Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Dear ESPN: This Whole "And Oh By The Way..." Meme Is SO Played Out
PREGAME
RK: That's really apropos nothing. It just really bothers me when Chris Berman, Chris Fowler, Steve Buccigross, Linda Cohen, John Anderson, Kenny Mayne, Steve Berthume, or Marty Funkhouser (OK, that's from a different show) say things like, "Frank Thomas is on a hot streak, and oh by the way, he's one home run away from 500," like they're throwing that little detail in just for you. Just stop it.
WV: Glad you've found a cause to champion. Who's pitching for us tonight?
RK: Rocket Bats
WV: Well, Rocket Bat's last start against the Mets was encouraging, but he seems to feed off of being on the next flight to Rochester so tonight may not be so successful.
RK: Worst case scenario is 7 ER over 4 IP.
WV: Maybe he'll turn the Boof corner and give up 4 ER through 5 IP
RK: All rights reserved on the term "turn the Boof corner"
TOP 1ST
WV: You know, we should consider slapping a trademark down on "Pulling A Blyleven." A false air of importance is my forte.
RK: What's the process there?
WV: Apparently it takes six months and lots of paperwork.
RK: Heh, legal zoom. I still can't believe that we were almost lawyers once upon a time
WV: Me either. Imagine how filthy rich we'd already be.
RK: ... Or how few people would retain us
WV: Instead I did a liberal arts education and all I got was this damn blog.
RK: I got a headache from mine.
WV: I hear that.
RK: Hey, Dick threw out the first ball! FROM THE MOUND. Oh dear, Dick is a Huskie? We politely snickered at St. Cloud State at St. John's. I'm only kidding of course.
WV: My heavens, a 1-2-3 inning
RK: Why I do declare! I'm getting the vapors; retrieve the smelling salts!
BOTTOM 1ST
WV: On my Xbox game the pitcher wouldn't have been able to do that. See See isn't pitching, right?
RK: I don't know QTF is going on.
TOP 2ND
RK: Scalooze: consider our interest piqued
WV: Funny, David Ortiz doesn't play 1st base....
RK: No more or less than Leroy's a catcher
WV: If the Big Hurt can't hurt Scott Baker, his 500th home run is going against fate.
RK: That 0-2 was probably a strike
WV: Very likely.
RK: But what do we know?
WV: St. Johns and Carleton would say that we know a little about everything.
RK: And soon, Stanford and Virginia Tech will say that we know a lot about one thing
WV: What I do know is that Scott Baker's pitching uncharacteristically
RK: I concur, doctor.
WV: Even my flippant self has nothing to say.
BOTTOM 2ND
RK: Marcum is on pace to throw a 23 pitch shutout
WV: Too bad all of our hitters have turned into Jason Kubel, what with hard line drives hit right at people.
RK: Sometimes I forget that Kubel uses Rage Against the Machine for his intro music. Makes me grin a little bit, but we'll see how Ernesto Zapata does
WV: PULLING A BLYLEVEN DEMANDS THE RELEASE OF LEONARD PELTIER
RK: Hahaha, I have a sudden urge to move to Chiapas and play bongos with Subcommandante Marcos
TOP 3RD
RK: I say we start a Rondell White All-Star campaign. We can say that he hasn't made an error or struck out in months!
WV: Tonight we should call Baker Rocket Pitches
RK: I'm about to start calling him a baseball player
WV: Stacey, viva indeed. We like to think that we bring the revolution with us wherever we go.
BOTTOM 3RD
RK: What do you think Redmond's middle name is? My guess is Jeffrey
WV: Apparently Grand Forks both misses Marney and is ass ugly
RK: That wasn't weird at all. That'd be like me going to the cities and saying I miss Amy Hockert. Because I do. Rawr.
WV: My guess is Joseph, and Amy Hockert is the most attractive thing Fargo has ever produced, next to us of course.
RK: Oh, the teenaged years.
WV: So Castillo got his hand stepped on, I got a hangnail earlier today. We all have our crosses to bear.
RK: I got a little sunburned.
TOP 4TH
WV: Wow, Rios' at-bat lasted about as long as Reel Big Fish's notoriety.
RK: Stacey informs us that Michael Redmond's middle name is "Patrick." I don't know why I put that in quotation marks
WV: And he's buuuuuyyying the Stairsway to the du...uh...gout..
RK: Man, Baker's pitching like a pitcher!
RK: Here's something I want everybody's opinion on: what should we call Toronto residents? I like Torontulas. Loyal PAB friend TL suggests Torontards
WV: Torontulas gets my vote
RK: Forget turning the Boof corner, he's turning the Warren Spahn corner.
BOTTOM 4TH
WV: It sure would be nice if someone other than Scott Baker would give us something to write about.
RK: Yeah, I've been uh, staring at an empty bottle of V8 fusion for a couple minutes now
TOP 5TH
WV: Dick and Fox Sports North do want the Twins to score more runs than the Blue Jays right?
RK: I do believe that's in his contract
WV: This Frank Thomas hysteria is bordering on Salem.
RK: Here's where Bert would make a Tituba joke. Stacey and Jensen; yes I read Deadspin, and all of Gawker media (even Fleshbot!) I'll most likely be in MN sometime in August, as will WV, so if the stars align, that sounds fantastic. Pregame at... someone's place!
WV: Yeah, and postgame puking in a Cedar-Riverside gutter
RK: Those 2 guys who high-fived after Baker's last strike out can't believe how well the shrooms they took before the game have altered their perception of Rocket Bats' throwing ability
BOTTOM 5TH
WV: It's a very real possibility the Jays have 12 men on the field
RK: In the metric system it evens out
WV: And if not there, then in the dewey decimal system
RK: Scalooze, I been popular all my life. In my head. To the animal kingdom. And with that, I'm off to see Ocean's 13! AVANT!
TOP 6TH
RK is at a cinematic screening, otherwise known as a flick, so you're stuck with me. And like Sonny without Cher, the results will be mixed and the ending might be abrupt.
Even when Baker has gotten into trouble tonight he has stayed tough, channeling the New Kids On the Block, and gotten through without any damage. This might be a new era in the saga of Rocket Bats.
7TH INNING
While Scott Baker continues to be Johan Santana and the Twins' offense is dominated by the Lord of Assbats, Marcum, I'll put in my good wishes for Eyre'n Go Bragh!, who making a spot start for Texas, got nailed in the arm.
I suspect that Scott Ulger only communicates in real life, in addition to baseball, through signs. It must make drive-thrus terribly difficult to manage.
No Bert, I don't think the left fielder "stayed back" on Torii's bullet single. I think he cowered in fear and luckily got the ball in his mitt as he fell backwards.
Hey Marcum, nice shutout.............For Jason Kubel to poop on!!!
8TH INNING
At the time, I felt bad thinking it, but now "Take Baker Out Before He Blows It" seems like foreshadowing.
Really, Scott Ulger stepping in as manager made me more nervous than Rocket Bats staying on the mound, to be totally honest.
Even in a situation like this, I thank Toronto for giving us an out. Hopefully Death Metal can come in now and hold the runners.
Thinking back on it, having either Cuddy or Sampler Plate Reyes field that bunt is the more anxiety-ridden situation of them all.
Hey Rocket Bats..um..nice shutout...for me...to...poop on.
9TH INNING
This is about as dull as an autobiography of my great uncle. In any case, I gotta jet, but with the Sonny Bono comment earlier I warned ya.
RK: That's really apropos nothing. It just really bothers me when Chris Berman, Chris Fowler, Steve Buccigross, Linda Cohen, John Anderson, Kenny Mayne, Steve Berthume, or Marty Funkhouser (OK, that's from a different show) say things like, "Frank Thomas is on a hot streak, and oh by the way, he's one home run away from 500," like they're throwing that little detail in just for you. Just stop it.
WV: Glad you've found a cause to champion. Who's pitching for us tonight?
RK: Rocket Bats
WV: Well, Rocket Bat's last start against the Mets was encouraging, but he seems to feed off of being on the next flight to Rochester so tonight may not be so successful.
RK: Worst case scenario is 7 ER over 4 IP.
WV: Maybe he'll turn the Boof corner and give up 4 ER through 5 IP
RK: All rights reserved on the term "turn the Boof corner"
TOP 1ST
WV: You know, we should consider slapping a trademark down on "Pulling A Blyleven." A false air of importance is my forte.
RK: What's the process there?
WV: Apparently it takes six months and lots of paperwork.
RK: Heh, legal zoom. I still can't believe that we were almost lawyers once upon a time
WV: Me either. Imagine how filthy rich we'd already be.
RK: ... Or how few people would retain us
WV: Instead I did a liberal arts education and all I got was this damn blog.
RK: I got a headache from mine.
WV: I hear that.
RK: Hey, Dick threw out the first ball! FROM THE MOUND. Oh dear, Dick is a Huskie? We politely snickered at St. Cloud State at St. John's. I'm only kidding of course.
WV: My heavens, a 1-2-3 inning
RK: Why I do declare! I'm getting the vapors; retrieve the smelling salts!
BOTTOM 1ST
WV: On my Xbox game the pitcher wouldn't have been able to do that. See See isn't pitching, right?
RK: I don't know QTF is going on.
TOP 2ND
RK: Scalooze: consider our interest piqued
WV: Funny, David Ortiz doesn't play 1st base....
RK: No more or less than Leroy's a catcher
WV: If the Big Hurt can't hurt Scott Baker, his 500th home run is going against fate.
RK: That 0-2 was probably a strike
WV: Very likely.
RK: But what do we know?
WV: St. Johns and Carleton would say that we know a little about everything.
RK: And soon, Stanford and Virginia Tech will say that we know a lot about one thing
WV: What I do know is that Scott Baker's pitching uncharacteristically
RK: I concur, doctor.
WV: Even my flippant self has nothing to say.
BOTTOM 2ND
RK: Marcum is on pace to throw a 23 pitch shutout
WV: Too bad all of our hitters have turned into Jason Kubel, what with hard line drives hit right at people.
RK: Sometimes I forget that Kubel uses Rage Against the Machine for his intro music. Makes me grin a little bit, but we'll see how Ernesto Zapata does
WV: PULLING A BLYLEVEN DEMANDS THE RELEASE OF LEONARD PELTIER
RK: Hahaha, I have a sudden urge to move to Chiapas and play bongos with Subcommandante Marcos
TOP 3RD
RK: I say we start a Rondell White All-Star campaign. We can say that he hasn't made an error or struck out in months!
WV: Tonight we should call Baker Rocket Pitches
RK: I'm about to start calling him a baseball player
WV: Stacey, viva indeed. We like to think that we bring the revolution with us wherever we go.
BOTTOM 3RD
RK: What do you think Redmond's middle name is? My guess is Jeffrey
WV: Apparently Grand Forks both misses Marney and is ass ugly
RK: That wasn't weird at all. That'd be like me going to the cities and saying I miss Amy Hockert. Because I do. Rawr.
WV: My guess is Joseph, and Amy Hockert is the most attractive thing Fargo has ever produced, next to us of course.
RK: Oh, the teenaged years.
WV: So Castillo got his hand stepped on, I got a hangnail earlier today. We all have our crosses to bear.
RK: I got a little sunburned.
TOP 4TH
WV: Wow, Rios' at-bat lasted about as long as Reel Big Fish's notoriety.
RK: Stacey informs us that Michael Redmond's middle name is "Patrick." I don't know why I put that in quotation marks
WV: And he's buuuuuyyying the Stairsway to the du...uh...gout..
RK: Man, Baker's pitching like a pitcher!
RK: Here's something I want everybody's opinion on: what should we call Toronto residents? I like Torontulas. Loyal PAB friend TL suggests Torontards
WV: Torontulas gets my vote
RK: Forget turning the Boof corner, he's turning the Warren Spahn corner.
BOTTOM 4TH
WV: It sure would be nice if someone other than Scott Baker would give us something to write about.
RK: Yeah, I've been uh, staring at an empty bottle of V8 fusion for a couple minutes now
TOP 5TH
WV: Dick and Fox Sports North do want the Twins to score more runs than the Blue Jays right?
RK: I do believe that's in his contract
WV: This Frank Thomas hysteria is bordering on Salem.
RK: Here's where Bert would make a Tituba joke. Stacey and Jensen; yes I read Deadspin, and all of Gawker media (even Fleshbot!) I'll most likely be in MN sometime in August, as will WV, so if the stars align, that sounds fantastic. Pregame at... someone's place!
WV: Yeah, and postgame puking in a Cedar-Riverside gutter
RK: Those 2 guys who high-fived after Baker's last strike out can't believe how well the shrooms they took before the game have altered their perception of Rocket Bats' throwing ability
BOTTOM 5TH
WV: It's a very real possibility the Jays have 12 men on the field
RK: In the metric system it evens out
WV: And if not there, then in the dewey decimal system
RK: Scalooze, I been popular all my life. In my head. To the animal kingdom. And with that, I'm off to see Ocean's 13! AVANT!
TOP 6TH
RK is at a cinematic screening, otherwise known as a flick, so you're stuck with me. And like Sonny without Cher, the results will be mixed and the ending might be abrupt.
Even when Baker has gotten into trouble tonight he has stayed tough, channeling the New Kids On the Block, and gotten through without any damage. This might be a new era in the saga of Rocket Bats.
7TH INNING
While Scott Baker continues to be Johan Santana and the Twins' offense is dominated by the Lord of Assbats, Marcum, I'll put in my good wishes for Eyre'n Go Bragh!, who making a spot start for Texas, got nailed in the arm.
I suspect that Scott Ulger only communicates in real life, in addition to baseball, through signs. It must make drive-thrus terribly difficult to manage.
No Bert, I don't think the left fielder "stayed back" on Torii's bullet single. I think he cowered in fear and luckily got the ball in his mitt as he fell backwards.
Hey Marcum, nice shutout.............For Jason Kubel to poop on!!!
8TH INNING
At the time, I felt bad thinking it, but now "Take Baker Out Before He Blows It" seems like foreshadowing.
Really, Scott Ulger stepping in as manager made me more nervous than Rocket Bats staying on the mound, to be totally honest.
Even in a situation like this, I thank Toronto for giving us an out. Hopefully Death Metal can come in now and hold the runners.
Thinking back on it, having either Cuddy or Sampler Plate Reyes field that bunt is the more anxiety-ridden situation of them all.
Hey Rocket Bats..um..nice shutout...for me...to...poop on.
9TH INNING
This is about as dull as an autobiography of my great uncle. In any case, I gotta jet, but with the Sonny Bono comment earlier I warned ya.
Labels: H
# posted by RK @ 7:56 PM 
Comments:
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After watching all three Die Hard movies today this game seems a little tame in comparision thus far.
# posted by 
: 9:01 PM
: 9:01 PM
Amy Hockert? Wow guys...thanks for the nostalgia kick! And I think you guys should come back for a game...because it'd be fun...and I know Stacey would come up for it...and we could have some badass Bert signs...or we could just invade a park somewhere else..that would probably be more fun..
yes, I second Jensen. We need some sort of PAB get-together at a game (pants party, if y'all read Deadspin). what say you?
# posted by : 9:07 PM
: 9:07 PM
That's funny I was just thinking about a get-together. You have 14 people at your blog tonight, so popular!
August would be the best, sometime before school starts. Texas and Seattle are in town August 17-22. RK, any possibility you'd be down?
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# posted by : 9:20 PM
: 9:20 PM << Home
