Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Steve Irwin: In Pace Resquiat, The Twins Empathize, Also Killed by Rays
PREGAME:
WV:
One of our first 'serious' entries could be about Santana's Cy Young candidacy. We seem to have discussed that a lot. But it's not so much of a polemic at the moment
RK:
Yeah, more like common fucking sense. I mean, unless there's some category that he doesn't lead that I don't know about. Wow, that is a sentence of dubious grammatical construction.
______________
1ST INNING:
WV:
And Silva has a very quick 2 outs. So...
RK:
He's due to give up back-to-back jacks.
WV:
Right. Yeah, 1-2-3 inning, but two of those were fly outs. Which doesn't bode well for the future.
RK:
Is that an omen or a portent? I can never keep those straight.
______________
2ND INNING:
WV:
Well, this guy's got a 6.42. He'll probably shut us out.
RK:
But we can counter with our own mid-6 ERA-er. It's mind games. Aaaaan Thome just went yard.
WV:
Right. So did we trade for Nevin to never play him?
RK:
Well who would you sit to make room for him? Rondell White? Perish the thought! And in White's defense, he only weakly grounded out; the two batters before him struck out. So it's an improvement.
WV:
I attribute the double play to Castillo and Bartlett. Silva will never be accountable for anything good anymore. He's my new Kyle Lohse.
RK:
That is harsh. But you're right, he's pitching terribly, and you can't assume the defense will pick him up like that. But maybe this "everybody gets nine pitches" method is just above our head.
WV:
What's his option for next year? 4 million?
RK:
Unless it's 4 dollars or under, no dice, I say. Hey, you know what's really rare? Giant squid and Silva striking somebody out.
_______________
3RD INNING:
RK:
Well the White's are up 4-rip.
WV:
If the D-Rays win, we have to make an uncouth crocodile hunter joke.
RK:
We could do that if the Twins win, too... "Twins accomplish what Irwin can't - get by D-Rays unharmed"
WV:
Good God, we might get no-hit by this guy.
RK:
It's a possibility. He's thrown about 8 pitches so far in the game.
WV:
We did not pick the best game to start this thing. I'm falling asleep.
_______________
4TH INNING:
RK:
Joe Mauer goes opposite side out the park! THE CHARIMAN SERVES THE PEOPLE!
WV:
And now back to your scheduled offensive futility.
RK:
Justin Credible is determined to swing his stick on every pitch. And I can respect that, especially out of a Canadian. And even better when it pays off.
WV:
(goes to eat)
RK:
Poor Eddie being done all year. Can't even enjoy his trip to AAA I mean the National League.
Silva helping out his own cause! One of my favorite baseball plays is the 1-6-3. That's probably not actually true, but I sounds like more of a purist when I say that.
_______________
5TH INNING:
White must have gotten the memo that we're going to try to win the rest of our games scoring 3 runs or less. He did his part by fouling out.
Redmond, we hardly knew ye. Oh... yes we do. Naked batting practice man.
The D-Rays announcers, who sound like the whitest guys in Florida, are listing off people from Compton: Ice Cube, Eazy E, Darrell Strawberry... COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.
Bartlett roped that ball just right... like through a pear orchard, without disturbing the sweet fruit. He truly is one with the Earth.
FUN FACT: At this time last night, Santana had struck out 92 batters in 4 time zones spanning 5 countries.
Running Twins Left-On-Base Counter: Do numbers go that high?
My alma mater called to hit me up for money, and Silva has a 5 minute 1-2-3 inning? Always at the worse time, isn't it?
_______________
6TH INNING:
Has there ever been a team whose wheels have fallen off like the Red Sox this year? Bill Simmons might give this an 11 on the Stomach-Punch Game Meter.
Good eye, Dr. Neau, taking that walk. Makes you miss Dougie Bubblegum even a little less. I wonder if he'll have a job next year... yet all for naught, as Torii jumped out of his shoes to fly out. He's! Just! So! Excited!
Mr. Silva, not to jinx you, but you should really try to work this vintage 2005 magic on teams not named the Royals or D-Rays or anybody else statistically eliminated from playoff contention.
Do you suppose in the D-Ray clubhouse there's a running joke about Jorge Cantu that goes something like: Jorge cannot! No, Jorge Cantu! I don't think so either.
Look out for that wall, Punto. Glad your superpowers saved you.
_______________
7TH INNING:
Hm, Florida announcers reading the lottery numbers at 8:42? Oh right, half of Florida is going to bed now because they have to get up at 3:30 to eat half of a grapefruit for breakfast.
Rondell, where have you been all my life?! Where did these dingers come from? You're so sneaky!
Pat Neshek, we're going to sit down, and we're going to have a talk. Go out to the woodshed and pick your switch. No no, you did this to yourself. It's going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me. Maybe you weren't saluting the ball enough. I don't know. But you don't give up homers to anyone, especially guys named Greg Norton who didn't even get to play big boy ball last year....
OR TY WIGGINTON. I need to go for a walk.
It's a good thing the White Sox are los-- OH WAIT.
I have severe anger salad. Still working it out.
_______________
8TH INNING:
It's this inning, boys. M&M need to come through, maybe with some help from Cuddy. I can't bear to watch. My geist is shot.
It's OK, Joe, you can't hit every ball. You just hit more than everybody else.
If Cuddy hit a double, I'd be so so happy, and wishes come true! Just ask the kids at the Children's Miracle Network. I am so sorry. But I'm so right! Cuddy grounds out.
Ha, they showed Juan Rincon in the pen drinking water, and he spit it out. What's in the bottle, Juan?
Uuuuuuugggggghhhhhh, ugly, Morneau. Ugly.
WV:
Oh no. Get the Steve Irwin headline ready.
RK:
It's ready. This is ridiculous. Who'd have thought pulling Silva out of the game would be the wrong move? Holy shit, the Tigers released Dmitri Young.
WV:
Why?
RK:
They say it's strictly performance-related, but with the expanded playoff rosters, that has to be bullshit. I hope the bullpen here is getting this out of its system. Give up a couple more, Rincon!
WV:
Wow, a rookie for the Marlins threw a no-hitter.
RK:
That's the beauty of the sport. On any given day, a rookie can throw a no-hitter, or the best bullpen in baseball can cough one up to Tampa Bay.
WV:
In all fairness, Rincon got lucky only giving up one run.
RK:
His numbers are deceiving. A 2.84 ERA, but pre-All Star break: 2.06. Post-All Star break: 4.66.
_______________
9TH INNING:
RK and WV: Whatever.
_______________
POSTGAME:
WV:
Well, the White Sox have a killer schedule anyway. And the Twins have a sweet 4 game series with the Royals, not to mention the Orioles.
RK:
And if Boston keeps reeling, that could be a nice 10 game swing before the final series with the White Sox.
WV:
I'm just happy because espn.com took Detroit's magic number off
RK:
The division is still up for grabs. Hopefully a strong showing in Detroit and winning the games you're supposed to win will add up to a playoff berth. But this game hurt. They were supposed to win this one.
WV:
One of our first 'serious' entries could be about Santana's Cy Young candidacy. We seem to have discussed that a lot. But it's not so much of a polemic at the moment
RK:
Yeah, more like common fucking sense. I mean, unless there's some category that he doesn't lead that I don't know about. Wow, that is a sentence of dubious grammatical construction.
______________
1ST INNING:
WV:
And Silva has a very quick 2 outs. So...
RK:
He's due to give up back-to-back jacks.
WV:
Right. Yeah, 1-2-3 inning, but two of those were fly outs. Which doesn't bode well for the future.
RK:
Is that an omen or a portent? I can never keep those straight.
______________
2ND INNING:
WV:
Well, this guy's got a 6.42. He'll probably shut us out.
RK:
But we can counter with our own mid-6 ERA-er. It's mind games. Aaaaan Thome just went yard.
WV:
Right. So did we trade for Nevin to never play him?
RK:
Well who would you sit to make room for him? Rondell White? Perish the thought! And in White's defense, he only weakly grounded out; the two batters before him struck out. So it's an improvement.
WV:
I attribute the double play to Castillo and Bartlett. Silva will never be accountable for anything good anymore. He's my new Kyle Lohse.
RK:
That is harsh. But you're right, he's pitching terribly, and you can't assume the defense will pick him up like that. But maybe this "everybody gets nine pitches" method is just above our head.
WV:
What's his option for next year? 4 million?
RK:
Unless it's 4 dollars or under, no dice, I say. Hey, you know what's really rare? Giant squid and Silva striking somebody out.
_______________
3RD INNING:
RK:
Well the White's are up 4-rip.
WV:
If the D-Rays win, we have to make an uncouth crocodile hunter joke.
RK:
We could do that if the Twins win, too... "Twins accomplish what Irwin can't - get by D-Rays unharmed"
WV:
Good God, we might get no-hit by this guy.
RK:
It's a possibility. He's thrown about 8 pitches so far in the game.
WV:
We did not pick the best game to start this thing. I'm falling asleep.
_______________
4TH INNING:
RK:
Joe Mauer goes opposite side out the park! THE CHARIMAN SERVES THE PEOPLE!
WV:
And now back to your scheduled offensive futility.
RK:
Justin Credible is determined to swing his stick on every pitch. And I can respect that, especially out of a Canadian. And even better when it pays off.
WV:
(goes to eat)
RK:
Poor Eddie being done all year. Can't even enjoy his trip to AAA I mean the National League.
Silva helping out his own cause! One of my favorite baseball plays is the 1-6-3. That's probably not actually true, but I sounds like more of a purist when I say that.
_______________
5TH INNING:
White must have gotten the memo that we're going to try to win the rest of our games scoring 3 runs or less. He did his part by fouling out.
Redmond, we hardly knew ye. Oh... yes we do. Naked batting practice man.
The D-Rays announcers, who sound like the whitest guys in Florida, are listing off people from Compton: Ice Cube, Eazy E, Darrell Strawberry... COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.
Bartlett roped that ball just right... like through a pear orchard, without disturbing the sweet fruit. He truly is one with the Earth.
FUN FACT: At this time last night, Santana had struck out 92 batters in 4 time zones spanning 5 countries.
Running Twins Left-On-Base Counter: Do numbers go that high?
My alma mater called to hit me up for money, and Silva has a 5 minute 1-2-3 inning? Always at the worse time, isn't it?
_______________
6TH INNING:
Has there ever been a team whose wheels have fallen off like the Red Sox this year? Bill Simmons might give this an 11 on the Stomach-Punch Game Meter.
Good eye, Dr. Neau, taking that walk. Makes you miss Dougie Bubblegum even a little less. I wonder if he'll have a job next year... yet all for naught, as Torii jumped out of his shoes to fly out. He's! Just! So! Excited!
Mr. Silva, not to jinx you, but you should really try to work this vintage 2005 magic on teams not named the Royals or D-Rays or anybody else statistically eliminated from playoff contention.
Do you suppose in the D-Ray clubhouse there's a running joke about Jorge Cantu that goes something like: Jorge cannot! No, Jorge Cantu! I don't think so either.
Look out for that wall, Punto. Glad your superpowers saved you.
_______________
7TH INNING:
Hm, Florida announcers reading the lottery numbers at 8:42? Oh right, half of Florida is going to bed now because they have to get up at 3:30 to eat half of a grapefruit for breakfast.
Rondell, where have you been all my life?! Where did these dingers come from? You're so sneaky!
Pat Neshek, we're going to sit down, and we're going to have a talk. Go out to the woodshed and pick your switch. No no, you did this to yourself. It's going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me. Maybe you weren't saluting the ball enough. I don't know. But you don't give up homers to anyone, especially guys named Greg Norton who didn't even get to play big boy ball last year....
OR TY WIGGINTON. I need to go for a walk.
It's a good thing the White Sox are los-- OH WAIT.
I have severe anger salad. Still working it out.
_______________
8TH INNING:
It's this inning, boys. M&M need to come through, maybe with some help from Cuddy. I can't bear to watch. My geist is shot.
It's OK, Joe, you can't hit every ball. You just hit more than everybody else.
If Cuddy hit a double, I'd be so so happy, and wishes come true! Just ask the kids at the Children's Miracle Network. I am so sorry. But I'm so right! Cuddy grounds out.
Ha, they showed Juan Rincon in the pen drinking water, and he spit it out. What's in the bottle, Juan?
Uuuuuuugggggghhhhhh, ugly, Morneau. Ugly.
WV:
Oh no. Get the Steve Irwin headline ready.
RK:
It's ready. This is ridiculous. Who'd have thought pulling Silva out of the game would be the wrong move? Holy shit, the Tigers released Dmitri Young.
WV:
Why?
RK:
They say it's strictly performance-related, but with the expanded playoff rosters, that has to be bullshit. I hope the bullpen here is getting this out of its system. Give up a couple more, Rincon!
WV:
Wow, a rookie for the Marlins threw a no-hitter.
RK:
That's the beauty of the sport. On any given day, a rookie can throw a no-hitter, or the best bullpen in baseball can cough one up to Tampa Bay.
WV:
In all fairness, Rincon got lucky only giving up one run.
RK:
His numbers are deceiving. A 2.84 ERA, but pre-All Star break: 2.06. Post-All Star break: 4.66.
_______________
9TH INNING:
RK and WV: Whatever.
_______________
POSTGAME:
WV:
Well, the White Sox have a killer schedule anyway. And the Twins have a sweet 4 game series with the Royals, not to mention the Orioles.
RK:
And if Boston keeps reeling, that could be a nice 10 game swing before the final series with the White Sox.
WV:
I'm just happy because espn.com took Detroit's magic number off
RK:
The division is still up for grabs. Hopefully a strong showing in Detroit and winning the games you're supposed to win will add up to a playoff berth. But this game hurt. They were supposed to win this one.
# posted by RK @ 7:24 PM 
