Friday, May 04, 2007


What do the Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common?

They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day.


The Chairman probably hurt the ball more than it hurt him on that weak toss from 79 year old Tim Wakefield. Knuckleball=great career move.

Too bad LeCroy aint around to play in this one, he's always hit this slop pretty well. He hits slop and then eats it.


Drew was safe on that quick throw by Castillo by like 3 miles. I guess the Yank Sox can pay the GDP of the Ivory Coast to talk to an unproven Japanese pitcher with a 4.50 ERA but can't pay off the umps. Sweet.

The good news is that Gordo is soliciting ground balls and Mornyes is digging out throws at first, good news against a pretty slow team but homerun hitting line-up.


Good Lord Almighty is Redmond slow as shit. I mean, Lugo had about 10 seconds to get to, field and throw that ball, which then skipped twice before it reached first. Christ.

"Twins S8Up" is the name of the Fox Sports North postgame show? Is that really the best they could do, I mean, it's about as inane as "Pulling A Blyleven"


Mirabelli gets to third on that great bunt but King of the Castle makes a webgem to get the first out...this sort of redeems his stranding 2 runners in scoring position last inning.

Happy salad! And then Redmond makes a web gem of his own.......try to buy that kind of fielding Epstein. Though, always playing the Yankees precludes you all from seeing decent fundamental baseball. Notice the backhandedness of that observation.

King Carlos would rather play catch with Justincredible than throw to home, apparently. And miraculously, the game remains tied at zilch.


Sinn Fein continues to own Wakefield, maybe when he's playing centerfield for them next year with a 3 jazillion dollar contract he can let him in on his secret.

I thought Mirabelli was Wakefield's specialist catcher but he's looked pretty lost thus far today. Maybe Epstein can pay to have Yogi Berra cryogenetically brought back to life and...oh he's still alive? Well then.


I think Ryan knew what he was doing when he let Ortiz go because the neverending debate on who will be our next DH keeps us bloggers busy in the offseason. In any case, gosh is he a good hitter. Luckily that fly out stayed in the air, and in the park, long enough for Kubel to figure 8 is way to it.

It pleases me very much that J.D. Drew is hitting .271, another sensible investment of half a trillion bucks. I think Scott Boras has set the game back more than anybody, hell he's even made a career for Kyle Lohse, and that doesn't even make me mad. That's just impressive.

Crinky, Castillo's had about 5 web gems in the first 4 innings. Onward ho!


The Twins side of the innings have been about as eventful as a Faulkner novel.


I don't want to jinx anything, but it's frightening how good Gordo is looking.

I guess Rabe and Torii wanted to play hot potato with the baseball before deciding to throw it back to the infield. Would've been a gnarly catch if they had pulled it off.

I think SS is a cursed position for the Yank Sox, it's what they get for throwing Nomar to the wolves. Lucky for us this curse extends to Lugo, now hitting below .230, and his ending of any scoring threat.


Our...hitters.....suck. This might be a long season.


Gosh Ortiz is good. Well, if they win this game think of the pregame joke and it'll make you feel better.

Well, 6 innings and 1 run against a high powered line up earns Carlos a star for the day. That would be if you're keeping tabs his 2nd quality start in a row. Too bad our assbat infected hitters won't get him a win.


Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm very much tempted to watch this game.......NOT. I'm going to go and enjoy this lovely Friday evening. Check back in for follow up thoughts after the game.

If you still want to feel better if we continue to lose, refer to Manny Ramirez's batting average: .238. That's 17 million well spent!


This is one of those games where you keep thinking to yourself, "They have to score at least 1 run right? Right??? RIGHT!?!?" In honor of our cold bats, I leave you wish this, another in a long list of ways we could link narcotics-inspired literature to the Twins:

The land of ice, and of fearful sounds where no living thing was to be seen.
And through the drifts the snowy clifts
Did send a dismal sheen :
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken--
The ice was all between.
The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around :
It cracked and growled, and roared and howled,
Like noises in a swound !


You know, if I had to pick one major league pitcher to get plunked by, it would be Wakefield. Way to take half of one for the team, Torii. Now let's see if Justincredible can avoid the DP.
Way to take the DP out of contention there, Torii, saving Justin the possible embarrassment of grounding into it. Just an all-around team player, that Sinn Fein.
I had the best seats of my life last night. BEST SEATS OF MY LIFE. And I was very close to gouging out my eyeballs, particularly after Justin's deep fly to center...

Oh and Red Sox fans can bite my ass. Rude, arrogant asshats are they.
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