Thursday, September 28, 2006


Put Out An APB, The One-Armed Man Is On The Loose


RK: I've pretty much given up hopes of winning the division. It would take a White Flags sweep, and for KC to steal a game if the Twins win tonight. I'm pretty sure the Tigers have only dropped one to KC all season.

WV: The odds are not in our favor. Especially with Carlos Silva scheduled to pitch one of those 3 against the Flags.

RK: Right, so let's focus on the real story here: the return of Brad Radke. And no matter how this start goes, it's a triumphant return.

WV: Yeah, but I don't want to see him go all "Sweet Music" Viola on us.

RK: You want to know what's funny? The frontpage says: "Trailing the Cardinals by 3 1/2, all the Reds and Kyle Lohse can do is win - and hope." Yeah, good luck with that one, guys.

WV: Believe me, that's not all Kyle Lohse can do.

RK: Oh dear, there's going to be recaps and flashbacks. This could get emotional.


RK: And two pitches and one out later, his fastball looks about where it should be.

WV: Radke will win this game.

RK: I'll second that prediction. You can see it in his eyes. He's going to win this game.

WV: It'll add insult to injury. The Royals are already terrible and--get this--George Brett's bust was stolen from Cooperstown. So even the good memories are being erased. If somebody doesn't contract them they're going to contract themselves.

RK: It's good to hear the fans cheering on Radke with every pitch he throws.

WV: The stiffs in Pohlad's office must be eating this attendance boost up.

RK: Double play!

WV: I'd say something about Silva...

RK: Perhaps Viva Rivas is right, and we're being a little too hard on the guy.

WV: Maybe.

RK: Hm, Luke Hudson. Sounds like an extra from "Party of Five"

WV: An ex-boyfriend of Shannon Doherty. Puntito is reverting to his 2005 "I can hit homers" self

RK: Hey, he's due!

WV: And a close play at first! Just give it to him, Blue!


RK: Bradke is on a pitch count of about 60-70, and it feels that he's thrown about 9 so far.

WV: What the...

RK: Yeah, Sinn Fein misplayed that ball.

WV: I suppose that'll happen every so often.

RK: That's OK though. As far as I'm concerned, this is all part of Ragnarok. Radke will win the game because Brad has decided that he wants to. It's really as simple as that.

WV: That ball was right on the line.

RK: That's a tough run to take, earned or not.

WV: The offense better show some signs of life here in the bottom of the inning.

RK: They've got to go win it for Brad.

WV: I wonder what the Pear King did to never deserve the day off.

RK: He'll probably get one tomorrow.

WV: Gardenhire: "OK Jason, you're going to play every game back in which you underachieved in the last two season."

RK: Cuddyer has already gotten out. But he run the Roberto Clemente award, so hell of a guy.

WV: Could be a little more patient with Hudson on the mound.

RK: And Morneau grounds out.

WV: The Twins, they're not so hot against the Royals this year.

RK: That is a supreme understatement, my friend.

WV: Another 1-2-3 Twins inning.


RK: You know what Brad needs? An anagram.



WV: Sounds menacing.

RK: And not quite true, with his perfectly coiffed hair and carefully grown and managed sun-kissed stubble, but it works.

WV: "Gee thanks for pitching with a broken shoulder Brad, oh, you wanted run support? Hmm. I'll get back to you on that."

RK: This isn't New Britain, Alexi, they run to first base here, son.

WV: Radke's got that "If I weren't pitching, I'd be hitch-hiking right now" look

RK: Or a "fishing in Florida, a little bit tipsy, wearing a tackle jacket, board shorts, and sandals"

WV: And a 1-2-3 inning. On the good side of the inning

RK: Quick, grab a camera before it disappears!

WV: And like everything else, so fleeting, so fleeting, and gone into the ether forever.

RK: And the seventh Twins out recorded. In a row.

WV: Why are the Twins so baffled by this team?

RK: And Luke Hudson's perfect game is broken up.

WV: How many times do you think that's been said for him in the third inning?

RK: I imagine about as often as someone tells us they like our personalities.

WV: White Flags off tonight... nothing new there.

RK: John, thank you for the flatter. Goes right to our heads y'know.

WV: Our heads are already bigger than Kevin Mench's melon.

RK: Nicky Punto might just not be sure what to do with himself leading off.

WV: I think Tyner's path to cutting Henry Aaron's lead to 754 is through inside the park...jacks.

RK: At this pace, he'll only have to play for infinity years to break the record

WV: But he'd play to infinity with heart.

RK: Don't go into LFE territory.

WV: Someday we'll have to publish a glossary for all the names we call these guys.

RK: We might have time during the bottoms of the innings if the Twins could do anything against this guy.


WV: I'd like to see Sweeney lay a bunt down.

RK: I'd like to see Sweeney curse. Out loud.

WV: Punto could take a smoke break and still get Sweeney by a few strides.

RK: How blue collar.

WV: The BB from Radke is sad to watch, but you can't hold it against him.

RK: Right, I mean it's a miracle he's even out there right now, he's allowed to dance around hitters who can hurt him, especially if he can get a double play out of the deal.

WV: Speak of the devil.

RK: We're like Tenacious D, schooled by Satan.

WV: No, double play, jackass.

RK: And a strikeout with 50 pitches through 4 innings. This is a lot more than I think anybody expected out of him.

WV: And it turns out Casilla plays a decent infield.

RK: Casilla hits!

WV: First career.

RK: Only seems right, after they've had 15 guys get their first career hits agains us.

WV: Apparently he flies around the basepaths.

RK: Like the Rivas of old, before his toenails hobbled him?

WV: Royals trying to exploit Casilla's inexperience there. They've got quite a bit of experience with that themselves.

RK: You literally just blew my mind.

WV: Dammit, Joe.

RK: The GIDP will not help you attain your birthright.

WV: Good thing Mauer did it before Dimples got the chance to.

RK: That was cold.

WV: And he comes through with a single.

RK: That ball had its very own seeing eye dog. One of Phil Nevin's, I think.

WV: It's good to see Morneau hitting the ball hard, even if foul. Be nice ot see one in fair territory, but we can't have nice things, can we?

RK: Good to hit a ball fair? Thanks for the hot tip, Quincy.

WV: Juuuust missed it.

RK: I'm glad Dick isn't like the Cleveland announcers who make every fly ball sound like it's a 900 foot home run.


RK: Shockingly, I'm not worried about the leadoff runner being on, with how good Radke's been about getting DPs.

WV: I still can't get over how well he's pitching considering his labrum was torn and his shoulder was broken about a month ago. 2 weeks ago he couldn't so much as lift a cup of coffee.

RK: Yeah, I won't even play Ultimate Frisbee if I have so much as a papercut.

WV: You probably wear Birkenstocks too.

RK: Only 57 pitches through 5? Give this man the 6th inning. You know he wants it.

WV :But Neshek's up

RK: Don't want to take their chances, but it's still a hell of an outing. It'd be too bad if the Twins couldn't pull out a win here.

[We apologize for those following the game in realtime. Blogger is being a horrid beast and not letting us update for some reason. Hey, it's out of our hands people]

WV: Right. So....I'd rather not let Radke lose his last regular season start.

RK: 2 outs already.

WV: I'm about to lose it here. This is fucking ridiculous.

RK: Radke's on the hook, and the offense ought to be ashamed of themselves.


WV: OK, it's time for a rant here. Let me just clarify that this is the anger talking here.

RK: I'm mixing my own anger salad with a dressing of righteous rage. And sliced tomatoes of indignation.

WV: These are the guys entertaining thoughts of playing the Yankees? In the postseason? Without homefield? They'll get slaughtered.

RK: Look, I know we're all super pumped that you're in the post-season, but guys, you have got to swing the bats and put some crooked numbers on the board.

WV: But Neshek looks good. I hope these guys give me a reason to eat my words in the bottom of the inning.

RK: Honestly, get your man off the hook.

WV: You'll never guess what

RK: What?

WV: Groundout by the Twins.

RK: You're kidding.

WV: Believe it!

RK: A great play, and another out.

WV: It's that kind of night. Most depressing game ever. Basically, KC should call in the other 7 players and have Hudson make every out.

RK: And blogger is being a punk.

WV: And the K to end the inning. Why not.


RK: I like this Neshek cat. He might be a good addition to this team

WV: I just had visions of him flirting with Paula Abdul as a surreal animated kool kat.

RK: And why wouldn't you?

WV: Strike 3. The pitching has more than done their job tonight, guys. I implore you, once again, score some damn runs.

RK: There's no reason not to. You know you want to. I'll buy you a pizza.

WV: nate p, you must not be aware that KC's owner erased Saberhagen's memory after he stole Brett's bust.

RK: And Mauer's 0-3. Dammit.

WV: The internal collapse of KC is proscribed in Ragnarok.

RK: Morneau, it is your destiny, your duty, your obligation - to drive Mr. Cuddyer (and if you'd like, yourself) in.

WV: Or a line out to third.

RK: This is really frustrating.

WV: Can Torii make my night?

RK: Let's not get our hopes up.


WV: Hudson has an ERA of 5.12, by the way.

RK: But what does it all mean, William?

WV: Try to imagine Silva and Gomorrah doing something similar and then the magnitude of the Twins' futility will be clearer.

RK: Oh, now I understand! (Coach Z reference anyone? Ha? Ha? )

WV: And the Crainadian is in.

RK: And he's a-fireballing.

WV: If the Yanks get no hit by a team with 90 losses I'll feel better if we lose to them.

RK: Making preliminary justifications is a dangerous path to tread down, my friend.

WV: Again, nothing would make me happier than if Jimmy Gobble got into the game.

RK: Nothing would make me happier right now than a double play.

WV: Dennys Ultraviolet Reyes up.

RK: Looking well-fed as always.

WV: Of course Cano breaks up Cabrera's no-hitter.

RK: Of all the people...

WV: Basically, one of the darkest days of Ragnarok.

RK: And Ultraviolet's in.

WV: And out. Must be a buffet somewhere. I kid, Dennys. We only kid people who are lights-out.

WV: Remember when people stood on second base? Those were fond memories.

RK: And when Rondell White was having a resurgence? That was fun, too.

WV: My spirit is basically broken.

RK: Yeah, I definitely feel like Psalm 148 right now [Robert has no idea if that's a lament Psalm, but it feels right]

WV: We'll see how many of the Twins actually remember we're in the playoffs come next week.

RK: I feel like a dominatrix has me tied up and is repeatedly kicking me in the genitals with her leather boots on. Not that I know what that's like...

WV: And you're mumbling the safety word but her leather mask is on too tight and she can't hear you.

RK: And then you have to go the hospital

WV: I'd say the Twins were pulling a Blyleven here but it's hard to do a fucking thing over again when you've pretty much done nothing.

RK: Fair point. Another 1-2-3 inning. Let's go to the ninth.


WV: Willie Eyre-in go bragh! isn't in so they must have at least a passing interest in winning.

RK: But it's Rincon so... lukewarm.

WV: I've basically spaced out in front of my computer screen. My only recollection of the past 2 hours is a jumble of lazy pop outs and GIDPs.

RK: Do you ever feel like your life is an unending waking nightmare? Sometimes I do. Becuase Rincon does the leadoff walk routine.

WV: And then gives up the hit to Mike Sweeney.

RK: My stomach feels like Silva.

WV: KC has 5 shutouts.

RK: How many against the Twins?

WV: 2 of their 5.

RK: 40%?!

WV: In line for 50%

RK: God

WV: How about this: We bench every Venezuelan not named Santana for the playoffs.

RK: I like it.

WV: I'm not even upset about this, any kind of excitement from any side is welcome at this point.

RK: I'm with you on this one.

WV: But they escaped the jam!

RK: Still down one. Settle down.

WV: Nathan up in our pen, wishful thinking I say.

RK: It's just not in the cards.

WV: It all comes down to Mauer.

RK: We are not destined to win the division.


WV: Mauer dug down deep, strapped on his Viking helmet and went to work.

RK: To the 10th!



WV: Free baseball, free blogging. Enjoy.

RK: No more base hits now, Twitch and Pitch.

WV: T'would be a real shame if your first loss of the season came against these sad sacks.

RK: Good point.

WV: Dayne Perry on made the point that the Twins should want to play the Yanks in a 5 game series rather than in the ALCS when it goes to 7. Has some merit huh?

RK: It does.

WV: We can't really trust Detroit to beat them while we play Oakland.

WV: This 3rd base ump is pissy he's missing ER.

RK: True, but I still believe in wanting to win every game

WV: It's a good attitude.

RK: Come on Nathan. I'd like to not get to Sweeney so getting this guy would be lovely.

WV: Yahtzee! Now let's win this thing.

RK: I'm sick of burning the bullpen

WV: As am I. Hopefully Morneau can take care of that.

RK: DeJesus strikes again.

WV: We've got to stop fucking with this guy.

RK: I owe Rondell a pizza.

WV: And the Lew Ford Experiment shifts into running mode.

RK: Transform!

WV: Tyner though...Wow. Why don't we intentionally walk somebody who's never hit a home run. That's garage logic.

RK: IBB? Hahaha

WV: Suicide squeeze. Wait for it.

RK: Or sac fly to center, I'll take it.

WV: Partido cumplido. Twitch and Pitch improves to 7 and 0.

RK: I love this game. It made all the suffering through the first 9 innings worth it. Honorary win for Radke.


WV: Stage 2 of Ragnarok is one game away.

RK: Hopefully these same Royals can continue their '27 Yankees impression at least one more game.

WV: It's time to ascend to where they deserve to be

RK: Yankees first round, Yankees second round, I don't care

WV: It's all proscribed anyways. Taking 3 of 4 from KC, even looking lackluster in doing so, is still something.

RK: Radke looked great. I hope he can pitch in the postseason. Then it's a no-doubter. This man deserves a ring.

Awesome site guys. I can't wait to see your take on Radke's start.
So have the hitters been listening to Paul's Boutique and Bleach in the clubhouse to the point where they think it's 1989 and the man on the mound in the "KC" hat is Bret Saberhagen?
Okay--call me crazy here, but how about this.....I would rather the Twins win the Wild Card and play the Yankees in a 5 game series than a 7....We have a better shot. Joahn for 2 games, and Bonser and Radke each for one. Then we could play either Oakland or Detroit for the ALCS. We can beat both of those teams and it would be a good series. And then of course, home field advantage (Thank you Michael Young) against whoever wins the NLCS. They are like AAAA!! Seems to me like a better scenerio?!!?
Twins girl:

We too see the logic in the Twins preferring to play the Jankees in a 5 game set but also feel that it's still important to win every game, go for the division and enter the postseason with momentum. One feels tempted to compare a potential Jankees first round match up to previous years in the playoffs when they've ousted us. However, we've never seen a Twins team from this decade at least go into the playoffs coming off of a late season surge so it would be interesting.

In fairness, we did play the Yankees close in our final regular season series, even with Baker pitching. If it weren't for the swirling winds we may have taken 2 of 3.

And yes, we'll hammer whoever makes it out of the nAAAtional league.
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