Wednesday, May 02, 2007


The Ballad of Boof Bonser


I can't resist alliteration. Everybody who knows me knows it's my favorite literary device. Not sure where WV is, but I'm around, so all's not yet lost. I've been engaging in XTREME activities lately, and I'm a little tired today from thinking it would be a good idea to swim in a lake during a thunderstorm. Apparently, waves can get pretty high even on a little lake. Anyway, I'd like for this game to not be wavy - an offensive outburst coupled with efficient pitching would do me right. If we hit a lull though, I'll post for you a picture of me halfway down an 80 foot jump into a rock quarry (there was water at the bottom). I told you, XTREME. Let's see some XTREME baseball tonight.


My feed is acting kinda screwy. I'm a little nervous about this.

Is this timely? This 1-2-3 inning just happened for me. Are you all in the third by now?


Wow, I had no idea Boof hasn't won a game yet this year. Poor guy. Let's hope today's the day!

Solid strikeout there for Bonser and Herzegovina

Did that roller there by Crawford seem strange? Like, someone should have picked that one up maybe? Who knows.

Is Cuddy sitting this game out from getting a little banged up yesterday? We should send him a pizza.


Wow, that pitch was down there, but the good Dr. pulls it through. Do you think he's upset about the no-goal that was called in the Sabres/Rangers game? Do you even like hockey? I don't, with apologies to Matt, Tony, and Sister Jensen.

Sinn Fein unleashes a carbomb with a short fuse - that ball got the hell out the park.

There seems to be a lot of Twins fans in Florida. Or people in Tampa Bay don't know/care who's playing so they'll cheer for anybody.

Hey, Jeff Cirillo's come out of hiding the DL!

I've never been so underwhelmed by a plunking. Seo on Tyner? Yawn. Could you see him charging the mound? On second thought, this is something I'd like to see.

WV is at a talk, so he won't be here tonight. Some of you might be wondering about our poor job of preserving the dialogic nature of our exchanges, but don't worry - that'll fix itself this summer when we don't have much at all to do.


I'm tempted to say that Boof's parents are Catholic. Not many other people have given names of John Paul. Unless I'm totally making that up because of the popeworship instilled in me when I went to Catholic schooling pretty much forever.

Everybody knows the D-Rays are fast, but damn, I'd like to see a double play turned. So close, but so much more to be done. Like Daniel in the Karate Kid.

Wax on, wax off, Boof. Take a breather, and let's see the offense knock Junior Seo out.


I really like the fact that Tampa Bay's announcers are giving credit where credit's due, saying how good our team is. And yet, it's almost going a little too far. I mean, do you like your guys' team at all?

Hm, not quite the offensive outburst I was hoping for. I should hope for more modest things. Like base hits. Bert would approve of that.


I always get a little nostalgic when I see Boof wearing AJ's old number. Oh, back when he was my boy.

Wow, Crawford must have been watching Twins video to see how to run bases.


This game has been going relatively quickly. Or I've been trying to organize travel plans to St. John's to see my brother graduate.

And I'm tired! Boo hoo hoo. Hey, Kubel's got a hit.

What? Kubel was safe! BAD CALL.



"Not only a strong arm, but man is it accurate"... He was safe because Young threw high!

Good lord, every time there's a fly ball the announcers make it sound like Justin Morneau just hit a big fly. Only Morneau can do that.

Base hit - error, you decide.

Oh dear, Boof. We're not supposed to see balks after Junior High really. Sadly, it was a balk, but with a walk, the double play is still in order! Silver linings, people.

Ha! Be cynical and ye shall receive!


Bartlett is fast. Not as fast as a robot, though 12sg3456!

Castillo has an eye that would make Mientkiewicz proud, and you can tell Junior Seo is a little flustered.

"There's still water in Maddon's water bottle." Unless I'm missing something, uh, thanks for the hot tip, Quincy.

Ooh, Punto is hopping mad! I imagine he's the kinda guy who literally turns magenta when he gets really worked up. Like when you can't quite get the bridge on "Jordan" when you're playing Guitar Hero II

I've said too much.

Hm. Usually, when something's a ball in the 1st, it should be a ball in the 5th. That's just how it's supposed to work.


That ball was too high. No. For real.

Stacey, you're in good company. WV and I are indeed toying with having guest dialogers (?) whom we know possess the funny when one or more of us are unavailable. God, those papers sound boring. Is this a politics class? Comm?

Alright, I'm not exactly sure what happened here, but it seems like all of a sudden, Bonser turned into a Texas Ranger and now has the bases loaded with one out (that's for you, Burgess. You know I root for the Rancheros in the AL West).

Wow, regardless of whether you think Wigginton was safe or out, that was a slower and more painful trip around the horn than the ESPN show Around the Horn.

Qob, you are correct, Chef Boyardee's Boofaroni is in trouble.

Let's see if the offense rises up and strikes thee with a great vengeance! *

*"Thee" = the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.


WV: Look, the pitching mound has turned into a pothole infested street in Brooklyn

RK: Is that where the tree grows?

WV: If I'm Morneau, I'm dropping Geico in favor of Progressive

RK: Can we blame the guy for running though? I mean, really?

WV: Not at all.

RK: Good thing Young wasn't throwing a bat on target

WV: Well, I'm pretty shocked Torrid didn't try to stretch that one too.

RK: That's just discipline, son.


RK: These announcers, when they're not talking about how great the Twins are (justifiably so, but come on), are an affront to Habermasian speech acts

WV: Tyner's a small guy, the velocity of that fly out knocked him straight on his ass.

RK: That's why I love the guy.

WV: It's like watching the videos on YouTube of people shooting assault rifles for the first time

RK: Yeah, pretty much

WV: Yeah, you know, if I didn't know better I'd think these were the Twins' announcers.

RK: OK Boof, just get through this inning

WV: It'll be alright, Pope Josh Paul II is no match for the devilish ways of the Pear King

RK: That better be number one on SportsCenter again.


RK: Stacey, that's silly! We all know robots control the media. Give that kid an F!

WV: I'm writing a final exam, I wish a robot could do it for me

RK: 12sg3456! Over and over. Epic, baby. And not Faith No More "Epic."

WV: "I think it's a better game when the umpire's watching the plate'

RK: You're a wiser man than I, Gunga Din.

WV: Only Luis Castillo can make something like this happen.

RK: I don't care who you are, getting hit by a castle hurts

WV: Looking at Little Nicky's batting average, it's clear that the Mendoza Line has a magnetic attraction doesn't it.

RK: I don't think the suicide was on there

WV: No, that wasn't special at all.

Well, RK, being done with finals and such, gets to go out and have fun while the rest of us sweat this game out. I'm not bitter, hopefully I'll be able to join his ranks soon.

Hot damn, the Chairman gets us a hopefully uneeded insurance run. Castillo wasn't safe by much at home; whenever he has to push it into a higher gear I'm expecting one of his legs to fall off. And the way he's walking back to the dugout, I may not be far off.

He's going to make a great old man. A broken hip is in his future, for sure.


Death Metal comes in and takes care of business. This is becoming a common refrain this season.


This strike zone is not the model of consistency, I imagine the officials are even starting to feel sorry for the D-Rays. They should feel sorry for us since the Indians refuse to lose.

On a better note, the Bitch Sox have lost their first two games to the Mariners. The Bitch Sox losing is something special, like a child's laughter.

Jeff Cirillo might be a welcome addition to our line up. Anybody got an idea for a good nickname? Nothing's coming to me.

Cirillo and Brenden Harris are doing the tango around 2nd base, luckily the tag wasn't applied and everyone is safe. In the end, it doesn't matter thanks to Punto making another bid for the Mendoza Line.


Oh great, we have the third out popped up, and the ball gets stock in the roof. Motherfucking domes. Is it 2010 yet?

I guess we know how other teams feel now.

Perhaps, the little gnome that knocked Castillo's ball foul yesterday is living in the catwalk above Tropicana Field stealing people's pop ups.

Luckily, Peña grounded out anyways.


Alright Twitch n' Pitch---enough fooling around. Didn't you Mother ever teach you to feed bad Devil Ray batters a steady diet of sick fastballs?

Closer Commandment #1: Thou Shalt Not Be Eddie Guardado
Closer Commandment #2: Thou Shalt Throw Nasty Sliders to Pope Josh Paul II
Closer Commandment #3: Thou Shalt Settle Down and Throw Another Sick Slider to Rocco's Modern Life
Closer Commandment #4: Thou Shalt Be Happy That Hanging Sliders to Elijah Dukes End Up As Singles and Not 2-Run
Closer Commandment #5: Thou Shalt Not Need To Talk To Randerson At Any Point Ever

As Joe walks back to the dugout he thinks, "if I go crazy, then would you still call me superman?"


Unexpected extra-innings blogging, free of charge.

Torrid gets us off on the right foot. But...nothing comes of it. Well, at least we turned the line-up over, if we make it to the 11th inning.


Zobrist pulls a Cuddyer and trips over third base, and for now, the game isn't over. This whole thing is putting me in a sour move.

Golly, what's the point of playing the infield in if you're not going to get the relay to home on time Barlett?


You'd like to think that Nathan should get half a loss for this one, but I'll let bygones be bygones. As Oasis once said, we don't look back in anger. This game still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth; mostly because of Tropi-fucking-cana field and it's idiotic ground rules allowing the winning run to get on base. In any case, let's pray for a series win tomorrow night.

RK, I feel as though you are reaching out to us for someone to dialogue with. Alas, I'm grading papers and only able to pay a slight bit of attention to the game. I'm sure you can imagine the tedious nature of reading undergraduate papers about the effect of media war coverage on presidential approval. Ugh!

p.s. no offense to any undergrads who may be reading this blog...
OK as you can tell, I have started to read PAB as I follow the game, Boof is in trouble
Oh good, so it wasn't me. I'm really annoyed at Wiggington's at bat and trying to suppress memories of a not-so-loved former teacher we called Wiggy.

I'll focus instead on how much I like Little Nicky Punto.
OK, time to strike with GREAT VENGEANCE!
OK does Morneau think he's fast or what? I am following this online so I didn't see if he screwed up
It looked like a double, pretty good play off the wall by Delmon Young
hmmm Boof looks a bit better!
RK, the papers are for an Intro to American Gov't class. And, they range from very boring to surprisingly "informative" (such as the last one I read that told me the government controls the media...)
I shouldn't speak so quickly! I gotta think this is Boof's last inning
@ stacey: Believe me, writing those papers is usually tedious, too, especially when it's based off a prompt. I assume these aren't 10-12 page research papers, eh?
a couple more ruins would be nice. Seriously I don;t think BB will be back, he can't lose this game now.
a couple more runs would be nice. Seriously I don't think BB will be back, he can't lose this game now.
Now we need the Chairman to show his worth
And he did. :)
exactly. Brian Williams is almost certainly a cyborg.
and Jen, no, they are only 3-4 pages, although theoretically they were to have researched in order to write them. And believe me, as a student still too, I understand how much fun paper writing is. We're all in this boat together.
Neshek! I wanna bear your children!... Wait I'm a guy
O'ermatched Neshek O'ermatched
OK bullpen, let's take it home.
well how about a nother run or 2?
Sounds good to me! :) :)
or not
Oh Jesse Pain...please do not make noise in what has been sweet music thus far...

And his first pitch goes in the catwalk. Classic.
Whenever Crain comes in I think of "Boston Legal"
"Jesse Crain! Attorney at law"


Except Denny Crane unlike Jessne Crain, can be a total assface and get away with it. Whenever Jesse tries, he just ends up losing a ballgame and pissing everyone off.
how about some Mauer Pauer!
I would like Rabe to go all Wiggington on this pitcher.
Hmmm, it seems Rabe went all...Rabe.
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