Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

SWEEP: |swēp| verb ( past swept |swept|) 1 [ trans. ] clean (an area) by brushing away dirt or litter : I've swept the floor | Greg swept out the kitchen.
• [ trans. ] move or remove (dirt or litter) in such a way : she swept the tea leaves into a dustpan.
• [ trans. ] move or push (someone or something) with great force : I was swept along by the crowd.
• [ trans. ] brush (hair) back from one's face or upward : long hair swept up into a high chignon.
• [ trans. ] win all the games in (a series); take each of the winning or main places in (a contest or event) : we knew we had to sweep these three home games.

TOP 1ST

RK: I was up till the break-a break-a dawn at a dance party last night, but here I am. Let's do this

WV: Dude, remember Final Fight? Best game ever.

RK: Absolutely. I have to say though, dear readers, that I'm torn. Kindergarten Cop is on the HBO. But I know Santana working his magic comes before trying to save Dominic from his evil stepfather.

WV: Good to see Bartlett justifying batting 2nd.

RK: We've got to stop this getting people on base in the first and then not cashing in. My head hurts.

BOTTOM 1ST

RK: Santana already making batters look stupid

WV: Whew, thank god we're in Comerica Park.

RK: Git on yer horse, Torii!

WV: Well, they showed Bert so my day is complete.

RK: Come on Santana, April is almost over.

WV: After calling time, Santana did his best Tim Wakefield impression.

RK: Oh, the old Eephus

RK: Let's get this out so I can heat up some leftovers and drink some Gatorade

WV: Nothing like gatorade to take away a hangover. The vitamin water aint bad neither.

RK: My dehydration stems from 4 hours of straight rocking out. OK, and cocktails. But that's all I'm saying about the night.

TOP 2ND

WV: Redmond nearly choked on his Red Man beating out that double

RK: It's a long par 5 to the right field wall

WV: That's a Mientkiewiczian eye Kubel's got this at-bat

RK: Like an eagle.

WV: Well, can't ask for a better throw than that from Monroe nailing Redmond at 3rd.

RK: But... why? A single scores from second with two outs anyway, right? Why take the risk? But yes, Cuddyeresque throw

BOTTOM 2ND

WV: Nice to see that Detroit's announcers have the time to discuss Blue Blockers for 5 minutes

RK: A wonder we don't get paid to do what we do.

WV: QTF

RK: Uh... wha?

WV: I think they're right, I think Torii thought Kubel had that

RK: Seems that way.

WV: Johan says, "Fuck you Jobu, I do it myself"

RK: It seems like if you want to beat Santana it has to be early in the game, so this is a good sign so far.

WV: Yeah, that's true. Hopefully, we can make Maroth look like 2003 Mike Maroth

TOP 3RD

RK: A little ballet at first there

WV: Right. You know, this might be one of the few times sliding is preferable, avoiding the high tag on the errant throw.

RK: Exactly... wait, did the announcers just describe Guillen as "crispy"?

WV: They did.

RK: I was at that game when Calvin Johnson made VT look stoopid

WV: Good thing Calvin Johnson doesn't play quarterback, not the great throw

BOTTOM 3RD

RK: I don't know what to say right now

WV: Hmm. The month of April can kiss my ass.

RK: Remember Journey: we can't stop believin'. Hold on to that feeling.

WV: What can Mauer really say to Johan on those mound visits. If I'm Johan I just say, "2 cy youngs. Thank you."

RK: Boy did Johan need that

TOP 4TH

RK: Like Maglio Ordonez needs a haircut

WV: Hey we could get this Aflac without wikipedia right

RK: Santana, Viola and who else

WV: Jim Kaat?

RK: I feel confident about it.

WV: Pretty generous strike zone.

RK: Some Mike on Mike violence there.

WV: The Rubick's Kubel is a difficult game to figure out

RK: And like that, tie game.

WV: Ugh

BOTTOM 4TH

WV: Nausea.

RK: God.

WV: Ah, it was Jim Perry.

RK: Kaat, you lied to me!

WV: Marcus-on-Thames smoked that pitch.

RK: 99 mph? Gun must be out of whack

TOP 5TH

I am starting to dig these 2 out rallies.....the Pear King is swining a better bat as of late. Let's see if the Chairman can finish the job.

I think I speak for all of us in saying, "godammit".

BOTTOM 5TH

You could say that Santana has been off today, but after 5 innings and 3 earned runs, he has put the Twins in a position to win, which is what he does every single time he pitches. Hopefully the Twins hitters can pick him up.

TOP 6TH

Maroth seems to be settling into a groove, which doesn't bode well for our southpaw inept hitters.

How about Randy Moss being traded to the Patriots? How do you think Brett Favre feels? I personally hope he feels awful.

And I refuse to blindly accept everything that Bill Bellicek does as gospel; this Moss thing will blow up in his face. He thought Deion Branch was a nuisance?

Wouldn't mind seeing Mr. Pending Free Agent tie this up.

I SWEAR TO GOD that I wrote that previous line before the jack. TRUST US

Hey, maybe Detroit will sign him this off-season. After getting Sheffield and overpaying earlier for Ordonez, they're like the Yankess of the Central Division. Must be the colors black and white.

What do you think readers, do you bring Santana out in the bottom half?

BOTTOM 6TH

Pudge is pretty much Johan's bitch today with 3 strikeouts. This is more like Johan...

That, my friends, is the 3rd consecutive quality start for a Twins starter.

TOP 7TH

Jensen: I like the Barlett experiment at the top of the order as well. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Castillo comes back. my guess is they'll put him back at the bottom of the order.

Word out of LaVelle camp is that CasillAAA is destined for Rochester, so, for the time being I had to get that AAA reference in there since it'll be the last chance for a while.

Holy smokes Little Nicky, just when I'm about to advocate putting you at the bottom of the order instead of Pear King you go and hit a triple.

The Pear King is making me nervous, probably not the guy you wan't to be down 1-2 to.

A real shame that Pudge is out there blocking wild pitches instead of Rubelo Influenza, or we might have the lead right now.

We've got quite the rematch from Friday night:



Ground out to 2nd.....Uh...that's not what I remember happening in the movie.

BOTTOM 7TH, Gamed Tied At 3

Death Metal rocks on.

"Sheffield isn't bothered by these funky deliveries, if it's a hittable ball, he's got you".

Oh is that so Tigers announcer? He's got you all the way to the pitcher's mound, nice swing Gary.

TOP 8TH, Game Tied At 3

More of the same. Not the most exciting of games.

BOTTOM 8TH

Hey look Detroit, we have a fireballer who can get his breaking stuff over for a strike.

The Crainadian is due for a good inning, bring that 6.00 ERA down a tish.

"Todd Jones warming up for Detroit"--That is music to my ears.

What the hell is wrong with our outfielders today? Funny, I haven't had to mention Kubel's name once.

That is the best kind of double play possible. You guys thought you'd run on Mauer? Here's what the owl thinks:



9TH INNING, Game Tied At 3

I think Polanco can see into the future and position himself accordingly around 2nd base. In any case, let's hope this one goes extra innings.

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I think Nick Swisher and Nate Robertson share the same barber.

The Wrecking Crain just bulldozed our chances of winning this game.

POSTGAME

Why do you bring Crain out for a second inning? Good question. Well, we try again Tuesday with our old pals Castillo and Cirillo.