Pulling A Blyleven

The 3rd phase of Ragnarok appears to be an insurmountable objective. Little did we know yesterday that Loki is not in fact Frank Thomas, but offensivefutility. It has been a strange couple of days. Jason Bartlett forgot that you run the bases counter-clockwise. Luis Castillo failed to remember that grooved fastballs thrown down the middle of the plate are, in fact, strikes. And finally, Torii Hunter didn't notice that Jason Kendell, if not for Frank Thomas, the slowest player on the A's roster, probably doesn't even make 3rd on a single. The whole mess is quite the Rubik's Kubel.


Really, Hunter's face flop is a microcosm of how this series is playing out for the team at large. As is proscribed in Ragnarok, the final devastation entails a glorious and earth shaking slaughter of the Gods. What seems, however, to be occuring, is a feeble flutter of called third strikes and slow relays to first on potential double plays.


What's lost in this is great starting pitching. The Twins' starters are posting a 3.00 ERA thus far while the relievers, our supposed strength, are sitting at 7.20. With an epidemic of offensivefutility infecting the Twins' hitters, that will not cut it. It's like a guy with a vasectomy going to a sperm bank, it simply is not going to produce. So what's the point?


But as always, hope springs eternal (yeah, I know, lots of hope here so far). The Twins seem to prefer playing from a position of weakness devoid of any and all expectations. If we can somehow muster two wins in Oakland against Haren and Harden, we can look with anticipation to JoJo pitching game 5 at home. For that to happen, these scenarios must play out:

---Cuddyer needs to quit with the Troy Williamson impression and stop bobbling everything hit in the vicinity of Cuddyland.
---Puntober cannot continue being Punt0-fer. You know Nicky, you're not automatically called out if you take more than 3 pitches.
---Sinn Fein: I understand that great reward involves risk. That, coincidentally, does not excuse your disappearing act at the plate. Pull a Badiou and discover some fidelity to the Event (being RAGNAROK, of course.)
---EVERYONE: Not building rallies and depending on the long ball to catch up sounds a lot like something the White Flags would do. This isn't fielding practice for Marco Scuttaro, it's ok to hit some balls into the gap.
---Gardy: This is the playoffs, if your starters are cruising, there's no need to automatically yank them with 100 pitches thrown. At this point, I'll stick with Bonser and Herzegovina at 100 pitches over Joowan any time. Preserving their arms will really pay off when they're casting their bait on Lake Minnetonka next weekend. That was sarcasm, by the way, Ron.


And somebody, please somebody, knock that smug grin off of Nick Swisher's face. And is it too late for Liriano to mount another comeback? Just checking.