Sunday, October 01, 2006


El Fin


WV: So it looks like the division is functionally out of reach.

RK: Yeah, you can never tell, but there are big things going on around here. I'm a little crestfallen though

WV: Why's that?

RK: This is the last time I'll get to watch Dick and Bert this season. And let me tell you this, Bert better be back next year. Not only because he's a hell of a colorman, but because this site would quickly spin into obscurity.

WV: And he's irreplacable.

RK: Yeah, we couldn't do "Pulling a Coomer"

WV: Because that would involve a bad haircut and Tenacious D-esque weight gain.

RK: I'll miss Bert in the offseason, talking about his birthday, his hemorrhoids...

WV: Dick's "Goatee guys"

RK: The only thing I won't miss is "Boof! There it is"

WV: Heaven help us. And heaven help Gordito. And the Royals. And us.


RK: KC puts up three.

WV: Silva will cruise for two innings and then self-destruct

RK: Not so fast.

WV: No kidding.

RK: Rocket Bats should be in soon.

WV: You know, it's getting tiring slamming Silva all the time. I'm running out of things to say.

RK: I don't know either.

WV: Santana is winning the triple crown for supremacy whereas Silva's going for the triple crown in infamy. Leads league in Homers, Hits given up, and is close with losses.

RK: Ha, Yin and Yang unite.

WV: Thome v. Silva, hm....

RK: I'm not watching.

WV: What?

RK: Backwards K? Why not!

WV: Unthinkable things happen. Like, you can play .600 baseball since June with the worst pitcher in the league starting every 5 games.

RK: Imaigne if Gordito wouldn't have had those two good starts.

WV: So Radke pitches with a broken shoulder, sticks with a perennially losing team and they give him a jet ski for retirement? Huh.

RK: Dude, you know he loves it. Imagine his perfect coifed hair not moving at all as the wind rushes by him.

WV: 2 Ks to end the inning? Carlos, you were once a major league pitcher, weren't you?

RK: Hey, Redmond's batting 8th!

WV: HEY! Maybe Gardy's a loyal reader.

RK: ...

WV: No, he is starting Silva, so no.

RK: Let's just see what we can do against Senor Vazquez.

WV: Nerve-wracking with Joe at the plate.

RK: Damn.

WV: I don't want this to come down to the wire.

RK: Now batting, number 5, the Twins offense this series

WV: Cuddyland keeps the inning alive.

RK: Morneau gets them out of it.


RK: Heed our advice M&M, no more combined oh-fer.

WV: Punto, not to beat a dead horse, needs a gold glove.

RK: I'll dip the factory where Rawlings makes gloves in gold and give that to him.

WV: Oh, then he'll control the means of production.

RK: So he'll get the capital.

WV: And Rondell is the George Clinton of the Soul Patrol out there.

RK: And Cuddy's role is?

WV: White Shadow.

RK: Silva turns in a 1-2-(3)-4 inning.

WV: Might be as good as we'll see today. My only fear is that Silva pitches just well enough that it fools Gardy into giving him a start in the playoffs.

RK: Detroit makes it 7-4

WV: So which team do you think Vazquez will underachieve for next season? I've got my money on the Cubbies.

RK: Mariners.

WV: Nice AB Torii.

RK: The difference is miniscule between Mauer and the Antichrist from Kalamazoo.

WV: And Rondell does his best Hunter impression.

RK: Offensivefutility.


RK: The outfield is like water to Rondell's hoverboard

WV: Definitely slow getting to that ball.


WV: Wow.

RK: Sorry, but good God.

WV: No damage done, meaning no Thome dingers.

RK: Always good to see.

WV: Christ, if I wanted to watch depressing sports I'd watch the Vikings

RK: Yeah, I thought they had that market cornered.

WV: At this point, I'm resigned to playing the Jankees. I just want Joe to win the title

RK: It's his rightful title.


WV: When all is said and done, Chicago will still end up at least 4 games behind us but they're sure making us their bitches at the moment.

RK: They'd be the only team to sweep the Twins at the Homerdome.

WV: Cano is officially out of the batting title race.

RK: Good to see the minion is out of it.

WV: AJ grounds out.

RK: Of course.

WV: Uh oh Silva's getting ground outs.

RK: Hopefully, that doesn't give Gardy any ideas.

WV: The elusive 1-2-3 inning

RK: Escapes Gordito's grasp once again

WV: Remember when Silva didn't throw walks? Dig deep, it'll come to you.

RK: I seem to recall...

WV: But no damage done.

RK: We've got a little Mauer Pauer to left field.

WV: Vazquez has entered the valley of the shadow of death.

RK: AKA "The middle innings"

WV: That was an ugly AB Dimples just had there.

RK: What a weird hit for Justin Credible.

WV: But it gets the job done.

RK: He's a Canadian supreme.

WV: Is this a run I spy? Before, like the ivory billed woodpecker, we could only speculate on its existence through anecdotes and hearsay

RK: And so early in the game! nate p, thank you for your statistical analysis. At this point, it's pretty much locked up, eh? So borderline rhetorical question: If Jeter finishes 1-4, The Tigers win, do you sit Mauer to preserve the lead?

WV: Of course, moron.

RK: Dear White Flags, it must be nice to win 90 games and miss the playoffs. And not by a little bit, but 4 games.

WV: Just think what would have happened had their starting pitching ERA gone up almost a full point!

RK: Holy... hell... Dick actually got a call right. Oh, he only called a base hit.

WV: So close Dick. Reach for the stars next time. Who calls a single?

RK: And that's that.

WV: I'm not sure how to respond to this dearth of offensivefutility

RK: All the right people are getting all the right hits. nate p, after more complete calibrations, I'll be sitting on the edge of my seat.


RK: Aw, Dick and Bert are saying their goodbyes. I'm welling up here.

WV: You didn't even bat an eye when your sister moved across an ocean.

RK: This is different.

WV: You're not even a person, are you?

RK: Shut up.

WV: In the meantime, Silva is shockingly not giving me something to bitch about.

RK: It's almost like you don't know how to deal with him right now. Poor Gardy. What to do?

WV: Can you believe Senor Vazquez has 7 Ks?

RK: You'd think he was pitching for the Expos or something.

WV: How close was that?

RK: Bartlett definitely should not have been punched out.

WV: 7-6 DET

RK: QTF, mate? (Put your Spanish cap on to get that one)

WV: Nick, don't

RK: Yeah buddy, we're worried about this diving head first into first. Please knock it off.

WV: John Gordon just dropped this nugget: "Rain delay at Fenway....they're waiting for it to stop raining there"

RK: He's just making sure we all got it.

WV: I'm about to have a heart attack on so many different levels.

RK: Tied at 7, Jeter fading, Mauer at the plate, good thing I haven't eaten any cholesterol yet today.

WV: This is about as ridiculous as that time we had Ridiculous Day down at the deli when the prices were so low, they were ridiculous.

RK: I think I'm dead.


RK: Barring crazy extras in New York, Mauer's got this one on lockdown!

WV: We are all merely courtiers in King Mauer's batting kingdom.

RK: ... !

WV: Please oh god Please fuck with DeJesus, Todd Jones

RK: Punto takes advantage of AJ's being a lazy douchemuffin. Sorry, I say horrible things when I'm excited.

WV: Way to rebound from Tech's lost yesterday, Cuddy and get Punto home.

RK: Vazquez out!

WV: Morneau get us out of the inning, let's watch some scoreboards!


WV: The Royals are ahead.

RK: You could not have scripted this any better.

WV: Assuming it holds up.

RK: Let's hope it does.

WV: Important to note that it's only the top of the inning. Detroit gets two more chances to hit.

RK: Right.

WV: Oh and Silva is still pitching here.

RK: Who? Oh yes. Oh God, Thome almost gave me a scare there.

WV: Jeter's out of the game at .343

RK: It's basically Joe's here.

WV: You gotta leave him in here.

RK: And Carlos comes out.

WV: Detroit ties it back up on a Matt Stairs homer.

RK: Well... I suppose it was all too good to be true.

WV: Ultraviolet Reyes in.

RK: 0.9 ERA. That's crazy.

WV: Hopefully he can keep it under 1 for the season.

RK: For the time being Silva is under 6 for the season. I imagine that's an accomplishment for him.

WV: Been that kind of year for him.

RK: Reyes walks AJ. Hm.

WV: Herb Carneal just gave his farewell to WCCO speech. Very touching.

RK: Wish I could have heard it.

WV: Reyes, just when I start to doubt you...

RK: 1-6-3 DP.

RK: Jesus AJ, will you hold on to the damn ball?

WV: No hoverboard for Rondell

RK: Like clockwork, in comes the LFE

WV: What do you know, the Yankees first playoff game will be during primetime on national television.

RK: Who would have ever thought? The superstructure is strong.

WV: Woe be to us for relying on Peralta to get Ordonez out.

RK: And the Pear King gets the job done.

WV: Where do we sit now with the Jankees game being over?

RK: Good question.

WV: Pierzynski has no idea how to catch a knuckleball.

RK: Well Mr. Punto, there are more auspicious ways to end the inning.


RK: anonymous, many people probably say "Ugghh" when they see Matt Stairs. I do even when I simply think about him.

WV: Let's hope there's more DeJesus in the game. It's true that Detroit just doen't know any better.

RK: Basehit off Reyes's leg.

WV: Lots of leg there.

RK: It can take it.

WV: Aaaand in comes Joowan.

RK: Oh dear.

WV: Blogging is more enjoyable when there's at least a pinch of intrigue.

RK: That's the awful, awful truth of the thing.

WV: Joowan gets by with a little help from his little friends.

RK: Little friends at third base.

WV: Hey, Chicago decided to put a catcher behind the plate

RK: Y'know, a guy who could put the ball in his mitt.

WV: Detroit's letting Jones pitch 3 innings, they really must be desperate.

RK: Methinks Hunter was thinking about another 2-run jack to reach 100 RBI when he swung at that last pitch.

WV: I agree.


WV: Y'know, the Tigers should be ashamed of themselves.

RK: Even if they end up winning.

WV: Nearly getting swept by the Royals? Come on now.

RK: Wow, did you see Morneau split his legs?

WV: Nice of Redmond to back up first like that.

RK: A DP would be nice right about now.

WV: Crain makes Thome look stupid.

RK: That is always nice to see. It's Canadian pride day in the Metrodome.

WV: Is that Larry Walker in the stands?

RK: And wait, isn't Matt Stairs, who just K'ed, Canadian?

WV: Good point.


WV: If that isn't desperation, I don't know what is.

RK: Second best bullpen in baseball and they bring in Rogers?

WV: Holy shit, Castillo! What a play!

RK: My heart can't take this. Honestly.

WV: Wow, Fields did his best Punto impression.

RK: For all intents and purposes, Mauer is your MLB batting champion.

WV: Which, by the way, has never happened before.

RK: Even when NL catchers did it, there was an AL player higher in BA.

WV: Damn you Sweeney. Hell of a catch.

RK: anonymous, husks of people? It's like Nebraska after they stopped being a good football team!

WV: Other anonymous, I go Guerrier

RK: Me too, it looks like its eating his face Alien style

WV: Winning the division must have some sentimental value for Detroit. We've got 3 this decade and well..they've sucked.

RK: Right, and it's always uplifting for a team to crawl out of the dark days.

WV: Absolut Cintron, that is no way to get this game over with.

RK: But Nathan takes care of business, and I'm a little emotional here.

WV: What a way to end the season.

RK: I feel like I'm 9 years old again (Robert was 9 in 1991)


RK: There's a short story by TC Boyle that I can't think of the name of about a baseball game that goes on forever. And that's the way I am about this season. Even when we made fun of Joowan's pitching, and Cuddy's inability to hit anything other than a grooved fastball.

WV: But this is our team and our boys, and whoever you end up playing, beat their asses into submission.



WV: 2nd phase of RAGNAROK is complete. Domefield advantage is ours.

RK: What's really crazy is how Detroit just folded. I'll be honest. I was beginning to doubt if the second phase of RAGNAROK would come to pass

WV: I mean, 6-0 lead before the Twins even start? You can't like the Royals' chances when that's the case.

RK: But KC sure helped out.

WV: We owe them a pizza.

RK: Detroit shouldn't have fucked with the Dejesus.

WV: Hey, we learned that the hard way; so did they.

I'm envious that you get the FSN North feed. I'm stuck watching WGN and the thought of hearing Hawk Harrelson say "he gone" is giving me fits.
The AFK just grounded out (against Josh Towers!) to drop to 1-4. This means that if he doesn't bat again today, Mauer can go 0-3, then sit down and still preserve his lead.
Well, OK, forget that. Looks like the worst-case scenario now -- assuming the Yankles-Jays go 9 at most and there's no bizarre outbursts of monstrous offense from NY -- is this:

Mauer 1-4; .34549
Jeter 2-5; .34510
Cano 3-4; .34439

I guess there's less reason to hyperventHOLY SHIT TORII HUNTER
detroit just doesn't learn not to fuck with dejesus
matt stairs UGGGHHHHH
god, the KC radio announcers sound like they've had all the life sucked out of them and their just walking husks of zombies. it's kinda sad
worst goatee: Crain or Guerrier? discuss.
When I was at a Twins game earlier this year, I believe against the Brewers, we heard a chant. It sounded like, "Let's go, Royals!" That didn't make a lot of sense then, but today, it was really heard at the Dome!
Functionally out of reach...1 out, 2 on, top of the 12th. I can't even breathe.
Apparently the 2005 World Bowling Cup has taken the place of post game on FSN. My dad is losing his shit. I'm Gameday-ing it up. GO ROYALS!
People please call in, e-mail FSN about not having the post game show on. BOWLING????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? NOBODDDY CARES ABOUT BOWLING. TERRIBLE JOB BY FSN IN MY OPINION.
god, the KC radio announcers sound like they've had all the life sucked out of them and their just walking husks of zombies.

Yeah, I was listening to the end of the Tigers/Royals game and even with 2 outs the KC announcers were questioning Tigers fans for leaving. The best line was, "The fans should realize this game is far from over." I imagine that 2 outs in the bottom of the 11th is always far from over for the Royals. But thank god for Jimmy Gobble.

worst goatee: Crain or Guerrier? discuss.

Definitely Guerrier. It's like a sea otter has made its home on his chin.

Apparently the 2005 World Bowling Cup has taken the place of post game on FSN.

People please call in, e-mail FSN about not having the post game show on. BOWLING????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

The East Coast media conglomerate isn't sure how to reach out to fans of teams in the Midwest. Do they prefer bowling? Do they like scrabble? Hm....pennant races? Let's go with bowling. Remember that one movie with the amish guy and Woody Harrelson? Yeah. Let's do that.
Where were you guys today? I was looking forward to reading your comments while listen to Dick and Danny on the radio?
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?