Monday, August 06, 2007


And He Can Just STAY In Puerto Rico!


One thing you should know about WV and me is that we're BFFs. Or BFFLs. Best friends forever versus best friends for life. Choose your side and fight! What? Anyway, I am fit to be tied, but enough about my personal life.

WV has been incommunicado for about 2 weeks now. I figured he was in MN. He's in Puerto Rico! Just tra-la-laing about! So perhaps you think, boy, how good of friends can they be? They don't even talk!

Our connection is pyschological symbiosis.

Also, I have a summer cold. Summer colds are proof positive that God exists and that he hates us.


Gordito's making me a little nervous already, just throw the damn ball. I know Tom Sizemore is a washed-up actor, but he's not a bad hitter. See, and there you get him out. Do you see what happens when you trust your defense, Larry? Do you see what happens when... OK, maybe you're not as big of a fan of The Big Lebowski as I am.

And once you do trust the good Dr. Morneau (remember when there was a real actual serious debate about whether Dougie Bubblegum's defensive prowess was enough to justify keeping Morneau down? Dr. J has flourished nicely - no offense Doug. Also, you should have given the ball back).


Well that was... uninspiring.


Hey, a RonDL sighting!

A Travis Hafner strikeout! I'm yelling!

In my head. My voice is weak, my throat is sore, but you know me, I can't complain.

Can someone 'splain to me why Silva is "The Chief?" Is this a club nickname or Dick, and tell me you can't picture this, sitting at the breakfast table with some sausage links and coffee, sorta thought, "Silva... Chief..." and then chuckled like he does. I bet he's the kinda guy who gets up at 6:00 every morning.

The misspelled Jhonny Peralta is showing some patience at the plate.

Cuddy, I have missed you so much, I'm extending to you an invitation to come to my BBQ in a couple of weeks. Or cookout if you prefer.

Silva is looking alright so far. I'll of course reserve judgment until he sees the order for the second time, but so far so good.


I smell offensivefutility.

Justin, it's time to break the slump! Put it in the upper deck! Or not. Just, what is that, 0-15 slump now? It's okay, I still have love for you.

Just because you didn't like the last call doesn't mean you have to swing at the next pitch, Torii. You have a Lacanian relationship with the umpire.


I'm gonna get serious for a bit. I'm stewing over writing an article for a journal about this, the linguistic roadblocks we set up for ourselves. Let me explain: Dick just got the reaction from Mr. Lamb of "Everything that happened." What he means, of course, is the 35W bridge collapse. Loyal readers will remember that I'm a grad student at Virginia Tech, and I hear a lot of that - "everything that happened." And I wonder if that's really the best way to talk about these tragedies. Everything is always already happening - not to get too Hegelian. But a horse race didn't break out in Minneapolis, there wasn't a pie eating contest. One specific thing happened. Why don't we give voice to that one specific thing? Why set up the roadblock?

But Punto - wow.


Kubel Khan gets things started off right and the beermaker moves him on the fly. I feel like this is a must-score situation. Not that I want another 1-0 game, but it seems run may be at a premium.

Dammit dammit dammit dammit. Could it be that the other piece of the Triune Jasoncreature isn't playing today? They're stronger than the sum of their parts!


Well I picked a fine half inning to make dinner. With the exception of the DP by not Nick Punto, that was an inning to forget. Remember the thing about the second time through the order? Yeesh.

Stacey and Jensen, your anticipation is palpable. My plans are contingent on my schedule next year. If it all works out, I'll have 6-day weekends. Then coming to MSP shouldn't be a problem.


Hey, wha-happen? Boo-urns.


All I did was help a friend take up two boxes to his apartment in the same complex as me and all of a sudden we've blown through an entire inning. Morneau, break your slump!




There it is Bert. Thank you so much for the "Hi ho Silva!" I kinda needed that. I barely have time to blow my nose though and the inning's over.

Hey, ordinarily I don't like to promote anything except myself, but I feel compelled to tell you, if you don't already, that you should listen to TV on the Radio. I've been listening to their latest album for a full year now and I'm still not sick of it. Just saying.


I don't know if public speaking is in Cuddyer's future.

Oh hey, look, 2 quick I mean 3 quick outs!


Hey, at least Detroit has re-taken the lead!

I'm just gonna start typing before the inning starts because it'll probably last 19 seconds. Y'know what can bug me sometimes? People who don't use punctuation when they're trying to get a point across.

Well shit.

Um, plz to be haz kthxbai!

Maybe it's better that I'm not watching.

Not bad damage control, but you start to slip into an existential funk when you realize that you can't win the game unless your team scores more than the opposing team. For that, they have to like, have patience at the plate, hit it to the gaps, turn on fastballs, and other things there seem to be a dearth of in the Twins dugout.


I'm so mad I could spit. Let me recall a funny Toothpaste for Dinner comic and paraphrase it for you here:

Panflute: do you need one? --> yes. --> no.




maybe it was supposed to be "the Chef" in reference to how much Silva eats, but Dick decided that might be a stretch since everyone knows Silva prefers to eat out instead of cook. Whatever it is though, I bet it happened with Dick at breakfast as you described.
RK.....come home the weekend of the Texas series....they're giving away commemerative homer hanky's AND a mini-metrodome on the same night against the we get to see Sosa as well....and it's the 1987 reunion weekend...Bert will be on the concourse somewhere signing know you wanna....
I laughed at your Toothpaste for Breakfast paraphrase. Because it would be ridiculous for such a joke to be put into practice. Ridiculous to the point of actual humor. In theory. In reality, however, it's not funny--as that comic demonstrates ad nauseum. But it would be. Again, theoretically.
"an amazing play by nick punto!"

Oh dick....
I missed those 6 words you say so..happy-like.

*heart flutters*
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