Sunday, September 10, 2006


The Boof, The Boof, The Boof Is On Fire

Saturday's post will be put up like a stream of consciousness. No inning demarcation, just the two of us talking about a lot of things, sometimes baseball. Enjoy:

WV: There was a rumor Liriano would make the start but apparently he's going to Scranton

RK: Yeah, that was always the plan. I'm telling you, we should start a baseball rumor site and just say crazy shit and within a week it'll be on Baseball Tonight

WV: I like it. Fake interviews with Terry Ryan

RK: I mean, you could pretty much use the template: "______ to Yankees" and get some decent mileage out of it

RK: But as I watch the last moments of the Brady Quinn show I mean the Notre Dame game, I wonder, do you think JoePa has someone whose only job is to make sure he can find his car afterward?

WV: I have a good feeling about the Boofmeister tonight. We'll be getting Boofmeister Ice not Boofmeister Lite

RK: And Tech beat UNC, so there'll be 200% more cases of alcohol poisoning tonight [note: Robert is a graduate stduent at Virginia Tech and has seen the insanity first-hand] Hm, boof 6.7%. I like it. Not boof 3.2

WV: Yeah, none of that Boof 3.2. I like Boof cold filtered, never watered down, with only select infield hops

RK: I like it! I wasn't sure where you were going with that, but I'm glad you went there!

RK: Well hey, Boof looks passable so far

WV: There you went and jinxed him. He can still pull out. Ah, that's a good Boof. He's such a good Boof isn't he? He goes down crisp and smooth.

RK: For some reason, when i read that I hear Larry David's voice in my head

WV: Shit, you know all of my submerged metaphors. Well how's this for an explicit metaphor: Gardenhire is a goddam jackass for continuing to start Redmond in the 3 slot...and boom goes the dynamite

RK: Seems like a good slot for a guy who hits lefties well like, I dunno, NEVIN

WV: He only went what 2 for 3 last night. I knew this trade would be a...Harben-ger of bad know..cuz they trade Adam harben...err. Is this thing on?

RK: The power of dimples compels [the ball to get chopped up the middle for a hit]!

WV: I think yahoo should say "dimples" singled to center

RK: So let it be written, so let it be done. You know who i haven't thought about in ages? Shannon Stewart

WV: Oh you went there

RK: Seriously, is he ok?

WV: Somewhere Bobby Kielty starts to weep

RK: As he underperforms in Oakland

WV: Right

RK: And the only reason he's there, and I don't know if you'll remember this, but in '03 he hit one of Zito's curves about as hard as you can hit it, but it hooked foul. And the next pitch was the same thing, but it didn't hook that time. Billy Beane ejaculated, and there he is

WV: Nice. I like it

RK: I remember the game well. Funny the games I remember. I remember all 4 of Denny Hocking's career home runs

WV: Wow, for Cuddy, life really is a comedy of errors

RK: Bonser needs to get away from the Scott Baker school of pitching though. You know, the tee-ball 'everybody gets a turn every inning'

WV: It's really the Silva school of pitching

RK: Good point. The Plato to Baker's Aristotle

WV: Boof sure is living on the wild side tonight. His attack the strike zone mentality isn't the same when you're not playing the Royals

RK: Ha, yeah. Mark Grudzilanek doesn't strike fear in the hearts of men...or invertebrates. Y'know, with the Silva / Baker / Bonser trifecta, if I were the commissioner, I'd have the entire bullpen drug tested right now

WV: Let's see if Torii can earn his paycheck

RK: Until his average begins with a .3, I don't believe it. He used to be a .310-.320 guy. Then comes the contract: boom it's .240

WV: He had 100+ RBIs a few years ago and hasn't come close since

RK: Jesus, the Twins have more hit singles than the billboard top 40

WV: One thing I do like about Redmond: he has a chew in about the size of a softball

WV: So we should market our Boof line of beers. We'll say, "Formerly known as John Bonser beer"

RK: Y'know what? I wanna meet a guy named Sean who pronounces his name "seen". Jesus, Casey swung at a pitch that, no lie, bounced on the turf in front of the plate

WV: I think we know who wins the Baker/Bonser competition for 2006/7

RK: And once again, the Pierzynski trade goes down as the best trade in baseball history. Holy hell, backdoor breaking ball for a called 3rd strike on Granderson, that was brilliant. Boof is my new homeboy

WV: In 2 innings, Liriano has no hits, no runs, 4 ks

RK: It's official, Neshek has redeemed himself. He can now go to heaven with all the other good christian boys and good christian girls, except he's really into that lamb of god death metal band, so maybe not

WV: Hey, don't let anybody ever say Redmond's not worth his salt

RK: Or his chew. I imagine he has pounds and pounds just sitting in his locker

WV: Redmond doesn't rhyme with Redman for nothing

RK: Twitch 'n Pitch pulls it out like he always does, but damn, he can make me nervous. He's no Guardado, but still.


NOW WE COME TO PRAISE, NOT BURY, BOOF "JOHN" BONSER. For 7 solid innings of one-run baseball. This man deserves a beers named after him. Boof Ice, baby.

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