Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Tuesdays With Meaurnie
PREGAME
WV: So you think there will be some A.J. retaliation tonight?
RK: I think Gardy will put this one in their back pocket and hit him in later in the season
WV: I'm starting to compare A.J. to Elaine's boyfriend on Seinfeld whose ex-girlfriends repeatedly try to stab and pour scalding soup on
RK: I watch in disbelief, because he was my boy
RK: And the AJ I knew would never have done that
WV: It's like when I saw David Hasselhoff's drunkenly fail at eating a hamburger.
TOP 1ST INNING
RK: So Garland's pitching? I hear a lot of things about him, but I can't picture him as being the ace of a deck of cards
RK: I can picture him in ruby slippers though
WV: As can I. I can also picture him falling quickly from stardum into a drug induced tailspin.
RK: IT'S ABOUT DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN. I hate that guy
WV: Funny how the Yankees guy is the biggest prick.
RK: If by funny you mean totally common sensical
WV: Bert was on a roll last game, my day is always a little brighter when it's our announcers.
WV: Erstad can get all the singles he wants, he'll never find his upper lip.
RK: What a good song that would be: "I left my upper lip in Jimmytown, ND"
WV: Well, that's one way for Gardy to get back at the umps, by having Punto throw at them.
RK: Huh, looks like Manu Ginobli over there flopping around in an umpire uniform
RK: Well, we all know that an economy of pitches is not the hallmark of Bonser and Herzegovina
WV: But I hear that a popular pastime in Sarajevo is walking.
RK: Bert is very astute to note that we need a ground ball here
WV: A.J. up, I bet they're not chanting "Boof"
WV: I'm happy this A.J. thing happened, maybe people will talk about something other than Ozzie Guillen calling people pirantas
RK: Being glad something other than Ozzie Guillen is being talked about is my usual state of mind
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: Let's make them pay for their insolence
WV: Cuddyer and Morneau prepare the fuse for Sinn Fein to ignite
RK: All because of Erstad's inability to use his head orbs... wait... whaddya call 'em? Oh yeah, eyes.
WV: That certainly looked like a good pitch to hit
RK: Sometimes you hit the ball right at 'em
TOP 2ND
WV: I suppose we could mention that we're open to suggestions for the title of the post
RK: I'm open to many, many things.
WV: Bert, in his best attempt at being a doctor, suggests that Mauer's recent soreness is a sign that he's getting better.
RK: Well all Grand Avenue Joe needs is a couple leeches
WV: Right. Maybe my half blocked artery is a sign that I have been laying off of grilled stuft burritos.
...
.....
.........
WV: Not!
RK: If I had to stop eating Taco Bell I'd just say it's been a good run
RK: Ha, Bert just said BOOOOOOF
WV: I caught that too. He must read our blog.
RK: That may just be the ultimate parallax view
BOTTOM 2ND
WV: Jensen: We were totally sober when we came up with this name. Honest.
RK: It was indeed after much thoughtful deliberation
RK: Oh Kugel, that was a pitch to drive
WV: In any case, he shows the patience that's impossible to program into the Lew Ford Experiment
RK: Well, the walk keeps Jason within his Hippocratic oath: first, do no harm
WV: I'm all for 2 out rallies.
RK: The pirantas are doing their job
WV: When you're not throwing hittable pitches to Punto, you're scouting department deserves a scolding.
RK: Punto's power only goes so far.
TOP 3RD
RK: Well, Cleveland's down, but Motown is up
RK: kt, the best we can do for you re: inside-out swing has something to do with the flux of time and space at the juxtaposition of bat and ball, creating a small ripple in the fabric of reality that will surely destroy us all someday
WV: A similar small ripple in the fabric of reality allowed Matt Stairs to become a professional baseball player.
RK: In Canada, all things are possible
RK: Like affordable health care and the arms of a tender woman
WV: And poutine....which might sound like genitalia but is nearly as good: cheese covered french fries.
RK: Dipped in mayonnaise: glistening in the sun
WV: Meanwhile, Bonser makes Dye look silly. And, baseball is still about the ballpark/recognition/heroes/friendships etc
RK: Baseball is really all about sass. Oh, that made me miss Bat-girl
BOTTOM 3RD
WV: Remember when Cuddyer hit? This is what that felt like.
RK: Wow, Dye looked like Dorn on that play, playing lackadaisically
WV: WHAMMY!
RK: Oh Dr. Neau, he doesn't care about Pierzynksi - if he's saying anything behind the plate - that blast says a thousand words
WV: And gave the cameraman whiplash
WV: I like how Justincredible's eyes got really big and his cheeks puffed out just before swinging, like he was thinking, "Oh no you didn't!"
RK: "I will now hit the everloving shit out of this ball"
WV: Cirillo got a hit, shh don't scare him
RK: I move that we issue a decree that Cirillo has earned his stripes and all comparisons to Phil Nevin cease
WV: I'll hesitantly second the motion, only because hitting near the mendoza line by no means is a sign that you're on thin ice with the Twins
WV: Kubel, lefty on lefty violence, I dig.
RK: Jason "Matt Houdek is a hater" Kubel makes my night
WV: Matt, the truth is brutal, your grandma's Kubel
RK: And the lineup is turned over! Sorry, I'm still in interleague mode
WV: I think Guillen's been sitting in that exact spot with that exact expression for over 27 hours at this point.
RK: Yeah, but he's thinking about tapas
TOP 4TH
RK: gidp...gidp...gidp
RK: Pop up, I'll take it
RK: Wow, I forgot El Caballo once put bitch in his sox
WV: I did too, and man is Torii Hunter good.
RK: I'ma miss Trade Bait
RK: I think Bert has been giving Boof curveball pointers
WV: Yeah, that thing is starting to look a little 12-6
RK: Great, another good starting pitcher. Just what we need.
WV: Getting rid of Ponson and demoting Ortiz is sprouting karma all over the place.
BOTTOM 4TH
Well, RK is off fulfilling his role of alpha male so you're stuck with me the rest of the evening.
WHAM...uh, double off the baggie! I think A.J. should step on Morneau's heel every game, Justincredible's like the anti-Achilles in Greek mythology.
Dazzle pointed out a while back that in Japan instead of pulling a pitcher after a shaky outing they bench the catcher when the manager goes to the mound. I'd be humored if Ozzie pulled the hook on A.J. instead of Danks....just saying.
5TH INNING-6TH INNING
Apologies for the delay, Mama V called and when Mama V calls, you pay attention. RK has some good stories of us growing up and getting in hot water for not listening to Mama V.
Anyways, the Boofmeister is cruising right along. Anyone got a good title for this post yet? Come on y'all, if you don't, I'll be forced to come up with some kind of pun or word play related to Morneau's heel.
TOP 7TH INNING
Bases loaded, Jim Thome at the plate, two strikes:
"Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats."
Sincerely,
Jim Thome
BOTTOM 7TH
When do you think the last time was when there were two pitchers in one game whose first names started 'Boo'? Probably never. I bet Jayson Stark is all over that.
8TH INNING, Bitch Sox Getting Hammered By 7
Congratulations Ron Mackoviak, you've passed the Dick Bremer "You're Better Than Butch Huskey" outfielder test. On a related note, if Kubel had hit that out, Hater Nation Houdek would've never heard the end of it.
Nice to see the Devil Rays put up a fight against Motown tonight, maybe tomorrow they can keep it within a dozen. Cleveland, however, lost, so if we hold the lead we'll be within 5 1/2 of first.
9TH INNING/POSTGAME
Hey! The Wrong Ortiz is our new Willie Eyre. Wait a sec...is 7 runs enough of a lead? Fox Sports Net must be paying Gardy to put him in, add some intrigue to the game.
Maybe we could pawn Ortiz off on some team as a closer, that was a remarkably smooth 9th inning.
4 series wins in a row, hopefully we can wrap up the sweep tomorrow. We'll be here blogging and hope to see you all then.
WV: So you think there will be some A.J. retaliation tonight?
RK: I think Gardy will put this one in their back pocket and hit him in later in the season
WV: I'm starting to compare A.J. to Elaine's boyfriend on Seinfeld whose ex-girlfriends repeatedly try to stab and pour scalding soup on
RK: I watch in disbelief, because he was my boy
RK: And the AJ I knew would never have done that
WV: It's like when I saw David Hasselhoff's drunkenly fail at eating a hamburger.
TOP 1ST INNING
RK: So Garland's pitching? I hear a lot of things about him, but I can't picture him as being the ace of a deck of cards
RK: I can picture him in ruby slippers though
WV: As can I. I can also picture him falling quickly from stardum into a drug induced tailspin.
RK: IT'S ABOUT DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN. I hate that guy
WV: Funny how the Yankees guy is the biggest prick.
RK: If by funny you mean totally common sensical
WV: Bert was on a roll last game, my day is always a little brighter when it's our announcers.
WV: Erstad can get all the singles he wants, he'll never find his upper lip.
RK: What a good song that would be: "I left my upper lip in Jimmytown, ND"
WV: Well, that's one way for Gardy to get back at the umps, by having Punto throw at them.
RK: Huh, looks like Manu Ginobli over there flopping around in an umpire uniform
RK: Well, we all know that an economy of pitches is not the hallmark of Bonser and Herzegovina
WV: But I hear that a popular pastime in Sarajevo is walking.
RK: Bert is very astute to note that we need a ground ball here
WV: A.J. up, I bet they're not chanting "Boof"
WV: I'm happy this A.J. thing happened, maybe people will talk about something other than Ozzie Guillen calling people pirantas
RK: Being glad something other than Ozzie Guillen is being talked about is my usual state of mind
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: Let's make them pay for their insolence
WV: Cuddyer and Morneau prepare the fuse for Sinn Fein to ignite
RK: All because of Erstad's inability to use his head orbs... wait... whaddya call 'em? Oh yeah, eyes.
WV: That certainly looked like a good pitch to hit
RK: Sometimes you hit the ball right at 'em
TOP 2ND
WV: I suppose we could mention that we're open to suggestions for the title of the post
RK: I'm open to many, many things.
WV: Bert, in his best attempt at being a doctor, suggests that Mauer's recent soreness is a sign that he's getting better.
RK: Well all Grand Avenue Joe needs is a couple leeches
WV: Right. Maybe my half blocked artery is a sign that I have been laying off of grilled stuft burritos.
...
.....
.........
WV: Not!
RK: If I had to stop eating Taco Bell I'd just say it's been a good run
RK: Ha, Bert just said BOOOOOOF
WV: I caught that too. He must read our blog.
RK: That may just be the ultimate parallax view
BOTTOM 2ND
WV: Jensen: We were totally sober when we came up with this name. Honest.
RK: It was indeed after much thoughtful deliberation
RK: Oh Kugel, that was a pitch to drive
WV: In any case, he shows the patience that's impossible to program into the Lew Ford Experiment
RK: Well, the walk keeps Jason within his Hippocratic oath: first, do no harm
WV: I'm all for 2 out rallies.
RK: The pirantas are doing their job
WV: When you're not throwing hittable pitches to Punto, you're scouting department deserves a scolding.
RK: Punto's power only goes so far.
TOP 3RD
RK: Well, Cleveland's down, but Motown is up
RK: kt, the best we can do for you re: inside-out swing has something to do with the flux of time and space at the juxtaposition of bat and ball, creating a small ripple in the fabric of reality that will surely destroy us all someday
WV: A similar small ripple in the fabric of reality allowed Matt Stairs to become a professional baseball player.
RK: In Canada, all things are possible
RK: Like affordable health care and the arms of a tender woman
WV: And poutine....which might sound like genitalia but is nearly as good: cheese covered french fries.
RK: Dipped in mayonnaise: glistening in the sun
WV: Meanwhile, Bonser makes Dye look silly. And, baseball is still about the ballpark/recognition/heroes/friendships etc
RK: Baseball is really all about sass. Oh, that made me miss Bat-girl
BOTTOM 3RD
WV: Remember when Cuddyer hit? This is what that felt like.
RK: Wow, Dye looked like Dorn on that play, playing lackadaisically
WV: WHAMMY!
RK: Oh Dr. Neau, he doesn't care about Pierzynksi - if he's saying anything behind the plate - that blast says a thousand words
WV: And gave the cameraman whiplash
WV: I like how Justincredible's eyes got really big and his cheeks puffed out just before swinging, like he was thinking, "Oh no you didn't!"
RK: "I will now hit the everloving shit out of this ball"
WV: Cirillo got a hit, shh don't scare him
RK: I move that we issue a decree that Cirillo has earned his stripes and all comparisons to Phil Nevin cease
WV: I'll hesitantly second the motion, only because hitting near the mendoza line by no means is a sign that you're on thin ice with the Twins
WV: Kubel, lefty on lefty violence, I dig.
RK: Jason "Matt Houdek is a hater" Kubel makes my night
WV: Matt, the truth is brutal, your grandma's Kubel
RK: And the lineup is turned over! Sorry, I'm still in interleague mode
WV: I think Guillen's been sitting in that exact spot with that exact expression for over 27 hours at this point.
RK: Yeah, but he's thinking about tapas
TOP 4TH
RK: gidp...gidp...gidp
RK: Pop up, I'll take it
RK: Wow, I forgot El Caballo once put bitch in his sox
WV: I did too, and man is Torii Hunter good.
RK: I'ma miss Trade Bait
RK: I think Bert has been giving Boof curveball pointers
WV: Yeah, that thing is starting to look a little 12-6
RK: Great, another good starting pitcher. Just what we need.
WV: Getting rid of Ponson and demoting Ortiz is sprouting karma all over the place.
BOTTOM 4TH
Well, RK is off fulfilling his role of alpha male so you're stuck with me the rest of the evening.
WHAM...uh, double off the baggie! I think A.J. should step on Morneau's heel every game, Justincredible's like the anti-Achilles in Greek mythology.
Dazzle pointed out a while back that in Japan instead of pulling a pitcher after a shaky outing they bench the catcher when the manager goes to the mound. I'd be humored if Ozzie pulled the hook on A.J. instead of Danks....just saying.
5TH INNING-6TH INNING
Apologies for the delay, Mama V called and when Mama V calls, you pay attention. RK has some good stories of us growing up and getting in hot water for not listening to Mama V.
Anyways, the Boofmeister is cruising right along. Anyone got a good title for this post yet? Come on y'all, if you don't, I'll be forced to come up with some kind of pun or word play related to Morneau's heel.
TOP 7TH INNING
Bases loaded, Jim Thome at the plate, two strikes:
"Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats."
Sincerely,
Jim Thome
BOTTOM 7TH
When do you think the last time was when there were two pitchers in one game whose first names started 'Boo'? Probably never. I bet Jayson Stark is all over that.
8TH INNING, Bitch Sox Getting Hammered By 7
Congratulations Ron Mackoviak, you've passed the Dick Bremer "You're Better Than Butch Huskey" outfielder test. On a related note, if Kubel had hit that out, Hater Nation Houdek would've never heard the end of it.
Nice to see the Devil Rays put up a fight against Motown tonight, maybe tomorrow they can keep it within a dozen. Cleveland, however, lost, so if we hold the lead we'll be within 5 1/2 of first.
9TH INNING/POSTGAME
Hey! The Wrong Ortiz is our new Willie Eyre. Wait a sec...is 7 runs enough of a lead? Fox Sports Net must be paying Gardy to put him in, add some intrigue to the game.
Maybe we could pawn Ortiz off on some team as a closer, that was a remarkably smooth 9th inning.
4 series wins in a row, hopefully we can wrap up the sweep tomorrow. We'll be here blogging and hope to see you all then.
# posted by WV @ 8:00 PM 
Comments:
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For a brief moment I thought there would be no Dick's Sporting Goods commercials on mlb.tv. Alas, it is not to be. Luckily, there is the FSN North feed and Nick Punto's assessment of Jane Fonda at 60. I love Twins baseball.
# posted by 
: 8:09 PM
: 8:09 PM
So complete random comment for you guys. I have 2 fantasy baseball teams...one is named Pirahna's for obvious reasons...and the other one is named Pulling a Blyleven.. And for some reason, thinking it's the name, but my Pulling a Blyleven team is currently in first place with a 6-2 record... so thanks guys, the name rocks :)
I wish I could come up with a good title for you folks. There's so much potential with Danks pitching, but all I can think is, "Danks, I don't really wish I was your lover but thank you for asking." What ever happened to Sophie B Hawkins? Also, what do they mean by an inside-out swing? I don't get it.
# posted by : 8:51 PM
: 8:51 PM
I think Boof is completely tuned in to what Bert is saying. He's such a good kid - does what he's told. Baseball -- it's about listening to Bert.
# posted by : 8:57 PM
: 8:57 PM
Woohoo! Thanks :-) Now, how do we make rookie pitchers not pick on our poor old catcher?
# posted by : 10:48 PM
: 10:48 PM
You know, I thought about putting in a disclaimer about "not to be confused with Tuesdays With Torii", last time we'll screw that one up, scout's honor.
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