Wednesday, September 13, 2006


The Brooms, Liriano, Are Out


The name Odysseus, according to Homer, etymologically means "son of pain." My friends, our own prodigal son, Francisco Liriano, returns today and is ready to inflict some pain of his own on the Oakland A's. Returning from the Trojan War, or in other words, a tearing up of the league to the tune of 12-3 and a 2.19 ERA, our man was reduced to a state of ennui, otherwise known as the greatest lotus-eater of them all: The Disabled List. But he's broken free---and is heading home with his 95mph heater. Let's watch as he kicks the crap out of Penelope's suitors. It's officially on like Donkey Kong.


So far so good--93 mile per hour fastball, two pitches, one out. If the ump keeps the zone this tight all game Señor Fuego will hit his pitch count by the 2nd inning.

Change looks good--As does the slider--and Mark Ellis is made an example of.

So far, it appears as though Liriano decided to look his bothersome ligament in the eye and say: "You Sir, can go straight to hell."

It appears as though Kielty can still navigate the Baggy Dome's outfield--Let's see if he can still show flashes of promise before settling into a .250 batting average as well.

Gardenhire is still mysteriously batting Redmond in the 3 slot. Hey, great guy in the clubhouse doesn't translate to top of the order bat (See the disgraced Fatty Batista). Or is there something about the 2 career triples, 1 career stolen base, and 12 career home runs that I'm missing? This is since 1998 by the way.


Frank Thomas, walking back to the dugout, says to Jay Payton: "Did I just get laid?" Yes you did Sir--that slider totally just gave you a filthy reach around.

See previous comment with regards to Payton and Eric Chavez.

Steve Stone just claimed that Morneau is only of the few current players who has improved in hitting each of the last four years. And he's right-but the first two years as a September call up, and a midseason replacement the previous year. Not really fair if you don't put a minimum number of games on that sort of comment.

And Mr. Stone is putting forth that Jeter ought to be MVP, and then stresses that it's the most valuable not the player with the dazzling stats. How in the world could Jeter possibly be more valuable to his team than Morneau, Santana or even Dye? Jeter is totally protected on all sides in his line up, people never pitch around him and his defense is overated, as Rob Neyer has argued, he is at best an average value fielder. So what gives?


And boom goes the dynamite. I guess that ligament didn't take well to being told to go straight to hell.

Well, after escaping the lotus eaters, the sirens' call circumvented the wax over Odysseus' ears while on his journey homeward. So Liriano is out. Fun while it lasted, though it sure puts a somber damper on the game. You have to hope that this doesn't lead to a discovery of a tear and keep him out all of next season as well. This probably means he's done for the season, and to put a good spin on it, we keep moving forward the way we have been for the past 5 weeks since Liriano initially went down. Let's see if we can get behind Garza here and pick up Liriano.

As much as the announcers are trying to console our loss by talking about Kielty's weakness from the lefthand side, it doesn't really equate to Liriano's loss being ok. I imagine this means Garza will be reinserted into the rotation, at least until Radke attempts a comeback of his own. Perhaps this is a sort of try out for him here.

Garza, with each appearance, seems to genuinely resemble a deer in headlights less and less. You know, people use that phrase to describe all sorts of people, but Garza really does resemble Bambi staring down the high beams of a Mack truck.

Bartlett, not sure if this will be an error, might not have been able to catch either runner anyways. It seemed like Swisher got a prett good jump from first.

Garza is locating his off speed pitches reasonably well, quite a good sign.

Not more mentioning of Liriano from here on out: Garza's the man for now and the brooms are out.

You know, Jason Tyner doesn't need to fake any bunts, they're all pretty certain he's going to be thinking about it. How about faking a home run swing there, big guy?

Milton Bradley can go straight to hell. And do not collect 200 dollars. And the commentators are ejaculating all over how he catches it and blows a bubble at the same time. You know what Milton? Your mother blows bubbles and catches pop flies at the same time.


How about some runs here guys? It aint gonna happen if Punto et al. don't stop laying off of the splitty.

Well, the no hitter is at least out of the question. See, Redmond is all about team spirit---imagine the combination of getting no hit and losing the F-Bomb.


Watching Garza pitch, he sure seems to hide the ball well, only flashing it right at his release point. The trick will be (as it is for all pitchers) to keep the same motion with breaking balls and show some control on them. He's been doing the aforementioned things well today.

Is there a team policy in Oakland that everyone has to have long greasy hair and ass ugly goatees? Perhaps, Jason Giambi cut his hair not because of Steinbrenner but because of Billy Beane's infatuation with all things dirrrrty.

Ken Macha looks like he'd rather be playing golf.

At some point today when the bases are empty someone should hit Kendell with a pitch, retribution for the other night. Though, to truly be an eye for an eye, we should go after Swisher or Chavez.


Twins still not laying off of the splitter, you'd hope that the 2nd time through the lineup would teach them a thing or two. You know what they say about history and repeating it.....

Josh Rabe comes u...and he's already down on strikes. I'm not even sure Haren threw 3 pitches there. Rabe was missing so badly I think they counted each miss as a strike and a half.

It's not hard to figure out why we're not scoring with Tyner, Rabe and Redmond in the line up today.


Frank Thomas may be the Big Hurt, but when he misses on good pitches he looks more like a 6 year old missing a tee-ball.

Bradley was out by a LONG SHOT on that steal. Even the umps were surprised by the late steal, though Redmond made a pretty nice throw nonetheless.

And this is what happens. They miss the call, we lose a run. The hanging slider didn't help.

Somebody better send the Twins' hitters the memo that today's game started at Noon and not 7:00 tonight.


It's good that Garza's preferred place to give up smashes to the outfield is deep center and not the corners. Nice to see Hunter get a good jump there.

"Dan Johnson rifles that one down there by the milk"---Bet I won't be hearing that when the new stadium opens.

Morneau's defense makes me feel good deep down in that certain place that usually makes me say, "Oh yes, that feels very nice."

I see now why Garza looks like a deer in headlights, he sure gets a lot of bullets rifled past his head. Scuttaro's just pissed about popping up to Nathan in the 8th inning in game 1.

So who do you get angry at for this: Castillo/Bartlett for not covering 2nd, or Punto for just not throwing out the slow footed Kendell at 1st. I'm gonna go ahead and be pissed at all of them. Except Garza. He's cool.

Even if Garza didn't get the out there, it was a nice little two seamer that dove in on Kendell and jammed him up.

See, Garza is cool. The Real freakin' Deal (no apologies whatsoever to J.D. Durbin)

Well, Haren is only at 76 pitches so it doesn't look like he's coming out any time soon.

No no no Justin, YOU're not a piranha. Hold up at first for crissakes. That's what we call a "rally killah."


Geez, if Rabe could walk two steps without tripping they probably could've gotten Thomas at 2nd. Frank Thomas running is the equivalent of my old '86 Olds Cutlass trying to push 55 on the highway.

Great outing by Garza, even if he knew he would likely be pitching today, the timing was still sudden in the 3rd inning and he stepped up. Hopefully Reyes can prevented the inherited runner from getting in and give Garza a shot at the win in the bottom of the 8th. If nothing else, Garza's ERA dropped .73 points and is now back below Silva's. That's some sort of moral victory, right?

Maybe Reyes can celebrate Mexican Independence Day a little early this year by helping the Twins to two wins in two days. Viva la república!


Well this is it, they're going to have to come up with something here. That or we start hoping the Tigers and White Sox lose.
Defensively, Lew Ford is doing his part.

Sigh. Maybe Street can show Silva how to throw his sinker.


In conclusion, the human elbow joint can go screw itself. It sits there, taking up space, feeding off of the ulna and the radius, contributing nothing of its own to society. "I suggest you do what your parents did, and get a job, sir! The bums lost, Lebowski!"

Go ahead and take any rug in the house.

"and then stresses that it's the most valuable not the player with the dazzling stats."

Tell that to the people who gave Colon the Cy Young last year because Santana didn't have enough wins.
Touché Dawn Marie. Colón's win total completely mesmerized the voters despite Santana's crummy run support. If you look Santana's stast this season are almost identical to last year except for wins. It's startling.
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