Pulling A Blyleven

_______________
PREGAME:

RK: I've pretty much given up hopes of winning the division. It would take a White Flags sweep, and for KC to steal a game if the Twins win tonight. I'm pretty sure the Tigers have only dropped one to KC all season.

WV: The odds are not in our favor. Especially with Carlos Silva scheduled to pitch one of those 3 against the Flags.

RK: Right, so let's focus on the real story here: the return of Brad Radke. And no matter how this start goes, it's a triumphant return.

WV: Yeah, but I don't want to see him go all "Sweet Music" Viola on us.

RK: You want to know what's funny? The mlb.com frontpage says: "Trailing the Cardinals by 3 1/2, all the Reds and Kyle Lohse can do is win - and hope." Yeah, good luck with that one, guys.

WV: Believe me, that's not all Kyle Lohse can do.

RK: Oh dear, there's going to be recaps and flashbacks. This could get emotional.

_______________
1ST INNING:

RK: And two pitches and one out later, his fastball looks about where it should be.

WV: Radke will win this game.

RK: I'll second that prediction. You can see it in his eyes. He's going to win this game.

WV: It'll add insult to injury. The Royals are already terrible and--get this--George Brett's bust was stolen from Cooperstown. So even the good memories are being erased. If somebody doesn't contract them they're going to contract themselves.

RK: It's good to hear the fans cheering on Radke with every pitch he throws.

WV: The stiffs in Pohlad's office must be eating this attendance boost up.

RK: Double play!

WV: I'd say something about Silva...

RK: Perhaps Viva Rivas is right, and we're being a little too hard on the guy.

WV: Maybe.

RK: Hm, Luke Hudson. Sounds like an extra from "Party of Five"

WV: An ex-boyfriend of Shannon Doherty. Puntito is reverting to his 2005 "I can hit homers" self

RK: Hey, he's due!

WV: And a close play at first! Just give it to him, Blue!

_______________
2ND INNING:

RK: Bradke is on a pitch count of about 60-70, and it feels that he's thrown about 9 so far.

WV: What the...

RK: Yeah, Sinn Fein misplayed that ball.

WV: I suppose that'll happen every so often.

RK: That's OK though. As far as I'm concerned, this is all part of Ragnarok. Radke will win the game because Brad has decided that he wants to. It's really as simple as that.

WV: That ball was right on the line.

RK: That's a tough run to take, earned or not.

WV: The offense better show some signs of life here in the bottom of the inning.

RK: They've got to go win it for Brad.

WV: I wonder what the Pear King did to never deserve the day off.

RK: He'll probably get one tomorrow.

WV: Gardenhire: "OK Jason, you're going to play every game back in which you underachieved in the last two season."

RK: Cuddyer has already gotten out. But he run the Roberto Clemente award, so hell of a guy.

WV: Could be a little more patient with Hudson on the mound.

RK: And Morneau grounds out.

WV: The Twins, they're not so hot against the Royals this year.

RK: That is a supreme understatement, my friend.

WV: Another 1-2-3 Twins inning.

_______________
3RD INNING:

RK: You know what Brad needs? An anagram.

B R A D R A D K E

D A R K B E A R D

WV: Sounds menacing.

RK: And not quite true, with his perfectly coiffed hair and carefully grown and managed sun-kissed stubble, but it works.

WV: "Gee thanks for pitching with a broken shoulder Brad, oh, you wanted run support? Hmm. I'll get back to you on that."

RK: This isn't New Britain, Alexi, they run to first base here, son.

WV: Radke's got that "If I weren't pitching, I'd be hitch-hiking right now" look

RK: Or a "fishing in Florida, a little bit tipsy, wearing a tackle jacket, board shorts, and sandals"

WV: And a 1-2-3 inning. On the good side of the inning

RK: Quick, grab a camera before it disappears!

WV: And like everything else, so fleeting, so fleeting, and gone into the ether forever.

RK: And the seventh Twins out recorded. In a row.

WV: Why are the Twins so baffled by this team?

RK: And Luke Hudson's perfect game is broken up.

WV: How many times do you think that's been said for him in the third inning?

RK: I imagine about as often as someone tells us they like our personalities.

WV: White Flags off tonight... nothing new there.

RK: John, thank you for the flatter. Goes right to our heads y'know.

WV: Our heads are already bigger than Kevin Mench's melon.

RK: Nicky Punto might just not be sure what to do with himself leading off.

WV: I think Tyner's path to cutting Henry Aaron's lead to 754 is through inside the park...jacks.

RK: At this pace, he'll only have to play for infinity years to break the record

WV: But he'd play to infinity with heart.

RK: Don't go into LFE territory.

WV: Someday we'll have to publish a glossary for all the names we call these guys.

RK: We might have time during the bottoms of the innings if the Twins could do anything against this guy.

_______________
4TH INNING:

WV: I'd like to see Sweeney lay a bunt down.

RK: I'd like to see Sweeney curse. Out loud.

WV: Punto could take a smoke break and still get Sweeney by a few strides.

RK: How blue collar.

WV: The BB from Radke is sad to watch, but you can't hold it against him.

RK: Right, I mean it's a miracle he's even out there right now, he's allowed to dance around hitters who can hurt him, especially if he can get a double play out of the deal.

WV: Speak of the devil.

RK: We're like Tenacious D, schooled by Satan.

WV: No, double play, jackass.

RK: And a strikeout with 50 pitches through 4 innings. This is a lot more than I think anybody expected out of him.

WV: And it turns out Casilla plays a decent infield.

RK: Casilla hits!

WV: First career.

RK: Only seems right, after they've had 15 guys get their first career hits agains us.

WV: Apparently he flies around the basepaths.

RK: Like the Rivas of old, before his toenails hobbled him?

WV: Royals trying to exploit Casilla's inexperience there. They've got quite a bit of experience with that themselves.

RK: You literally just blew my mind.

WV: Dammit, Joe.

RK: The GIDP will not help you attain your birthright.

WV: Good thing Mauer did it before Dimples got the chance to.

RK: That was cold.

WV: And he comes through with a single.

RK: That ball had its very own seeing eye dog. One of Phil Nevin's, I think.

WV: It's good to see Morneau hitting the ball hard, even if foul. Be nice ot see one in fair territory, but we can't have nice things, can we?

RK: Good to hit a ball fair? Thanks for the hot tip, Quincy.

WV: Juuuust missed it.

RK: I'm glad Dick isn't like the Cleveland announcers who make every fly ball sound like it's a 900 foot home run.

_______________
5TH INNING:

RK: Shockingly, I'm not worried about the leadoff runner being on, with how good Radke's been about getting DPs.

WV: I still can't get over how well he's pitching considering his labrum was torn and his shoulder was broken about a month ago. 2 weeks ago he couldn't so much as lift a cup of coffee.

RK: Yeah, I won't even play Ultimate Frisbee if I have so much as a papercut.

WV: You probably wear Birkenstocks too.

RK: Only 57 pitches through 5? Give this man the 6th inning. You know he wants it.

WV :But Neshek's up

RK: Don't want to take their chances, but it's still a hell of an outing. It'd be too bad if the Twins couldn't pull out a win here.

[We apologize for those following the game in realtime. Blogger is being a horrid beast and not letting us update for some reason. Hey, it's out of our hands people]

WV: Right. So....I'd rather not let Radke lose his last regular season start.

RK: 2 outs already.

WV: I'm about to lose it here. This is fucking ridiculous.

RK: Radke's on the hook, and the offense ought to be ashamed of themselves.

_______________
6TH INNING:

WV: OK, it's time for a rant here. Let me just clarify that this is the anger talking here.

RK: I'm mixing my own anger salad with a dressing of righteous rage. And sliced tomatoes of indignation.

WV: These are the guys entertaining thoughts of playing the Yankees? In the postseason? Without homefield? They'll get slaughtered.

RK: Look, I know we're all super pumped that you're in the post-season, but guys, you have got to swing the bats and put some crooked numbers on the board.

WV: But Neshek looks good. I hope these guys give me a reason to eat my words in the bottom of the inning.

RK: Honestly, get your man off the hook.

WV: You'll never guess what

RK: What?

WV: Groundout by the Twins.

RK: You're kidding.

WV: Believe it!

RK: A great play, and another out.

WV: It's that kind of night. Most depressing game ever. Basically, KC should call in the other 7 players and have Hudson make every out.

RK: And blogger is being a punk.

WV: And the K to end the inning. Why not.

_______________
7TH INNING:

RK: I like this Neshek cat. He might be a good addition to this team

WV: I just had visions of him flirting with Paula Abdul as a surreal animated kool kat.

RK: And why wouldn't you?

WV: Strike 3. The pitching has more than done their job tonight, guys. I implore you, once again, score some damn runs.

RK: There's no reason not to. You know you want to. I'll buy you a pizza.

WV: nate p, you must not be aware that KC's owner erased Saberhagen's memory after he stole Brett's bust.

RK: And Mauer's 0-3. Dammit.

WV: The internal collapse of KC is proscribed in Ragnarok.

RK: Morneau, it is your destiny, your duty, your obligation - to drive Mr. Cuddyer (and if you'd like, yourself) in.

WV: Or a line out to third.

RK: This is really frustrating.

WV: Can Torii make my night?

RK: Let's not get our hopes up.

_______________
8TH INNING:

WV: Hudson has an ERA of 5.12, by the way.

RK: But what does it all mean, William?

WV: Try to imagine Silva and Gomorrah doing something similar and then the magnitude of the Twins' futility will be clearer.

RK: Oh, now I understand! (Coach Z reference anyone? Ha? Ha? )

WV: And the Crainadian is in.

RK: And he's a-fireballing.

WV: If the Yanks get no hit by a team with 90 losses I'll feel better if we lose to them.

RK: Making preliminary justifications is a dangerous path to tread down, my friend.

WV: Again, nothing would make me happier than if Jimmy Gobble got into the game.

RK: Nothing would make me happier right now than a double play.

WV: Dennys Ultraviolet Reyes up.

RK: Looking well-fed as always.

WV: Of course Cano breaks up Cabrera's no-hitter.

RK: Of all the people...

WV: Basically, one of the darkest days of Ragnarok.

RK: And Ultraviolet's in.

WV: And out. Must be a buffet somewhere. I kid, Dennys. We only kid people who are lights-out.

WV: Remember when people stood on second base? Those were fond memories.

RK: And when Rondell White was having a resurgence? That was fun, too.

WV: My spirit is basically broken.

RK: Yeah, I definitely feel like Psalm 148 right now [Robert has no idea if that's a lament Psalm, but it feels right]

WV: We'll see how many of the Twins actually remember we're in the playoffs come next week.

RK: I feel like a dominatrix has me tied up and is repeatedly kicking me in the genitals with her leather boots on. Not that I know what that's like...

WV: And you're mumbling the safety word but her leather mask is on too tight and she can't hear you.

RK: And then you have to go the hospital

WV: I'd say the Twins were pulling a Blyleven here but it's hard to do a fucking thing over again when you've pretty much done nothing.

RK: Fair point. Another 1-2-3 inning. Let's go to the ninth.

_______________
9TH INNING:

WV: Willie Eyre-in go bragh! isn't in so they must have at least a passing interest in winning.

RK: But it's Rincon so... lukewarm.

WV: I've basically spaced out in front of my computer screen. My only recollection of the past 2 hours is a jumble of lazy pop outs and GIDPs.

RK: Do you ever feel like your life is an unending waking nightmare? Sometimes I do. Becuase Rincon does the leadoff walk routine.

WV: And then gives up the hit to Mike Sweeney.

RK: My stomach feels like Silva.

WV: KC has 5 shutouts.

RK: How many against the Twins?

WV: 2 of their 5.

RK: 40%?!

WV: In line for 50%

RK: God

WV: How about this: We bench every Venezuelan not named Santana for the playoffs.

RK: I like it.

WV: I'm not even upset about this, any kind of excitement from any side is welcome at this point.

RK: I'm with you on this one.

WV: But they escaped the jam!

RK: Still down one. Settle down.

WV: Nathan up in our pen, wishful thinking I say.

RK: It's just not in the cards.

WV: It all comes down to Mauer.

RK: We are not destined to win the division.

WV & RK: MAUER PAUER

WV: Mauer dug down deep, strapped on his Viking helmet and went to work.

RK: To the 10th!

WV: RAGNAROK.

--------------
10TH INNING

WV: Free baseball, free blogging. Enjoy.

RK: No more base hits now, Twitch and Pitch.

WV: T'would be a real shame if your first loss of the season came against these sad sacks.

RK: Good point.

WV: Dayne Perry on foxsports.com made the point that the Twins should want to play the Yanks in a 5 game series rather than in the ALCS when it goes to 7. Has some merit huh?

RK: It does.

WV: We can't really trust Detroit to beat them while we play Oakland.

WV: This 3rd base ump is pissy he's missing ER.

RK: True, but I still believe in wanting to win every game

WV: It's a good attitude.

RK: Come on Nathan. I'd like to not get to Sweeney so getting this guy would be lovely.

WV: Yahtzee! Now let's win this thing.

RK: I'm sick of burning the bullpen

WV: As am I. Hopefully Morneau can take care of that.

RK: DeJesus strikes again.

WV: We've got to stop fucking with this guy.

RK: I owe Rondell a pizza.

WV: And the Lew Ford Experiment shifts into running mode.

RK: Transform!

WV: Tyner though...Wow. Why don't we intentionally walk somebody who's never hit a home run. That's garage logic.

RK: IBB? Hahaha

WV: Suicide squeeze. Wait for it.

RK: Or sac fly to center, I'll take it.

WV: Partido cumplido. Twitch and Pitch improves to 7 and 0.

RK: I love this game. It made all the suffering through the first 9 innings worth it. Honorary win for Radke.

------------
POSTGAME:

WV: Stage 2 of Ragnarok is one game away.

RK: Hopefully these same Royals can continue their '27 Yankees impression at least one more game.

WV: It's time to ascend to where they deserve to be

RK: Yankees first round, Yankees second round, I don't care

WV: It's all proscribed anyways. Taking 3 of 4 from KC, even looking lackluster in doing so, is still something.

RK: Radke looked great. I hope he can pitch in the postseason. Then it's a no-doubter. This man deserves a ring.