Thursday, March 29, 2007


"Show Me That Smile Again... Don't Waste Another Minute On Your Cryin'"

Because it's baseball season.

And it's on.

Like Donkey Kong. Here at Pulling A Blyleven. That said:

Welcome to our opening day extravaganza! Pizza for everyone! (as long as you get it yourself). This may take a while. To help you out:


I. How we do
II. Who we are
III. What we do
IV. Why we do it
V. Looking ahead, and always twirling.

I. How we do

RK: Well, I suppose they need to know that we post things like a conversation.

WV: Right, sort of our raison d'etre, to be a dick about it.

RK: Well, that segues nicely into a discussion of the barer formulation of how we do, which is how we don't do.

WV: There's a lot of "do's" going on here. I like it. But anyway, we pretty much liveblog Twins games.

RK: So the off-season doesn't really do much for us. As bat-girl (more to come on that later!) would say, the off-season is the suck. Not the Vietnam kind of suck. Like, uh, the boring kind of suck. Like that Sunday afternoon headache that just won't go away suck.

WV: It doesn't. And really, the Twins as an organization lend themselves to not paying attention to the off-season. I mean, after a few weeks of Spring Training, we've learned Durbin is NOT the real deal, and Silva...

RK: Soft, let's not get worked up just yet.

WV: Probably for the best.

RK: Soon, the method for the madness will be clear. RAGNAROK! (Find Gardy's picture and discover the magic!)

II. Who we are

Meet the two displaced upper-midwesterners who aren't ashamed to claim this puppy, but BE AWARE: only the pure of heart may gaze. Other people turn to pillars of salt, or have their face melted off Indiana Jones-style, or immolate. It's happened.

Image Hosting






WOULD TRADE PLACES WITH: Someone on the editorial staff of the Utne Reader

WILD CARD: You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew.

Image Hosting



CURRENT TOWN: Blacksburg, VA




FAVORITE POEM: "Aubade and Elegy," Elizabeth Bishop

WILD CARD: Remember, remember the fifth of November twenty-seventh of August

III. What we do

RK: Well, like we said, we liveblog. But there's so much more. Oh so much more.

WV: You'll have to read us every single minute of your spare time to find out.

RK: Well, every spare minute of the game. Or after each half-inning.

WV: We also recklessly estimate statistics

RK: Which is the nicest way to say make them up

WV: They have to come from somewhere, right?

RK: They've got their methods, we've got ours.

WV: BillRobertmetrics

RK: Twice as good as Moneyball; half the price

WV: Sabremetrics has Win Shares, we have C.R.A.P... uh, created... runs above... production?

RK: And it sounds so real! TRUST US

WV: Dorothy, just tap your heels 3 times, recite the name Nick Swisher, and it will be.

RK: We should probably tell them we're grad students before they lose all respect for us

WV: Good call.

RK: At least 9 people collectively think we're smart enough to continue shielding ourselves from the real world.

RK: Also, we'll read your blogs if you tell us where to go. Because we love you... like... in that way. Didn't want to get all awkward about it, but I'm just going for it, y'know?

WV: Just throwing it out there.

RK: We have the spice. Something to think on

WV: T I kn R ow I U wi S ll T

RK: Subliminomenal!

WV: We also don't edit or spell-check. Nerd.

RK: See that list of erudition? Our readings and things on our mind from our academic side sometimes bleed over, so if we talk about some critical or political theory, we put it on this list. It's like finding Waldo, except not as exciting and not like finding Waldo at all!

IV. Why we do it

WV: You got any guesses about this?

RK: Did I mention we're students? Would you rather I read and wrote?

WV: In my case, it's a built in excuse for my girlfriend to let me watch baseball every night.

RK: In mine, it's probably a factor in why I don't have a girlfriend. Such sacrifices

WV: We all have our crosses to bear

RK: Even if weighed down by Ponson and Silva

WV: But really, baseball is one of the trule sublime things in life, like a baby's laughter

RK: Or overrated ska musicians overdosing on heroin

WV: Hellooooo, 1996!

RK: We also crave attention

WV: And the esteem of our peers, who, at our ten year reunion will ask us, "Hey man, doin' anything special?" and I can reference this.

RK: It makes us more attractive. I mean that generally.

WV: And we're desperately searching for people who find our jokes funny. Our friends stopped listening a while ago.

V. Ghosts of things to come

RK: Batgirl, the reason we started blogging, had a significant lapse in judgment.

WV: Indeed. She's allowing us to post on her site.

RK: Maybe she doesn't know any better. Or feels sorry for us.

WV: We're the black sheep cousins you only see at Christmas of the Batgirl family.

RK: So check it early and often, even if it's just a cross-post.

WV: You can also expect more consistent posting.

RK: On probably at least 150 games. Hey, we get summers off.

WV: Even if it's just one of us doing the whole thing

RK: Then you can play favorites.

WV: We also give everybody nicknames, anagrams, or completely non-sensical combinations of letters. To that end, we'll update our working glossary when there's enough clamor.


WV: Feel free to comment too. We like those. We'll address you directly during the post if you do it during a game.

RK: Yeah, and if you have any sort of questions/comments/deeply held grievances, we can soothe your pain. Or at least try.

WV: Now let's play some ball.

It is like being Monday without actually being Monday!

Let the games begin fellas! Season 2 is bound to be bigger and better than the first.

Long Live PaB!
Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy you guys? I enjoy you guys. Great stuff, as usual.

And thanks for the 'Full House' theme song in my head. Really. Thanks.

Ugueth Urbina...holy shit.
Totally just realized that it's the GROWING PAINS theme song, not Full House. I must be drunk. I need remedial childhood TV therapy, stat.
Off to the side, does anyone know a site that has the video of Torii Hunter plowing over Jamie Burke back in Chicago in 2004? I'm trying to find a video of it and can't...
It's about time...I was getting tired of your non-posts during the off-season. I usually check your site in the morning and it's always a hilarious recap of the game. Thanks for this public service.
I should also mention that your acronym always reminds me of my favorite small-town-bar brew, PBR. I think the fact that PAB is also, coincidentally, the first 3 letters of Pabst must have something to do with it...but my mind also makes a huge leap there. Don't underestimate the power of baseball + beer. Anyway, good to know your site is in good company in my list of favorites. (Baseball, watered-down beer, you! Batgirl's in there somewhere too. And knitting.)
I LOVE the idea of calling Joe Mauer "Global Warming" because you can't stop him. That's the absolute best thing I've heard all day.

Oh, RK and WV, I love your blog. Almost as much as I love Batgirl.
Excuse my grammatical error. I meant to say "as much as I love Batgirl's blog."
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?