Friday, May 11, 2007


Deep In The Bowels Of The Strib: An Excursion

Hello everyone,

I'm trapped in Nova Scotia giving a paper and hence the dearth of blogging.
But here's a somewhat dated entry to get you through until Tuesday.


This entry, due to the sensitive nature of its subject matter, will maintain anonymity. Let’s just say that it concerns two bloggers, whose flippant and fatuous site will remain hidden and a certain columnist, who recently wrote a grumpy piece about blogging, let’s call him P., that’s too obvious. How about Pat R.

WV: RK, a clear component of RAGNAROK is the duty to right baseball wrongs right?

RK: That and Nordic mythology, but whatever helps you start this entry just go with it.

WV: Now, being meta-blogical, I’m not quite prepared to discover what’s outside the cave.

RK: Anyway, what wrong are we writing...get it? [pause, tap tap] Is this thing on?

WV: We’re out to infiltrate the Strib compound and show P.Reusse or Pat R. that worthwhile content can be and is written in the blogosphere.

RK: I see, well we’ll have to infiltrate the Strib compound.

WV: How about the front door? I bet there’s a receptionist and everything.

RK: Always the pragmatist.

Inside the compound:

WV: So the receptionist told us to follow the pounding noise....

RK: And to go down these stairs, which seem to descend quite a ways into the underworld...and oddly, each landing is referred to as a circle. Isn't that wacky?

WV: Ah, the 7th. I do believe the pounding is coming from here. Do you feel a bit toasty?
RK: Downright feverish. Chalky pale folks like you and me stand no chance under these conditions. Like two snowballs in hell [there, good reader, the reference is explicit, are you happy?].
They come to P. Reusse or Pat R.’s office

RK and/or WV: Wow, a mallet and a chisel, ever heard of a laptop?

P. Reusse or Pat R.: Are you kidding? When I say I hammer out columns, what do you
think I’m referring to?

WV and/or RK: Certainly not a Thinkpad. Count it!

P. Reusse or Pat R: So who exactly are you guys?

WV and/or RK: Just a couple of bloggers who saw your column and wanted to
straighten out a few things. We’re the ironers of the blogosphere, the Enemies of Promise, veritable Tony Sopranos.

P. Reusse or Pat R.: Wait a second---you sound like Souhan. Did Souhan send you?

WV and/or RK: No, we just wanted to say that there are serious bloggers who say
worthwhile things....which if you knew better would seem
shamefully ironic coming from us [who shall remain nameless].

P. Reusse or Pat R.: You young punks think you know everything. Come on, ask me
anything, I’ll show you.

WV and/or RK: Ok, what does 2+2+Enlightenment equal?

P. Reusse or Pat R.: I don’t understand, enlightenment isn’t quantif.....

WV and/or RK: Times up! The answer’s Jimmy John’s. Ask the MVP about it.

P. Reusse or Pat R.: You know, you guys aren’t half bad. We cagey old folk sometimes
aren’t sure how to handle these thing-a-ma-bobbers you whippersnappers think up.

WV and/or RK: Well, you must have a lot of free time on your hands, why don’t
you give the blogging gambit a shot like Lavelle and JC?

P.Reusse or Pat R.: Well I do have time to spare but you know, I listen to the A.M.
radio, I listen to the the oldies songs and some current events, you know, the D.J.s like to talk. It’s not MTZ like you kids listen to...........(© Adam Sandler 1996)

WV and/or RK: You know, our blog shares a real affinity with Paul Harvey, we
seamlessly tell the entirety of the story. We also liveblog...

P. Reusse or Pat R.: Liveblog? During the games? Man, I’m too busy playing whist
with Sid in the press box to do that sort of thing.

WV and/or RK: Hey, why don’t you get yourself a computer, and I’m sure any of
us Twins bloggers would show you the ropes. We really are, usually, a magnanimous group [Here’s where I plug the upcoming get together of Twins bloggers at Buffalo Wild Wings—wish I could go].

P.Reusse or Pat R.: Nah, the Strib has only recently wired my office with electricity,
I’m still trying to get the hang of this telegraph...damn Edison and
his harebrained pursuits.

WV and/or RK: Alright, we hope our visit has been somewhat illuminating for you.

P. Reusse or Pat R.: You guys go and have a good time. Hey maybe you guys come
back tomorrow?

WV and/or RK: Nah...I don’t think so man, being homeless and everything we gotta protect our cardboard box by the garbage incinerator from the other jackal bloggers. That Twins Geek can be real vicious when someone tries to lift his template.

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