Tuesday, August 07, 2007
The Things I Do For You
PREGAME
Well, it turns out WV is back in the lower 48s, but internet access will be spotty.
I'm at home doing my best impression of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. The only difference is she had longer hair and etched "help me" into her stomach. But the dark, sunken eyes, pallid skin, matted hair, and being tied to the bed - check. Except the being tied to the bed part. Again, enough about my personal life.
But I'm running a temperature and I'm kinda keeping a close eye on it. If it tops 102 I'm going to go directly to the hospital because I don't mess around with this kinda stuff. Just so you know.
Who are we playing again? What kinda blog is this?
TOP 1ST
I think Dick just described he and Bert as "hot and steamy." And y'know what? I'm inclined to agree with him.
I don't think Bert knows that they ever go to commercial. He just keeps talking and talking.
TOP 1ST
RK: Y'know who I miss? Marney Gellner.
RK: "He and Boof Bonser hooked up last Wed." I know that's a puerile thing to laugh at, but laugh I did
WV: In his never ending drive towards self-canonization, Dick assumes a caretaker role and advises me to properly hydrate and stay ouf of the sun
RK: Yeah, you've had enough sun, pendejo
WV: Let me go on, like a blister in the sun.
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: "33.33% of his no-decisions against the Royals" I wasn't sure he was going to stop saying 3 for a second. Coming up in the next inning - Bert recites pi.
WV: "Brian Buscher, infection in his leg as a result of a fly ball". Coming up in the next inning, more euphemisms for "genital herpes outbreak"
RK: I'd make a Michael Vick as Ron Mexico joke, but there's bigger things surrounding him
RK: I'm sure it's hot in Kansas City, but uh.... summer isn't that surprising, is it?
WV: Sweating is a helluva problem--and there's nothing like aromatic ammonia to cure what ales ya.
WV: Maybe that could help out your head cold
RK: Aromatic ammonia? The hell?
WV: Apparently that's a part of the solution in the cooling dugout mist
RK: I might try mixing ammonia and bleach in an unventilated area
WV: Boof just shot his Gload all over the right field fence
RK: Oh my gentle Jesus
TOP 2ND, Royals Up 1
WV: Teahen crumpets has seen better defensive days huh
RK: I prefer Teahen cucumber sandwiches. But soft, what's this: offense?
WV: I guess a side effect of ammonia mist is throwing fast balls down the heart of the plate.
WV: BE STILL MY BEATING HEART, IT'S RONDELL WHITE
RK: You have got to be kidding me
WV: Watching Liriano trot out to the mound would've produced a similar amount of surprise
RK: Looks a little uh, rusty
WV: If KC had let that go into left field, they would've had a fighting chance of nailing RonDL at 1st
RK: And that's Moneyball
BOTTOM 2ND, GAME TIED AT 1
WV: I'm happy and all that the Royals got Gathright from Tampa, but trades between KC and the Devil Rays is like two Englishman teaching each other dental hygiene.
TOP 3RD
WV: Apparently the Royals are on to something with this Gathright fellow.
BOTTOM 3RD
WV: Bonser fucked with DeJesus, but at least Mauer spiked him as he crossed home plate.
4TH INNING, ROYALS UP 1
When your offense is as putrid as ours, you have to resort to calling 1-2-3 innings. Real daring there Bert, what's next? Predicting 3 ground outs next inning?
5TH INNING
I'm not certain of what's more shocking, a RonDL sighting or an extra-base hit from Luis Rodriguez. This is about as exhilirating as a one run deficit to the Royals in the middle of a pennant race can get.
The next time L Rod, RonDL and Sandcastle are schedule to hit, remind me to take a power nap.
-----
Well, if it weren't for fucking with DeJesus it'd still be a tie game. In any case, disregard all criticism of Joey Gathright emanating from this post tonight.
6TH INNING
Well, it turns out WV is back in the lower 48s, but internet access will be spotty.
I'm at home doing my best impression of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. The only difference is she had longer hair and etched "help me" into her stomach. But the dark, sunken eyes, pallid skin, matted hair, and being tied to the bed - check. Except the being tied to the bed part. Again, enough about my personal life.
But I'm running a temperature and I'm kinda keeping a close eye on it. If it tops 102 I'm going to go directly to the hospital because I don't mess around with this kinda stuff. Just so you know.
Who are we playing again? What kinda blog is this?
TOP 1ST
I think Dick just described he and Bert as "hot and steamy." And y'know what? I'm inclined to agree with him.
I don't think Bert knows that they ever go to commercial. He just keeps talking and talking.
TOP 1ST
RK: Y'know who I miss? Marney Gellner.
RK: "He and Boof Bonser hooked up last Wed." I know that's a puerile thing to laugh at, but laugh I did
WV: In his never ending drive towards self-canonization, Dick assumes a caretaker role and advises me to properly hydrate and stay ouf of the sun
RK: Yeah, you've had enough sun, pendejo
WV: Let me go on, like a blister in the sun.
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: "33.33% of his no-decisions against the Royals" I wasn't sure he was going to stop saying 3 for a second. Coming up in the next inning - Bert recites pi.
WV: "Brian Buscher, infection in his leg as a result of a fly ball". Coming up in the next inning, more euphemisms for "genital herpes outbreak"
RK: I'd make a Michael Vick as Ron Mexico joke, but there's bigger things surrounding him
RK: I'm sure it's hot in Kansas City, but uh.... summer isn't that surprising, is it?
WV: Sweating is a helluva problem--and there's nothing like aromatic ammonia to cure what ales ya.
WV: Maybe that could help out your head cold
RK: Aromatic ammonia? The hell?
WV: Apparently that's a part of the solution in the cooling dugout mist
RK: I might try mixing ammonia and bleach in an unventilated area
WV: Boof just shot his Gload all over the right field fence
RK: Oh my gentle Jesus
TOP 2ND, Royals Up 1
WV: Teahen crumpets has seen better defensive days huh
RK: I prefer Teahen cucumber sandwiches. But soft, what's this: offense?
WV: I guess a side effect of ammonia mist is throwing fast balls down the heart of the plate.
WV: BE STILL MY BEATING HEART, IT'S RONDELL WHITE
RK: You have got to be kidding me
WV: Watching Liriano trot out to the mound would've produced a similar amount of surprise
RK: Looks a little uh, rusty
WV: If KC had let that go into left field, they would've had a fighting chance of nailing RonDL at 1st
RK: And that's Moneyball
BOTTOM 2ND, GAME TIED AT 1
WV: I'm happy and all that the Royals got Gathright from Tampa, but trades between KC and the Devil Rays is like two Englishman teaching each other dental hygiene.
TOP 3RD
WV: Apparently the Royals are on to something with this Gathright fellow.
BOTTOM 3RD
WV: Bonser fucked with DeJesus, but at least Mauer spiked him as he crossed home plate.
4TH INNING, ROYALS UP 1
When your offense is as putrid as ours, you have to resort to calling 1-2-3 innings. Real daring there Bert, what's next? Predicting 3 ground outs next inning?
5TH INNING
I'm not certain of what's more shocking, a RonDL sighting or an extra-base hit from Luis Rodriguez. This is about as exhilirating as a one run deficit to the Royals in the middle of a pennant race can get.
The next time L Rod, RonDL and Sandcastle are schedule to hit, remind me to take a power nap.
-----
Well, if it weren't for fucking with DeJesus it'd still be a tie game. In any case, disregard all criticism of Joey Gathright emanating from this post tonight.
6TH INNING
# posted by RK @ 7:54 PM 
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Aromatic ammonia.
Because why in the fuck would you want to huff one hundred percent..pure..nasty..fucking gross ammonia.
"mmm..smells like apples!1111one"
Because why in the fuck would you want to huff one hundred percent..pure..nasty..fucking gross ammonia.
"mmm..smells like apples!1111one"
Ah Buscher. He had his leg lanced today and as Bert said, "...to let it ooze..."
We are the leading team in the entire MLB for being shut-out; embarrassing.
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We are the leading team in the entire MLB for being shut-out; embarrassing.
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