Tuesday, April 17, 2007


Infield Power : A Nick Punto Joint


The following pregame is loosely based on..no, it's pretty much a direct copy of Gary Sheffield's new master oeuvre, Inside Power.





The memoir only Nick Punto could write. The critics are raving:

"A fast and engaging read....Punto saves some of his best cuts for the Phillies organization."--Sports Illustrated

"The greatest underdog story of our time. This time Nicky Punto goes the distance. It's all heart!"---The New York Times

Available wherever books are sold.


Tyner....releasing the inner beast.....broken bat double. If stats, like gravity, were relative, he'd get a dinger for that.

It's a shame Jeff Weaver doesn't have a younger brother in the Seattle system who could take his spot in the rotation, like last year. I'm going to really try to not be bitter that this guy gets paid more than Santana.

The speedy component of the tri-partite Jasonthing easily scores on that opposite field double from Mauer. All he does is get hits....

I imagine that if Weaver keeps hanging 78 mph pitches in the zone the Twins will make him pay...and as I write that Cuddyer almost knocks one out. Seriously, I wrote the original thought before the hit. We're on the trust system here guys. TRUST US.

If Dr. Neau can avoid getting hit in the head, this trip to Seattle will be a success.

As may be already evident, Mr. RK is taking the night off, so you're all left to burn the midnight oil with me. And it goes without saying that my thoughts are with him and his.


Well then. I didn't quite expect to see Ichiro knock one out, but sillier things have happened I suppose. Like every television series given to Andy Richter.

Beautiful double play. Ramon rights the ship there after the lead-off tater, avoids throwing the ball into center field and hopefully the bats maintain whatever it is that's gotten into them.


The Mariner folk are being quite magnanimous towards our little ballclub, but I guess when you have to watch Seattle underachieve every night you become easily amused.

L-Rod, working a 3-2 count, must be having one of those good at-bats Gardy always raves about after the game. Now he'll pop out somewhere.

TRUST ME--I wrote that before he actually popped out somewhere.

Thank goodness our bats disappeared. The Twins need to go back into the dugout, find Pedro Cerrano, and give Jobu a refill.

Barlett, channeling Cerrano, exclaims: " I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats."


Somebody give Jose Guillen a hand! Hardy har har. But seriously, that probably stung. It'll definitely leave a mark.

Funny story about Johjima. When asked how he approached at-bats against Dice K in Japan he responded, "I prayed to God".

Another funny story about Johjima: Double Play sucker, Ortiz relies again on a pitcher's best friend.


I wonder if Weaver will retaliate for that shot on Guillen last inning...nah, he looks pretty focused on where to score his next dimebag.

Tyner, buddy, it's going to go out someday. If baseball, like gravity, were relative, that'd be a moonshot to Nepal. You have to come around sometime though, chicks dig the long ball.

And after getting worked over by Tyner twice now, this is how Weaver feels:

And on top of that, he's wondering why he bears such a striking resemblance to Jewel. Yeah yeah, who will save my soul and all that happy fun time.


My attention span is beginning to wander, mostly because The Right Ortiz is pitching so well, and I notice that on sportsblogs.org the Twins organization has the 6th highest amount of bloggers (50) in MLB, not bad right. The lowest? The Texas Rangers with a measly 12. So keep up the good work people, we got a ways to go to catch up to Boston and New York.

L-Rod, if he keeps working 3-2 counts and popping out AND plays solid defense like this evening, might find himself playing more than the first couple weeks of the season.

Honestly, I wrote that after his diving stop of Ichiro. I'm building TRUST here--it's a clear lead-up to the late summer rumblings of RAGNAROK.


Ray Felix III: I can't argue with Einstein. In the PAB statbook, we'll give Tyner two jacks. We'll also paint a mustache over Jeff Weaver's mugshot.

I know Silva is experiencing something of a resurgeance, but tomorrow's match-up with King Felix has me a little concerned.

Are the dimensions to left and right field at Safeco 750 feet? Torii definitely had his homerun bat flip mojo working there, even he was deceived.

Jensen: It is a mini-Nicky Punto at 3rd, if that's even anatomically possible. You can read all about the intrigue in Infield Power.


Sinn Fein is that you? I could've sworn it was Willy Mays. In a move that belies his organization, he defuses a potential explosion.

Well color me crazy, but did another infielder whose name isn't L-Rod just make a play? Is Castillo even coming out of the dugout during the bottom half of the innings?

I'm all about question marks and incredulity at this time of night. Use your imagination.

Jensen: Bert is on the equivalent of a 13 game hitting streak at this point.

The color commentator for Seattle really has let all of the losing push him over the irreversible brink of apathy: [in a monotone drone] "That ball was all Betancourts..sigh.....it just bounced over his head like a superball. A base hit."

See what other teams get to put up with while we get Bert? It's really not fair to everyone else.

Well, for wont of other things to do, I'm going to start a list of poetic desserts:

Ezra Pound Cake
Maya Angelou Food Cake
Carrot Cake with Robert Frost-ing
Eclairs with a Thoreau application of cream.

Holy hell, the Twins scored a run. Looks like death by a thousand singles. But you know, I'll never understand the batting champ laying down a sac bunt. I am not sabermetrician, but you have to think that Mauer getting a single or better has a better expected outcome than bunting.

And Cuddyer has probably the ugliest at-bat of the night. See Gardy, why did you do that?

Man, I'm going to miss that guy next season. Torrid Zone Hunter is on the ball this evening!

The dialogue in the Seattle dugout will go something like this:

Seattle Manager: My God, what is that smell?
Jeff Weaver: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Ichiro: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Jeff Weaver: You know, desire smells like that to some people
Batboy: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
Beltre: Smells like Bigfoot's dick.

Please refer to the above photo of Weaver if you need a visual.


I'll be dammed, Castillo's there. Nice catch and he nearly doubled up Sexson at 2nd. Caught up in all of this offensive firepower is a pretty decent start by Ramon Ortiz, who is now on track to lead the team in wins. Hell, if his ERA doubles as the season progresses you have to admit the 3 million dollar salary looks pretty good (See: Jeff Weaver @ 8.35 million this season).

L-Rod could try out for Rosie the robot on the Jetsons because his fielding is MECHANICAL this evening.


I kind of feel bad about saying Jeff Weaver looks like Jewel. Fine, you look sort of like Art Alexakis circa 1995. Better?

His hermano Jared didn't fare much better this evening, tough night for the Weaver family. Well, maybe he'll get to experience what it's like to pitch your way out of Anaheim too.

Honestly, the Weavers have done nothing to me personally, I'm just full of piss and vinegar at the moment.


Well, despite that homerun let's see if Ortiz can get through this evening. Prior to the season I was a little concerned the Ramon Ortiz Experiment would end up like my 3rd grade chemistry set: Underwhelming and smelling of vinegar.

Yikes, visions of the playoffs last season when Hunter botched that dive. Good thing we're not at the Metrodome, both for the balls sake and possibly for Torii's wrist. Let's hope for the best.

9 assists on the evening for L-Rod, maybe he can get a gold glove just for that.


Andy: I've consulted with RK, and we're not sure where the Sinn Fein comparison came about.

RK: i think we said something about a homerun going boom or something
and then made a joke about a pipe bomb? and then it took off from there.

So, something like that.

MAUER PAUER! I like the triple, son, just watch out for those knees.

Playing the infield in, after geting a lead off triple, then getting two quick outs to the 2nd baseman, is as close to gobbledegook as you can get.

RK has another suggestion for which washed up celebrity Weaver most resembles, the dude from Fuel:

Right on.


Ray Felix III: I wasn't sure where you were going with that, but I"m glad you did. Very funny stuff.

Jake: You have every right to be worried. I don't think 3 starts erases 3 seasons of pitching futility. But as I've said with Silva, if Metaloaf is capable of a return, anybody is.

A hopefully irrelevant question, if you pitch into the 6th and give up 2 earned runs or less, then get shelled in the 7th, is it still a quality start?

Good thing it doesn't matter, and I'm a little concerned that Torii's out. Hopefully it's precautionary. Anybody heard anything?


OK Tyner, now's your chance to really make a statement--bases juiced, you can do it buddy. Or a bases clearing double would work too.

MAUER PAUER---He's pretty much sextupled is previous RBI total in tonight's game. The quest for .400 is on...

Well, the infield is pretty much a revolving door. And again, I'm disemminating an account of this game, MLB. Take that, again, suits.

I repeat myself from post to post, you know, to make sure you all get everything.


WV: yeah, we could use more games like this one

RK: it makes our jobs easier, but more boring in the later innings, you have to admit

RK: not that i'm advocating bullpen meltdowns! god forbid

WV: rabe and cuddyer look a lot alike to me

RK: it's the dimples, slim, you gotta look at the dimples


Indeed, a good win for the Minnesota nine, perhaps a day off was all that we needed. In lieu of wrapping things up Twins-wise, we thought we'd end on a more serious note, and with no pun intended, tip our hats to the Nationals for this quite considerate gesture:


Well done gentlemen.

---WV and/or RK

I'm way late to the game on this, but..

"Top 1: If stats, like gravity, were relative..."

Einstein points out that everything is relative.

Jason Tyner - +2 RHR (Relative Home Run)

What, are you gonna argue with Einstein?
It's like a mini-Nicky Punto at 3rd tonight...and I like it!
Oh I love Bert... "If I hit 'em they went down for good, they never got back up" referring to players charging the mound...love it...
That is quite unfortunate that other radio announcer's suck....well, it's good to see that Castillo pumped up his Air Jordans for the game and actually got to make a play!
Is it wrong that I still get worried even with a 6 run lead? Is it unacceptable now to doubt the Ray-mon? how many good starts does it take to jump on that bandwagon? Am I only cabable of asking questions this evening?
almost some hot, hot Jason on Jason action there...
I got a little bored and came across this...the MLB calendar for the 2007 season by the Page 2 guys from ESPN http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/070404_april&sportCat=mlb
I personally enjoyed the day of April 12 :)
Hunter has a bruised left shoulder....listed day-to-day....
sorry about the "Jason on Jason" thing, what I should have said is this:

If Tyner and Bartlett would have collided on that foul ball, would Kubel have spontaneously collapsed in the dugout?

See, much less weird and the joke is the same. (they're all named Jason, see?) sometimes I just need to take a breath and think for an inning.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?