Monday, July 02, 2007

 

Hometown Heroes

PREGAME

I don't want to alarm those of you watching the YES feed, but yes, you'll have to listen to Michael "Every kiss begins with" Kay. But seeing that Roger Clemens is pitching reminds me of an article written by an amazing Minnesotan, yes, you know of whom I speak:

Michael J. Nelson. I'm paraphrasing here, but he enjoyed watching Roger Clemens "whizzing it down his chunky leg in his losing bid to win," in 2004.

I'm getting really nostalgic for MST3K. If I was a rich girl, I'd bring that show back. Anyway.

For those concerned: number one, thank you. Number two, I was just really fatigued, so I'm fine. But you do 270 reps on a bench press and see how you feel! Oh, you're not that stupid. Right.

TOP 1ST

Michael Kay does look like he's 'bout to put some moves on Paul O'Neill. When you see former players in the booth do you wonder if they're alcoholics/drunks/womanizers or even the trifecta? I mean, the money's pretty good. I feel like if you gave me a few hundred thousand I could make it last forever. I wouldn't need to subject myself to Kay.

"Here's Joe Mauer, last year's batting titleist." Good work, Michael.

I went to a Twins game at Yankee Stadium in 2004, and it was fun. I got to sit 8 rows behind the Yankee dugout, do some solid heckling (one person threatened to break a bottle over my head - trick's on you, pendejo! They're plastic bottles!), got on FSN (probably because of the heckling), and it was all very nice. Then in extra innings, the Twins put in Aaron Fultz, and sure enough, he served up a meatball to Bernie Williams and I've never forgiven him (Fultz, that is). That story was apropos nothing, but it was a 1-2-3 inning anyway.

BOTTOM 1ST

So far so... not so good for BOOOOOF.

Man, Cuddy was about to do his thing, but the ball hit Damon (or so I believe). Why in sweet hell are people still running on Sweet Cheeks?

And why can't Castillo throw the ball?

Why you have to go and make things so complicated?

Why do birds suddenly appear?

I feel like this is going to be a long night.

Pray for mojo.

TOP 2ND

Hopefully with the leadoff single and subsequent walk, the Twins can put together a couple of hits to score some runs. Such, such was the tragedy of last night's ballgame. I feel like I should send Scott Baker some flowers or something.

Paul O'Neill, athlete mind-reader. Show on USA soon to follow.

Well, at least Trade Bait moved the runners up.

Favog, they're New Yorkers, I'm probably supposed to say, but I'm not sure I beileve in a singular New York accent. I'm such a heretic.

We're tied up, and Michael Kay is making me hate the universe.

BOTTOM 2ND

When I make Bobby ATREYUUUUUU! jokes, does anybody get that? Am I the only person who watched The Neverending Story as a child?

Ah, the Boof special. I'm gonna start calling leadoff singles that from now on.

Again, QTF Castillo? I mean, all's well that ends well, etc, but can we get one of those fans on the bowling ball return machines? Aren't those things great? Remember when you were a kid and had no idea what they were or why they were there? God, bowling is depressing.

Poor Mauer, that steal was all on Boof.

And everybody exhale - wait, what? Did Michael Kay say there was "too much ballpark" in RIGHT FIELD AT YANKEE STADIUM? I mean, I understand what he was trying to say, but gah!

TOP 3RD, GOOD GUYS AND BAD GUYS LOCKED UP IN A TIGHT ONE

I fear the Lew Ford Experiment is programmed tonight for offensivefutility.

Stacey, I have a few suggestions:

1. Take the MTA. I drove the first time I went. That was stupid.
2. Even if you're in the bleachers, the reputation of "Bleacher Creatures" is overblown to almost comical proportions. So you can heckle, I suppose, but it wouldn't make much sense from up there. I'm positive both Jeter and Purple Lips heard me when I yelled "Who'd have thought that 300 million dollars could look so ugly!" Adjust accordingly to where you're sitting.
3. You can usually win people over by admitting that the Yankees had some great teams a long time ago (and they surely did). I focus on Maris because he's my hometown hero.

Favog, I'm not watching ESPN, and now I'm most definitely not going to.

BOTTOM 3RD

Another Boof Special!

"A Jeterian hit." A Jeterian hit. I'm going to go drink some bleach.

Favog, I have no doubt. ESPN gets really obsessive about such things. When I see the "CHASING AARON" alert on the lower screen crawl, only to see Bonds went 0-2 with a walk, I really wonder if the producers are a collective OCD headcase.

The soon to be Los Angeles Angel of Anaheim struck out. You mark my words.

I'm glad our bullpen is rested. Our because we own the team.

Boof remembers he's a big league pitcher, and we're still tied up.

TOP 4TH

A little piece of Global Warming makes me giddy about the prospects of scoring a run. But I should show restraint.

Especially when followed up by a not-great at-bat from Michael Cuddyer.

Damn. it. Damn. it.

Look guys, if I wanted to see wasted potential, I'd look at my high school yearbook.

BOTTOM 4TH

Favog: true.

Stacey: It will be an adventure, and I'm a little jealous. I miss being up in that area.

Boof has thrown approimately 300 pitches.

The only thing better than Kay saying "Ford's built tough," is O'Neill's response: "...Wow."

Oh my Lord, I do declare, Boof "John" Bonser - you are gonna be the death of me.

I've gotta hop in the shower. Let's hope I get out and the Twins have scored 8 or so runs.

TOP 5TH

Comments:
They going to keep calling MVP "More-nyo"?
 
RK, I'm headed to the game on Thursday--my first in New York. Any suggestions for how to navigate the stadium and the home-town crowd?
 
I'm watching the game on ESPN, and they were saying last inning that Castillo was the last to make it to the ballpark, and they thought maybe there was something physically wrong that made it so. I don't know if there's anything to it, but I though it was interesting. Might just be that he got on the wrong subway train and got lost in the City for a bit.
 
Hey guys, don't know if you didn't know this since you haven't mentioned it yet, but Clemens could get his 350th win tonight. This is apparently a big deal, because ESPN say so.
 
And by "says so" I mean "says so 350 times in the first 3 innings".
 
Trust me, it's not by choice...I'm tempted to turn on the radio and listen to Dan "Rowsdower" Gladden for the middle innings.
 
thanks for the tips, RK. I will be hanging out in the bleachers, so we'll see how much I feel like yelling. If nothing else, it will be an experience.
 
Apparently quad injuries turn you into a beast of opposite-field power - I think all of his HRs since coming back have been to left, and he almost had another one last night.
 
It's my humble opinion that the Cash"machine"man is slipping money under the table to Pohlad and having the Twins throw games. I mean, what other reason could there be for the Twins total ineptitude when playing the stinking bronx oldies?!?!?
 
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