Saturday, June 02, 2007


Pulling A Blyleven Mosaic®

Editor's note: This post is a compendium of commentary submitted by readers. RK and WV maintain that this method of blogging democracy is an underhanded way to get back at Axl Rose for constantly delaying Chinese Democracy.


Jim H: During one of the recent games, somebody hit a foul ball straight into the pressbox behind home plate. Blyleven said "I was hoping that would hit Sid Hartman." I cracked up; Dick ignored him (Dick's getting good at that). I heard nothing about it on the radio, in the blogosphere, or in the newspapers. I'm sure he said it, and I figured he'd get into some kind of trouble (even though it was hilarious). Did I imagine this? Anyone? Beuller?

Prediction: Slowey goes 7 strong but gets a no-decision because the Twins bats are silent until the late innings.

WV: Jim, anecdotes such as that should never slip through the cracks and thus the need for blogs. I'm not convinced Sid is actually still alive, a la Fidel I think he's cryogenically frozen in the Strib compound and his new columns are simply cut and pastes of his past work.

RK: Like Walt Disney he is frooooo-zen, and in the Swiss hall of fame he goes in.


Scalooze: Rick Anderson just said that Slowey pitches 'like a veteran'- in regards to his command and his control. My prediction is that sometime this season that mental control, as so mercurial in the unsure days of youth, snaps and he'll be goin for heads. Sort of like how 15-year old girls control their first boyfriends, who then leave or knock them up. Let's hope against a Slowey impregnation.

RK: *Breathes slowly into a paper bag* Don't ever make jokes like that! Seriously, one time on April Fool's Day... never mind.

I blame the pessimism on the long week.

WV: And I blame you for bringing back painful repressed memories of every girl in middle school that dumped me. The joke is that there weren't any.

Scalooze: Kennedy has one of those wind-up styles that annoy me- wonder why he is 1-4. Or has his highest opposing team ERA against the Twins.

Lots o' GIDP like that?

WV: I'm always excited to face pitchers who were fired by either the Devil Rays or Royals. Mike McDougal helped us out the other night, I expect Kennedy to do the same.

Stacey: Bottom 1st, they are discussing Dan Johnson's season, being on the DL early. Dan Johnson was also on the DL last year because he squirted suntan lotion in his eye. Only baseball players.

RK: But there's copper in suntan lotion! Sometimes toned copper!

Scalooze: Damage control- end of the first.

Scalooze: Castillo's hitting .333? Lays down good sac bunt? Love love love.

Stacey: Top 3rd, Twins score their first run on a single, a walk and two sacrifices. Dick reminds us that, even though we aren't playing the Bitch Sox, the Twins can still be pirantas. That nickname was really awesome for a while, but I must say I'm starting to get sick of it.

WV: Yeah, when can we just go back to playing small ball, being hard-nosed or battling our tails off?

RK: I could go for a name change to Magic Fucking Unicorns

Scalooze: Ball 2 to Milton Bradley (which, I should add, is the funniest name ever) looked an awful lot like strike 3. The third inning , finally over after 1,45547,540,634 foul balls from Chavez. Who is delicious btw.

WV: And he'll probably win the gold glove too when he hits 30 home runs. And..because he's...ahem...delicious.

RK: Remember when the Cleveland outfield was Milton Bradley, Coco Crisp, and Matt Lawton? If only Matt had been named Parker Brothers, or Count Chocula or something.

KT: I got to ye olde compooter just in time to see Justin attempt to catch Chavez's foul ball (and yes indeed he is hot. Only one 't' though. Not hott like Santana), which he overran and ended up sliding and looking like a fool and seemed none to happy with Mike Redmond over it. Redmond tried so hard to redeem himself with the next pop up, but Little Nicky Punto came and stole his glory. A tiny superhero must do what he can...


KT: Bert just said that Jerry White is helping Bartlett with the signs. How does he do that with the 1st baseman right there? pig latin? it-hay and-hay un-ray!

WV: I think simply speaking the King's standard English is enough to confuse Nick Swisher.

RK: I also find myself profoundly confused by the King James Bible - wait, this is a different discussion.

Scalooze: Yes- definitely not double-t like Santana. But my boyfriend (Bartlett) has made one hotttt catch at the bottom of the fifth. 2 down.

RK: He does already have 3 't's in his name.

KT: Bottom 5th -- They keep showing Slowey's dad. CUTE! He approved of Bartlett's leaping catch. I think he thought it was hott.

WV: I think 5 scoreless innings pitched by Slowey is hottt (like Christina Aguilera's version of dirrty) it not quite kosher for a guy to say something is hot with 3 't's?

RK: I'm just glad this is all women think about too. I feel like less of an animal right now.

KT: Top 6th -- Naked Batting Practice can't straighten out his arm after getting hit on the elbow? Isn't that important for a catcher?

RK: Consult Rube in "Major League II"

Scalooze: Slowey's dad looks like that one actor. Redheaded, really Irish looking. Maybe in some dramas?

Anaandamide: Ha, I love the Blyleven tag....had forgotten about the old bugger...On the topic of Chinese Democracy, here's some insight.

WV: That's an awesome post, everyone check it out.

Stacey: Bottom 6th, what the fuck was that? LFE must be programmed to turn his back to home run balls before they actually land. Oh well, welcome to the Big Leagues, Slowey.

p.s. Thought I'd weigh in on the hotness of Chavez...far better looking when he's not hitting homers.

p.p.s. I've been trying to come up with a good nickname for Slowey, but haven't yet. Any suggestions?

WV: Uh...Slowey poke? If he were hottt we could call him Hearthrop (since he went to Winthrop)...sigh, we'll have to work at this.

KT: Has anyone seen the old movie "Blackbeard's Ghost?" Slowey looks like the character Gudger from that movie; we could call him Gudger.

WV: Gudger's a funny name, and I agree with you. Furthermore, we adore obscure references here at PAB.

RK: All your bases are belong to us!

TOP 7TH INNING, Game Tied At 1

Dear Dick Bremer,

Please don't talk about the bullpen being really good while Juan Rincon has a guy on 2nd with 1 out in a tie game. (in the bottom of the 7th)
Love, KT

Oh what's that? He got out of the inning? Oh I didn't know that.


Stacey: What is it with the A's and their hair? I know Swisher was growing his out for Locks of Love, but I doubt Travis Buck has as good of an excuse. Chavez's is bordering on ridiculous as well. Is it that ever since Barry Zito left, they rest of the team had go to greater lengths to look like hippies?

RK: On the other hand though, it looks like Barry Zito left his curveball in Oakland.

KT: I think the team is showing solidarity and is making their hair ridiculous until Bobby Kielty comes back from the DL.
Zito used to help make the A's one of the most attractive teams in baseball (behind the Twins of course). Now...not so much.

Megan: I for one was very impressed with how Slowey handled it all. First inning said it all. Bases loaded with one out. No runs scored. Applause!!!! Many rookies might screw that up. And then after he gave up the solo shot, he got two quick outs.
Bravo Slowey!! :)

WV: Megan, was that a backhanded reference to Rocket Bats?

Megan: Runs please? Oh wait... baby steps. Hits please? Wait!! I know their trick!! They hypnotize our players with the foghorn and drum. Dang Oakland fans...

Scalooze: Yeah...A's were pretty attractive. Detroit, possibly the most unattractive. I almost dread going to their games at the Dome for fear of some of those guys' mugs on the jumbotron. *shudders*

In comes Neshek to finish off the eighth.

RK: I can't stop staring at Placido Polanco's skull.

Megan: Oooh... I wish our team would make their hair ridiculous! They opted the shaved head look instead...

KT: And they play silly bouncy organ music when Death Metal comes out of the bullpen (in the bottom of the 8th with 2 out). It's just wrong...

Stacey: Maybe RK and WV should go away more often. I rather like discussions of how attractive the guys are in addition to how well they play. Like Death Metal (or Pat the Bunny as I like to call him)...gorgeous. The A's, however, have Huston Street, who is a wicked good closer and probably the hottest baseball player ever. This is what I call less stats, more sass!

WV: A coarser man might say, less stats more ass.....tap tap, is this thing on?

RK: Everybody knows the hottest baseball player in the league is Sal Fasano.


Megan: Haha, RK and WV leave and the girls take over. Niice.

KT: Hahaha, I'm sure they're thrilled :-) Hottest player ever is strong verbiage (nounage? hyperbolage?) indeed. I'll see your Huston Street and raise you one Johan Santana.

Editor's note: Girls taking over anything we do is actually a dream of ours and will always be thrilling

Scalooze: Speaking of hotness- Castillo's lead-off double in the top of the tenth- super sexy.

Megan: Agreed. Something about leadoff doubles that make you go "OMG!! I LOVE YOU CASTILLO!!!!"

KT: Poor Bert. Will someone please steal him a base?

Scalooze: Cirillo hitting both RBIs in the game, including on in extra innings = I am dripping of post-orgasm bliss.

WV: And I just blushed.

KT: For the first time, here's a shout out of hottness to Cirillo! Woohoo!

Stacey: top 10th: who needs a sacrifice!?! I really thought Crosby had that one like he got the one in the 9th, but thankfully this one got past him. Nice effort, but the Twins go up.

Stacey: top 10th: Dick and Bert seem to think Tyner is amused by all good jumps Cuddles is spoiling by fouling off pitches. If I were Tyner, I'd be pissed. And all that for a walk.

Scalooze: And Redmond continues to earn his keep.

KT: This one's for Batgirl...THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND!

Megan: This is where the "Let's go, Nathan!" chant I used in Milwaukee comes in nicely.

Megan: I heart the Redmond!!! He's my fave. :) And I just have to say, our announcers ROCK. That is all.

Timberwolf: I hate the A's announcers.

WV: I don't know how works, but for some reason we get our announcers even though we're on the road.

Scalooze: Nothing more satisfying in the world than pissing off some cheeseheads. Except an orgasm from Johan Santana, of course! Vicodin's so great.

2 to go.

WV: Agreed on the vicodin; still considering the former.

KT: hehehe, if we can't steal a base for our dear announcers, can the A's GIDP for them (in the bottom of the 10th)?

Scalooze: Milton Bradley TOOK THAT AWAY. Chavez vs. Nathan

Stacey: Bottom 10th: Shit, Dan Johnson. I was willing him to GIDP, but he would not listen. So much for the Nebraska kinship. Can we please just get this over with?

Scalooze: 3-2 final- after a nearly Nathan-induced heart attack. Nice prediction jim. Slowey possibly could become a Radke.


WV: Jim H. actually wasn't too far off with his prediction, maybe he should become a bookie.

Stacey: Extra innings are supposed to be nerve-wracking, yes? This was a good win, and I'm happy for the team. Tomorrow's game should be a lesson in mediocrity with Silva and Blanton on the mound.

Bay Area Ryan: Attendance was said to be around 20,000. I'd say maybe 15,000 were around to watch the extra innings, and maybe 10,000 to catch the A's bat in the bottom of the 10th.

Despite being completely adorned in Twins gear (Cuddy jersey + hat), I only received a smattering of boos (most of them reserved for me when I boarded my BART train).

WV: When what you should've done is booed the Bay Area transit folks for charging you exorbitantly to take public transportation across town.

WV: In any case, a good win, and thanks for everyone who participated in PAB Mosaic®, we will definitely make use of this format in the future as it is always nice to hear new perspectives...especially when they revolve around hotttness.

RK: These people are better at this than we are.

I love Kev Slo (Cool Slow D?) and I'm not the only one. Although I am already tiring of the Radke comparisons. After one game.

Please enlighten us because we (TWT) are too lazy to go through the archives....what is the origin of the Sinn Fein nickname?
that was fun, but also kinda hard. I'll never question you if you take days off in the future.
Haha, for sure. What Stacey said.
But it's all good. :)
Sal Fasano=disgusting
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