Tuesday, August 07, 2007


The Things I Do For You


Well, it turns out WV is back in the lower 48s, but internet access will be spotty.

I'm at home doing my best impression of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. The only difference is she had longer hair and etched "help me" into her stomach. But the dark, sunken eyes, pallid skin, matted hair, and being tied to the bed - check. Except the being tied to the bed part. Again, enough about my personal life.

But I'm running a temperature and I'm kinda keeping a close eye on it. If it tops 102 I'm going to go directly to the hospital because I don't mess around with this kinda stuff. Just so you know.

Who are we playing again? What kinda blog is this?


I think Dick just described he and Bert as "hot and steamy." And y'know what? I'm inclined to agree with him.

I don't think Bert knows that they ever go to commercial. He just keeps talking and talking.


RK: Y'know who I miss? Marney Gellner.

RK: "He and Boof Bonser hooked up last Wed." I know that's a puerile thing to laugh at, but laugh I did

WV: In his never ending drive towards self-canonization, Dick assumes a caretaker role and advises me to properly hydrate and stay ouf of the sun

RK: Yeah, you've had enough sun, pendejo

WV: Let me go on, like a blister in the sun.


RK: "33.33% of his no-decisions against the Royals" I wasn't sure he was going to stop saying 3 for a second. Coming up in the next inning - Bert recites pi.

WV: "Brian Buscher, infection in his leg as a result of a fly ball". Coming up in the next inning, more euphemisms for "genital herpes outbreak"

RK: I'd make a Michael Vick as Ron Mexico joke, but there's bigger things surrounding him

RK: I'm sure it's hot in Kansas City, but uh.... summer isn't that surprising, is it?

WV: Sweating is a helluva problem--and there's nothing like aromatic ammonia to cure what ales ya.

WV: Maybe that could help out your head cold

RK: Aromatic ammonia? The hell?

WV: Apparently that's a part of the solution in the cooling dugout mist

RK: I might try mixing ammonia and bleach in an unventilated area

WV: Boof just shot his Gload all over the right field fence

RK: Oh my gentle Jesus

TOP 2ND, Royals Up 1

WV: Teahen crumpets has seen better defensive days huh

RK: I prefer Teahen cucumber sandwiches. But soft, what's this: offense?

WV: I guess a side effect of ammonia mist is throwing fast balls down the heart of the plate.


RK: You have got to be kidding me

WV: Watching Liriano trot out to the mound would've produced a similar amount of surprise

RK: Looks a little uh, rusty

WV: If KC had let that go into left field, they would've had a fighting chance of nailing RonDL at 1st

RK: And that's Moneyball


WV: I'm happy and all that the Royals got Gathright from Tampa, but trades between KC and the Devil Rays is like two Englishman teaching each other dental hygiene.


WV: Apparently the Royals are on to something with this Gathright fellow.


WV: Bonser fucked with DeJesus, but at least Mauer spiked him as he crossed home plate.


When your offense is as putrid as ours, you have to resort to calling 1-2-3 innings. Real daring there Bert, what's next? Predicting 3 ground outs next inning?


I'm not certain of what's more shocking, a RonDL sighting or an extra-base hit from Luis Rodriguez. This is about as exhilirating as a one run deficit to the Royals in the middle of a pennant race can get.

The next time L Rod, RonDL and Sandcastle are schedule to hit, remind me to take a power nap.


Well, if it weren't for fucking with DeJesus it'd still be a tie game. In any case, disregard all criticism of Joey Gathright emanating from this post tonight.


Aromatic ammonia.
Because why in the fuck would you want to huff one hundred percent..pure..nasty..fucking gross ammonia.

"mmm..smells like apples!1111one"
ps: I swear waaay too much when I'm lacking in the sleep department.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ah Buscher. He had his leg lanced today and as Bert said, "...to let it ooze..."
We are the leading team in the entire MLB for being shut-out; embarrassing.
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