Saturday, April 07, 2007


Sometimes, We're All A Little Silva


I want you all to know that I wasn't abandoning you again. I ran home from basketball (with no feats of strength to relay today), and clicked the TV icon on to watch the game but then I remembered that I probably can't watch it because of wacky weekend restrictions. I just wish to God I could watch the damn games. I didn't know it at first so I tried it with Safari, Firefox, Opera (?) and getting frustrated, came back to my friend John Gordon.


Then I heard the recap. I see a run, a walk, and 30+ pitches. Oh baby, it's on.


Cuddles is having himself a nice start to the season... wait, Darren Erstad is a bitch sock? The pride and joy of Jamestown, ND? There's an albino buffalo nearsabout there. I've seen it. It's white, as you might expect.

Haha, oh Anthony John Pierzynski, surely you know enough baseball to know that throwing to second when walking a person on a hit and run situation that it doesn't matter! I have dubious grammatical structure! Anyway, maybe he's been hit with too many folding chairs at extreme ultimate wrestling fisticuffs events. He used to be my boy. I have his jersey. Good old number 26.

And now the bases are loaded for Jason Tyner. A more poetic moment has never existed.

A 6-2-5 double play. Oh Cuddy Ruxpin. Sometimes we're all a little Silva.


Whenever AJ's up to bat, I think back to 2003, when he had something like back to back 17-pitch ABs. And it seems like Silva's pitches are getting scorched like WV and I do in the direct sunlight!

But there's two up and two down, and I suppose we need to be thankful for that, and I should quit being so mean to Gordito, but I can't help it!


Did you know it's snowing in southwest Virginia? In April? I thought there were supposed to be benefits from moving down south. Apropos nothing - like my life in general.


I feel a home run deep in my heart here. From Grand Street Joe.

I remember back when Javier Vazquez was good. In Montreal, back in the days of dinosaurs and National League baseball in Canadia. Yep, I have memories. That story went absolutely nowhere.

Dazzle went to Fresno State? Did I hear that correctly? Anyway, now they're making fun of Latino players who speak spanish. Excellent work. Perhaps they can consult the governor of California about the temperature of latin blood. Gentlemen, there is a game going on. Stop saying "mucho fria" I doubt that's even right, but I don't know, because I took a bunch of Latin back in the day.

I will now go retape my glasses.

Punto's working the plate is keeping my heart-feelings alive about Joseph Q. Mauer. Punto seems like the kinda guy that if you snuck up behind him while he was shaving or something and startled him he would jump 9 feet in the air. Maybe not Joe H R Pufnstuf Nathan level twitchy, just, y'know, excitable.

Or groundout. My deep feeling is still alive, but Mauer is 0-2. Don't you make a liar out of me - I'd rather you made an honest woman out of me. Damn. I'll never trust my heart again!


Hahaha, Gordon just noted that "Uribe OWNS Carlos Silva" Pretty soon he'll be using netlanguage like PWNS and uh... LOL? I don't know these kinds of things.

Jensen, here we get the Braves/Mets. But I'd like to see major league game, not this AAAA stuff.

God, they are just tattooing the ball all over the place. Doesn't this make you mucho fria? GAAHA

Y'know, the good thing about not being able to watch the game is I don't have to deal with the Hawk. I hate the Hawk. Do you? Tell me how much.

Every time I see Erstad, I wonder if he ever found the dog that bit his upper lip off.

I think Silva's pitch count is in triple digits now. I should keep track of how many times Gordon says "scorching line drive" or some equivalent derivative.

All these fly balls from a ground ball pitcher is no reason to worry, right?


Cuddly struck out looking? I suppose it's gonna happen on occasion. I wonder what the conversation in the dugout is after that:

CUDDY: I don't know, I was just thinking about how great it would be to just give everyone a lily for Easter, and then the umpire told me to go sit down.

MAUER: Women keep asking me to take their flowers away, but I don't get it.

CUDDY: You mean de-flower?

MAUER: Yeah, that's it.

CUDDY: Uh...

And Vazquez has a 1-2-3 inning.


Dye just got plunked, thankfully Silva's fastballs are fast-in-name-only. As they tend to him, I'll relate to you a story:

One of my roommates from college was at a Twins game a while ago, back when Dye was with the Royals and before the game, during outfield shagging, my friend yelled "Hey J-Dye!" and put his hands up. Dye tossed him the ball, and by his account, Dye was about 20 feet away, and he threw it well-wide. And he hasn't been able to repsect him since. And neither have I.

And some stuff happened. Outs, stuff, baseball, whatevs. You get it.

Seems like 1-0 is the wrong score. Don't know why... but... mustn't... trust... heart.


Which is not to say that we at Pulling A Blyleven are at all averse to embellishment, or "making shit up."


Uh-oh, sounds like Undell is having some calf trouble. And Cirillo has knee problems. What's the world coming too? Jeff, we call Rondell "knees" for a reason. He has a hoverboard.

Anyway, this is a rare inning in which the entirety of it could be comprised of the actions of the Jasons. And they all struck out. That'd be the equivalent of... I don't remember the argonauts story. Was that the Golden Fleece? Medea? I have no idea.


Gnah! Sorry, got lost in the world. Again. Oh, those were the days, back when the Earth was worthy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled about what I hear from Silva. Lots of stuff in the air, but at the same time, I have to give him credit for battling his tail off to keep this team in the game. And I'm sure Gordito cares very much what I thnk about his performance. We're on a first-name basis and have shared a pint of the new Ben & Jerry's Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream.


Oh, everybody's talking bad about Freddy Garcia, and really, just because the guy doesn't care about pitching at all, oh wait.

Seriously, at this point, I'm just hearing voices and "1-2-3" and then I have to say it's the bottom of the inning. Ever feel like you're drifting through life?


Matt, or as Dazzle would say, "Matty" has a high leg kick and throws a big curve. I like it when the game goes to the bullpen, because the bullpen just sits people down, and again, everything moves too fast.

I feel like I'm letting you down.

Do you lower your standards on the weekends? Just curious.


Maybe there's just not much to comment on. The Twins only have 1 hit.

But now there's two on, with a HBP and BB, natch. Let's see if Sinn Fein can explode something here. Like me. I could use some excitement in my life.

Ah, the double play to advance the runners. Cagey move, Torii.

Don't make me treat you like a Phil Nevin, Cirillo. WE RAN HIM OUT OF TOWN.

OK, that's it. You got scared, and now I'm gonna be all quiet just for you. Shhh!


OK, seriously, I need to go make some coffee. I think Anthony John got out.


People, we are gonna make it through this. I've got my coffee, and even though I feel supremely cheated I can't watch the game AGAIN (I paid for premium! 700K! Mosaic!), but as some holy person once said, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." I forget who said that. Man, I forget a lot of things, and aren't you glad I catalog them here?

MacDougal's in. Yet another former Royal with Cheese. Some more Jason's got out, and let's see what Castillo can do. An infield hit?

Remember the days of Rivas and Guzman?

My former boss was also named Thornton. He was a really good boss. I'm led to believe, from people in the "real world" that good bosses are hard to come by.

Little Nicky Punto steeriked out. We must look for salvation in the forms of 3-4-5 in the 9th. And I'm kinda OK with that.


Yeah, not the best way to start the inning... the homeruns to Uribe that is.

KT, you make a very good point. Sometimes I'm not sure who he's cheering for.

Jensen, I had no idea!

Good thing Gordon and Dazzle were talking about implements or else I would have heard about the miscue that allowed Podsednik to score.

The wheels have come off of the Sampler Platter. This game is falling apart faster than the first dates I go on.

God in heaven (...) do I have to keep listening to this?

Well, the Death Metal gods have smiled favorably upon Pat Neshek. Now let's see if we can put some offense together.


Mauer's down? You ever get pangs of existentialism? Sometimes I do.

Thankfully Cuddy came through. The MVP must do damage.

That wasn't to say do damage to his self-esteem. Not a good time for a strikeout, but we'll move on.

And it's over like a Teen Girl Squad cartoon


That. Was. Hurt.

The game is on Fox...well, it might be a different one for you I guess...but it's on Fox here..
Is it me, or does John Gordon sound a little too happy when the Twins strike out?
were you aware that Reyes left leg is 2 inches longer than his right?
So good or no good? NOOOOOOO good!

The stocking caps are stylin'! The snoods, however, look pathetic, like the darling little plaid vests that some pampered Scotch terriers are made to wear.

Maybe the Twins can resurrect their offense tomorrow.
Hahah, I dig the Cuddy/Mauer exchange. Joe's so clueless. Poor guy.

Also, nobody but Torgo should ever be called "Knees." Just sayin.'

P.S. That holy person you speak of with the "all manner/things/well" was Robert Burns. There, you exhausted my Useless Knowledge quota for the day.
Sometimes, Silva is a little Bonserish.

You know, the guy did alright. I'm just bummed for him trying so hard and actually keeping us really well in the game and we couldn't pull out. Here is to getting hits and runs tomorrow for Johan the man!
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