Monday, July 30, 2007
Alexi - Maybe You Can Become King of the Castle
PREGAME
Luis Castillo is gone. Off to the Mets. In some more name-dropping, I just got back from playing tennis with David Wright's younger brother. I'm not one to assess minor-league (or probably major league, or any kind, actually) talent, but what do you all think? I thought we had a glut of outfielders, but uh, ok. Above-300 hitter, right?
TOP 1ST
24 pitches later, Baker has retired a batter. Things are looking up! You said it man! Nobody fucks with DeJesus. Except Scott Baker.
And a 1-2-3 first. Hey, we need a snappy name for the strapping young lad playing third. Anybody?
BOTTOM 1ST
Freaking and The Pear King pull a Spike Lee joint and do the right thing, and Mauer pulls out the big bat to drive them in.
How does one get the name Gil? Is it a shortening of Vergil? Gilbert? Probably Gilbert. I had a colleague once who named his kid Aeneas, and another colleague remarked, "How terrible, to name your kid Anus." Anyway, Sinn Fein's pipe bomb backfired like a Road Runner episode.
The Rubik's Kubel almost made up for it with a blasto gigante, but it was a little bit foul and a little bit rock and roll.
Anticlimactic, Kubel. Not unlike my social life.
TOP 2ND
Stacey, too true; somebody's gotta fill that spot, but I do indeed believe we'll stick with Punto at second. I'm OK with that, especially if Buscher works out.
Gload sounds like a starfish part you're supposed to look for doing your seventh grade dissection. Remember the crawdads, anyone?
I'm asking a lot of questions tonight, but it's because I care.
TRUST ME.
I'm pretty sure Scott Baker understands the principles of Ragnarok.
BOTTOM 2ND
Ha, it appears someone has flagged this blog for objectionable content. I know I'm not consistently funny, but come on! Guy in a 6000 dollar suit can't make an obscure reference? Come on!
I thought about the Busch beer, Sister Jensen, but it's almost too obvious. Not that I'm opposed to beer. God Forbid (put that in a Jersey accent: Gah Fuhbid), but perhaps that's the best option.
Web master, I'm OK with Punto at second. It's that or Casilla, I imagine. At that point, it's pick 'em.
TOP 3RD
Stacey, we got cow eyes. I don't remember what grade. I think it was actually in some science summer program my parents put me in to: get me out of the house, and see if I was smart. One of those things happened, at least. I remember cutting myself with the blade I was supposed to use for the eye, so uh, yeah. Not smart.
Silver lining, web master; GIDP means there's men on base to begin with. It's about the baby steps.
Mein Gott, Scott Baker looks good thusfar. It'd be nice to touch up Gil Meche (who I'm pretty sure was one of Gimli's uncles) for a few more runs.
BOTTOM 3RD
Jensen, perhaps, perhaps. Let's let it simmer for a bit, and see what comes up.
Stacey, Gilgamesh - nice. I read that once, and then promptly forgot everything about it. He had a friend, as we all do. Well, some of us. I'm not gonna make any judgments.
And it's over.
TOP 4TH
In re: KG. We all saw it coming, right? I didn't know until now, so I don't even know where he ended up, but you can't blame the guy for being frustrated on a team that refused to build around him. And I guess you could say he shouldn't have taken such an enormous contract, but that's how the NBA works.
And the perfect game is over.
Oh hi Scott Baker, good to see you back.
Those fastballs are sailing away like a Styx song.
A double play's a double play, any way you can take 'em. Now touch Gil Bellows of Ally McBeal fame for some more runs.
BOTTOM 4TH
OfJesus did his best Torii Hunter impression. What can you do but tip your cap?
And then some inauspiciousness.
TOP 5TH
Stacey, I agree. I wouldn't mind seeing RonDL take his hoverboard somewhere else.
Perhaps Scotty has settled down. Perhaps I'd still like to see some damn offense though. I'd also like to see Transformers, even though I know I'll probably be disappointed.
BOTTOM 5TH
After some snooze-worthy baseball, Tyner just got teased. Now that's just mean. Man.
I really should take the opportunity, during the bottom halves of the innings, to do a little this-n-that. Like hang prints. My office has a baseball theme. I only have Roger Maris hitting his 61st home run and Jackie Robinson stealing home. Any other suggestions? Black and white preferred.
TOP 6TH
Oh man, Dick mentioned some guy named Dustin. Makes me think of Dustan Mohr. Boy I loved D-Mohr. Guy played with heart. Where's he at, I wonder?
Web master, indeed indeed, but finding a B&W print is tough. There was hardly a more rabid Kirby Puckett fan than I growing up, so I really had to stop myself from congratulating and expressing my eternal love for Charlie Leibrandt. Ms. Leibrandt may have found it, uncouth.
And after a splintered bat almost but doesn't hurt somebody in the stands, it looks like Baker is cruising along after that hiccup. I'm still wary though. And I still want more runs. The bottom of this lineup is sad. It makes me a sad panda.
BOTTOM 6TH
I hung up some prints. No. Seriously.
TOP 7TH
The Baker Report is strong. Am I thrilled? Yes I am. Do I understand it's the Royals offense? Yes I do. Am I going to make hypothetical questions of everything and then answer them a la Donald Rumsfeld? It's a nasty habit. Are the Royals on the cusp of putting the Bitch Sox in last place in the AL Central? Well, not when we're done with them, but wouldn't it be delicious if that happened?
BOTTOM 7TH
Web master, I'm technologically inept. How would I take this picture and have a, say, 16x24 print made from it?
TOP 8TH
Scott Baker, what has gotten into you? What did you eat for breakfast today? Because I guarantee that's your new breakfast for the rest of your life, every day.
I mean, honestly.
KG to the Celtics? You have got to be kidding me. You're gonna be miserable there too, Kevin. Good lord.
BOTTOM 8TH
Photowhat? OK, this has officially exceeded the limits of my capabilities. WV is responsible for the technical aspects of this here site.
Oh Jasonjasonjason, you've got to put that bunt down. You're making Gardy "Ruff!" very unhappy.
Luckily, Joe Mauer is a real professional and drives in the run. All three Ribs today brought to you by Joseph L. Mauer.
"3 and 1 with Rondell White on deck." Ooooh, Dick, tell me more scary stories!
Well god.
TOP 9TH
Nathan does what Nathan does.
POSTGAME
So, here's my thesis, suggested by loyal PAB friend TL: Scott Baker is a baseball werewolf. Hence the erratic starts. Tonight's a full moon, and he pitched well. Coincidence? Yes, but I'm gonna run with it. Oh yes, and thanks Joe, for winning the game as well.
SPECIAL BONUS EXTRAVAGANZA
To honor the Twins win, loyal PAB friend, TL, has made the following picture for you all to enjoy:
Luis Castillo is gone. Off to the Mets. In some more name-dropping, I just got back from playing tennis with David Wright's younger brother. I'm not one to assess minor-league (or probably major league, or any kind, actually) talent, but what do you all think? I thought we had a glut of outfielders, but uh, ok. Above-300 hitter, right?
TOP 1ST
24 pitches later, Baker has retired a batter. Things are looking up! You said it man! Nobody fucks with DeJesus. Except Scott Baker.
And a 1-2-3 first. Hey, we need a snappy name for the strapping young lad playing third. Anybody?
BOTTOM 1ST
Freaking and The Pear King pull a Spike Lee joint and do the right thing, and Mauer pulls out the big bat to drive them in.
How does one get the name Gil? Is it a shortening of Vergil? Gilbert? Probably Gilbert. I had a colleague once who named his kid Aeneas, and another colleague remarked, "How terrible, to name your kid Anus." Anyway, Sinn Fein's pipe bomb backfired like a Road Runner episode.
The Rubik's Kubel almost made up for it with a blasto gigante, but it was a little bit foul and a little bit rock and roll.
Anticlimactic, Kubel. Not unlike my social life.
TOP 2ND
Stacey, too true; somebody's gotta fill that spot, but I do indeed believe we'll stick with Punto at second. I'm OK with that, especially if Buscher works out.
Gload sounds like a starfish part you're supposed to look for doing your seventh grade dissection. Remember the crawdads, anyone?
I'm asking a lot of questions tonight, but it's because I care.
TRUST ME.
I'm pretty sure Scott Baker understands the principles of Ragnarok.
BOTTOM 2ND
Ha, it appears someone has flagged this blog for objectionable content. I know I'm not consistently funny, but come on! Guy in a 6000 dollar suit can't make an obscure reference? Come on!
I thought about the Busch beer, Sister Jensen, but it's almost too obvious. Not that I'm opposed to beer. God Forbid (put that in a Jersey accent: Gah Fuhbid), but perhaps that's the best option.
Web master, I'm OK with Punto at second. It's that or Casilla, I imagine. At that point, it's pick 'em.
TOP 3RD
Stacey, we got cow eyes. I don't remember what grade. I think it was actually in some science summer program my parents put me in to: get me out of the house, and see if I was smart. One of those things happened, at least. I remember cutting myself with the blade I was supposed to use for the eye, so uh, yeah. Not smart.
Silver lining, web master; GIDP means there's men on base to begin with. It's about the baby steps.
Mein Gott, Scott Baker looks good thusfar. It'd be nice to touch up Gil Meche (who I'm pretty sure was one of Gimli's uncles) for a few more runs.
BOTTOM 3RD
Jensen, perhaps, perhaps. Let's let it simmer for a bit, and see what comes up.
Stacey, Gilgamesh - nice. I read that once, and then promptly forgot everything about it. He had a friend, as we all do. Well, some of us. I'm not gonna make any judgments.
And it's over.
TOP 4TH
In re: KG. We all saw it coming, right? I didn't know until now, so I don't even know where he ended up, but you can't blame the guy for being frustrated on a team that refused to build around him. And I guess you could say he shouldn't have taken such an enormous contract, but that's how the NBA works.
And the perfect game is over.
Oh hi Scott Baker, good to see you back.
Those fastballs are sailing away like a Styx song.
A double play's a double play, any way you can take 'em. Now touch Gil Bellows of Ally McBeal fame for some more runs.
BOTTOM 4TH
OfJesus did his best Torii Hunter impression. What can you do but tip your cap?
And then some inauspiciousness.
TOP 5TH
Stacey, I agree. I wouldn't mind seeing RonDL take his hoverboard somewhere else.
Perhaps Scotty has settled down. Perhaps I'd still like to see some damn offense though. I'd also like to see Transformers, even though I know I'll probably be disappointed.
BOTTOM 5TH
After some snooze-worthy baseball, Tyner just got teased. Now that's just mean. Man.
I really should take the opportunity, during the bottom halves of the innings, to do a little this-n-that. Like hang prints. My office has a baseball theme. I only have Roger Maris hitting his 61st home run and Jackie Robinson stealing home. Any other suggestions? Black and white preferred.
TOP 6TH
Oh man, Dick mentioned some guy named Dustin. Makes me think of Dustan Mohr. Boy I loved D-Mohr. Guy played with heart. Where's he at, I wonder?
Web master, indeed indeed, but finding a B&W print is tough. There was hardly a more rabid Kirby Puckett fan than I growing up, so I really had to stop myself from congratulating and expressing my eternal love for Charlie Leibrandt. Ms. Leibrandt may have found it, uncouth.
And after a splintered bat almost but doesn't hurt somebody in the stands, it looks like Baker is cruising along after that hiccup. I'm still wary though. And I still want more runs. The bottom of this lineup is sad. It makes me a sad panda.
BOTTOM 6TH
I hung up some prints. No. Seriously.
TOP 7TH
The Baker Report is strong. Am I thrilled? Yes I am. Do I understand it's the Royals offense? Yes I do. Am I going to make hypothetical questions of everything and then answer them a la Donald Rumsfeld? It's a nasty habit. Are the Royals on the cusp of putting the Bitch Sox in last place in the AL Central? Well, not when we're done with them, but wouldn't it be delicious if that happened?
BOTTOM 7TH
Web master, I'm technologically inept. How would I take this picture and have a, say, 16x24 print made from it?
TOP 8TH
Scott Baker, what has gotten into you? What did you eat for breakfast today? Because I guarantee that's your new breakfast for the rest of your life, every day.
I mean, honestly.
KG to the Celtics? You have got to be kidding me. You're gonna be miserable there too, Kevin. Good lord.
BOTTOM 8TH
Photowhat? OK, this has officially exceeded the limits of my capabilities. WV is responsible for the technical aspects of this here site.
Oh Jasonjasonjason, you've got to put that bunt down. You're making Gardy "Ruff!" very unhappy.
Luckily, Joe Mauer is a real professional and drives in the run. All three Ribs today brought to you by Joseph L. Mauer.
"3 and 1 with Rondell White on deck." Ooooh, Dick, tell me more scary stories!
Well god.
TOP 9TH
Nathan does what Nathan does.
POSTGAME
So, here's my thesis, suggested by loyal PAB friend TL: Scott Baker is a baseball werewolf. Hence the erratic starts. Tonight's a full moon, and he pitched well. Coincidence? Yes, but I'm gonna run with it. Oh yes, and thanks Joe, for winning the game as well.
SPECIAL BONUS EXTRAVAGANZA
To honor the Twins win, loyal PAB friend, TL, has made the following picture for you all to enjoy:
# posted by RK @ 8:06 PM 
Comments:
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First and third, no one out, Little Jessus at bat and he lays down a double for the team, scoring two. Allelieu!! I believe!
you don't think we'll stick with Nicky at 2nd? It is his natural position afterall... And who can part with his bat? I mean, every team needs a #9 hitter.
# posted by 
: 8:34 PM
: 8:34 PM
Stacey - the appearance of Punto at second is a little bit worrisome - I like Nick, I think he's a fine human being, but he needs to spend some serious time with the as-seen-on-TV Joe Mauer hitting trainer. Maybe after a couple of years working with it and the free dvd, Nick can get back to hitting .250!!!!
Buscher Beer RK....Buscher Beer...or something like that :) But it needs to be in reference to Busch beer me thinks
they let you have crawdads in 7th grade? we didn't get to disect anything until 8th grade. but then they gave us sheep eyes, which were actually pretty sweet.
Oh, and welcome back!
Oh, and welcome back!
# posted by : 8:43 PM
: 8:43 PM
oh, I know, Twins Fan. Seeing Punto at the plate ("a little switch hitter" the Royals announcer just called him) is frightening
# posted by : 8:45 PM
: 8:45 PM
I really hate to bring this up - but a trouble trend has emerged in this game. The Twins have completed two innings and have hit into two double plays. I am not liking this trend.
...Or we could do something about Busch Beans :) That could turn into something fun :) And wtf with KG being traded today? I know it's a Twins blog, but it's Kg...
Twins Fan, that's a bit troubling, but I've been watching the Royals all season, and Gilgamesh is their best pitcher. If we've got a lead now, then we can be sure we'll hit against any other pitcher they throw against us.
# posted by : 8:54 PM
: 8:54 PM
If Terry Ryan's still in the mood for dealing players, I wouldn't mind him making RonDL go poof. Not that we could get anything for him anyway, but I think this team has enough automatic outs already.
# posted by : 9:16 PM
: 9:16 PM
Stacey, you are right on the money on the amazing RonDL. Look at the bottom 5/9ths of the Twins line up - we can't call them batters, can we? - even Torii isn't hitting worth spit in the last 30 days. The non-Kubel has more RBIs in the past month on 19 fewer at bats, than Torch-less. (And how it pains me to say anything even approaching the complimentary about the non-Kubel). The bottom five in the Twins lineup - five easy outs.
Jason Tyner - what a slugger he has become! He must be slugging back some Morneau "I like Milk" drinks!
RK - you need a pic of Kirby Puckett dragging a homer back in over the center field "fence". Or Kirby hitting the home run to bring the world series to game seven, during the '91 series. Or Kirby Pucket just standing around being Kirby.
RK - I just uploaded a black & white picture of Kirby Pucket to by blogspot (shameless plug) you can find it here http://smallmktdiamonds.blogspot.com/
hmm, it's not that I feel bad about this game, but I would love to be more than 1 run ahead (especially with Reyes warming in the pen) at this point.
# posted by : 9:59 PM
: 9:59 PM
hey, watch whose offense you're making fun of! We lead the Royals in homers while they have the edge in doubles and triples...OBP, average and slugging percentage are all pretty much a wash. I still want the Twins to win, but I'm just saying.
# posted by : 10:08 PM
: 10:08 PM
RK- on the picture thing. This picture of Kirby which I found on the web is only 16kb, blown up to a 16 x 24 (or ever 8 x 12) it would be very grainy. This would be good for printing out on your home printer in a nice 4 x 6.
busch light.
pfffft.
Anyways.
Let me express my love for the KC's royals closing pitchers last name:
Gobble
Oh yes. Lollercoaster.
And LNP. Please hit better. Your too cute for being a big suck. Okay? Remember u were on a 6 game hitting streak. That made karlee happy. And ps: Rbis are zexy.
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pfffft.
Anyways.
Let me express my love for the KC's royals closing pitchers last name:
Gobble
Oh yes. Lollercoaster.
And LNP. Please hit better. Your too cute for being a big suck. Okay? Remember u were on a 6 game hitting streak. That made karlee happy. And ps: Rbis are zexy.
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