Thursday, April 12, 2007


Beer-It giveth and taketh.


It's the 2nd, and you, loyal reader, ask: Where are the unflappable writers of this wonderful blog? At the bar, my friend. That said, beer has taketh: It has taken 2 innings of live blogging from our lives. But also, it giveth: The rest of this game, expect convoluted and nonsensical commentary. I warned you.


Totally Bush League, Torii. If that's what you have to, you got my vote. But come on, if your offensive futility extends to the Devil Rays, you need therapy.

I mean, I can't believe I'm writing this: "Carlos Silva deserves better". Having to praise Silva is rocking my world, like when Jesse from Saved By The Bell decided to whore herself out to Hollywood. Only this has no discernible benefit. Use your imagination.

This is Casey Fossum and not Walter Johnson right?


The resurrection of Carlos is quite a pleasant surprise, I have to say. I guess if Meatloaf can do it, anybody can. And I don't doubt for a second that Gordo would do anything for love.

The Twins really have Casilla (little house in Spanish) primed to take over Castillo (castle in Spanish)---faking a bunt on the first pitch.

Is anybody else sick of facing lefthanders? Now, I'm left handed, and I appreciate their predominance thus far against the Twins. Granted, their suffering throughout life using desks with writing space on the wrong side and can openers that preclude a significant percentage of the population from eating Beefaroni warrants an easy go through the weakest line-up...ever.

Pitchers duel between Casey Fossum and Carlos Silva.....Heaven must've caught on fire.


How must it feel to have Ty Wigginton, Delmon Young and some guy named Eeerwamoora (classic Pulling A Blyleven statistical analysis there) be the heart of your order. Oh, I know. It feels like being a Twins fan.

Is it me or does the facade of the new ballpark look like the outside of a Walgreens? Is it still taboo to criticize the new ballpark?

Nice upstage of Hunter on that catch Cuddy--I know, you're just getting ready for when Sinn Fein takes over. Just think twice before you get into your Humvee tonight.

I see now that Irwamura is batting .420. My bad.

Apparently he's really fast too. In any case, Silva is looking sharp.

Bert says that one of the advantages of the new ballpark is that "the players will be able to look at the fan eye to eye". Yes, that would be brilliant--maybe then they would realize that thousands of people are having to watch this dull athletic equivalent of a Jane Austin novel.

2 things have ocurred here: That was a strike, and Mauer threw that guy the fuck out. Hmm...this sort of thing would've pushed Silva off the deep end last season....

But not this season! You go Meatloaf. And no, the answer is not, "But I won't do that."


Fossum working out of the stretch...without anyone on. I guess the Twins are so futile the opposing pitcher needs to make up ghost runners, like when I was 6.

Knowing the Aflac trivia questions has lost its luster in the Wikipedia Age.

BERT MADE A CALL AND IT WAS RIGHT!!!!! Now, I didn't quite understand it at the time...a home run....a strange concept. But sure enough, Cuddles rocked the shit out of that gopher ball. See, he's a married man--he knows that when you've been misbehaving long enough you need to eventually shape up or you'll be sleeping on the floor of your office. This analogy has nothing to do with my present situation...for the time being.


A quick correction--RK is at a lecture, see I like to project my sloth onto others. So, we'll call that an addendum to the PREGAME.

For a second there Nicky thought he was playing basketball and started dribbling the ball. He's pretty excitable, but he got with it and made a nice throw. Koskie, he's not, but he gets the job the field.

You know, I'll take line drives to center field over moon shots to International Falls. Now, a double play would be truly sublime.

Despite the Hormel advertisement behind homeplate, Gordo kept his thoughts from pork products and struck out Crawford. I almost feel sheepish watching this performance.


I feel like John Gordon butchering this name, but I think I got it right: Iwamura made a great play on that great sac bunt by Little House On the Prairie. We push these nicknames too much. I was just thinking that "Old Yeller" would be a great name for Rabe. Thoughts?

Fossum working the outer half of the plate against Punto. Doesn't he know that the best strategy is throwing 80 mph fast balls down the middle?

Do you wonder if the BatBoy ever considers locking Punto in the equipment closet and putting on his jersey? Would anybody notice? Might that be happening as we speak?

RK informs me I'm on the wrong inning. In light of the PREGAME and taking a cue from Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore, I ask you Mr. K, where were you on that one dipshit?


RK: Sorry, sorry. I was busy considering subaltern counterpublics. Hey, remember when we couldn't beat the D-Rays back in 01-03?

WV: Oh, those were the good old days

RK: I'm more shocked that Silva's throwing a shutout than I was to hear that Nancy Fraser has changed her mind to mimic a Kantian cosmopolitanism.

WV: Dave Navarro, on break from his 4th go around with the Chili Peppers, is the Devil Rays next big washout.

RK: DON MATTINGLY. Or Wade Boggs? I can't remember.

WV: What do you make of this Silva revival?

RK: In light of the single and walk, let's not speak too soon

WV: Verily, has has made it through six.


RK: Joe, that might be the best comment ever. When we retire/die, you can have this beast.

WV: I've been away from my computer...when did Glen Perkins show up?

RK: He must have bought a ticket from a scalper.

WV: Ah, poor Heintz. Fossum owes Iwamura Jimmy John's.

RK: And a pizza. And 5 dollars.


WV: You think Casilla stays in the line-up until pears are in season?

RK: When is Bartlett going to stop needing these sorts of reality checks?

WV: That ground rule double is only possible in the Metrodome.

RK: Absolutely. Panton is in the dugout looking nervous

WV: That was one of those Rick Reed fastballs there. Looked more like a 2-seam fastball, but I won't question Bert. Then again, I'm about as close to the HOF as he is. Too soon?

RK: Absolutely. What kind of beer are you drinking?

WV: He'll definitely never circle me now. Reyes...a 15.00 ERA...might the fatso have traded their ineptness this season.

RK: Has Gordito become Gordo?

WV: You're blowing my mind with that Camus stuff.

RK: Reyes has worked to lower his ERA.


WV: You know what, Kubel is hitting over .300. All this Kubel hating can stop right about now.

RK: For the time being. I'll sign the reprieve. Nick and Burgess, stop all this bickering about the mid-90s

WV: Fossum looks like he should be upgrading the RAM on my computer.

RK: He's probably playing World of Warcraft between innings.

WV: And planning a dinner with his friendster pal Lew Ford

RK: Probably also on Myspace and Facebook.


RK: Inauspicious start for Rincon.

WV: One day the DRays fans..if there are any...are going to look back on Ty Wigginton like we look back on Marty Cordova.

RK: Poor bastards.

WV: Forgive me if I'm wrong, but muddying up an infield makes it slower for...both teams right?

RK: That seems deductively sound.

WV: Can we put in Santana?

RK: Joowan gets a pass, his mother-in-law died

WV: This is true. How about the Kemps cow dressed up as a Twin behind homeplate?

RK: You'd think they were playing in Collegeville.

WV: Or..Northfield.

RK: Colleges, cows and contentment.

WV: Thinly-concealed rage too.

RK: Little Nicky has intangibles...maybe he should win the MVP

WV: But his neck doesn't hurt

RK: And he doesn't have the permasmirk. Oh God.

WV: He's lucky that's not in the bleachers.

WV: Death Metal cranks up the Iron Maiden and says, "No worries Joowan, I got it".


Perhaps we should rename the post tonight, "8th Inning Giveth and Taketh". Unlike last night, when our offense came alive, the bats remained dormant. Unless I've been told otherwise, the Twins' bats are not cloistered nuns so they should give up on this vow of silence.


Let me just say, the turn of events of this inning were so ridiculous that it would've left even Kafka speechless. I'm half expecting faceless, nondescript feds to burst through my door and arrest me on something frivolous and out of my control.

First things first, the DRays must've taken a page out of our base running notebook because it was like I was watching two drunk fans from the bleachers streak through the infield. Really, the Twins didn't know who to throw it too, and the Drays didn't know where to run. Luckily, in this version of the blind leading the blind, we came out on top.

Ah yes. And the MVP. What can you say? Tell me you weren't thinking to yourself, "the only way this can end is with an opposite field blast." I bet the DRays wished they had a left handed specialist right about now. You know, Mike Venafro was on the market guys.....


It is a true shame that Gordo couldn't pick up a win here. But then again, all 11 of his wins last season were cheaply gained, so I imagine the universe is simply righting itself. In any case, as one of our readers pointed out, we might have a veritable rotation. If 3/5ths of our starters can be this consistent, I don't see why another division title shouldn't be within our sights.

hey it's only the bottom of the 5th... the Twins scored in the 4th... a little too much beer?
Maybe they can see the future. :P

Nah, makes me chuckle though.
Slim I told you Silva was gonna have a good year, and he's proven me right so far. Kubel is a bum, sorry had to get that in there.
can we nominate the D-Rays for worst names ever? "Devil Rays" is bad enough, but they have Ty Wiggington, Iwamura, a guy named Delmon.. Baldelli, Zobrist... it's like a short story someone came up wrote in a Victorian era opium den.
Looks like we might have a rotation this year after all!
Wasn't Dave Navarro in Stone Temple Pilots?
I now know thanks to Wikipedia that Dave Navarro was in both the Chili Peppers and Jane's Addiction. Me, all I knew him from was Celebrity Poker Showdown.

My bad.

No, he wasn't in STP. I'm trying to figure out which band it was...

Ah, it was Jane's Addiction! He's also done some pretty decent solo work, I think.
And, we commented at the same time.
I swear Gordo just said that Uhura is playing third for the Rays.
I hope we don't see a naked fan dance
I don't know what just happened, but I think it can only be explained by Legovison. Unless you guys can come up with something similar...
welcome to my blog
amd If ponson chokes another couple times, or boof is too shaken up after the yanks knocked him around, we have 2-3 good arms in the minors to maybe pick up some of the slack. Our rotation could somehow be a strength again this year!
Totally agree Jebus. Kind of like our infield defense last year, a perceived weakness may be a strenth in the end.
Santana is tonight. :)
Let's hope our offense keeps getting hotter.
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