Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Middle Inning Crisis---Boof Go Buy Yourself A Motorcycle


Domestic tranquility was a priority up to this point, but now I'm firmly committed to ignoring Kevin Garnett news and being mesmerized by the Pear King's sweet inside-out stroke that hits singles to right field.

Hey, if the Pear King magically started hitting .300 like last season, it'd be similar to dumping Juan Castro onto Wayne Krivsky and the Reds and calling up the SS of the future....

I knew that Dick had a Minnesota map in the booth!!!! That quack is consistently spouting off geographic locations of obscure Minnesotan towns without ever referring to the trusty Rand McNally he has in front of him. Oh Dick..I'm onto you. You think that since you threw out the first pitch last night that you can eschew a sound knowledge of geography? Hmm?

Nice seeing Toby Gardenhire, though I hate to say that his perpetual near-Mendoza line batting average in the minors has him destined for manager-dom.

DEATH BY A THOUSAND SINGLES! Maybe Kubel can break the spell and drive one to the gap.

Well, now it's literally death by a thousand and 1 singles. Come on Cuddy, quit worrying about lung contusions and blow right through Zaun!


The irony of Treasure Island Senior Day is that EVERYDAY is Treasure Island Senior the casino. Why not go for some corporate synergy and just put a funeral home right in the darn place.

Would orthopedic surgeon specializing in hips have been a more sensitive suggestion?

Hell, both would be brilliant.


As the Twins offense falls quiet, how about a minor leauge update.

---Torrid's replacement, Denard Span, went 2 for 3 to inch his batting average near .250 in a Rochester win.

---'04 1st round pick Trevor Plouffe has 2 hits, including a triple, for AA New Britain to put his average at .286. Wannabe 3rd baseman of the future, Matt Moses, also has a couple of hits and is sitting at .400 in limited action since being demoted.

---The Rookie League Elizabethton Twins are the last unbeaten team in baseball but they're losing 6 to 3 tonight.


Hmm....inauspicious start to the inning with a double off the baggie. Lew, however, shows why he's more suitable, at the very least, in the field vis-a-vis Jason Tyner for his arm, which nearly threw Lind out at 2nd.

Sweet Mother of Martha, please don't come unglued here Boof. Don't you dare make me start quoting Nicleback and/or Linkin Park lyrics. We have standards around here Mr. Bonser.

You can go ahead and look surprised Vernon that the curve was called a strike, but you and I both know you got away with one right before that on the check swing.

6.91 ERA in the 5th Inning? Good God...Ramon Ortiz dresses up as Boof the 3rd time through the batting order!

OK Vernon, now you got away with 2. How much are you paying these umps? Why don't you shut up and sit down?

Alright, time to sit Boof Ortiz down. I'm in the mood for some Guerrierrrreatt! pitching.

Hey Bert, it's ok, I'll finish the bad pun for you: The reason Abner Doubleday wouldn't want to change the ground rule double is because his name isn't Abner Tripleday, am I right?. I bet that's where Bert was headed before Dick astutely noted that the fence hadn't been invented yet.

And furthermore, your life is incredibly dull, Dick, if not bringing that letter from some random know-it-all fan is the more traumatic thing that's recently transpired in your Rand McNally-supported existence.

This is all just projected frustration from our lead being cut to 1.


Anyone else nervous that Boof is still out there?

You know what Bert, I'd rather give up a solo homerun to Frank Fucking Thomas than a 2 run jack to Greg "I'm Closer To Social Security Benefits Than You Might Think" Zaun.

Then again, if Ramon Ortiz is warming up, you might as well leave Boof in. Do you want Thyphoid or Dysentary?

Remember how gnarly the Oregon Trail used to be?


Life would be so much sweeter if Nick Punto wasn't an automatic out. As it stands, he's a black whole threatening to swallow up our chances of tying this one up.

Say what you will about Cuddy at 1st, but he hasn't made 2 errors on one play like Matt Stairs has managed to do. As far as fielding goes, Matt the Cable Guy can't get 'er done.


We added on another run, but innings like this tend to be more frustrating than the Soprano's finale. close on the granny. Kubel.....could've tied it up. But, we're one run closer, hopefully we come through later.


The Oregon Trail is STILL gnarly...I actually play it on a regular basis, hell, I may even play it right now and have our pitching staff as my "family"...
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