Friday, April 27, 2007


The Metropolitician


You're stuck with just me tonight, since WV has to contribute to domestic tranquility and do his duty. But I know I speak for both WV and me, when we say that, based on our experiences in 1998, Detroit is not a great todwn. Perhaps they've done a better job in the subsequent ten years, perhaps a 15 year old doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Perhaps the Renaissance Center isn't the motivation for Romero's Land of the Dead.

Punto gets on and two quick outs. Wait, haven't I written this in a post before? Runner stranded and we're off to the races!

Estimated time of game: 1 hour, 39 minutes.


Granderson doubling down the line; is this an omen or a portent of things to come? I can never tell the difference between the two.

"Polanco's one of the better players in all of baseball today." Let's not overlook his prowess in shuffleboard!

[Rick Anderson is on the right of Gardy] "Rick Anderson on Gardenhire's left"... Oh, you mean STAGE left. Right. No, left. Ugh.

Does anybody know the old Magglio chant? Always sounded a little silly and unintelligible to me.

Raymoan, sans leadoff double, is looking alright tonight. I don't to speak too soon, but that unintentional intentional walk to Sheff may pay off.

And it does. Flash that leather, Cuddles, and flash that smile with your craterous dimples.


Anybody ever been to Detroit's latest airport? Ever have to go to (I think) Terminal E? You have to go through that long tunnel with the light show and the colors and the music. It's very womb-like. Then you get to the puddle-jumper counters. And boy do I have a story about that that I can pull out if this game gets dull like a number two pencil during the SAT.

Trade Bait grounds one up the middle for a base hit, and will probably be stranded there. Positive thinking!

It's cute that Kubel is trying to be a piranta, but he's more of a... slow moving aquatic creature. Like a walrus. Kookoo ca-choo.


Anonymous, I believe that in the interests of word economy, we coined the term "offensitility" or something like that. I don't remember what we did or what we said. Hell, I don't remember what I had for breakfast this morning. I hope none of you expect consistency.

Uh, anyway, the Twins escape the inning. Can you believe this is a baseball blog?


Another out. Hey, anybody heard the new Nine Inch Nails album? It's pretty good. I almost bought the new Arctic Monkeys as well because their first album was so good, but I resisted. Tell me what to do!

Another out! Can you believe that until a couple of nights ago I had never had Ben and Jerry's ice cream ever? I had about 3 spoons of Dublin Mudslide and had to stop. Too rich, too rich. I don't have much of a sweet tooth people.

"Ooh, where was that." Here's the thing Detroit announcers. I did some umpiring back when I lived in the Dirty Jersey and if there's one thing I hated to hear was a manager yelling to his catcher, "Hey, where was that?" I would tell the catcher to answer him, and that if he asked the question again it would be from the parking lot.

Another out! Well, storytime's been fun and probably even more fun than watching the game.


You're a tough guy, Redmond, rub some chew on it!

Jensen, really? 3 letters? I would rather have had E-L-O, that would have been awesome. What do those three letters mean? I thought they were yelling olio like miscellany, or oleo like butter. See, crossword puzzles come in handy sometimes.

Good lord, I can't get over how stupid it is to yell 60% of the Old McDonald song when someone comes to plate. Only in Chicago.

Raymoan has probably thrown more than 50 pitches already.

Old McDonald's whining like a small child at the plate.

I wonder what Rick Reed's up to?


I mean, people in general should walk more to conserve energy and all, I specifically meant for Ortease to stop throwing 10 pitches to everybody and then letting them walk.

And so it begins. Buckle up!


And all of a sudden there's two outs, with Cuddy having an impressive single in there though. Good thing Polanco's only 4'10.

Well, if it weren't for Raymoan's pitching, my prediction about gametime would be looking a little more accurate.

I can't believe it's only 1-0. Feels worse, y'know?


2 quick outs and again with the walks, come on Raymoan. We don't need this business.

That's gotta feel good, Redmond.




Draw your own conclusions.

Uh, some fielding happened, some potential double plays that didn't happen, and a stolen base by the Pear King.

And nothing comes of anything! These games are throwing me into an existential crisis.


Everybody Loves Raymoan is more or less settling down here or so it appears, and by God, Punto deserves a damn gold glove. You know it'll go to someone less deserving like Crede or Rodriguez because they'll get more home runs, which makes perfect sense of a defensive award, and y'know what? Let's just drop it.

And the Motor City Kitties are down for the inning.


The way the Detroit announcers are telling it, you'd think the fact that a catcher fielded a squibber to get an out is the most impressive thing imaginable. Joe Mauer would do that with his glove hand.

Doot-do-do, offensitility.


Hahaha, oh Raymoan, your inability to get the third out tonight has almost become downright comical.

I'm not sure where Kubel was running there, but it certianly wasn't to where the ball was going. Oh well.

Hey, can I open my eyes now? Not like the original Spanish version of a not-that-great Tom Cruise remake. Whoa, even I thought that was a little obscure.


Oh MVP, I could never quit you!

And then there were more outs although Kubel teased me a bit.

So here's the way I feel about our lineup right now. After batter #5, hope dies, until batter #3 (in tonight's case, batter #4) rolls around, and then I feel good about things. But once we get to the dearth of the bottom of the lineup, there's not much to be thrilled about. Am I being unreasonable or are other people having this reaction?


The wrecking Crain is in, so hopefully we won't see every at-bat go 10 pitches. I know that's not fair to Raymoan, but it sure felt like that, didn't it? And that's what I care about. Feelings.

I played tennis today for the first time in my life. I'm better at it then I thought I'd be. The end. Oh yes. Baseball. Got it.

Crain tumbled off that mound into Lake Erie. I don't know if that's the lake Detroit's on. I don't care.

While Dougie Splits would have fielded that ball, he certainly wouldn't have hit that homerun in the top of the inning, so take that, Mienkiewicz apologists.

I have a MacBook. A nice shiny new black one. It has a smart keyboard. So when I bang my head against the keyboard, nothing happens. Doesn't recognize the keyboard mash. Or the Monster Mash. So here's a representation of how I feel:

I mean, inning over and damage somewhat minimized, but still!


Haha, I can't stop watching that little German boy freak out. Boy, he really wants to play Unreal Tournament. This is why I can't explain the basrunner on first.

Megan, you're right. Kubel is not looking hot in left tonight, but he never looks hot in the field.

Alright, Guitar Hero's in. I know why he injured his wrist. I practically broke it trying to play "Jordan" on hard. But my favorite song is probably "Less Talk More Rokk"

BEST QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: "The team is only as good as, really, the 25-man roster." You have got to be kidding me.

Naked Batting Practice! You sexy beast!

Followed up by Cuddy who has said, "No more offensive dearth! Open the floodgates! Ride the dimples!"

Oh boo hoo! Is Guitar Hero scared of the MVP? Morneau makes the ball hurt, and you don't want him to hurt it again. I understand. Sissy. 100 mph fastballing sissy.

Id, Torii did not listen to you.

Again, Grand Avenue Joe, the time has come to rise up and atone for the sins of humankind! hit the ball out the park!

Hahaha, oh, you can cheer Zumaya all you want. Mauer just stood there calmly and said to himself, I will hit this ball and it shall not land in the glove of the enemy. And it came to pass.

Zumaya out to go practice "Trippin' on a hole in a paper heart."

"Zumaya through too many fastballs." ...

I love that little owl.


Let's see how Joowan does.

First out on a rope to Bartlett. Great!


I've never wanted to see a double play more in my life.

OK, now I've never wanted to see a regular out more in my life. Stop putting me in this corner, Rincon!

Strikeout, son!


Haha, Punto started doing the Tarantella trying to check his swing.

OK, I would have been my usual devastatingly handsome witty self but I'm nervous about closing this game out. And trying to clean up a little bit around here. My mother would be ashamed!


When I looked up at the Ohgodohgodohgodohgod comment, I thought, "Why the hell would I mention "Waiting for Godot"?

I know I've mentioned this before, but it doesn't make sense to say "now all of a sudden it's 0 and 2." It can only be suddenly. The only combination or permutation of pitches to result in an 0-2 count is two pitches. You don't find yourself 0-2 after 10 pitches (though you could maintain your 0 and 2-ness). Or you could just sit down.

Hot damn, Nathan's looking good so far.

2 down and 1 to go. That always puts the Ben Folds song "1 down and 3.6 to go" in my head. Well, any sentence of [number] down and [number] to go does that, not just specifically 2 and 1



This game was a roller coaster. I was getting used to the dearth, but the core of the lineup came to life, and how about Joe coming through when called upon to rise up? Raymoan didn't have a great start, Crain looked shaky, but they got it done. I'm impressed, but I don't want to watch too many more of these kinds of games. It affects my delicate constitution.

And the futility continues...
I'm going to make a prediction when the Twins play the Nationals in June if Santana pitches I will place money on that game being the shortest game in the history of baseball at 35 minutes.
It's "O-E-O Magglio" :) That's the chant..
Not to be harsh on the guy... but please... Kubel is killing me out in left.
There is always hope. Always. I forget this, of course, but Mike Redmond is here to remind me.

Scared of the MVP, are we?

Torii, please, a little patience...
I just took off for a second--could someone tell me when Joe went in and why?
Uncontrollable Id, there is this to be said for Toreador's lack of patience - he didn't hit into a double play, eh!
Joe pinch hit with bases loaded and delivered. :)
Wow, great win for us tonight.

I've heard the new Arctic Monkeys album a couple of times through, but haven't had a chance to do more than have it playing in the background while I get ready for work. But it sounds pretty good. I'm not sure it has an uber-catchy single like "I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor," but it seems quite listenable. If I get a chance to give it a better listen, I'll let you know.

I love "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart." They should make Guitar Hero for the Wii, since I clearly need to spend more money on that sytem.
And to make the evening even sweeter, those evil fiends in pinstripes fell to the ruby sox. Oh Joy to the baseball world! May the losing long continue!
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