Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME, 1ST-4TH INNING


Late start to the blogging. Good old MLB threw me off with their scheduling here with a West Coast afternoon start, but the important thing is that I'm here now. I know that the last time we skipped a game Santana got beat by the Devil Rays. Since he's losing, I can only assume that his ineptness has to do with my absence plus the combination of April when he's at his most vincible. That said, now that the blogging has commenced, let's get with it people.

5TH INNING

The Castle replaced by Little House here, hopefully Little Nicky's excitability translates into a successful sac bunt. Well, that's not what I had in mind there. If you can't advance the runner or get a hit, you're missing the Punto, Nicky.

I expect Santana to nail Sexton, Ichiro or Beltre here, eye for an eye is how I roll. After seeing Weaver and Washburn, I have come to the conclusion that the Mariners should be nicknamed "Place Where Washed-Up Angels Go To Die".

You know, before I slam their pitchers, maybe I should wait until they actually screw up. Hopefully the good Dr. can bail me out here.

Double your freshment, double your fun, with double steals, maybe you can score more than one.

Unless he strikes two of your best hitters out. Dammit.

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I hope you enjoyed that dinger last at-bat Betancourt, because Santana just pulled the "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice..." bit with that nasty change-up. If Santana keeps pitching like this and the score holds, we may have to give him a win in the P.A.B. statbook, right next to Tyner's 3 homers.

6TH INNING

RABE: You have to swing the bat. It's basic physics. "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice".

I wish I could make excuses for my poor performance at work due to the position of the sun. "Oh, I can't fill out this spreadsheet, half my desk is covered in sun. Boo hoo".

Well dating back to last night, we've now scored 1 run in the last 13 innings. Awesome.

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Whoa, Bartlett threw that ground out from a shadowy part of the field, how was Morneau possibly able to catch it in the sun!

And Nicky's had enough, he's going to Smokey's. Y'all from Fargo-Moorhead will get the reference.

Wow, Johan might have actually broken Ichiro's ankles with that change-up. Maybe the TWolves could use him on their team. McHale, however, would probably trade him to the Bulls for a vienna-style hot dog and 8 first round draft picks.

Thank God Adrian Beltre seems to think you run the bases clockwise.


7TH INNING

A Flexor Pronator strain..wow King Felix, you got them making up new muscles to bail you out?

Two bunt singles. The pirhanas are, like Christina Aguilera, back to basics.

If only Punto looked like Christina Aguilera.

You have to love small ball, runners on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out and we haven't hit the ball more than 15 feet all inning.

How many lefties do you think intentionally walk the bases loaded when the batter that's up is a lefty? It's true, Mauer strikes fear into many man's hearts. In fact, Washburn had to get back to the dug-out and rip off this biblical quote:

"Were there no Joe, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank." ~Christina Rossetti (sort of).

Holy Moses, the above quotation applies to Dimples too. Cuddy strides to the dish and goes, "Fuck you Jobu, I'll do it myself".

Hey Seattle, guess what you shouldn't do: Intentionally walk people and royally piss off the next batter.

We'll have to thank Betancourt for thinking Manute Bol was fielding at first.

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Ian: Welcome to the fold. As most of what I write shows, interesting is not a required adjective 'round these parts.

Jensen: It really has made my day that somebody from the F-M area caught that reference. A goal in my life is to eat the huge steak at Smokey's and get a free t-shirt put up on the wall.

Joe: A run slid in..now that's the kind of Sabremetrics that I like to see. We really should make a P.A.B. Unofficial Statbook.

Santana's so good it's like the at-bats are starting at 0-2.

I'm going to get one of those blood pressure meters so I can see how much harder my ticker has to work when the Twins are losing. Because I have to say, I'm feeling quite at ease at the moment.

8TH INNING

Sister Jensen brings it to my attention that it's both the kid from Grand Avenue and Sampler Plate Reyes' birthdays today. One more year and Joe can rent a car. And Dennys, my friend, you are now old enough to run for the U.S. Senate. There's no doubt in my mind that if you ran under the "Moons Over My Hammy" ticket, you'd whip both Franken and Norm Coleman. Plus, it'd be totally boss.

If you've seen the photos, you all know that the new Twins' digs will have a train in the outfield very much like Safeco. Thoughts? I'm personally happy, how else would I hop freight cars back to my cardboard box by the garbage incinerator. The Portly Old Scribe (POS) is also, incidentally a Piece Of Shit.

I'm not sure if this is true, but it looks like Cuddy's bat is V. Tech's colors. Nice gesture buddy, a Virginia native remembering his roots.

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Good to see the Crainadian back in action and making quick work of the Seattle line-up. And what agility catching that screamer aimed at his shins.

And Punto's ankles seem to be in working order as well.


9TH INNING/POSTGAME

Jesus Christ, Death Metal. WTF? For the love of sweet Jesus I hope Sexton doesn't make us pay. That error from Betancourt that scored the 6th run is looking pretty good about now.

Oh God. Cuddy...buddy...what are you doing? Christ, Ichiro would've had an inside the park homerun.

Hey! And Joe does his best Eddie Guardado impression, pulling it out in the end. I need to get that blood pressure gauge......

Well, the brooms were out, and the M'd have been swept away. While it is still only April, at 15 games we're now almost 10% of the way through the season, if my North Dakota math isn't betraying me. Not a shabby start, any way you calculate it.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Tomorrow evening, with RK on retreat, I must go to an evening class...yeah I know, Friday night. But this means no live blogging, so try to keep the withdrawal symptoms in check everyone. See you Saturday.