Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

RK: How fucking beautiful is it that the white sox are ten games under 500?

WV: Man that brings a tear to my eyes

WV: Being blacked out and without cable, it's ironic seeing pop ups on the tv advertising HD when I'm watching a scrambled picture. It's like I'm 13 again trying to get a clear view of the Spice Network.

RK: haha, and those golden precious few times when it would come in just fine for like 20 minutes

WV: It took lots of all nighters to stumble across that gem.

WV: What's your take on this Johan Santana shutout and Bert shaving his head business?

RK: Like bon Jovi, he apparently won't make promises he can't keep. And as a guy who's shaved his head before, I can say that it feels kinda nice when a breeze comes up. Everybody wins here

WV: Except for us, who as victims of male pattern baldness, we secretly loathe his ability to shave his head.

RK: That's why I shaved my head in the first place. See how I'm gonna look when I'm 34

WV: So will Rocket Bats earn his keep tonight or is it to Rochester with him? He seems to do well against New York professional baseball teams.

RK: I'm torn. I want to win every day, of course, but I'm kinda sick of Rocket Bats doing well every 4th start to keep a spot up here. Give me a new young arm, says I. Scott Baker, I'm breaking up with you

TOP 1ST

WV: Double your freshness, double your fun. When you're Luis Castillo, you can barely run!

RK: Has nobody noticed that Luis is faking it? I mean, he has great range at second and can fly for an infield hit. He's a snake in the grass

WV: Really pleasant how Cuddy goes around on a ball that bounced before it got to home plate

RK: He likes getting the two strike hits

WV: Nothing wrong with a 45-pitch walk.

RK: It's an improvement over the Pierzynski-patented 45 pitch foulout

WV: Seeing Shea Stadium serves only to remind me of how miserable it is to drive to La Guardia

RK: Hold your tongue. I drove to JFK from Newark at 5:00 once

WV: You are the Steve Irwin of airport navigation.

RK: But... I'm still alive. Unlike Torii Hunter's at bat

BOTTOM 1ST

RK: Oh yes Stacey, I'm getting weird wide screen format

WV: The Paul Lo Duca bobblehead has an adjustable catchers mask---sheer brilliance.

RK: Oh yeah, does it come with an electric current to bring the monster to life?

WV: No, but Scott Baker's pitching does.

RK: Let's not act surprised here

WV: Aaaaaannnnd...there's a run.

WV: Look at Lo Duca, he runs like a Welshman.

RK: And so it goes

WV: You could throw out a stat that says Baker has given up a 1st inning run in 11 of his last 15 starts; or you could just say that "Scott Baker gives up 1st inning runs". Like, "plants conduct photosynthesis".

TOP 2ND INNING

"Rangers' Owner Suspects Juan Gonzales Used Steroids"---Seriously, why is this news to anybody? And this from the same guy who now employs SAMMY SOSA.

Great at-bat for Lew Ford, seems like if the hitters can wait out Perez he might have control problems.

A statistical curiosity, in interleague play the AL pitchers have a higher batting average than the NL ones...but they're still only hitting .186. And, Scott Baker continues his self-destructive ways. Get this guy on the Dr. Phil show.

TOP 3RD

As goes with Rocket Bats, no news is good news.

Stacy: I assume you're torn between the Twins and the College World Series..not Chicago White Sox. Oh that's right, they already lost today. You're safe.

Our Justin Morneau, who art in Shea Stadium, hallowed be thy name. Thy triple come, thy will be done, on offense as it is on defense.

BOTTOM 3RD

Errant throw on the double play! That's a bad Castillo! Go to your corner. Seriously, no need to rush it when the Running Welshman is chugging up the line.

BTW, what's the rule for running outside of the base path to avoid a tag? At 1st can you do that? Because Lo Duca was clearly outside of the white chalk line. This also, coincidentally, demonstrates my ignorance of MLB ground rules.

Wouldn't it be pleasant if Baker's breaking pitches broke?

Anyways, an error and non-call on a close 2 strike pitch to Beltran and now the tie is broken and Delgado is up with 2 men on. But, miraculously he gets out of it.

TOP 4TH

Mets payroll: 120,000,000 Wins: 38 Dollars per Win: 3.15 Million
Twins payroll: 70,000,000 Wins: 36 Dollars per Win: 1.94 Million

Something to think about.

I imagine that you don't mind walking Lew Ford when you've got two black holes coming up behind him in Nick Punto and the pitcher.

See?

TOP 5TH

Scalooze: I hope Perez keeps walking people, and more importantly, I hope we eventually take advantage of it.

And right as we're mentioning it, Mauer walks.

Usually when someone steals a base, the runner slides into the guy catching it. In this case, Valentin decided to take out Mauer's legs before he could get there. Interesting strategy in the Big Apple.

Unfotunately, it appears that we're going to continue rewarding Perez for walking batters. All sorts of backwards in this ballgame.

The baseballs must be impregnated with Mexican jumping beans because nothing wants to go forward, only up and behind home plate.

WHAMMY! Hail Torii, full of grace, the homerun God is with thee. Blessed be thou amongst outfielders, and blessed is the fruit of thy bat, the long ball.

Lo Duca is a perfect player for the Big Apple, he just looks like he'd be a foul-mouthed prick running a deli in Brooklyn.

BOTTOM 5TH

t-1000: Baker does look very clean, a lot like a 10 year old Boy Scout. And you know what? I got a merit badge for him if he can keep his ERA under 7.00, a feat he accomplished after last inning.

Now that, Rocket Bats, is a slider that slides. Nice strike out of Joseph Kings.

Lew, borrowing Rondell's hoverboard, speeds to the corner to catch Lo Duca's liner to left field.

And there we go--Baker is one step closer to that merit badge I promised.

TOP 6TH

LEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! Patience at the plate.....waiting for the right pitch....Lew, what have you done with your former self? Perhaps Terry Ryan has consulted Steve Jobs in the programming code for the LFE.

In all the excitement of Dazzle nearly catching a foul ball, Gordo and his partner in crime totally forget to relay Ford's double. It's all good--I've got SNY's scrambled tv feed to get me through.

Looks like Rocket Bat's evening is over, with Reyes warming up and a pinch hitter on deck. What do you say guys, did he earn another start?

Oh no, Joe Smith is in---we're going to get 8 points, 6 rebounds and lose 4 first round draft picks! Oh.

Mike Redmond--ice.

This half inning has been a brilliant display of managerial strategic maneuvering: Redmond pinch hits for the pitcher, gets a hit. Tyner pinch runs, get a steal. The heightened situational decision-making is really something working for the senior circuit's favor, with no DH and all.

MAUER PAUER! MAUER PAUER! MAUER PAUER! This folks is why everyone booed when Schoenweis entered the game. Boy, I wonder how they'd treat Rocket Bats if he pitched for them.

BOTTOM 6TH

A real shame that neither Washington nor Philadelphia is helping us out in the standings this evening. For the moment, we remain 5.5 out of the division.

Might we be seeing a return of the '06 Dennys Sampler Plate?

Guerrier, that slider was downright nasty. Totally disgusting.

7TH INNING

Things that are as worthwhile as Paul Lo Duca faking a bunt:

1. Wisdom teeth
2. Hurricane insurance in Yemen
3. MLB TV's blackout policy
4. Parsley

8TH INNING

Just as I'm thinking to myself, "I bet Glen Perkins would come in handy here with 3 lefties in a row against Neshek", Morneau reminds us all why his defense deserves mention in the "MVP" debate.

9TH INNING

Mets' 1st Base Coach Howard Johnson is having none of the ump's belief that Morneau didn't get pulled off the bag; Johnson angerly proclaims that the ump will never stay at one of his hotels again.

Does anyone else feel like the Twins would be in 1st place in a lot of other divisions? The Metropolitans haven't really impressed me this series; we just played the Braves pretty competitively. Blast our good competition from Motown and Cleveland.

POSTGAME

Baker evens his season record at .500 and likely earned himself another start. The Twins in addition start a difficult road trip out on the right foot by taking 2 of 3 from a pretty decent ballclub to improve to 9 and 6 in interleague play. Really, our major loss this week in New York was Bert's hair.