Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME-TOP 4TH

Well hey everybody, my fault I'm late, but I was participating in a table tennis tournament. I love table tennis. Believe it. I don't think WV will be joining us tonight because he's blacked out, and it's tough to do this without being able to see the game. Remember when we did the first few games on radio broadcast? Pretty rough stuff.

Anyway, I certainly don't mind stumbling into the game when the Twins are up 7-0. Here's that run support, JoJo.

BOTTOM 4TH

Holy smokes, I thought LoDuca hit that one out the park. Frankenstein's monster apparently just doesn't have the juice though.

Wow, Johan hasn't struck anybody out yet?

Sometimes I think it's amusing that people marvel at the fielding prowess of the team. I mean, you're supposed to field that ball cleanly when you've got the shift on, right? Like basketball, people freak out when somebody makes a majority of their free throws... well, aren't you supposed to make them?

TOP 5TH

Hi Jason bye Jason

I feel like Santana is due to rip a double down the line. Holy crap, I was right. I love it when I'm right.

Well, looking at the NYM E column, maybe I undersetand fawning over apt fielding.

Castillo's a "free spirit?" The "kid who never grew up?" Where are you getting this stuff announcerman? Why is there any reason to believe this is true? Here, I can play that game too:

These announcers are "cross-dressers," "eat cereal with a fork," and "have unsightly Michael Douglas-esque jowels."

Feel free to add your own, dear readers.

I have nothing against David Wright; his younger brother attends Virginia Tech, my friend PF has an enormous crush on him (maybe even bigger than Sister Jensen's crush on the King of Pears, believe it!), but I am so glad he made that error.

Torii just missed that one. What's wrong with these Mets fans? They're giving a Bronx cheer like they're Yankee fans. I like Mets fans because they're not Yankee fans. So stop it.

BOTTOM 5TH

The fightins' are trying to hold off Clevelandia.

Easley bloops one in, but I believe in the ability for Johan to induce a double play. Or not, but still a solid play to get the first out. Now a strikeout is in order, Mr. Presidente.

It's funny, because the announcers said that Gomez fouled off that changeup. But it looked like instead it went cleanly into Joe's glove. Apparently, the changeup fools more than the batter. It also fools cross-dressing bejowled New Yorkers.

Still no K's, but I'm OK with that if he can go the distance. He has quite an impressive economy of pitches as other, more astute readers have noted. Makes you wonder why I'm here. Huh.

TOP 6TH

Someone here needs to get on base so we can... wait for it... here comes my old school baseball knowledge... TURN THE LINEUP OVER.

I understand that historically the Twins aren't a home run hitting team, but honestly, Mauer, Cuddy, Morneau, and Hunter? Doesn't that count for anything? The way they make it sound you'd think every other team is stocked with 30-HR caliber hitters.

"The one pitcher they miss is Liriano." Incisive.

Jensen, you wanna handle Bartlett falling down like that? I got nothing.

BOTTOM 6TH

What the - is Shea Stadium playing Herbie Hancock over the broadcast PA?

Sister Jensen has some inside information that Bert may be shaving his head if Santana pitches a shutout. 59 pitches in 6 innings? He'll be alright. He's mowing them down so fast I don't have time to say anything.

TOP 7TH

WV: Santana might be an improvement at DH over Tyner.

RK: An interesting proposition.

It is not the King of the Castle's night. I'd like to see some power from Joe here. Y'know how it is.

Well... that inning was... quick.

BOTTOM 7TH

Nibbish, I sure miss Terry Mulholland. The rubber arm, the gray beard, I liked it all. Oh yeah, and his contract for a dollar. I'll pitch for a dollar too. In case you're reading this, TR.

Whatever voodoo is keeping these balls in the yard is amazing. They should make more of that.

JB, you can fall on your ass all you like, but if you snag those liners, I'll always love you.

One of my former students is from Venezuela (he now plays basketball for Marquette - so I have to root for Marquette), and he loves Santana, but didn't know that he was from Tovar. He thought it was crazy, being from Caracas, that anybody even thought to look in Tovar for a baseball player. The end.

TOP 8TH

2 quick outs, but I got a good feeling from Sinn Fein.

Jensen:

1. Fair enough
2. Stop talking dirty
3. I can taste it
4. OK, I think we disagree on this one happening

Begrudgingly, a good play by Reyes.

Liquid Metal, I'm fine with that. As long as Baker's 500 innings are in Rochester.

BOTTOM 8TH

OK, Santana needs at least one strikeout here.

I don't know how many consecutive games Santana's had at least one, but I'm going to hazard a guess that it's as long as his major league career has been.

Abuelo Franco is up. He might be in my top 50 favorite baseball players of all time. He's been playing longer than I've been alive for God's sake.

OK, he'll have to get that K in the ninth.

TOP 9TH

Yes, who is carrying Marco Scutaro's bat? Sounds like a title for one of those old timey detective radio shows.

Wow, I did not know that the Twins have the most productive outs in the league. I'm... going to believe that without independently verifying that.

Almost a pity Santana didn't do this at home when he wouldn't need to pitch the 9th. Then an 81-pitch CG shutout would look sterling, and would look nice to Silva's 78-pitch effort.

*****EDIT

DrJubal has noted an extreme lapse of my... brain. Of course you have to pitch 9 innings! I just, well, y'know, am a fraud (posing as an academic), and it totally made sense at the time I wrote it. I can only take solace in that nobody comes here and reads this to get smarter. Keen eye, Herr Doktor.

*****

But that said, I can't get over how Santana looks up there with a bat. Good level swing, nice follow through.

BOTTOM 9TH

Yeah, good work announcermans: Castillo indeed did see the ball 25 feet to his left and though he probably wasn't going to get that. God, these guys are almost worse than Michael Kay. Almost. Nobody, but nobody is as bad as the Hawk however.

Whew, got that K.

Stacey, good point. I could see Neshek taking a running start at the ball. Highly against the rules, but I just don't think he could help himself.

Nice work by Santana and Morneau! I bet we hear how they play the game the right way right about now. Probably 9 times or so.

And it's done!

POSTGAME

Let's see if Bert shaves his head, but I don't care about that, let's talk about the tragic irony of Johan this season. When he gives a solid effort (i.e., every time he takes the mound), and gives up 2 ER, we can't score. When the bats come to life, and he doesn't have his best stuff, he throws a CG.

That said, I really don't know the definition of irony - WV's the literature scholar, and he eats that shit up. Anyway, it's strange. Now they come tomorrow to take the series. I feel good about this.