed GoGo doing the starting lineup..hi-larious. and Bert and Chris Rose doing the commentary -- I'm in love
RK: Grumble grumble Mark Grace in Milwaukee grumble grumble
RK: Well, if nothing else the boys are making Gilgamesh work a bit
SJ: casilla steals third! woo!
RK: I love it when players steal third. That's always on the pitcher
SJ: uh huh -- he jogged into the base pretty much
RK: Man I would love a straight steal of home
RK: Oh dear, Hamilton's almost caught up to Morneau
SJ: bah
RK: Oh jeez
TOP 2ND, NO SCORE YET
SJ: If they're voting MVP's on how many perfect pitches got past them -- Dr. Neau would win on that at bat
RK: Oh Dazzle, he said they were all really close pitches
SJ: If you call right down the heart of the plate close, then yes
SJ: So the random thing I forgot to tell you about GoGo doing the starting line-ups....he was wearing a Superman shirt under his warm up shirt
and was all like "batting 9th is me, Superman, ahhhhh" and he flew away
RK: That is pretty incredible
SJ: I think someone should get Bert and Chris a beer -- I think it could make for a more interesting game
TB: You know who I'd want to see alongside Bert? Joe Buck.
RK: Only if Bert punched Joe Buck is his nepotistic mouth
SJ: Oh that would be super.
WV: like in those Holiday Inn commercials where they want to touch Joe Buck's throat. Only more brutal.
RK: 6 in a row by Perkins and only on 200 pitches!
BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE
TB: Wait. Kubel going the other way?
RK: Where's Gordo from? I'm guessing iron range. Everybody I know from there says "cunner" instead of "corner"
SJ: Ooo...Bert and Chris are getting witty...I love it
RK: I have hope for this game; Dlmn swung at the first pitch; the world is back to normal, everything in its right place, God in his kingdom
RK: SJ, you best be getting some stuff they're saying, or I'm gonna break your other leg
TB: WAKKA WAKKA DOO DOO YEAH!
SJ: Bert: "I love these graphics, if you throw it down the middle he hits .411. The other squares you'll see aren't as high" Chris: "I'll take Whoopi in the middle sqare to block"
SS: Fox is showing the Cubs, and the radio is playing college football
SJ: THATS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!
RK: Brendan Harris, you're the spark this team needs today. Much like that one thing Optimus Prime keeps in his chest. We can learn a lesson from SS, WV. Like poor children in other parts of the world, while we bitch about having to listen to radio, some people don't have anything. Won't you give 70 cents a day?
TB: "This twelve-year-old girl has never eaten. Won't you help her?"
SJ: Sorry, my money goes to the beer I drink during the games.
RK: You hear that, SS? No cents for you
EH: there is always gameday pitch-by-pitch
SS: I don't need your charity! I actually found the radio broadcast so I've got a little access
RK: I'm running it - exciting dot matrices!
TB: Awww fiddlesticks
SJ: Good deal SS, I was starting to feel guilty...
TOP 3RD, TWINS UP 1
WV: I feel like bitching about this inning-ending double play, plating only one run. But some teams don't have ANY runs...like the Royals!
RK: You know what I'm learning? Nobody under 70 goes to Grand Casino
WV: I bet nobody under 70 lives in all of Hinckley.
SJ: They all go to Treasure Island Resort and Caseeeeeeeeeeno
RK: OK, this will sound strange. But my eldest sister got married in January in Hinckley because she's fucking insane. But I swear, somewhere between Hinckley and St. Cloud, on some highway (23?) there is a stretch of highway cleanup sponsored by 4 of the X-Men
TB: Hey I've been on Highway 23. Though I missed that sign I guess
SS: awesome. I never had the pleasure of driving that far up 23, but I don't doubt it. Good ol' Stearns County
RK: St. Cloud has a 5 Guys!
EH: as in the one that everyone is gaga about around here?
RK: Oh yes
SS: When did they get that?
RK: I dunno
TB: I'm certain I feel asleep at the wheel on that road, woke up an hour later, and then turned onto I-35 to Duluth like nothing happened.
RK: A double play here would just make my socks roll up and down
TB: That'll do as well
RK: Whew, got some help from Aviles there
TB: Aviles might have the most annoying batting stance ever
RK: Worse than Craig Counsell? This I gotta see... oh wait dammit
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
RK: BERT BLYLEVEN TRAFFIC SAFETY P.I.!
SJ: Bert already said that Rick Anderson is probably hoping that Perkins will go 5 or 6...heaven forbid he go anymore on 8 days rest...
RK: Perkins could stand to have an economical inning
EH: A hit!
RK: Not an error?
EH: i have no idea
RK: Gordo made it sound like an error is why I ask
SJ: Span stealing! Woo!
TB: Why must the FOX Scoreboard line make an entrance noise? What is this, PowerPoint?
EH: power point by high schoolers
SJ: I love when Mesh double clutches on the throw so Lexi can get on base 
WV: The Fox network is like the pretty but insecure girl at school; always making sure people are still paying attention.
TB: Gil, this isn't MLB The Show for PS3, you don't have to double clutch everytime you throw
RK: Gilgamesh beginning to crumble. Like in the story? No, wrong story. Who's his friend who died? My mythology is all wrong
EH: oh man, notre dame scored.... not that you all would care.... now i hear about the twins score.
SJ: Woot woot -- 2-0
RK: I care, EH. I like the Boilermakers
EH: Excellent
SS: OMG! I'm finally all settled in, and I get to hear OMG helping score my boyfriend
SJ: That was a lot of OMG...
RK: And now Morneau will hit an upper deck home run. WON'T YOU JUSTIN
TB: Good contact Morneau, we're making progress
SJ: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT
RK: 'cept Jermaine Dye. Who is not cool
SJ: He's a wannabe
SJ: Woo-- a baser!
RK: That'll do - I can haz Koobelsmash plz?
EH: huzzah. double play
RK: OK guys I can do without the ending potential rallies with DPs
TOP 4TH, TWINS UP 2
SS: however, if they keep scoring one run an inning before the DP, and keep shutting KC out, I won't argue
SJ: Neither will I
RK: That's true, but I also want Meche outta there to get into that bullpen
SS: yeah, maybe then can launch a couple in the next inning to run up the score, then go back to their pattern
RK: Callaspo, back to the dugout to man the steel drums
SS: I think Callaspo makes me think of calliope, is why I think of circus music, but steel drums could work too
EH: Or calypso
SJ: Guillen is a fan of Perkins...
RK: And that, Jose, is why you run hard out of the box
RK: I like that Glen, do it again
SS: why is it that gameday is sometimes in the future and sometimes in the past when compared to the radio broadcast?
EH: ah the mysteries of internet
RK: That's a great question, SS. I will say, talking to the head... internet guy at mlb.com, he designed the site with macs in mind
DK: He did it again, there you go
RK: Well if it's that easy - Gomez, hit a home run plz. Kthnx
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
RK: Brendan Harris is gonna do something here
RK: By doing something I did not mean strikeout, but there's still time
DK: two on for D'Nard
RK: And hey, we can't end this inning with a double play! Trick's on you, Gil! Sucks to your ass-mar!
SS: woo, I'm liking this version of IHOP that can get on base by hitting the ball out of the infield
SS: damn, the future tells me that my boyfriend grounded out
RK: He did, SS. He did
TOP 5TH, SAME
RK: Quik trip sells potatoes and onions for .39/lb?
EH: and do not forget the apples bananas and oranges.
RK: It's been too long since I've been to Minnesota
EH: ditto here
TB: Me too. Something like two weeks
SJ: I haven't been there since...Thursday
RK: I keep telling my former high school students who are at St. John's to sponsor me for a guest lecture but they are lazy no-good punks
RK: OK, Gordon will ground into a double play. Yes.
WV: "I think you need to get into those big time games and perform...to be a big time pitcher." Thanks Dazzle, that's brilliant.
EH: As always
RK: He understands the irresistible power of the tautology. A=A, bitches!
SS: SJ, does Gordon still have his ridiculous facial hair?
WV: He would've made a fine deconstructionist.
TB: How often are you gonna label "Twins/Royals" as a big time game?
WV: Well, Gilgameche is epic.
TB: Yes, in fact, I think that's one of the 5 or so things I learned in 11th Grade Literature.
RK: I'm sure Young made that look more difficult than it was, but now, now is the time for a DP for my mental well-being
SS: yes, Buck is not the most fleet of foot so a grounder would do the trick
SJ: Mother of...
DK: Did Dazzle just say "Dlmn playing the corner perfectly on that one"?
RK: Indeed he did
DK: It made me go O RLY?
SJ: If he did...let me tell, he was not. I swear it took him about 5 minutes to get to the corner. I wonder if Butler's ever been considered for a middle reliver...
EH: Agh!
WV: I've never been so anxious for Bonser to warm up quickly.
SS: yikes! Vi, if you hit into a DP, I will love you forever
RK: Yeah, he can still get outta this, he can still get outta this
SJ: Blah
EH: Or not so much
RK: Well... not the worst outcome possible
EH: True, true
SJ: Thank the good Lord...it's done
SS: we still have the lead
SJ: I'd really like to see that 17 game hit streak not extended today
BOTTOM 5TH, ROYALS 1 TWINS 2
RK: I'd like to get 15 runs here. Order up!
SS: I think the goal for this inning should be to get Meche out of the game
RK: "So that could be it for Perkins" Dazzle, I'd bet the rent on it
WV: Bad week to be ranked in the top 5 in college football.
SS: who is losing now?
WV: Florida
SS: beautiful
RK: Morneau, I am quickly losing patience with you
DK: Dr. Neau needs a new prescription of patience inducing medication
SJ: Dr. Neau is reeaaally good at watching perfect pitches go right by him....except for the last one that he swung through
DK: Fuck
RK: So much for this inning's goal
TOP 6TH, SAME
SJ: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF, Bert better say it, he's on national TV dammit
RK: This commercial about Morneau being a premier tattoo artist is dripping with unintentional irony
SJ: Bert...that was the weakest "BOOOF" I've ever heard...so disappointed
SS: hopefully the Boof, as Bert is wont to say, is on fire today
RK: The outcome of this inning will have a direct correlation for how much whiskey i'm going to put in the coffee i have brewing
EH: not a very auspicious beginning
RK: Dazzle sounded really disgusted with Bonser there
SJ: I'm disgusted with Bonser right now
WV: Well, this has put me in a sour mood.
SJ: I'm switching to whiskey...which could make for an interesting evening
WV: I mean, why is Bonser your first call to the pen anyways? I know he's been decent lately but his ERA is still 5.80 or so
RK: Hahahahahah, oh you laugh or you start crying
TB: Oh snap. That would have just been rotten
RK: I'm glad I didn't see that
TB: It was not cool. But way to go you silly ol' Bulldog
RK: OK OK OK OK ground out
SJ: That was a little intense... Maybe too intense for one out...
TB: "We're all the way out here in the bullpen, and you'll never guess what we've found. The internet! Seems it can't hide here either."
RK: Dazzle: "Way outside" MLBGameday: "more inside than the first pitch"
EH: !
RK: OK OK OK OK one more out
SJ: What a snag!
DK: Guerrier you beast you
RK: Dear baseball gods, don't you ever let this happen to me again
SJ: Do you think they call Guerrier grandpa since he's like 30 years old...he's creeping up to Redmond and Punto...
EH: you are a Twins fan, that is like asking for it to never rain again.
BOTTOM 6TH, TIED AT 2, ULCERS FOR ALL!
SS: whew, I can live with a tie game for now
DK: wonder if Gardy's wishing he could take a mulligan and just leave Perk in
RK: Hopefully that lit a fire under their asses that they have to score some damn runs
SS: and in other news, Dlmn swung at the first pitch
DK: dlmn mssd th mm
EH: Shocking!
SJ: I am shocked
SJ: So what do you think Dick is doing without Bert today?
RK: Eating pounds of sausage links
DK: remember when the Royals were good for at least 3 errors a game? I miss those Royals
SJ: Me too
RK: Remember when knocking Meche out after 5 seemed like a really reasonable goal?
SS: we were such idealists in our youth
RK: Now we are wizened, hard, and cynical
TOP 7TH, TIED AT 2
SJ: denny's
RK: Out of context, that's really funny. Or it's at least tickling me anyway, like "yknow what? Denny's. I said it"
SJ: I like Denny's
DK: "A foul grand slam home run by Alex Gordon..." says Gordo...doesn't the whole "foul" bit negate the rest of that sentence? Or have I had the rules wrong for all these years?
SJ: I get scared when he throws more than 4 pitches. QTF?
SS: alright, Vi is quickly becoming dead to me, and I'm not very happy with any of the other Royals either. I'm stripping them of all the nicknames I've given them in the past
RK: Thoughts are brewing in my head that I can't believe the Twins wasted all that effort sweeping the Bitch Sox just to piss it away now
TB: Again, Gardy. Why is this the thought process? "Let's see, tie game, runners on, important game to win. Let's put in Crain"
RK: What else can you do? Everybody's thrown their arms off
TB: Moons over Mijares or something. Did he pitch last night?
RK: I bet you'll see him next inning
SS: nope, he shoud be good
RK: Even when things go right they don't go right
RK: This game is making me ill
WV: This is just ridiculous
SJ: Morneau!! You forgot to say "go go gadget arms!!" AHHHH so close!!
RK: Just think, no wild pitch, infielders aren't playing in
TB: There goes the MVP
RK: He probably lost it in his ABs the past week
WV: Overall, I think he lost it by not being the most valuable
EH: that could be the key
SS: ok, time to stop the bleeding. good start with an out
RK: Apparently they turned the fans on when Teahen hit that
RK: Alright guys 9 outs left, now go to work
BOTTOM 7TH, ROYALS UP 2, PANIC!
SS: I really want not to be really torn up about this game, but I just can't help it
RK: Yeah, if this is how it's going to end, at the hands of the Royals, I would rather have had the team swept by the Sox, blasphemous as that sounds
TB: Myself as well.
SS: it's like the Royals are trying to cash in on some debt we owe them for helping us get into the playoffs in '06
RK: Ha, that may be it!
RK: Cargo has to get on here, right? I mean, the only time we've touched Meche was when the leadoff man was on
DK: Well there you go, he's on with an E5
SS: I'll take it
RK: Here's their chance!
DK: D'Nard as the tying run...this has so much poetic potential here
SS: boyfriend, I would like you to hit a triple here, please!
DK: Since Dick is absent, I shall do it. THREE and one with Casilla on deck!
DK: ihop ihop ihop all the way to 2nd base
RK: I hope this payoff pitch treats Span well
DK: Yes it does - free pass
RK: double steal DO IT
DK: followed by squeeze play DO IT?
RK: Yeah why not?
DK: y'know...D'Nard could probably score from 2nd on a squeeze. He's done it before
EH: Good-bye, Gilgameche
SS: Adios, Meche!
DK: "Royal 55, turn left, contact departure...cya!"
TB: Oh geez
WV: ??
TB: Nobody here speaks airplane nerd, DK
DK: I said what I said...
DK: way to flop down for drama, lexi
RK: We'll see if Casilla wants to be the hero again
DK: Or not
SS: that's the beauty of this thing we've got going, right? no one is watching the same broadcast, no one is speaking the same language, but it somehow seems to work
TB: Nope he doesn't
RK: OK now double steal for real
TB: That's a million dollar fine in my book
SS: except when the future brings bad news, like how the sandcastle is crumbling. OMG, your batting average is dipping. I need you to get a hit. you need you to get a hit
DK: is OMG above red lights?
RK: Haha, he'd never swing at a 3-0
TB: No of course not
EH: No need to swing
RK: Justin, you can reclaim your MVP status right here
DK: Justin, we wouldn't complain if you upped your RBI total a bit more
DK: Hamilton's in the rearview mirror and all
SS: how about a grand slam of the fair variety
SS: none of this foul stuff like Gordon likes
RK: You know, the kind that score runs
DK: Mutter, not quite. 6-4-3
EH: i really do not like it when the future says things like that
SS: on the first pitch? who doe she think he is, Dlmn?
DK: you like it as much as I like being the bearer of such news
RK: OK I'm gonna go throw up
TOP 8TH, SAME, SOMEHOW THE SAME
RK: This is rigoddamndiculous
WV: This is as ridiculous as that time we had Ridiculous Day down at the deli when prices were so low it was ridiculous
EH: here is another shocker: the Nats just lost
DK: the Royales are taunting us now, they're stealing bases
TB: I know, my roommate the Phillie Phan just squealed
DK: Gordon's dancing on 2nd going "Pitcher pitcher pitcher! You caaaaan't get me"
SS: damnit, Alex. I hate you and your stupid facial hair
WV: I was waiting throw in "Royal pain in our asses" but that seems like a ship that has long since sailed.
WV: I had to read Sartre and other existentialist stuff for a class before the game and I have to say, I sure do feel a lot of nothingness and anxiety.
RK: The abyss is currently staring back into me
DK: he's in ur infield, stealing ur bases...
SS: fuck. just fuck.
TB: No, Buck. It's John Buck
DK: aaaand for those scoring at home, that's a 1-2-5-1-6 FC
TB: Pinko: Ya'll get on outta here!
RK: Or even if you're not. Huh, sounded better when Olbermann would say it
WV: Wow, Michigan came back down 19-0. Wanting Wisconsin to lose is my only real ambition now.
SS: I'm trying to store up all my college football energy for the "big game" starting in about an hour
TB: Ok. OKAY. Come on boys
RK: The little guys have had to shoulder the load the past week, they're gonna have to do it again. I don't like their chances against the likes of Soria
BOTTOM 8TH, SAME
DK: whoa...a Tolbert sighting
RK: Delicious! Raymoan Ramirez. Glad to hear that
DK: normally pitchers whom Gordo called Raymoan end up sucking. good sign
TB: Infield hits really taking their toll, Bert
EH: well, lead off
RK: Maybe Young will make us all deliriously happy?
SS: I'll likely be delirious regardless, hopefully the happy part will be true as well.
RK: Well that was like a swig of lukewarm water
TOP 9TH, SAME
DK: Moons over Mijares in
TB: well if it means anything, the Indians are winning
DK: I was really looking forward to wanting the White Sox to lose, instead of needing them to lose
SS: I still have a tiny kernel of hope
RK: Me too. Like I said, I can't help it
DK: I have faith until all 27 outs are recorded, as misguided as it may be
RK: Alright, well, let's see what the top o' the lineup can do
BOTTOM 9TH, SAME
SS: well, KC has two errors so far, RK. can we count on them to commit another one so we can actually capitalize on it?
DK: I'd like to see Soria commit a couple errors in the form of meatballs over the heart of the plate
RK: Everybody's got a blow a save sometime
DK: that's a start
RK: "Possibility Morneau will bat in the inning" At this point, Gordo, that's more of a threat than a promise
SS: yeah, don't set him up to crush our dreams
DK: sshhhhh Soria can't find the plate
TB: Would it be too naive of me to want Morneau pinch hit for?
RK: Hopelessly
DK: with whom, dare I ask? Cuddles?
TB: Macri
SS: that's a tough call. right now I'll settle for anyone who will stand in the box and not swing
DK: well, ask and ye shall receive as OMG is up
SS: let's let Soria make as big of a mess as he can
DK: and his patience at the plate approaches that of a Zen Buddhist
SS: ohmMG
DK: Curse you baseball gods, my head visibly hung there
RK: Seems something like that has happened every inning
SS: please give Tolbert the chance to be a hero
DK: and of course it would go to a full count just to torture us
DK: hate
Friday, September 26, 2008
In The Driver's Seat
PREGAME
OK, we really know the MNTwins don't fully control their own destiny. If both teams win out, then there's the non-playoff play-in at USCF. You may know it as Comiskey. BUT! - yes, if the CWS lose and the MNTwins win, then the magic number (isn't it great that now we talk about the magic number as a good thing?) is 4, could make things a hell of a lot easier.
There are two guys standing in front of the teevee tonight and I guess we're supposed to watch? I'm probably the worst political scientist since Samuel Huntington (zing!) but this game is more important than the debate. OK OK, I'll put on the... CNN? Whatever in the background.
Oh Dick and Bert, so good to be here.
Email/IM me if you want in on this special Friday liveblog
TOP 1ST
RK: They're wearing the Sunday unis. I hate the Sunday sleeveless look
SJ: I like it... and speaking of sunday...i may be at that game 
RK: Jersey's oughta have sleeves, and that's that. You lucky duck
RK: Delmon Young freezes on fly balls so much DQ should sign him to be a pitch man. AND CLEVELANDIA IS UP 1!
SJ: He could be Blizzard of the month. Woohoo!
BOTTOM 1ST
SJ: Let's go Sandcastle. We know after last night you know how to hit
RK: Trey Hillman has a Tom Selleckesque quality about him
SJ: Hehe, oh baby oh baby
SJ: I need some whiskey
RK: Absolutely
SJ: Woo, a baser!
RK: I have never been this glued to a game involving the KCRoyals
SJ: i don't think anyone has....even royals fans
RK: Dr. Neau owns the Royales though. I like him up here. I think he'll hit a dinger tonight
SJ: I like where your heads at. Maybe go all Longoria-like?
RK: That would be a thing of beauty
SJ: Or not
TOP 2ND, NO SCORE
RK: Heh, Bert just called the Royal pitcher "Zeinke"
RK: i can't help but like the royals. i hope they lose every game against the boys, but i just can't hate 'em
SS: yeah, the Royals play the game right. It would make me happy if they don't lose the division, as long as we make the playoffs
RK: OK then, grounder right at somebody yes please
SJ: only one batter in the royals line up has hit a homer against liriano... and it's this guy
RK: Who hasn't Miguel Olivo caught for?
SJ: i'm still not used to "Target Field"...doesn't sound right...
TB: Well, you'll have all of next season to get there...
RK: I don't like that name one damn bit
TB: I would have fallen in love with Land O' Lakes Field myself
SJ: Target Field next to Target Center....it's too much Target... I love the place, but seriously
RK: Hennepin County paid 2/3 the cost, I'd like that recognized in the name, but alas
RK: 2-0 Cleveland and I'm so very much ignoring this bases loaded jam right now la la la
TB: 'Tis over, at least it is in this dimension
SS: Whew
RK: I've caught up to your future, TB, now let's save John Connor
BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE
TB: So is Karleeeeeeeeeee still at the Dome making out with Span? Or is she back
RK: KK is at the dome; makeout status unknown
TB: Holy crap, is Telly an elf?
RK: Um no, see Scott Baker
SJ: I'm still disturbed that LNP is the spokesperson for Continental Diamonds... I just picture him all blinged out
TB: Oh..there's Span...no lipstick stains
SS: or that a woman would like him enough to accept a diamond from him, SJ?
RK: I may have trolled some CWS message boards, and let me tell you, Southside fans have a thing for Natalie Punto
SJ: Well, I think I may accept a diamond from him...I mean, it is LNP. I bet he gets a discount. Maybe he hooks the rest of the guys up?
RK: Good AB, Dlmn. I can't believe I'm saying that. CWS have pulled to w/in 1. Hrmph
TB: I was going to say...it would have been a rather strange alignment of the planets to have a great at bat from both Dlmn and Buscher...alas
TOP 3RD, SAME
SS: at least we're getting some hits
RK: Yeah, this Davies guy is no slouch. At least we're sorta making him throw a few pitches
SS: Davies has had a couple of good starts back to back, but Splitty just let me know he's been struggling out of the stretch so hopefully we can keep it up
SJ: Well son of a...
RK: It all... it all happened so quickly
RK: Alright, so now Frankie needs a strikeout. Aaaand the White Sox have taken the lead
SJ: "Delmon Young does have a good arm in left field" -- thanks Dazzle aka Captain Obvious, I was not aware of that
TB: F-Bomb throwing batting practice I see
SJ: Frankie gone wild
RK: Well this isn't going at all like I planned
SJ: Why are Gordo and Dazzle talking about Ichiro? Did I miss something? Are we all of a sudden playing the Mariners?
RK: Ha, well y'know, apparently someone in the M's clubhouse wanted to get all LL Cool J on Ichiro and knock him out
TB: Wellllll
SJ: Frankie (says) relax
SS: ugh, I hate when the minor leaguers act like big leaguers
SJ: Haha, it's better vice versa
RK: That's true, laurel, the money helps, but it irks me to no end that the taxpayers of Hennepin County don't even get to see the stadium they mostly paid for named appropriately
SJ: Well hot damn, we got an out
TB: Woot another one
RK: I can handle down three. Let's keep it that way
TB: As pathetic as it is that we're celebrating getting the Royales out
RK: This team is playing their best baseball this season. These aren't going to be easy wins, if wins at all
TB: Well that's just great
SJ: I'm so glad I can't see the game sometimes..ie, now
SS: ok, I'm switching over to the radio, I don't think I want to see it either
RK: Down 4, I don't like that so much. And 'cisco has thrown about 60 pitches
SJ: Humber warming up
TB: You know I think Mauer himself is resisting the urge to charge the mound...
SJ: Now that would add some excitement to this game
SS: ok, I'm going to try hard not to freak out. It's early, we can still get to Davies
RK: It is safe to say, Liriano does not have his best stuff tonight. Make me an ESPN analyst immediately!
SJ: Woo! The half of the inning is done!!
BOTTOM 3RD, ROYALS UP 4, THE HORROR, THE HORROR
TB: So now let's score 55 runs and then go home and have cake
SJ: Ice cream cake?
TB: Sure Cold Stone Cake
SJ: Even better
RK: Span eats Stone Cold cake. Granite frosted with iron filings
TB: So that's how he keeps his fucklion mane so thick and manly
RK: That fierce a chin strap at his age is no accident
SS: now this is analysis you can't get from ESPN
SJ: very true
TB: Nope...or any sort of Twins coverage for that matter
RK: Oh, my apologies, er, the Mets need Jerry Manuel to keep them loose, because THAT'S HOW YOU WIN BALLGAMES
TB: So was Gardy notified that Pinko is .185 against the Royals? Because if that's not a reason to put Brendan Harris in tonight, nothing is
SS: I've also heard it's useful to score more runs than your opponent, when looking to win a game
SJ: Yeah, I'm disappointed my boyfriend is not playing... Thats crazy talk Stacey
TB: Punto: These Royals pitchers and their crazy fastballs are just so baffling to me
SS: I demand more triples from IHOP
RK: Oh my god that was the dumbest question yet from carsoup.com
SJ: What was it?
SS: even dumber than the one from St. Cloud yesterday?
RK: "If there's a tie in the division, why would the game be played in Chicago?"
SS: because Minnesotans just didn't want it enough to have the game played there
SJ: We don't like our baseball here
SS: they could learn a thing or two from Sarah Palin
TB: Because head-to-head records apparently aren't decisive enough to determine who has the advantage
SJ: How did Bert answer?
SS: shit, Span? why do you have to be a bad boyfriend?
SJ: Because there is more Coors in Chicago?
RK: He answered correctly, and said something to the effect of your point, TB
TOP 4TH, SAME, DOOM - IMPENDING
SJ: At least your boyfriend is playing SS..
TB: They should play it in a neutral stadium, like Midway Stadium
SJ: Hell, they should just do it in Yankee Stadium
SS: apparently it's not being used
RK: Interestingly enough though, they're not starting demolition on it till 2010, so clearly they're hedging their bet about the new stadium being done on time
TB: "Oh...sorry...THIS is the last year of legendary Yankee Stadium!!! Come one, come all!!"
SJ: ahahahaha
SS: alright, Kiko, if Davies can strike out the side, you can too
SJ: aaaaand humber is back to warming up
TB: It's like those furniture companies that have three-year-long going out of business sales
SJ: there's one in the area here that I swear is going on 5 years...
RK: Hey, going out of business can be good for business
SJ: i should really stop in and see what they got
TB: They probably have like half a futon and a badly stained mattress
SS: everything must go!
SJ: Joseph Moses III is the contestant for something tonight....that is one hell of a name
RK: He has a beard, guaranteed
SJ: my thoughts exactly
SS: Bet he only wears sandals
SJ: and he's obviously catholic
TB: I bet he could part the Technicolor Sea or something
RK: Is one DP too much to ask?
SS: I love Vi, and I want the best for him, but I am so glad he just lined out. Kiko is "pitching on thin ice" according to the Royals radio guys
SJ: well, he is in MN and it is fall...
RK: That does explain a lot. "Y'know, there's two sides to the plate." Oh Bert. I love you
SJ: Just two?
RK: Are you questioning Bert?
SJ: QTF on that sequence?
TB: That was an unnecessarily immature game of pickle!
RK: The rundowns... not been good. EMH, email a screen name and join in!
SS: I can't help but get excited when there's a pickle, even when they don't end well. Probably seen Sandlot a few too many times.
RK: The Fox stole home!
SJ: who stole home?
RK: No one, just a line from the Sandlot
DK: it's the jet stole home 
RK: Well there's the source of confusion
SJ: Yup
SS: Yeah yeah
SJ: nice work RK
RK: You, SJ, of all people should know better than to assume I know what I'm talking about
SJ: good point
DK: Rrrriiiing him up
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
RK: How many pitches has the Davies had? I am ready for him to be done
SS: 55... OMG... 56
RK: Morneau needs to come up like a fuck lion right 'bout now
LK: Morneau is so due. Or deau. (If you're Canadian)
RK: I'm just glad Dick didn't say "Quickly 0-2" There is no other way to go 0-2 if not quickly
SS: I like the idea of the fuck lion, but feel that it doesn't come across quite as well from a woman
RK: Fair point, but every time I say I think of this and that's always a good thing
RK: Yes, OK a million people. Transcription is going to be the bees knees
LK: Morneau beats the relay? That's gotta be at least as rare as a blue moon.
SS: does anyone else ever think of circus music when they hear Callaspo's name?
RK: Small victories, I guess. Maybe next we can dare to dream of consecutive base hits?
DK: Shhh. RK, consecutive base hits...what will you think of next? 1-2-3 innings by the pitching staff?
SJ: I think I need to take another percocet. Such crazy ideas
TOP 5TH, SAME
TB: YAY BRENDAN HARRIS
SJ: boyfriend!
RK: That's the first time anybody has ever said that, TB! That's a fact! But I'm glad he's in there
RK: The Team-With-The-Racially-Insensitive-Name-That-Plays-Near-Lake-Erie has retaken the lead!
LK: I just love the footage they keep showing of Go-Go hula-hooping. Would rather we had new footage of IHOP triples, but whatever.
SJ: i like how dazzle just thinks that buscher is injured....yeah, it's called hitting into a dp in your only at bat
DK: My god..the Royals have learned how to hit for extra bases
TB: Brendan's entrance does nothing to prevent the continuance of Royal hittin'
RK: The only thing worth noting so far in this game is that Twins fan eating half a hamburger in front of the camera to the horror of his girlfriend
SS: the Royals broadcast had IHOP dancing in the dugout earlier, no hula hoop though
DK: ANGER SALAD
SS: FUCK YOU, BILLY BUTLER
TB: Ehhhhhhhhh *grumble grumble grumble*
DK: RK: odds of a strike?
LK: Aaarg!
TB: Wait- what is Liriano still doing in the game?!
SJ: So Gardy...you know how you just benched Buscher...maaaaaaaybe you should try benching Frankie -- Humber is up for the third time...and it's the charm for him! Line change!
LK: And now they're taking 'Cisco out. And I'm becoming more interested in watching the Cleveland game on Gameday.
RK: DK, well, I'll probably stick around. I mean, I'll just keep refreshing my caucasian and see what happens
TB: First pitch strike! Why wasn't Humber just the starter!
DK: well, I just got here, thus I don't want to see a strike, unless they come in triplets against Royal batters
LK: Garko with a grand slam!!!!
SS: Gordo, if you love me even a little bit, you will get out right now!
LK: Cleveland 9, Bitch Sox 4.
TB: HUMDINGER I LOVE YOU
DK: Clevelandia just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Garko
SJ: Ha!
SS: Hum, please pitch like you did at Rice. I hated you then, but now you're on my side
SJ: I like how the crowd cheered its loudest so far in this game when they updated the score of the Clevelandia game
TB: Holy hell, way to go buddy
DK: Humber K2
TB: "That's how you win Cy Youngs, baby!"
SJ: At least somebody is following their job description
DK: "Frankie, gimme the keys man!"
BOTTOM 5TH, ROYALS STILL UP A BUNCH
SS: lts g Dlmn!
LK: Brian Buscher is throwing up in the tunnel, that's why they put in Harris.
DK: THREE and 0...with Harris on deck
LK: I kinda felt like throwing up for a bit there during this game too.
DK: Dlmn wlks
TB: Ruh Roh
LK: It doesn't sound like they played "Cherry Pie" for Harris for this at-bat (as they so often do). I always laugh when they play "Cherry Pie" when he comes up.
DK: he looks so good makes a grown man cry. and in this case, it's the PA operator at the Dome
SS: the Royals radio guys were just hailing Davies for his command, good thing he's helping prove their point
SJ: So apparently there was a coaches only party in Gardy's office last night after the game...
DK: Beis on bols
TB: They knew better than to think it was over
RK: Must not have lasted too long, with Ullger sending everyone home no matter what
DK: well...at least it's a productive out
TB: That's like our Meteorology prof today..."Yeah, but it's a dry cold."
[there's a general, hard to transcribe sense of "QTF" going on here]
RK: He was out by 10 feet
DK: Dazzle fails at conveying any truthiness of close plays
SJ: That he does...I'm glad your listening in the future like me
DK: Span the fuck lion would have scored twice on that
SJ: Well then
RK: The uh... Bitch Sox are still losing? Right?
DK: Yes
TOP 6TH, WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH
RK: What's going on here tonight? Is this the work of Davies? Or did the boys relax a bit too much after the Sox sweep? Why is my eating the SAME DINNER as every other win this week not helping?
DK: RK - different team, different food required
LK: White Sox still losing 9-4. Six runs scored by Cleveland in the 5th, gotta love that.
SJ: Please tell me I don't have to go out and break my other leg to get a comeback tonight....It was a little much last night
SS: maybe you need to eat a Roayle with cheese, to signify our dominance over them
DK: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
LK: I just had a BTC (Bacon, Tomato, Cheddar) sandwich. Oh crapcakes. (Sandwich tasty, Twins not so much right now.)
SJ: Alright...who wants to break my other leg for me? If it's like last night, it gaurentees a Twins comeback..
DK: *grabs bat* this'll be the most contact anyone from Minnesota has made with anything with a bat all night 
RK: SJ, I lived in Jersey a while. I know a guy can do it right
SJ: Alright...I got my painkillers and a bottle of whiskey...let's do this
RK: grumblecakes > crabcakes > crapcakes
SJ: dye hit a 2 runner...
DK: Rick Stelmaszek needs to walk up and down the 3rd base seats holding a sign. "WANTED: ANYONE WHO CAN KEEP ROYALS OFF BASES"
SS: I'm feeling the need for a Mijares milagro
DK: I'm feeling the need for 8 runs
RK: But we must touch Davies! Like Foucault's hand of the sovereign
SJ: I feel the need...the need for...ah fuck it, I just want some effort..
BOTTOM 6TH, LOVE IS OVER
DK: RUN FUCKLION RUN!!!
SJ: WELL DONE!
LK: I love triples!
SS: that's the triple I was looking for, boyfriend!
TB: OKAY
RK: There's a groove from 1st to 3rd. The Span groove
LK: Hits to the gap are awesome. And it's funny when the other team gives up on going after the ball.
SJ:: WE'RE ON THE BOARD!!! WOO!
TB: A muchly useful run, Casilla, but not so about that out thing.
LK: A productive out is better than just an out. But we really need more runs. And Joe definitely needs a hit.
SS: OMG! "The People's Choice" in the Twin Cities, according to Bob Davis
RK: Chairman Mao-er indeed!
SS: Indeed
RK: I would buy his little red book
LK: Crap
SJ: I would buy his... never mind
RK: Wait I see increasing numbers on the CWS ledger
TB: I am resisting the urge to throw things at the TV. My only holdback is the fact that it's my roommate's TV
RK: Save that for a wii remote. Then Nintendo will buy you a new teevee
LK: Justin needs to show some signs of life or at least of knowing how to not get out.
SS: Em Vee Pee, this is a very important time for you to make your case and get a hit
RK: One of those hits that goes 700 feet preferably plz
DK: Gordo, Dazzle, I don't need to hear about Harry Caray's drinking problems...there's a game on
SJ: All of this talk about booze on the radio is making me thirsty...
RK: That is brilliant
DK: SJ, you and me both
LK: What's the pitch count up to? Let's get to their bullpen already.
SJ: I like how they threw Ron Coomer's name in during the convo... I'm shocked Hrbek wasn't a part of it all
LK: We saw someone with a Coomer jersey at the game the other night. Husband said: "it's gotta be another Coomer." 'Cause really, who'd buy a Coomer jersey?
DK: Did we have a secret council meeting in the clubhouse today and say "Everyone try and backwards K tonight"?!?!??
TB: You missed the memo on the meeting? Tisk tisk..
DK: I thought that until I saw a Jeff Reboulet jersey, LK
RK: I saw someone at the Dome once with a homemade Coomer jersey. Trust
TB: Hey! I was there! At the First Avenue place thing! There! On the commercial!
LK: Hanson is playing First Avenue tonight. I kid you not.
DK: TB see if your roommate wants to go see that one too
TB: That's a much better ticket than the reason that I was there, mind you
LK: No, I don't know why I know that. I just do. Mmm-bop-hmm.
RK: Say what you will about Hanson, I thought the middle girl was hot. Imagine my shock.
TOP 7TH, WHATEVER
LK: Let's have a 1-2-3 inning, guys.
SS: LNP, you have a glove for a reason
RK: SS, Bert agrees with you
LK: I love it when Nicky tries to throw an imaginary ball to first.
LK: NO WAIT I HATE THAT
DK: gordo is pronouncing Humber like normal people pronounce "herb" (the seasoning, not the late radio broadcaster) Apparently the "H" is silent
SS: I have to say, I wish I was at the Dome right now, if only so I could shave that shit off Gordo's face
LK: Lots of Guardado jerseys at the Dome these days.
SS: the Royals announcers were confusing Eddie with Reyes. They are talking about how they should have had their binoculars so they could tell that Eddie is not sweating as much as Reyes would be
LK: I guess people pulled them out of the back of their closets.
RK: I have a Pierzynksi jersey in my closet if it ever comes to that. That's right, I'm not ashamed of it
SJ: Thats ok RK, we can't all be winners
LK: I have a Guzman jersey, I wore it when we played the Nats.
DK: ironically enough, BOOOF is wearing Mr. Owl's number
LK: Formerly Al Newman's number. Well, when he played.
RK: AJ was my boy when he was with the club. The end
DK: suddenly I get why he picked 62 for his epilepsy stint as our 3B Coach
LK: 'Cause AJ had his number.
DK: Deficit re-expanded
LK: Gah!
SS: what the fuck just happened?
DK: a Royal completed the 360 foot sprint, passed go, collected 1 run and $200
SJ: "they have the runner tied up between 1st, 3rd, 2nd and 3rd"...I totally see it Gordo, such great radio commentary today
SS: Billy Butler is a slower runner than Prince Fielder. that should not have happened
LK: Gutierrez is up with bases loaded for Cleveland. 2 outs.
RK: Finally, some good news!
LK: Dear Cleveland, Another grand slam would be lovely. Thanks, The Twins
DK: hahahaha Bitch Sox radio announcers pleading for Brian Anderson to "show them the ball" from Garko's Salami
SJ: haha...that was great...i loved the "unbelievable" at the end
LK: White Sox putting in a new pitcher: Ehren Wassermann. EHREN. Such a name.
SS: DP! Finally!
BOTTOM OF THE 7TH, KCR UP THIS MANY
LK: And folks at the Dome go wild (not just the ones with Eddie jerseys) And Wasserman throws four balls in a row to walk in a run. Awesome. Cleveland 10, Bitch Sox 6.
SJ: No more Davies! There is a God
SS: Kubey, show me your MViceP potential
SJ: I'll take a baser...
SS: yes! we should be able to knock Nunez around the park
RK: Need some runners
SS: 3-0 count on Dlmn, how often does that happen?
RK: Dick: "Depth perception, so critical in this game"
SS: nice work by your boyfriend, SJ
RK: Now for some PUNTO POWER
SS: oy, this is certainly not going as planned
RK: Alright then... go Clevelandia!
TOP 8TH, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW TV ON THE RADIO ALBUM YET?
SS: are we all losing steam, just like the team?
RK: Well, I'm drunk
SS: Excellent
RK: And on only one caucasian. OK 8 RUN RALLY GUYS CMON FOR REALZ
BOTTOM 8TH, I HAVE BEEN TO COTTON EYE JOE
WV: Wow, well. Fine. Maybe we should blog the Indians-White Sox instead, that's closer.
RK: I forgot to eat sleeping pills with this vodka
LK: Gobble gobble gobble. (It's obligatory, you know)
RK: Well ain't that just the berries
SS: ugh, the Royals radio guys are going on and on about how this will be 7 straight road wins for the team
RK: Let us hope not!
LK: Clevelandia scores another run on a wild pitch to Choo.
RK: I choo-choo-choose Clevelandia to win this game
LK: 11-6 Cleveland over the oh so bitchy sox.
SS: OMG, lets keep that average up by getting another hit
LK: Joe-Ma needs a hit.
TOP 9TH, THIS IS NOT A BASEBALL GAME
LK: Wow, the crowd at the Dome is really thinning out. Or else everyone just suddenly needed a Dome Dog.
RK: Probably that
LK: Man, I'm really gonna miss Dick & Bert during the offseason. Dick's innocent questions. Bert's completely inappropriate answers.
RK: The offseason is a cold, lonely time
TB: Yes, well for those of us with FSN at least Anthony LaPlanta will still do our high school hockey matchups
TB: Wonder if Telly Hughes would be his color commentator
LK: I spied Ron Johnson on the Big Ten Network the other day.
LK: Maybe Korecky should've started the game. Or come in right quick.
BOTTOM OF THE 9TH, GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS
SS: I don't want to give up on the team, but I'm glad that the end is near
LK: 'Course if we can't score more than a single run against the freaking Royals, it doesn't matter
LK: WTF Justin? Good grief.
RK: Let's just... get this over with
SS: as it is, we might as well conserve energy for tomorrow
LK: I still have last night's game on my TiVo, may need to watch end of it as palate cleanser.
RK: Gardy will say "hey guys, we still gotta win some games. so go battle your tails off. ruff"
SS: and then he will kick some dirt at their feet
LK: Bert: "It always comes down to pitching." Of course you'd say that Bert
RK: Sweet mercy
SS: pitching...and hitting, and defense, and sometimes coaching
OK, we really know the MNTwins don't fully control their own destiny. If both teams win out, then there's the non-playoff play-in at USCF. You may know it as Comiskey. BUT! - yes, if the CWS lose and the MNTwins win, then the magic number (isn't it great that now we talk about the magic number as a good thing?) is 4, could make things a hell of a lot easier.
There are two guys standing in front of the teevee tonight and I guess we're supposed to watch? I'm probably the worst political scientist since Samuel Huntington (zing!) but this game is more important than the debate. OK OK, I'll put on the... CNN? Whatever in the background.
Oh Dick and Bert, so good to be here.
Email/IM me if you want in on this special Friday liveblog
TOP 1ST
RK: They're wearing the Sunday unis. I hate the Sunday sleeveless look
SJ: I like it... and speaking of sunday...i may be at that game 
RK: Jersey's oughta have sleeves, and that's that. You lucky duck
RK: Delmon Young freezes on fly balls so much DQ should sign him to be a pitch man. AND CLEVELANDIA IS UP 1!
SJ: He could be Blizzard of the month. Woohoo!
BOTTOM 1ST
SJ: Let's go Sandcastle. We know after last night you know how to hit
RK: Trey Hillman has a Tom Selleckesque quality about him
SJ: Hehe, oh baby oh baby
SJ: I need some whiskey
RK: Absolutely
SJ: Woo, a baser!
RK: I have never been this glued to a game involving the KCRoyals
SJ: i don't think anyone has....even royals fans
RK: Dr. Neau owns the Royales though. I like him up here. I think he'll hit a dinger tonight
SJ: I like where your heads at. Maybe go all Longoria-like?
RK: That would be a thing of beauty
SJ: Or not
TOP 2ND, NO SCORE
RK: Heh, Bert just called the Royal pitcher "Zeinke"
RK: i can't help but like the royals. i hope they lose every game against the boys, but i just can't hate 'em
SS: yeah, the Royals play the game right. It would make me happy if they don't lose the division, as long as we make the playoffs
RK: OK then, grounder right at somebody yes please
SJ: only one batter in the royals line up has hit a homer against liriano... and it's this guy
RK: Who hasn't Miguel Olivo caught for?
SJ: i'm still not used to "Target Field"...doesn't sound right...
TB: Well, you'll have all of next season to get there...
RK: I don't like that name one damn bit
TB: I would have fallen in love with Land O' Lakes Field myself
SJ: Target Field next to Target Center....it's too much Target... I love the place, but seriously
RK: Hennepin County paid 2/3 the cost, I'd like that recognized in the name, but alas
RK: 2-0 Cleveland and I'm so very much ignoring this bases loaded jam right now la la la
TB: 'Tis over, at least it is in this dimension
SS: Whew
RK: I've caught up to your future, TB, now let's save John Connor
BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE
TB: So is Karleeeeeeeeeee still at the Dome making out with Span? Or is she back
RK: KK is at the dome; makeout status unknown
TB: Holy crap, is Telly an elf?
RK: Um no, see Scott Baker
SJ: I'm still disturbed that LNP is the spokesperson for Continental Diamonds... I just picture him all blinged out
TB: Oh..there's Span...no lipstick stains
SS: or that a woman would like him enough to accept a diamond from him, SJ?
RK: I may have trolled some CWS message boards, and let me tell you, Southside fans have a thing for Natalie Punto
SJ: Well, I think I may accept a diamond from him...I mean, it is LNP. I bet he gets a discount. Maybe he hooks the rest of the guys up?
RK: Good AB, Dlmn. I can't believe I'm saying that. CWS have pulled to w/in 1. Hrmph
TB: I was going to say...it would have been a rather strange alignment of the planets to have a great at bat from both Dlmn and Buscher...alas
TOP 3RD, SAME
SS: at least we're getting some hits
RK: Yeah, this Davies guy is no slouch. At least we're sorta making him throw a few pitches
SS: Davies has had a couple of good starts back to back, but Splitty just let me know he's been struggling out of the stretch so hopefully we can keep it up
SJ: Well son of a...
RK: It all... it all happened so quickly
RK: Alright, so now Frankie needs a strikeout. Aaaand the White Sox have taken the lead
SJ: "Delmon Young does have a good arm in left field" -- thanks Dazzle aka Captain Obvious, I was not aware of that
TB: F-Bomb throwing batting practice I see
SJ: Frankie gone wild
RK: Well this isn't going at all like I planned
SJ: Why are Gordo and Dazzle talking about Ichiro? Did I miss something? Are we all of a sudden playing the Mariners?
RK: Ha, well y'know, apparently someone in the M's clubhouse wanted to get all LL Cool J on Ichiro and knock him out
TB: Wellllll
SJ: Frankie (says) relax
SS: ugh, I hate when the minor leaguers act like big leaguers
SJ: Haha, it's better vice versa
RK: That's true, laurel, the money helps, but it irks me to no end that the taxpayers of Hennepin County don't even get to see the stadium they mostly paid for named appropriately
SJ: Well hot damn, we got an out
TB: Woot another one
RK: I can handle down three. Let's keep it that way
TB: As pathetic as it is that we're celebrating getting the Royales out
RK: This team is playing their best baseball this season. These aren't going to be easy wins, if wins at all
TB: Well that's just great
SJ: I'm so glad I can't see the game sometimes..ie, now
SS: ok, I'm switching over to the radio, I don't think I want to see it either
RK: Down 4, I don't like that so much. And 'cisco has thrown about 60 pitches
SJ: Humber warming up
TB: You know I think Mauer himself is resisting the urge to charge the mound...
SJ: Now that would add some excitement to this game
SS: ok, I'm going to try hard not to freak out. It's early, we can still get to Davies
RK: It is safe to say, Liriano does not have his best stuff tonight. Make me an ESPN analyst immediately!
SJ: Woo! The half of the inning is done!!
BOTTOM 3RD, ROYALS UP 4, THE HORROR, THE HORROR
TB: So now let's score 55 runs and then go home and have cake
SJ: Ice cream cake?
TB: Sure Cold Stone Cake
SJ: Even better
RK: Span eats Stone Cold cake. Granite frosted with iron filings
TB: So that's how he keeps his fucklion mane so thick and manly
RK: That fierce a chin strap at his age is no accident
SS: now this is analysis you can't get from ESPN
SJ: very true
TB: Nope...or any sort of Twins coverage for that matter
RK: Oh, my apologies, er, the Mets need Jerry Manuel to keep them loose, because THAT'S HOW YOU WIN BALLGAMES
TB: So was Gardy notified that Pinko is .185 against the Royals? Because if that's not a reason to put Brendan Harris in tonight, nothing is
SS: I've also heard it's useful to score more runs than your opponent, when looking to win a game
SJ: Yeah, I'm disappointed my boyfriend is not playing... Thats crazy talk Stacey
TB: Punto: These Royals pitchers and their crazy fastballs are just so baffling to me
SS: I demand more triples from IHOP
RK: Oh my god that was the dumbest question yet from carsoup.com
SJ: What was it?
SS: even dumber than the one from St. Cloud yesterday?
RK: "If there's a tie in the division, why would the game be played in Chicago?"
SS: because Minnesotans just didn't want it enough to have the game played there
SJ: We don't like our baseball here
SS: they could learn a thing or two from Sarah Palin
TB: Because head-to-head records apparently aren't decisive enough to determine who has the advantage
SJ: How did Bert answer?
SS: shit, Span? why do you have to be a bad boyfriend?
SJ: Because there is more Coors in Chicago?
RK: He answered correctly, and said something to the effect of your point, TB
TOP 4TH, SAME, DOOM - IMPENDING
SJ: At least your boyfriend is playing SS..
TB: They should play it in a neutral stadium, like Midway Stadium
SJ: Hell, they should just do it in Yankee Stadium
SS: apparently it's not being used
RK: Interestingly enough though, they're not starting demolition on it till 2010, so clearly they're hedging their bet about the new stadium being done on time
TB: "Oh...sorry...THIS is the last year of legendary Yankee Stadium!!! Come one, come all!!"
SJ: ahahahaha
SS: alright, Kiko, if Davies can strike out the side, you can too
SJ: aaaaand humber is back to warming up
TB: It's like those furniture companies that have three-year-long going out of business sales
SJ: there's one in the area here that I swear is going on 5 years...
RK: Hey, going out of business can be good for business
SJ: i should really stop in and see what they got
TB: They probably have like half a futon and a badly stained mattress
SS: everything must go!
SJ: Joseph Moses III is the contestant for something tonight....that is one hell of a name
RK: He has a beard, guaranteed
SJ: my thoughts exactly
SS: Bet he only wears sandals
SJ: and he's obviously catholic
TB: I bet he could part the Technicolor Sea or something
RK: Is one DP too much to ask?
SS: I love Vi, and I want the best for him, but I am so glad he just lined out. Kiko is "pitching on thin ice" according to the Royals radio guys
SJ: well, he is in MN and it is fall...
RK: That does explain a lot. "Y'know, there's two sides to the plate." Oh Bert. I love you
SJ: Just two?
RK: Are you questioning Bert?
SJ: QTF on that sequence?
TB: That was an unnecessarily immature game of pickle!
RK: The rundowns... not been good. EMH, email a screen name and join in!
SS: I can't help but get excited when there's a pickle, even when they don't end well. Probably seen Sandlot a few too many times.
RK: The Fox stole home!
SJ: who stole home?
RK: No one, just a line from the Sandlot
DK: it's the jet stole home 
RK: Well there's the source of confusion
SJ: Yup
SS: Yeah yeah
SJ: nice work RK
RK: You, SJ, of all people should know better than to assume I know what I'm talking about
SJ: good point
DK: Rrrriiiing him up
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
RK: How many pitches has the Davies had? I am ready for him to be done
SS: 55... OMG... 56
RK: Morneau needs to come up like a fuck lion right 'bout now
LK: Morneau is so due. Or deau. (If you're Canadian)
RK: I'm just glad Dick didn't say "Quickly 0-2" There is no other way to go 0-2 if not quickly
SS: I like the idea of the fuck lion, but feel that it doesn't come across quite as well from a woman
RK: Fair point, but every time I say I think of this and that's always a good thing
RK: Yes, OK a million people. Transcription is going to be the bees knees
LK: Morneau beats the relay? That's gotta be at least as rare as a blue moon.
SS: does anyone else ever think of circus music when they hear Callaspo's name?
RK: Small victories, I guess. Maybe next we can dare to dream of consecutive base hits?
DK: Shhh. RK, consecutive base hits...what will you think of next? 1-2-3 innings by the pitching staff?
SJ: I think I need to take another percocet. Such crazy ideas
TOP 5TH, SAME
TB: YAY BRENDAN HARRIS
SJ: boyfriend!
RK: That's the first time anybody has ever said that, TB! That's a fact! But I'm glad he's in there
RK: The Team-With-The-Racially-Insensitive-Name-That-Plays-Near-Lake-Erie has retaken the lead!
LK: I just love the footage they keep showing of Go-Go hula-hooping. Would rather we had new footage of IHOP triples, but whatever.
SJ: i like how dazzle just thinks that buscher is injured....yeah, it's called hitting into a dp in your only at bat
DK: My god..the Royals have learned how to hit for extra bases
TB: Brendan's entrance does nothing to prevent the continuance of Royal hittin'
RK: The only thing worth noting so far in this game is that Twins fan eating half a hamburger in front of the camera to the horror of his girlfriend
SS: the Royals broadcast had IHOP dancing in the dugout earlier, no hula hoop though
DK: ANGER SALAD
SS: FUCK YOU, BILLY BUTLER
TB: Ehhhhhhhhh *grumble grumble grumble*
DK: RK: odds of a strike?
LK: Aaarg!
TB: Wait- what is Liriano still doing in the game?!
SJ: So Gardy...you know how you just benched Buscher...maaaaaaaybe you should try benching Frankie -- Humber is up for the third time...and it's the charm for him! Line change!
LK: And now they're taking 'Cisco out. And I'm becoming more interested in watching the Cleveland game on Gameday.
RK: DK, well, I'll probably stick around. I mean, I'll just keep refreshing my caucasian and see what happens
TB: First pitch strike! Why wasn't Humber just the starter!
DK: well, I just got here, thus I don't want to see a strike, unless they come in triplets against Royal batters
LK: Garko with a grand slam!!!!
SS: Gordo, if you love me even a little bit, you will get out right now!
LK: Cleveland 9, Bitch Sox 4.
TB: HUMDINGER I LOVE YOU
DK: Clevelandia just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Garko
SJ: Ha!
SS: Hum, please pitch like you did at Rice. I hated you then, but now you're on my side
SJ: I like how the crowd cheered its loudest so far in this game when they updated the score of the Clevelandia game
TB: Holy hell, way to go buddy
DK: Humber K2
TB: "That's how you win Cy Youngs, baby!"
SJ: At least somebody is following their job description
DK: "Frankie, gimme the keys man!"
BOTTOM 5TH, ROYALS STILL UP A BUNCH
SS: lts g Dlmn!
LK: Brian Buscher is throwing up in the tunnel, that's why they put in Harris.
DK: THREE and 0...with Harris on deck
LK: I kinda felt like throwing up for a bit there during this game too.
DK: Dlmn wlks
TB: Ruh Roh
LK: It doesn't sound like they played "Cherry Pie" for Harris for this at-bat (as they so often do). I always laugh when they play "Cherry Pie" when he comes up.
DK: he looks so good makes a grown man cry. and in this case, it's the PA operator at the Dome
SS: the Royals radio guys were just hailing Davies for his command, good thing he's helping prove their point
SJ: So apparently there was a coaches only party in Gardy's office last night after the game...
DK: Beis on bols
TB: They knew better than to think it was over
RK: Must not have lasted too long, with Ullger sending everyone home no matter what
DK: well...at least it's a productive out
TB: That's like our Meteorology prof today..."Yeah, but it's a dry cold."
[there's a general, hard to transcribe sense of "QTF" going on here]
RK: He was out by 10 feet
DK: Dazzle fails at conveying any truthiness of close plays
SJ: That he does...I'm glad your listening in the future like me
DK: Span the fuck lion would have scored twice on that
SJ: Well then
RK: The uh... Bitch Sox are still losing? Right?
DK: Yes
TOP 6TH, WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH
RK: What's going on here tonight? Is this the work of Davies? Or did the boys relax a bit too much after the Sox sweep? Why is my eating the SAME DINNER as every other win this week not helping?
DK: RK - different team, different food required
LK: White Sox still losing 9-4. Six runs scored by Cleveland in the 5th, gotta love that.
SJ: Please tell me I don't have to go out and break my other leg to get a comeback tonight....It was a little much last night
SS: maybe you need to eat a Roayle with cheese, to signify our dominance over them
DK: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
LK: I just had a BTC (Bacon, Tomato, Cheddar) sandwich. Oh crapcakes. (Sandwich tasty, Twins not so much right now.)
SJ: Alright...who wants to break my other leg for me? If it's like last night, it gaurentees a Twins comeback..
DK: *grabs bat* this'll be the most contact anyone from Minnesota has made with anything with a bat all night 
RK: SJ, I lived in Jersey a while. I know a guy can do it right
SJ: Alright...I got my painkillers and a bottle of whiskey...let's do this
RK: grumblecakes > crabcakes > crapcakes
SJ: dye hit a 2 runner...
DK: Rick Stelmaszek needs to walk up and down the 3rd base seats holding a sign. "WANTED: ANYONE WHO CAN KEEP ROYALS OFF BASES"
SS: I'm feeling the need for a Mijares milagro
DK: I'm feeling the need for 8 runs
RK: But we must touch Davies! Like Foucault's hand of the sovereign
SJ: I feel the need...the need for...ah fuck it, I just want some effort..
BOTTOM 6TH, LOVE IS OVER
DK: RUN FUCKLION RUN!!!
SJ: WELL DONE!
LK: I love triples!
SS: that's the triple I was looking for, boyfriend!
TB: OKAY
RK: There's a groove from 1st to 3rd. The Span groove
LK: Hits to the gap are awesome. And it's funny when the other team gives up on going after the ball.
SJ:: WE'RE ON THE BOARD!!! WOO!
TB: A muchly useful run, Casilla, but not so about that out thing.
LK: A productive out is better than just an out. But we really need more runs. And Joe definitely needs a hit.
SS: OMG! "The People's Choice" in the Twin Cities, according to Bob Davis
RK: Chairman Mao-er indeed!
SS: Indeed
RK: I would buy his little red book
LK: Crap
SJ: I would buy his... never mind
RK: Wait I see increasing numbers on the CWS ledger
TB: I am resisting the urge to throw things at the TV. My only holdback is the fact that it's my roommate's TV
RK: Save that for a wii remote. Then Nintendo will buy you a new teevee
LK: Justin needs to show some signs of life or at least of knowing how to not get out.
SS: Em Vee Pee, this is a very important time for you to make your case and get a hit
RK: One of those hits that goes 700 feet preferably plz
DK: Gordo, Dazzle, I don't need to hear about Harry Caray's drinking problems...there's a game on
SJ: All of this talk about booze on the radio is making me thirsty...
RK: That is brilliant
DK: SJ, you and me both
LK: What's the pitch count up to? Let's get to their bullpen already.
SJ: I like how they threw Ron Coomer's name in during the convo... I'm shocked Hrbek wasn't a part of it all
LK: We saw someone with a Coomer jersey at the game the other night. Husband said: "it's gotta be another Coomer." 'Cause really, who'd buy a Coomer jersey?
DK: Did we have a secret council meeting in the clubhouse today and say "Everyone try and backwards K tonight"?!?!??
TB: You missed the memo on the meeting? Tisk tisk..
DK: I thought that until I saw a Jeff Reboulet jersey, LK
RK: I saw someone at the Dome once with a homemade Coomer jersey. Trust
TB: Hey! I was there! At the First Avenue place thing! There! On the commercial!
LK: Hanson is playing First Avenue tonight. I kid you not.
DK: TB see if your roommate wants to go see that one too
TB: That's a much better ticket than the reason that I was there, mind you
LK: No, I don't know why I know that. I just do. Mmm-bop-hmm.
RK: Say what you will about Hanson, I thought the middle girl was hot. Imagine my shock.
TOP 7TH, WHATEVER
LK: Let's have a 1-2-3 inning, guys.
SS: LNP, you have a glove for a reason
RK: SS, Bert agrees with you
LK: I love it when Nicky tries to throw an imaginary ball to first.
LK: NO WAIT I HATE THAT
DK: gordo is pronouncing Humber like normal people pronounce "herb" (the seasoning, not the late radio broadcaster) Apparently the "H" is silent
SS: I have to say, I wish I was at the Dome right now, if only so I could shave that shit off Gordo's face
LK: Lots of Guardado jerseys at the Dome these days.
SS: the Royals announcers were confusing Eddie with Reyes. They are talking about how they should have had their binoculars so they could tell that Eddie is not sweating as much as Reyes would be
LK: I guess people pulled them out of the back of their closets.
RK: I have a Pierzynksi jersey in my closet if it ever comes to that. That's right, I'm not ashamed of it
SJ: Thats ok RK, we can't all be winners
LK: I have a Guzman jersey, I wore it when we played the Nats.
DK: ironically enough, BOOOF is wearing Mr. Owl's number
LK: Formerly Al Newman's number. Well, when he played.
RK: AJ was my boy when he was with the club. The end
DK: suddenly I get why he picked 62 for his epilepsy stint as our 3B Coach
LK: 'Cause AJ had his number.
DK: Deficit re-expanded
LK: Gah!
SS: what the fuck just happened?
DK: a Royal completed the 360 foot sprint, passed go, collected 1 run and $200
SJ: "they have the runner tied up between 1st, 3rd, 2nd and 3rd"...I totally see it Gordo, such great radio commentary today
SS: Billy Butler is a slower runner than Prince Fielder. that should not have happened
LK: Gutierrez is up with bases loaded for Cleveland. 2 outs.
RK: Finally, some good news!
LK: Dear Cleveland, Another grand slam would be lovely. Thanks, The Twins
DK: hahahaha Bitch Sox radio announcers pleading for Brian Anderson to "show them the ball" from Garko's Salami
SJ: haha...that was great...i loved the "unbelievable" at the end
LK: White Sox putting in a new pitcher: Ehren Wassermann. EHREN. Such a name.
SS: DP! Finally!
BOTTOM OF THE 7TH, KCR UP THIS MANY
LK: And folks at the Dome go wild (not just the ones with Eddie jerseys) And Wasserman throws four balls in a row to walk in a run. Awesome. Cleveland 10, Bitch Sox 6.
SJ: No more Davies! There is a God
SS: Kubey, show me your MViceP potential
SJ: I'll take a baser...
SS: yes! we should be able to knock Nunez around the park
RK: Need some runners
SS: 3-0 count on Dlmn, how often does that happen?
RK: Dick: "Depth perception, so critical in this game"
SS: nice work by your boyfriend, SJ
RK: Now for some PUNTO POWER
SS: oy, this is certainly not going as planned
RK: Alright then... go Clevelandia!
TOP 8TH, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW TV ON THE RADIO ALBUM YET?
SS: are we all losing steam, just like the team?
RK: Well, I'm drunk
SS: Excellent
RK: And on only one caucasian. OK 8 RUN RALLY GUYS CMON FOR REALZ
BOTTOM 8TH, I HAVE BEEN TO COTTON EYE JOE
WV: Wow, well. Fine. Maybe we should blog the Indians-White Sox instead, that's closer.
RK: I forgot to eat sleeping pills with this vodka
LK: Gobble gobble gobble. (It's obligatory, you know)
RK: Well ain't that just the berries
SS: ugh, the Royals radio guys are going on and on about how this will be 7 straight road wins for the team
RK: Let us hope not!
LK: Clevelandia scores another run on a wild pitch to Choo.
RK: I choo-choo-choose Clevelandia to win this game
LK: 11-6 Cleveland over the oh so bitchy sox.
SS: OMG, lets keep that average up by getting another hit
LK: Joe-Ma needs a hit.
TOP 9TH, THIS IS NOT A BASEBALL GAME
LK: Wow, the crowd at the Dome is really thinning out. Or else everyone just suddenly needed a Dome Dog.
RK: Probably that
LK: Man, I'm really gonna miss Dick & Bert during the offseason. Dick's innocent questions. Bert's completely inappropriate answers.
RK: The offseason is a cold, lonely time
TB: Yes, well for those of us with FSN at least Anthony LaPlanta will still do our high school hockey matchups
TB: Wonder if Telly Hughes would be his color commentator
LK: I spied Ron Johnson on the Big Ten Network the other day.
LK: Maybe Korecky should've started the game. Or come in right quick.
BOTTOM OF THE 9TH, GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS
SS: I don't want to give up on the team, but I'm glad that the end is near
LK: 'Course if we can't score more than a single run against the freaking Royals, it doesn't matter
LK: WTF Justin? Good grief.
RK: Let's just... get this over with
SS: as it is, we might as well conserve energy for tomorrow
LK: I still have last night's game on my TiVo, may need to watch end of it as palate cleanser.
RK: Gardy will say "hey guys, we still gotta win some games. so go battle your tails off. ruff"
SS: and then he will kick some dirt at their feet
LK: Bert: "It always comes down to pitching." Of course you'd say that Bert
RK: Sweet mercy
SS: pitching...and hitting, and defense, and sometimes coaching
Thursday, September 25, 2008
All Your Bases Are Belong To Us
PREGAME
Hooray old-ass internet memes! Seriously though, the Twins have been leaving a lot of men on the bases, they could claim ownership of them. But they need to remember that they're merely supposed to spend a little time on them, and then go home!
I'm foaming at the mouth, champing (that's right, champing, not chomping - look it up) at the bit, fidgeting at the quick, and making shit up - let's go!
TOP 1ST
DK: Dude, just saw a guy in a Radke jersey. My day is complete
TB: I see Slowey does not believe in the superstition...blue uniforms tonight.
DK: Slowey using Gilette Fusion to shave the corner tonight. That and giving to his outfielders equally
BOTTOM 1ST
TB: Cabrera doesn't quite have the Span for that. Bahahaha
DK: New drinking game. Take a drink every time Bert (or Dick) says the word "utilize"
DK: Mauer's due
TB: Not until the 7th inning, at least
DK: Having pitched to Mauer, it should be no surprise to me that he takes a strike and then hits one a million feet...
RK: Bert is prescient, noting Griffey is not playing Mauer well enough in Center. As much as we enjoy his off the cuff remarks, it's good to remember occasionally this dude knows baseball
TB: Quite true.
DK: Translation: Griffey is geriatric
RK: Hahaha, Bert on Griffey: "As good a center fielder as he was..."
TOP 2ND, CWS 0 MIN 1
TB: In the spirit of smart pitchers - Apparently Slowey did a 1420 on his SATs and went to Winthrop. That and he can hit the strike zone like nobody's business
RK: Psh, Big dea. Craig Breslow went to YALE. In case you didn't know. Because he did. Go to Yale.
TB: I think that was mentioned yesterday, in fact
RK: Well I'll be
TB: I wonder if they get together on Saturdays and have tea and talk about the last Stephen Hawking novel
RK: Or that collider thing in Europe that's going to envelope the Earth in a black hole and end reality
TB: Oh yeah, that
DK: QTF, ump
RK: Dick: Scott Baker did a great job two nights ago, Nick Blackburn... held his own
DK: Dick's having a Slowgasm
RK: How tantric
BOTTOM 2ND, SAME
TB: News flash - Fox finds replacement for Yankee game
RK: Wow, I bet that's never happened before.
TB: Although apparently Bert is joining them for the game. Twins and Royals. Good deal for the Royals. In other news, Buscher strikes out swinging
DK: Time for a CarGo bunt double
RK: Jim H, none of us are watching the Hawk, but he's either still bitching about Gomez at second or telling J-Dye, his "buddy" that he needs a double
DK: How come Punto never steals anymore?
RK: Good question. I suppose with 2 outs, he's waiting to see where the AB goes? Maybe?
TB: I mean, he's so used to sliding headfirst anyway
RK: But only into first
TB: F7
RK: oooook. Laurel, I'll check it out! If you want to join the liveblog here, we'd be happy to have you
TOP 3RD, SAME
TB: Yay Slowey
RK: Slowey gin fizz, I'm falling in love
TB: I'm Kevin Slowey, and I approve this strikeout
TB: Why, Mr. Owl!
RK: Owls are assholes
DK: Can't Morneau just cross-check AJ?
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
SS: OMG it's nice to see the Twins with a lead... and with OMG up to bat
RK: Boy, at least this ump is not calling the inside half of the plate consistently. I keep hearing about how Mauer just jacks homer after homer in BP. I'd like to see one right about now. But I'll take that.
SS: or, barring that, I'd settle for a single
TB: 'twould be nice, it would also make the Dome explode from the squeals of women
RK: But let's be honest, the squealing happens when he takes off his catcher's mask
SS: did Ron Coomer and John Kruk get separated at birth?
RK: Yeah, now Mauer's in your head, Gavin! Morneau leads the AL in RBI and RNBI. Not to harp on it
TOP 4TH, SAME
RK: Kevin Slowey, I'm gonna buy you a pizza
RK: Never mind
SS: shit. Is Slowey operating on some sort of reverse psychology program or something?
just too shy to accept praise for his pitching ability? Because I can be mean to him if that's what will work
RK: That kind of attitude goes over really well in the upper midwest. Totes the next coming of Radke. Sweet Evil Jesus
SS: damnit, GoGo, get away from my boyfriend
RK: Slowey will buckle down here. He will. I must believe this
WV: I think Coomer's right about the noise but let's be clear: There were never 45,000 fans at any of the games he played in at the Dome.
RK: Pat Mears wasn't that big of a draw, it's true
WV: Maybe on Scott Stahoviak bobblehead night.
RK: Damn blast hell spite bile and acrimony
SS: can we get one of the ear bud things for Slowey like newscasters wear, so that he can have Bert giving him advice from the booth? that wouldn't be cheating, would it?
TB: They should work out hand signals
DK: argh...anger salad. I step away to take a phone call and all hell and damnation breaks loose
RK: There is a chasm opening in front of me
SS: this is where I start to get worried about what I'm doing wrong to bring about this chain of event
DK: I was talking to my former boss, which I think brought on bad karma
RK: I still believe in the karmic power of the baseball gods, who will punish Ozzie for whining about Blackburn not pitching well last night
DK: I don't know whether to be chuckling that it hit him, or mad at Slowey for loading the bases
SS: hmm, if it was anyone other than AJ, I'd say the latter
TB: Criminy, this inning is still going?
DK: ANGER SALAD
SS: oh shit, the future does not look good
WV: He's either hurt or bawling about literally throwing away the post-season.
TB: No bueno, no bueno
SS: ok, how can we fix this, folks? I still have faith in them, but obviously I have pissed of the baseball gods in some way
RK: I... I'm rarely speechless. Yet. I... oh dear.
TB: Well this really conflicts with my interest in Care Bears
SS: as long as you still believe in Scooby Doo, as Shaggy is now pitching for us
TB: Zoinks!
RK: I can't get over that because of Gomer and Span running into each other, the Bitch Sox score 5 runs and Slowey leaves hurt. That, my friends, is the butterfly effect
BOTTOM 4TH, WHITE SOX UP 5, LOVE IS OVER
WV: Most of this year they've made us forget that they're a young team, unfortunately a bout of immaturity precipitated this melt down.
SS: wow, a stupid question from soneone in St. Cloud? I don't believe it
DK: for those of us who are minus FSN, what was it?
DK: "Right Wrist Contusion" for Slow Ride, sez the medical expertz
SS: "what are the different scenarios for the Twins concerning the post season"
RK: Yeah, I can answer that: win or you're done
WV: Haha, that's a ridiculous question.
WV: *I guess* there's plenty of time to mount a comeback. Heat of the moment, I became quite the cynic.
DK: I hope. signs you're hopeless: "Punto has been the Twin's everyday shortstop for basically the last month"
SS: haha "sweet nothings." how risque, Bert
DK: RALLY!
RK: I hope Gomer swings out of his shoes
DK: Gomez went XXXtra bases
RK: Talk about risque!
WV: The real crime of the evening is that all of Slow Ride's runs are earned since they didn't give Span an error. Floyd thinks to himself, "I can't wait to be the next Joe Blanton"
DK: well we have this going for us: Twins are 1-0 when their starter leaves due to bodily harm from a line drive this season
RK: Oooh, a little anxious there, huh D'Nard?
SS: come on, boyfriend Span! keep this inning rolling
DK: FAAAAAAAIR BALL!!!!
RK: Oh I'm feeling this. Did I just inadvertently reference a Sum 41 song?
TB: And the legend lives on.
DK: i think it was Blink-182...
WV: RAGNAROK
RK: DK, same thing, right?
DK: Pretty much
WV: Speaking of Blink, Span sprinted to 2nd like his pants were on fire.
WV: Too soon?
DK: Little bit
SS: even though it was only a double, that was worthy of the Homer Hanky
RK: No such thing as too soon, my friend
DK: OK inching back
TOP 5TH, TWINS DOWN ONLY 3, LOVE IS REVIVED?
WV: Our much maligned bullpen will have to come through again.
RK: How many pitches has Gavin Rossdale thrown? Just curious
RK: Well balls.
[nobody is saying anything because we're all in such rapt anticiptation. Or getting various kinds of antacids]
DK: Strikes, Shaggy. Strikes.
RK: Hahaha, Gardy's stomping around the dugout. I feel you, buddy
WV: Gavin: 75 pitches. I just read something about Cliff Lee skipping his start against the Bitch Sox. What gives?
DK: Sandcastle crumbling on us here...
RK: At... least he... got... one?
DK: That was a tailor-made double play until it hit the bargain rack at Kohl's...
RK: This game is giving me a headache
SS: let's hope Moons Over My-Hammie can get it done for us
DK: Y'know, we have Perkins, we have Dennys, can we name GoGo IHOP considering that's what he does every time he throws one into the infield ?
RK: That's a really good point
DK: WHIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
WV: With Moons over Mijares emerging, I wonder if they'll let Reyes walk this offseason.
RK: Don't fret, Griffey, you still have your Social Security check coming this month
BOTTOM 5TH, SAME
WV: If the score were 3-0 right now, I wouldn't feel desperation, so that's how I'm going to think about it.
RK: Yeah, just push it out of your mind that, at worst, the score should be 3-2
RK: I'm gonna give Telly 100 lottery tickets if he can say a single sentence without botching it
RK: OK Justin, act the MVP
WV: That...was the pitch.
RK: I need to go get a mouthguard so I don't break my teeth grinding them
DK: J-Dye FAIL
SS: it's ok, Em Vee Pee. We could certainly use your help, but we can do it without you, too
DK: OK, so two on base
DK: Dare I say I smell a Three-Run-Jack from Thr Rn Jck?
RK: If it's going to happen, it'll happen on the first pitch
SS: can Mournie and Kubey run as a ticket for MVP?
RK: Yeah, they're very yin and yang, aren't they?
DK: Dlmn swngs t th frst ptch
SS: Kubey can be MViceP. I guarantee he'd be able to beat Sarah Palin in a debate
TB: I thought runner-up was reserved for all of the schmucks that vote for A-Rod every year
RK: If this is what Dlmn's going to look like under pressure...
DK: Dmn t Dlmn
RK: Don't worry, there are RISP, BBuscher will get a double
WV: How iconic of Dlmon's season.
RK: He's just too damn excitable
DK: Aargh, warning track power from Buscher
TOP 6TH, SAME
DK: Boof, repeat after me...shutout ball
TB: Call strikes, you idiot!
DK: whew
WV: It's Boof's audition to sign a minor league contract somewhere, maybe even with us.
DK: pitcher gets hit, infielder throws wild...same sequence, different outcome
WV: If only Slowey were padded with Flubber.......
RK: The old 1-5-3 putout
SS: this is obviously a sign we need to fatten up the rest of the pitchers that haven't done so themselves
RK: Yeah, take note Tim Lincecum, it's only a matter of time until someone hits you and explodes you to pieces
DK: Tim Lincecum is the man. proof that a midget can throw 98
RK: Too bad we couldn't have traded a backup catcher for him
DK: somewhere, Brian Sabean is sitting cackling "Fool me once, shame on you..."
RK: "Fool me twice and oh yeah I'm Brian Sabean"
WV: And J.P. Riccardi is saying, "Why didn't I trade Alex Rios for Lincecum last season! And, God I hate Adam Dunn."
RK: Dick needs to tighten up his terminology. I assume a "popped up" means it's catchable. If he said "fouled back" I wouldn't feel disappointed when it goes out of play
DK: And Bill Smith is saying "Damn trade deadline why must you sneak up on me so fast!"
TB: AAHH
WV: Any thoughts on Uribe's facial hair?
DK: Boof: Here's what I think of your blonde soul patch, bitch!
SS: I was just thinking about what vile thing I could compare it to, WV
BOTTOM 6TH, SAME
SS: I still think it looks like they tried to dye their hair with Country Time, like how my friends and I attempted to dye our hair with Kool-Aid when we were younger
WV: Haha, that's classic. Now, if we called Uribe Country Time from here on out, you'd see first hand how our nonsensical nicknames for people are created.
DK: W00t, Triple times 2 for Gomez
SS: Hippety Hop, iHop!
TB: But he can't do it alone
RK: The Stone Cold Killer will come through
WV: I hope these are signs of progress, if he could pick it up next year, the top of our lineup would be ridiculous.
SS: my boyfriend needs a homer to help IHOP finish his cycle
RK: This has to be Floyd's last inning too. I'd love for the boys to get into the Bitch Sox pen
DK: ok, within 2, productive out by D'Nard. Mauer Pauer would be OMG here
DK: BRING ON MATT THORNTON!
RK: Hell yes, like a Beck song, Casilla's beat is correct
TB: Bwahahaha, we knocked Gavin out
RK: laurel, that's why I offered, it's a bet I can't lose! Telly saying a sentence intact is about as likely as a Tyner home run!
SS: I'm turnin' it on, I'm workin' my legs
RK: I hope OMG's beat is correct
WV: This is RAGNAROK running its course
DK: 3-3 for OMG. 4-4 with a HR would be awesome sauce
DK: Or a 4-6-3. With 2 outs
TB: JYNXED IT
TOP 7, TWINS DOWN 2
RK: There's an umpire camp going on in Compton? WV and I once wandered into Compton, and unless shit's really changed in the last 8 years, I would not recommend this
SS: alright, Crainadian, lock this down like you don't want your bike stolen
DK: is he wearing the Kryptonite lock?
WV: Compton didn't seem to be too high on figures of authority, so umpiring would seem to be a bad line of work.
TB: Maybe that's where this guy went to learn
RK: WV and I have jointly experienced some of the seediest cities in our fair country. Compton, Detroit, Newark. Coincidence? Well yes, actually
TB: Gary, Indiana?
WV: Oh yeah, and Moorhead. That's right, I went there
RK: It's a beautiful day for a double play
RK: Hey, it's Craig Breslow! He went to Yale, I think. Can someone confirm this?
TB: I concur
SS: I may have heard, once, that was the case
TB: To wikipedia I go
DK: yaargh...they're letting Crainadian pitch to Thome?
RK: I like that better than Guadardo, not gonna lie
WV: That complaint about pitching to Thome was prescient.
RK: Now just get Konerko, or as Hawk would call him, Paulie. Because they play basketball on the weekend and stuff
TB: Breslow was captain of the Yale University baseball team. Wikipedia says it, it's true.
RK: Was he a Bonesman?
WV: Stealing 3rd? That's what we do!
TB: Does not say, RK
SS: Course not. It's a secret
WV: I think Ozzie's rant on Blackburn could be equally applied to Floyd tonight, but..that probably won't happen.
SS: maybe Crain's necklace is some oversized version of something a kid would make at summercamp as an arts and crafts project
WV: I think that's spot on.
DK: *mentally strangles Mike Reilly*
WV: Or some hippy dippy crap a junkie would sell on Haight St. in front of my apartment.
TB: C'mon Crain
WV: "Why, yes, I do also sell incense."
RK: Beauty, eh?
BOTTOM 7TH, SAME
WV: Woohoo! WaMu just failed. Thank goodness for baseball.
SS: Woo Cuddy! sad, I didn't even have time to say how I wanted him to get a hit
WV: I thought to myself, "not likely that Cuddy will beat this one out..."
RK: THE SYSTEM IS DOWN Dlmn did not swing at first pitch! THE SYSTEM IS DOWN
TB: Ohhh...the system. Wiight.
WV: If tradition holds, he'll hit a meaningless 2-out single to maintain his average.
TB: No, that looked about right
TOP 8TH, SAME
WV: It's funny, albeit stereotypical, that many of the wannabe umps have pot bellies.
RK: There's no baseball equivalent to Dick Bavetta. Or Ed Hochuli. Well, except some umps do make shitty calls
TB: Hard to argue with that guy and his guns, though
SS: Mournie's pretty good at reading off cue cards. I think he has a future in CTV after his career is over
RK: The Bratz doll is up... and out
TB: Damn right he went
RK: I feel like... Gardy's going to do something... unconventional in the next inning. Like lift Punto for Neverhit or something kinda ridics
DK: AJ lacks Breslow's Ivy League charisma
TB: AJ lacks preschool charisma, DK. And what the heck is that banging noise.
DK: WHIFFFFFFF. That's right, AJ. Sit down, bitch
TB: Now then
BOTTOM 8TH, SAME
TB: So apparently the local business commercials in Grand Forks are as bad as they were in Rochester. Terrible acting, terrible editing, terrible writing. And there's another o-- nope, that's Telly
DK: Grand Forks is just Rochester with fewer people and more airplanes... Harris, Punto, GoGo...I bet that strikes fear into Matt Thornton
TB: HARRIS
DK: Way to spite me, Harris
TB: Harris wins back my official status of favorite player
WV: Projectiles shot at your head? Now that they teach in Compton.
TB: Fuck, well that's a sacrifice anyway
DK: Jenks coming on
SS: triple triple!
RK: The boys need to hit this guy hard. This move by Ozzie reeks of desperation, and surely the boys can smell that
DK: GO GO GO GO GO
TB: YEEEEEAH
DK: well, clearly Jenks has no control tonight
SS: let's play a game of who can hit the ball furthest
RK: The urge to give in to short-range RAGNAROK is strong, but soft! I must resist
DK: RAGNAROK!!!! Triples Galore!
TB: Squeeze play DO IT
RK: THIS TEAM IS FULL OF FUCK LIONS
SS: I love when the future has good news! and I love my boyfriend!
TB: Naaa, no good on the squeeze. Just hit the ball far
SS: Damn Lexi
TB: Argh
DK: Clutch situation for OMG
TB: Clutch situation for Jenks
DK: aaand Guillen out to discuss strategery
TB: Mauer O Morneau?
DK: Walk 'em both to get to Cuddy
TB: See ball. Hit ball.
RK: How can OMG keep his cool like this?
DK: Mauer...these groundout antics to the right side annoy me
RK: Oh, if only the squeeze play would have worked
TOP 9TH, TIED AT 6
DK: speaking of crap facial hair, a Nick Swisher sighting
TB: Lots of twitching to be had
DK: OMG don't do this to me...
WV: Now Span--he sports Fucklion facial hair
TB: and Fucklion clutchiness
DK: TB, what's the official algorithm for Nathan and baserunners in a non-save sit?
TB: 1-2-3 and away. Though it's mostly unproven
RK: Dick, shut your mouth about Swishers home runs vs. the MNTwins this year
TB: come ON
DK: apparently talk radio 1310 KNOX in Grand Forks is employee owned and operated
RK: Workers of Grand Forks Unite!
DK: y'know, Gordo's emphatic "SWIIIING and miss!" will never get old. beats the crap out of "He gone!" anyday...
WV: His manner of turning "swing" into a diphthong should be trademarked.
DK: speaking of strikeouts 
TB: Sit your ass down
RK: Hahaha, Alfonso Marquez threw his hands up because the bitch wouldn't go sit down
DK: dos outs
TB: TWO
SS: that was brilliant. Even Marquez knows Swishie is an asshole
DK: that's his name, SS...Asshole. Major Asshole.
TB: Whiff. Picked a helluva a game to say "I have an exam tomorrow", DK
DK: don't remind me...I'm attempting to study as we speak. Goddamn academia in the midst of RAGNAROK
RK: Glad WV and I dragged you all into it too
DK: Cargo has to the the MVP of this game. IHOP iDive
BOTTOM 9TH, STILL TIED
RK: Morneau, c'mere a sec. I know we've been ragging on you here. But you've been coming up small. If you hit one out the park, it's all forgotten, and even Peter King will vote for you on that MVP ballot. Now get out there.
DK: and frankly, hitting the walk-off to reclaim first place would be dead sexy... le sigh
RK: Cuddy can still do it
DK: Cuddy has to get a hit sometime...right?
TB: *Ahem*
DK: QTF is up with this strike zone, Mike Reilly?
TB: At the ankles is not a strike, ump
RK: Well shit
SS: thanks for nothing, Cuddles
DK: El bonus beisbol
RK: Ugh
TOP 10TH, SAME
RK: I feel like we're pressing our bullpen luck here. Especially with the CWS big guys coming up. Here's to hoping
DK: sit down J-Dye. Quit your bitching
RK: The umping has been consistently bad, pal
RK: Range for days: Nick Punto
SS: Pinko is like "look at the lengths I will go to to help this team win"
RK: Thank you for swinging Paulie
TB: Harris, Punto, Gomez
RK: angryscott, WV and I are from Fargo, so we take jabs at GF, sure. And laurel... word.
SS: all that waving of the arms by IHOP and he still almost gets run into by Span.
BOTTOM 10TH, SAME
SS: seriously, knock Jenks all around the park and tell him to sit down
RK: Pitching from the stretch would do wonders for our chances here
TB: THREEEE and OH
DK: with Gomez on deck
SS: a magical night at the Dome should at least involve Cuddy and a deck of cards, Dick
RK: OK, just need a single from D'Nard
SS: alright, boyfriend, make my night!
DK: w00t - bounce another one and let's go home!
DK: FIRST PLACE BITCHES!
RK: bounce another one and let's go home!
DK: EFFING RAGNAROK
SS: Hooray!
TB: SANDCASTLE FTW!
SS: Thank you, Lexi!
RK: I'M GONNA GO RUN THROUGH A BRICK WALL
DK: MY HEAD A'SPLODE
POSTGAME
SS: I love when major leaguers act like little leaguers!
RK: Can anybody understand Cargo right now?
SS: translation: YAY!
RK: God damn I feel good. I should be ashamed how much my mental well-being is tied to the fate of this team
TB: myself as well
DK: Yeah, no kidding
SS: luckily you have us likeminded folk to keep you company.
DK: thankfully it's not to emo levels, else I would have been cutting myself during the assbullpen month of August
RK: And now, I can speak for everybody, Go Tribe!
TB: Sandcastle, I'm sorry I doubted you.
Hooray old-ass internet memes! Seriously though, the Twins have been leaving a lot of men on the bases, they could claim ownership of them. But they need to remember that they're merely supposed to spend a little time on them, and then go home!
I'm foaming at the mouth, champing (that's right, champing, not chomping - look it up) at the bit, fidgeting at the quick, and making shit up - let's go!
TOP 1ST
DK: Dude, just saw a guy in a Radke jersey. My day is complete
TB: I see Slowey does not believe in the superstition...blue uniforms tonight.
DK: Slowey using Gilette Fusion to shave the corner tonight. That and giving to his outfielders equally
BOTTOM 1ST
TB: Cabrera doesn't quite have the Span for that. Bahahaha
DK: New drinking game. Take a drink every time Bert (or Dick) says the word "utilize"
DK: Mauer's due
TB: Not until the 7th inning, at least
DK: Having pitched to Mauer, it should be no surprise to me that he takes a strike and then hits one a million feet...
RK: Bert is prescient, noting Griffey is not playing Mauer well enough in Center. As much as we enjoy his off the cuff remarks, it's good to remember occasionally this dude knows baseball
TB: Quite true.
DK: Translation: Griffey is geriatric
RK: Hahaha, Bert on Griffey: "As good a center fielder as he was..."
TOP 2ND, CWS 0 MIN 1
TB: In the spirit of smart pitchers - Apparently Slowey did a 1420 on his SATs and went to Winthrop. That and he can hit the strike zone like nobody's business
RK: Psh, Big dea. Craig Breslow went to YALE. In case you didn't know. Because he did. Go to Yale.
TB: I think that was mentioned yesterday, in fact
RK: Well I'll be
TB: I wonder if they get together on Saturdays and have tea and talk about the last Stephen Hawking novel
RK: Or that collider thing in Europe that's going to envelope the Earth in a black hole and end reality
TB: Oh yeah, that
DK: QTF, ump
RK: Dick: Scott Baker did a great job two nights ago, Nick Blackburn... held his own
DK: Dick's having a Slowgasm
RK: How tantric
BOTTOM 2ND, SAME
TB: News flash - Fox finds replacement for Yankee game
RK: Wow, I bet that's never happened before.
TB: Although apparently Bert is joining them for the game. Twins and Royals. Good deal for the Royals. In other news, Buscher strikes out swinging
DK: Time for a CarGo bunt double
RK: Jim H, none of us are watching the Hawk, but he's either still bitching about Gomez at second or telling J-Dye, his "buddy" that he needs a double
DK: How come Punto never steals anymore?
RK: Good question. I suppose with 2 outs, he's waiting to see where the AB goes? Maybe?
TB: I mean, he's so used to sliding headfirst anyway
RK: But only into first
TB: F7
RK: oooook. Laurel, I'll check it out! If you want to join the liveblog here, we'd be happy to have you
TOP 3RD, SAME
TB: Yay Slowey
RK: Slowey gin fizz, I'm falling in love
TB: I'm Kevin Slowey, and I approve this strikeout
TB: Why, Mr. Owl!
RK: Owls are assholes
DK: Can't Morneau just cross-check AJ?
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
SS: OMG it's nice to see the Twins with a lead... and with OMG up to bat
RK: Boy, at least this ump is not calling the inside half of the plate consistently. I keep hearing about how Mauer just jacks homer after homer in BP. I'd like to see one right about now. But I'll take that.
SS: or, barring that, I'd settle for a single
TB: 'twould be nice, it would also make the Dome explode from the squeals of women
RK: But let's be honest, the squealing happens when he takes off his catcher's mask
SS: did Ron Coomer and John Kruk get separated at birth?
RK: Yeah, now Mauer's in your head, Gavin! Morneau leads the AL in RBI and RNBI. Not to harp on it
TOP 4TH, SAME
RK: Kevin Slowey, I'm gonna buy you a pizza
RK: Never mind
SS: shit. Is Slowey operating on some sort of reverse psychology program or something?
just too shy to accept praise for his pitching ability? Because I can be mean to him if that's what will work
RK: That kind of attitude goes over really well in the upper midwest. Totes the next coming of Radke. Sweet Evil Jesus
SS: damnit, GoGo, get away from my boyfriend
RK: Slowey will buckle down here. He will. I must believe this
WV: I think Coomer's right about the noise but let's be clear: There were never 45,000 fans at any of the games he played in at the Dome.
RK: Pat Mears wasn't that big of a draw, it's true
WV: Maybe on Scott Stahoviak bobblehead night.
RK: Damn blast hell spite bile and acrimony
SS: can we get one of the ear bud things for Slowey like newscasters wear, so that he can have Bert giving him advice from the booth? that wouldn't be cheating, would it?
TB: They should work out hand signals
DK: argh...anger salad. I step away to take a phone call and all hell and damnation breaks loose
RK: There is a chasm opening in front of me
SS: this is where I start to get worried about what I'm doing wrong to bring about this chain of event
DK: I was talking to my former boss, which I think brought on bad karma
RK: I still believe in the karmic power of the baseball gods, who will punish Ozzie for whining about Blackburn not pitching well last night
DK: I don't know whether to be chuckling that it hit him, or mad at Slowey for loading the bases
SS: hmm, if it was anyone other than AJ, I'd say the latter
TB: Criminy, this inning is still going?
DK: ANGER SALAD
SS: oh shit, the future does not look good
WV: He's either hurt or bawling about literally throwing away the post-season.
TB: No bueno, no bueno
SS: ok, how can we fix this, folks? I still have faith in them, but obviously I have pissed of the baseball gods in some way
RK: I... I'm rarely speechless. Yet. I... oh dear.
TB: Well this really conflicts with my interest in Care Bears
SS: as long as you still believe in Scooby Doo, as Shaggy is now pitching for us
TB: Zoinks!
RK: I can't get over that because of Gomer and Span running into each other, the Bitch Sox score 5 runs and Slowey leaves hurt. That, my friends, is the butterfly effect
BOTTOM 4TH, WHITE SOX UP 5, LOVE IS OVER
WV: Most of this year they've made us forget that they're a young team, unfortunately a bout of immaturity precipitated this melt down.
SS: wow, a stupid question from soneone in St. Cloud? I don't believe it
DK: for those of us who are minus FSN, what was it?
DK: "Right Wrist Contusion" for Slow Ride, sez the medical expertz
SS: "what are the different scenarios for the Twins concerning the post season"
RK: Yeah, I can answer that: win or you're done
WV: Haha, that's a ridiculous question.
WV: *I guess* there's plenty of time to mount a comeback. Heat of the moment, I became quite the cynic.
DK: I hope. signs you're hopeless: "Punto has been the Twin's everyday shortstop for basically the last month"
SS: haha "sweet nothings." how risque, Bert
DK: RALLY!
RK: I hope Gomer swings out of his shoes
DK: Gomez went XXXtra bases
RK: Talk about risque!
WV: The real crime of the evening is that all of Slow Ride's runs are earned since they didn't give Span an error. Floyd thinks to himself, "I can't wait to be the next Joe Blanton"
DK: well we have this going for us: Twins are 1-0 when their starter leaves due to bodily harm from a line drive this season
RK: Oooh, a little anxious there, huh D'Nard?
SS: come on, boyfriend Span! keep this inning rolling
DK: FAAAAAAAIR BALL!!!!
RK: Oh I'm feeling this. Did I just inadvertently reference a Sum 41 song?
TB: And the legend lives on.
DK: i think it was Blink-182...
WV: RAGNAROK
RK: DK, same thing, right?
DK: Pretty much
WV: Speaking of Blink, Span sprinted to 2nd like his pants were on fire.
WV: Too soon?
DK: Little bit
SS: even though it was only a double, that was worthy of the Homer Hanky
RK: No such thing as too soon, my friend
DK: OK inching back
TOP 5TH, TWINS DOWN ONLY 3, LOVE IS REVIVED?
WV: Our much maligned bullpen will have to come through again.
RK: How many pitches has Gavin Rossdale thrown? Just curious
RK: Well balls.
[nobody is saying anything because we're all in such rapt anticiptation. Or getting various kinds of antacids]
DK: Strikes, Shaggy. Strikes.
RK: Hahaha, Gardy's stomping around the dugout. I feel you, buddy
WV: Gavin: 75 pitches. I just read something about Cliff Lee skipping his start against the Bitch Sox. What gives?
DK: Sandcastle crumbling on us here...
RK: At... least he... got... one?
DK: That was a tailor-made double play until it hit the bargain rack at Kohl's...
RK: This game is giving me a headache
SS: let's hope Moons Over My-Hammie can get it done for us
DK: Y'know, we have Perkins, we have Dennys, can we name GoGo IHOP considering that's what he does every time he throws one into the infield ?
RK: That's a really good point
DK: WHIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
WV: With Moons over Mijares emerging, I wonder if they'll let Reyes walk this offseason.
RK: Don't fret, Griffey, you still have your Social Security check coming this month
BOTTOM 5TH, SAME
WV: If the score were 3-0 right now, I wouldn't feel desperation, so that's how I'm going to think about it.
RK: Yeah, just push it out of your mind that, at worst, the score should be 3-2
RK: I'm gonna give Telly 100 lottery tickets if he can say a single sentence without botching it
RK: OK Justin, act the MVP
WV: That...was the pitch.
RK: I need to go get a mouthguard so I don't break my teeth grinding them
DK: J-Dye FAIL
SS: it's ok, Em Vee Pee. We could certainly use your help, but we can do it without you, too
DK: OK, so two on base
DK: Dare I say I smell a Three-Run-Jack from Thr Rn Jck?
RK: If it's going to happen, it'll happen on the first pitch
SS: can Mournie and Kubey run as a ticket for MVP?
RK: Yeah, they're very yin and yang, aren't they?
DK: Dlmn swngs t th frst ptch
SS: Kubey can be MViceP. I guarantee he'd be able to beat Sarah Palin in a debate
TB: I thought runner-up was reserved for all of the schmucks that vote for A-Rod every year
RK: If this is what Dlmn's going to look like under pressure...
DK: Dmn t Dlmn
RK: Don't worry, there are RISP, BBuscher will get a double
WV: How iconic of Dlmon's season.
RK: He's just too damn excitable
DK: Aargh, warning track power from Buscher
TOP 6TH, SAME
DK: Boof, repeat after me...shutout ball
TB: Call strikes, you idiot!
DK: whew
WV: It's Boof's audition to sign a minor league contract somewhere, maybe even with us.
DK: pitcher gets hit, infielder throws wild...same sequence, different outcome
WV: If only Slowey were padded with Flubber.......
RK: The old 1-5-3 putout
SS: this is obviously a sign we need to fatten up the rest of the pitchers that haven't done so themselves
RK: Yeah, take note Tim Lincecum, it's only a matter of time until someone hits you and explodes you to pieces
DK: Tim Lincecum is the man. proof that a midget can throw 98
RK: Too bad we couldn't have traded a backup catcher for him
DK: somewhere, Brian Sabean is sitting cackling "Fool me once, shame on you..."
RK: "Fool me twice and oh yeah I'm Brian Sabean"
WV: And J.P. Riccardi is saying, "Why didn't I trade Alex Rios for Lincecum last season! And, God I hate Adam Dunn."
RK: Dick needs to tighten up his terminology. I assume a "popped up" means it's catchable. If he said "fouled back" I wouldn't feel disappointed when it goes out of play
DK: And Bill Smith is saying "Damn trade deadline why must you sneak up on me so fast!"
TB: AAHH
WV: Any thoughts on Uribe's facial hair?
DK: Boof: Here's what I think of your blonde soul patch, bitch!
SS: I was just thinking about what vile thing I could compare it to, WV
BOTTOM 6TH, SAME
SS: I still think it looks like they tried to dye their hair with Country Time, like how my friends and I attempted to dye our hair with Kool-Aid when we were younger
WV: Haha, that's classic. Now, if we called Uribe Country Time from here on out, you'd see first hand how our nonsensical nicknames for people are created.
DK: W00t, Triple times 2 for Gomez
SS: Hippety Hop, iHop!
TB: But he can't do it alone
RK: The Stone Cold Killer will come through
WV: I hope these are signs of progress, if he could pick it up next year, the top of our lineup would be ridiculous.
SS: my boyfriend needs a homer to help IHOP finish his cycle
RK: This has to be Floyd's last inning too. I'd love for the boys to get into the Bitch Sox pen
DK: ok, within 2, productive out by D'Nard. Mauer Pauer would be OMG here
DK: BRING ON MATT THORNTON!
RK: Hell yes, like a Beck song, Casilla's beat is correct
TB: Bwahahaha, we knocked Gavin out
RK: laurel, that's why I offered, it's a bet I can't lose! Telly saying a sentence intact is about as likely as a Tyner home run!
SS: I'm turnin' it on, I'm workin' my legs
RK: I hope OMG's beat is correct
WV: This is RAGNAROK running its course
DK: 3-3 for OMG. 4-4 with a HR would be awesome sauce
DK: Or a 4-6-3. With 2 outs
TB: JYNXED IT
TOP 7, TWINS DOWN 2
RK: There's an umpire camp going on in Compton? WV and I once wandered into Compton, and unless shit's really changed in the last 8 years, I would not recommend this
SS: alright, Crainadian, lock this down like you don't want your bike stolen
DK: is he wearing the Kryptonite lock?
WV: Compton didn't seem to be too high on figures of authority, so umpiring would seem to be a bad line of work.
TB: Maybe that's where this guy went to learn
RK: WV and I have jointly experienced some of the seediest cities in our fair country. Compton, Detroit, Newark. Coincidence? Well yes, actually
TB: Gary, Indiana?
WV: Oh yeah, and Moorhead. That's right, I went there
RK: It's a beautiful day for a double play
RK: Hey, it's Craig Breslow! He went to Yale, I think. Can someone confirm this?
TB: I concur
SS: I may have heard, once, that was the case
TB: To wikipedia I go
DK: yaargh...they're letting Crainadian pitch to Thome?
RK: I like that better than Guadardo, not gonna lie
WV: That complaint about pitching to Thome was prescient.
RK: Now just get Konerko, or as Hawk would call him, Paulie. Because they play basketball on the weekend and stuff
TB: Breslow was captain of the Yale University baseball team. Wikipedia says it, it's true.
RK: Was he a Bonesman?
WV: Stealing 3rd? That's what we do!
TB: Does not say, RK
SS: Course not. It's a secret
WV: I think Ozzie's rant on Blackburn could be equally applied to Floyd tonight, but..that probably won't happen.
SS: maybe Crain's necklace is some oversized version of something a kid would make at summercamp as an arts and crafts project
WV: I think that's spot on.
DK: *mentally strangles Mike Reilly*
WV: Or some hippy dippy crap a junkie would sell on Haight St. in front of my apartment.
TB: C'mon Crain
WV: "Why, yes, I do also sell incense."
RK: Beauty, eh?
BOTTOM 7TH, SAME
WV: Woohoo! WaMu just failed. Thank goodness for baseball.
SS: Woo Cuddy! sad, I didn't even have time to say how I wanted him to get a hit
WV: I thought to myself, "not likely that Cuddy will beat this one out..."
RK: THE SYSTEM IS DOWN Dlmn did not swing at first pitch! THE SYSTEM IS DOWN
TB: Ohhh...the system. Wiight.
WV: If tradition holds, he'll hit a meaningless 2-out single to maintain his average.
TB: No, that looked about right
TOP 8TH, SAME
WV: It's funny, albeit stereotypical, that many of the wannabe umps have pot bellies.
RK: There's no baseball equivalent to Dick Bavetta. Or Ed Hochuli. Well, except some umps do make shitty calls
TB: Hard to argue with that guy and his guns, though
SS: Mournie's pretty good at reading off cue cards. I think he has a future in CTV after his career is over
RK: The Bratz doll is up... and out
TB: Damn right he went
RK: I feel like... Gardy's going to do something... unconventional in the next inning. Like lift Punto for Neverhit or something kinda ridics
DK: AJ lacks Breslow's Ivy League charisma
TB: AJ lacks preschool charisma, DK. And what the heck is that banging noise.
DK: WHIFFFFFFF. That's right, AJ. Sit down, bitch
TB: Now then
BOTTOM 8TH, SAME
TB: So apparently the local business commercials in Grand Forks are as bad as they were in Rochester. Terrible acting, terrible editing, terrible writing. And there's another o-- nope, that's Telly
DK: Grand Forks is just Rochester with fewer people and more airplanes... Harris, Punto, GoGo...I bet that strikes fear into Matt Thornton
TB: HARRIS
DK: Way to spite me, Harris
TB: Harris wins back my official status of favorite player
WV: Projectiles shot at your head? Now that they teach in Compton.
TB: Fuck, well that's a sacrifice anyway
DK: Jenks coming on
SS: triple triple!
RK: The boys need to hit this guy hard. This move by Ozzie reeks of desperation, and surely the boys can smell that
DK: GO GO GO GO GO
TB: YEEEEEAH
DK: well, clearly Jenks has no control tonight
SS: let's play a game of who can hit the ball furthest
RK: The urge to give in to short-range RAGNAROK is strong, but soft! I must resist
DK: RAGNAROK!!!! Triples Galore!
TB: Squeeze play DO IT
RK: THIS TEAM IS FULL OF FUCK LIONS
SS: I love when the future has good news! and I love my boyfriend!
TB: Naaa, no good on the squeeze. Just hit the ball far
SS: Damn Lexi
TB: Argh
DK: Clutch situation for OMG
TB: Clutch situation for Jenks
DK: aaand Guillen out to discuss strategery
TB: Mauer O Morneau?
DK: Walk 'em both to get to Cuddy
TB: See ball. Hit ball.
RK: How can OMG keep his cool like this?
DK: Mauer...these groundout antics to the right side annoy me
RK: Oh, if only the squeeze play would have worked
TOP 9TH, TIED AT 6
DK: speaking of crap facial hair, a Nick Swisher sighting
TB: Lots of twitching to be had
DK: OMG don't do this to me...
WV: Now Span--he sports Fucklion facial hair
TB: and Fucklion clutchiness
DK: TB, what's the official algorithm for Nathan and baserunners in a non-save sit?
TB: 1-2-3 and away. Though it's mostly unproven
RK: Dick, shut your mouth about Swishers home runs vs. the MNTwins this year
TB: come ON
DK: apparently talk radio 1310 KNOX in Grand Forks is employee owned and operated
RK: Workers of Grand Forks Unite!
DK: y'know, Gordo's emphatic "SWIIIING and miss!" will never get old. beats the crap out of "He gone!" anyday...
WV: His manner of turning "swing" into a diphthong should be trademarked.
DK: speaking of strikeouts 
TB: Sit your ass down
RK: Hahaha, Alfonso Marquez threw his hands up because the bitch wouldn't go sit down
DK: dos outs
TB: TWO
SS: that was brilliant. Even Marquez knows Swishie is an asshole
DK: that's his name, SS...Asshole. Major Asshole.
TB: Whiff. Picked a helluva a game to say "I have an exam tomorrow", DK
DK: don't remind me...I'm attempting to study as we speak. Goddamn academia in the midst of RAGNAROK
RK: Glad WV and I dragged you all into it too
DK: Cargo has to the the MVP of this game. IHOP iDive
BOTTOM 9TH, STILL TIED
RK: Morneau, c'mere a sec. I know we've been ragging on you here. But you've been coming up small. If you hit one out the park, it's all forgotten, and even Peter King will vote for you on that MVP ballot. Now get out there.
DK: and frankly, hitting the walk-off to reclaim first place would be dead sexy... le sigh
RK: Cuddy can still do it
DK: Cuddy has to get a hit sometime...right?
TB: *Ahem*
DK: QTF is up with this strike zone, Mike Reilly?
TB: At the ankles is not a strike, ump
RK: Well shit
SS: thanks for nothing, Cuddles
DK: El bonus beisbol
RK: Ugh
TOP 10TH, SAME
RK: I feel like we're pressing our bullpen luck here. Especially with the CWS big guys coming up. Here's to hoping
DK: sit down J-Dye. Quit your bitching
RK: The umping has been consistently bad, pal
RK: Range for days: Nick Punto
SS: Pinko is like "look at the lengths I will go to to help this team win"
RK: Thank you for swinging Paulie
TB: Harris, Punto, Gomez
RK: angryscott, WV and I are from Fargo, so we take jabs at GF, sure. And laurel... word.
SS: all that waving of the arms by IHOP and he still almost gets run into by Span.
BOTTOM 10TH, SAME
SS: seriously, knock Jenks all around the park and tell him to sit down
RK: Pitching from the stretch would do wonders for our chances here
TB: THREEEE and OH
DK: with Gomez on deck
SS: a magical night at the Dome should at least involve Cuddy and a deck of cards, Dick
RK: OK, just need a single from D'Nard
SS: alright, boyfriend, make my night!
DK: w00t - bounce another one and let's go home!
DK: FIRST PLACE BITCHES!
RK: bounce another one and let's go home!
DK: EFFING RAGNAROK
SS: Hooray!
TB: SANDCASTLE FTW!
SS: Thank you, Lexi!
RK: I'M GONNA GO RUN THROUGH A BRICK WALL
DK: MY HEAD A'SPLODE
POSTGAME
SS: I love when major leaguers act like little leaguers!
RK: Can anybody understand Cargo right now?
SS: translation: YAY!
RK: God damn I feel good. I should be ashamed how much my mental well-being is tied to the fate of this team
TB: myself as well
DK: Yeah, no kidding
SS: luckily you have us likeminded folk to keep you company.
DK: thankfully it's not to emo levels, else I would have been cutting myself during the assbullpen month of August
RK: And now, I can speak for everybody, Go Tribe!
TB: Sandcastle, I'm sorry I doubted you.
