Sunday, April 20, 2008
Elrond Returns to Rivendell; Frodo Responds With 75 MPH Heater
PREGAME
RK: 2 special weekend blogs? See how good we are to these people?
WV: And don't let them ever forget it! I won't mention that our special weekend sessions are more of a comment on our respective social lives than on loyalty to the reader base.
RK: My liver hurts
WV: Well would you keep that to yourself, see I don't want to be a bad role model for fresh-faced Rocket Bats.
RK: I'm sure he'll be fine. I bet he brought a canteen of the waters of Rivendell
TOP 1ST
RK: Jim Rich? Who the hell is that? I can only handle 3 people per sports broadcast
RK: That's why I can't watch Barry Melrose on Sports Center...well, one of many reasons
WV: Jim Rich sounds like a pseudonym.
RK: Yeah, like a major character in the Westing Game
WV: So Adam Everett is on the DL, with strict doctor's orders not to hit or swing for a week. So pretty much he doesn't need to change a thing, right?
RK: He and I are on the same training regiment
WV: I don't know man, you probably work your triceps harder at Wii Sports than Everett does at short.
RK: I'll cut the guy a break, but I sure do like seeing Punto
WV: I can never get enough of Punto.
RK: Except last year at the plate. But he didn't take too long up there
RK: Travis Hafner is from North Dakota did you know Travis Hafner is from North Dakota? because Travis Hafner is from North Dakota
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: Oh I didn't even want to see the actual play, I just wanted to see that pitch to Go[m]ez over and over again
WV: It's the irony of weak armed Paul Byrd throwing at somebody's head.
RK: He is all over the place. Even I'm flinching when the ball crosses the plate
WV: Why can't Gomez take a hint from Harris. INFIELD DRIBBLER.
TOP 2ND
RK: Garko auto insurance is up
WV: Garko auto insurance. This will never get old.
RK: I wonder if when Dick hurts himself he also refers to it as an "owie"
WV: What do you think the over/under is on owie vs. booboo?
RK: I think you go from booboo to owie to a stream of profanity that would make your mother blush
WV: So Dick'll get there around retirement age.
RK: I have to admit, any day that Redmond and Punto are starting makes my interest decline somewhat.
RK: : I'm so spacey right now David Bowie could write a song about me
WV: Ha, that's beautiful.
WV: Tough walk there Scotty. When you try your best but you don't succeed.....
RK:
WV: I'll leave it at that. Man, you're on a roll today RK.
BOTTOM 2ND
WV: I just spit coffee onto my keyboard listening to Ricky Gervais mimic Coldplay.
WV: That's good tv.
RK: That half inning took 14 seconds
WV: What is it with this Byrd guy?
RK: HGH
TOP 3RD
RK: kayla, it may seem random, but all of our video selections are very well thought out. Like this one: David Bowie -> Appearances on "Extras" :: Rocket Bats walking people -> Lyrics from a Coldplay song
.: Coldplay -> Guest spot on "Extras" so voila!
WV: Pretty obvious is you ask me
RK: Hey did you know that Travis Hafner is from North Dakota??
WV: Jimmytown I hear
RK: Maybe some of our readers don't know that we're from Fargo
WV: It would make much more sense if they did
WV: And like Travis (we can say that because everyone knows each other there), we're strong as mules from pitching hay bales.
RK: But just a skosh more handsome
WV: But not as handsome as that inning-ending double play.
BOTTOM 3RD
RK: What, really?
RK: A Brandon Harris dinger. Huh
WV: You mean Byrd's not throwing invisible baseballs?
TOP 4TH, ALL TIED UP AT 1
RK: Why is Jim Rich asking the guys questions? Is he really curious? Is this his schtick?
WV: I guarantee you Jim Rich is some random Joe that won a bet with Bert at the bar last night.
RK: He should really throw him off, with something like "I really like cookies. What do you think of cookies up there, guys?"
WV: The way Bert eats cake on-air, that could be suggestive.
RK: All you can eat seats? I may have to take a trip to Minneapolis
WV: Best. promotion. EVER. You could eat your way to paying off the plane ticket.
RK: That's the trick
WV: And amongst the meaningless banter, Rocket Bats notches a 1-2-3 inning.
BOTTOM 4TH
RK: In a Sartrian sense, the meaning must be made. The banter is the only thing that's really there
WV: That's the contrarian spirit I like. In that sense we're the Ralph Nader of blogdom.
WV: I like to think of us as the nadir...but uh, I digress.
RK: We live in a society of symbols after all, and Nader sure is that.
WV: Assbat is also a symbol, and if you need a signified, turn on the television and pay attention.
TOP 5TH, TIED @ 1
RK: Holy crap that new commercial is awesome. I want to watch it 200 times
WV: Do explain for us peasants restricted to radio waves?
RK: It's the pitching staff singing a parody of "Ode to Joy". "3-2 slider we adore thee" I seem to remember
WV: Did Liriano take part? Because lately his 3-2 sliders have been finding the backstop.
RK: He hit some cymbals. l, I busted a gut myself
WV: Rocket Bats is acting more like the Rocket today. Sans the hypocrisy.
RK: Stacey, why would Cuddy say such a thing! Someone's getting a hotfoot when he comes back
RK: And kayla, we are indeed from F-town. We then moved away. Weird, huh?
WV: Twins fans from the hinterland are an interesting phenomenon. Like native spanish speakers from Equatorial New Guinea.
BOTTOM 5TH
WV: Boy, the chances of us scoring more runs are pretty grim.
RK: So Bert bought a condo in Minneapolis, and Dick said "So you'll be around in January!" and Bert said, "No, a condo. We'll be here for the summer months." Does he have a different definition of condo that I don't know about?
WV: Maybe in Bert-speak condo means "tent".
WV: I sure do miss Dazzle when Jack Morris fills in. The craziness absent from the commentary makes the whole experience uncanny.
RK: LNP threw his helmet in disgust, but he was clearly out, so hopefully it was in self-loathing
RK: I think there's a poem about making the third out on the base paths: When running about / Don't make the third out / Or I'LL CUT YOU
TOP 6TH
RK: "Why celebrate it at a Twins game?" I'm not sure Jim likes his job
RK: Little Nicky Punto must have thought he was this guy:
WV: Our ace is delivering today
RK: There's a job waiting for him at Giovanni's post playing career.
RK: I think that pizza made me sad in the heart whenever I ate it
BOTTOM 6TH, STILL TIED AT 1
WV: Stacy, you and RK think alike.
WV: That, or the truth was just that evident. Kant would be jealous.
RK: Twas her comment made me think of the commercial. It's an organic, collaborated effort over here
WV: With Byrd, when does the term "off-speed" stop being a qualifier and become descriptive?
RK: Yeah, in this current context, you could call your first car "off-speed" right?
WV: And Kubel comes through yet again
RK: I've noticed I haven't seen any Kubel hate from a certain individual this season
WV: Yeah, neither have I. Strange.
RK: Justinthenickoftime will deliver
....
...
...
Later. He'll deliver later
TOP 7TH
RK: l, I'm with you. He could have just flitted and flown away, but he didn't. I hope he learned his lesson
RK: I CAN HAZ WEB JEM?
WV: That's not Bush League...that's Buscher League. <-----scrapes bucket
RK: I know things are getting tougher when you can't see the top of the bottom of the barrel
WV: 1,000 internets to the first person to google that reference.
BOTTOM 7TH, CAN SOMEBODY SCORE SOME RUNS FOR CRISSAKE!
RK: And kayla wins the internets and fan of the day, we have a soft spot for early 90s Bay Area punk here at PaB
WV: The great thing about living in the aforementioned Bay Area is that I finally get the geographical references.
RK: I felt that way about Beastie Boys songs after living in the New York City area a couple years
WV: Right, because indexicality is a prerequisite for the complete musical experience.
RK: If you believe in that authenticity claptrap... uh, wait, so yeah, Buscher is on second with Redmond hitting
RK: Maybe we shouldn't have returned our gaze to the game
WV: Somebody have RonDL send his hoverboard to Lamb.
TOP 8TH
RK: In comes Mexican Independence Day
WV: So, having been asked about our outfielder's arms, Gardy responds: ""Young has got a cannon," said manager Ron Gardenhire. "The kid in center can throw it. [Jason] Kubel doesn't throw too awful bad." Care to attack that last sentence?
RK: With some work experience as an editor, I'll allow it and chalk it up to Gardy's vernacular
WV: Right, he subscribes to the Woody Allen philosophy of negativity.
WV: I don't recall a time that we've discussed so little baseball, and that's an accomplishment.
RK: I'm seriously struggling today
BOTTOM 8TH
RK: Punto has a multi-hit game, and Jerry White's saying, "Now don't get yourself out."
WV: That or, "I don't see you much, what's your name again?"
zzzzzzzzz
RK: stacey, I do believe all you can eat seats > Gardy bobblehead
RK: "Walk him; you'll know where he's at." Bert is brilliant
WV: Will Morneau deliver later? We shall see.
[15 minutes later]
WV: I long for Torrid in these clutch situations.
RK: Heh, I still miss Johan more
WV: Just hold it one second, I'm still trying to work through Tyner leaving.
RK: Meh. Looks like we have some Death Metal coming our way.
TOP 9TH, MOST BORINGEST GAME EVEREST
WV: Wouldn't it just be wacky if the winner of this game executed with runners in scoring position?
RK: Gomez!!! Wow that woke me up
RK: #1 play
RK: Chinese restaurant opening near you soon
WV: It's ok; with Garko Auto Insurance you're protected against theft.
RK: l, I bet Gogo dancer will have #1 Web Gem and have #1 on Sports Center's top plays
WV: Well...this inning reintroduced "heart palpitation" into my vocabulary.
RK: Yeah, I'm up now.
BOTTOM 9TH
RK: Stacy, I did not know that Death Metal turned vegan. Let's hope he eats his rice and lentils and keeps his protein up
WV: Craig Monroe as a pinch hitter. Why not.
TOP 10TH
WV: Free extra inning blogging, feel free to send donations to....
At least you have Dick and Bert to entertain you. "Oh you got Dick on your shirt?"
2:00 PM
Yeah, this would be excruciating if I didn't have Dick and Bert
An effective bullpen, you don't say!
We'll account prior lapses to "hiccups"
BOTTOM 10TH
WV: All I have to contend with are Ron and Carol's My Local Hardware spots. And I will say, I do appreciate the delayed emphasis Gardy puts into bathroom caulk.
WV: Hardware Hank is not one to shy away from innuendo.
RK: I remember from my youth, my Dad being very enthusiastic about bathroom caulk. In a totally non-innuendous way
WV: Yeah, your Dad never barked at your Mom either. That I know of.
RK: Let's move away from this line of discussion
WV: My Kubel is terrible, huh?
RK: Wretched!
RK: I was talking about right now for when Mr Neau to deliver
WV:Sweet sweet nectar!
RK: That's how he rolls
POSTGAME
RK: Solid pitching is what we expect, and they delivered. The lack of offense is still discomfiting, but if we can get the ball tossed like this, I'm happy.
WV: Right, and this way there's no surprises.
RK: And for finding out/knowing our Operation Ivy reference, kayla is our fan of the game, throw her blog a link, won't you?
WV: You know it: Hi, This is a Twins Blog..
RK: 2 special weekend blogs? See how good we are to these people?
WV: And don't let them ever forget it! I won't mention that our special weekend sessions are more of a comment on our respective social lives than on loyalty to the reader base.
RK: My liver hurts
WV: Well would you keep that to yourself, see I don't want to be a bad role model for fresh-faced Rocket Bats.
RK: I'm sure he'll be fine. I bet he brought a canteen of the waters of Rivendell
TOP 1ST
RK: Jim Rich? Who the hell is that? I can only handle 3 people per sports broadcast
RK: That's why I can't watch Barry Melrose on Sports Center...well, one of many reasons
WV: Jim Rich sounds like a pseudonym.
RK: Yeah, like a major character in the Westing Game
WV: So Adam Everett is on the DL, with strict doctor's orders not to hit or swing for a week. So pretty much he doesn't need to change a thing, right?
RK: He and I are on the same training regiment
WV: I don't know man, you probably work your triceps harder at Wii Sports than Everett does at short.
RK: I'll cut the guy a break, but I sure do like seeing Punto
WV: I can never get enough of Punto.
RK: Except last year at the plate. But he didn't take too long up there
RK: Travis Hafner is from North Dakota did you know Travis Hafner is from North Dakota? because Travis Hafner is from North Dakota
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: Oh I didn't even want to see the actual play, I just wanted to see that pitch to Go[m]ez over and over again
WV: It's the irony of weak armed Paul Byrd throwing at somebody's head.
RK: He is all over the place. Even I'm flinching when the ball crosses the plate
WV: Why can't Gomez take a hint from Harris. INFIELD DRIBBLER.
TOP 2ND
RK: Garko auto insurance is up
WV: Garko auto insurance. This will never get old.
RK: I wonder if when Dick hurts himself he also refers to it as an "owie"
WV: What do you think the over/under is on owie vs. booboo?
RK: I think you go from booboo to owie to a stream of profanity that would make your mother blush
WV: So Dick'll get there around retirement age.
RK: I have to admit, any day that Redmond and Punto are starting makes my interest decline somewhat.
RK: : I'm so spacey right now David Bowie could write a song about me
WV: Ha, that's beautiful.
WV: Tough walk there Scotty. When you try your best but you don't succeed.....
RK:
WV: I'll leave it at that. Man, you're on a roll today RK.
BOTTOM 2ND
WV: I just spit coffee onto my keyboard listening to Ricky Gervais mimic Coldplay.
WV: That's good tv.
RK: That half inning took 14 seconds
WV: What is it with this Byrd guy?
RK: HGH
TOP 3RD
RK: kayla, it may seem random, but all of our video selections are very well thought out. Like this one: David Bowie -> Appearances on "Extras" :: Rocket Bats walking people -> Lyrics from a Coldplay song
.: Coldplay -> Guest spot on "Extras" so voila!
WV: Pretty obvious is you ask me
RK: Hey did you know that Travis Hafner is from North Dakota??
WV: Jimmytown I hear
RK: Maybe some of our readers don't know that we're from Fargo
WV: It would make much more sense if they did
WV: And like Travis (we can say that because everyone knows each other there), we're strong as mules from pitching hay bales.
RK: But just a skosh more handsome
WV: But not as handsome as that inning-ending double play.
BOTTOM 3RD
RK: What, really?
RK: A Brandon Harris dinger. Huh
WV: You mean Byrd's not throwing invisible baseballs?
TOP 4TH, ALL TIED UP AT 1
RK: Why is Jim Rich asking the guys questions? Is he really curious? Is this his schtick?
WV: I guarantee you Jim Rich is some random Joe that won a bet with Bert at the bar last night.
RK: He should really throw him off, with something like "I really like cookies. What do you think of cookies up there, guys?"
WV: The way Bert eats cake on-air, that could be suggestive.
RK: All you can eat seats? I may have to take a trip to Minneapolis
WV: Best. promotion. EVER. You could eat your way to paying off the plane ticket.
RK: That's the trick
WV: And amongst the meaningless banter, Rocket Bats notches a 1-2-3 inning.
BOTTOM 4TH
RK: In a Sartrian sense, the meaning must be made. The banter is the only thing that's really there
WV: That's the contrarian spirit I like. In that sense we're the Ralph Nader of blogdom.
WV: I like to think of us as the nadir...but uh, I digress.
RK: We live in a society of symbols after all, and Nader sure is that.
WV: Assbat is also a symbol, and if you need a signified, turn on the television and pay attention.
TOP 5TH, TIED @ 1
RK: Holy crap that new commercial is awesome. I want to watch it 200 times
WV: Do explain for us peasants restricted to radio waves?
RK: It's the pitching staff singing a parody of "Ode to Joy". "3-2 slider we adore thee" I seem to remember
WV: Did Liriano take part? Because lately his 3-2 sliders have been finding the backstop.
RK: He hit some cymbals. l, I busted a gut myself
WV: Rocket Bats is acting more like the Rocket today. Sans the hypocrisy.
RK: Stacey, why would Cuddy say such a thing! Someone's getting a hotfoot when he comes back
RK: And kayla, we are indeed from F-town. We then moved away. Weird, huh?
WV: Twins fans from the hinterland are an interesting phenomenon. Like native spanish speakers from Equatorial New Guinea.
BOTTOM 5TH
WV: Boy, the chances of us scoring more runs are pretty grim.
RK: So Bert bought a condo in Minneapolis, and Dick said "So you'll be around in January!" and Bert said, "No, a condo. We'll be here for the summer months." Does he have a different definition of condo that I don't know about?
WV: Maybe in Bert-speak condo means "tent".
WV: I sure do miss Dazzle when Jack Morris fills in. The craziness absent from the commentary makes the whole experience uncanny.
RK: LNP threw his helmet in disgust, but he was clearly out, so hopefully it was in self-loathing
RK: I think there's a poem about making the third out on the base paths: When running about / Don't make the third out / Or I'LL CUT YOU
TOP 6TH
RK: "Why celebrate it at a Twins game?" I'm not sure Jim likes his job
RK: Little Nicky Punto must have thought he was this guy:
WV: Our ace is delivering today
RK: There's a job waiting for him at Giovanni's post playing career.
RK: I think that pizza made me sad in the heart whenever I ate it
BOTTOM 6TH, STILL TIED AT 1
WV: Stacy, you and RK think alike.
WV: That, or the truth was just that evident. Kant would be jealous.
RK: Twas her comment made me think of the commercial. It's an organic, collaborated effort over here
WV: With Byrd, when does the term "off-speed" stop being a qualifier and become descriptive?
RK: Yeah, in this current context, you could call your first car "off-speed" right?
WV: And Kubel comes through yet again
RK: I've noticed I haven't seen any Kubel hate from a certain individual this season
WV: Yeah, neither have I. Strange.
RK: Justinthenickoftime will deliver
....
...
...
Later. He'll deliver later
TOP 7TH
RK: l, I'm with you. He could have just flitted and flown away, but he didn't. I hope he learned his lesson
RK: I CAN HAZ WEB JEM?
WV: That's not Bush League...that's Buscher League. <-----scrapes bucket
RK: I know things are getting tougher when you can't see the top of the bottom of the barrel
WV: 1,000 internets to the first person to google that reference.
BOTTOM 7TH, CAN SOMEBODY SCORE SOME RUNS FOR CRISSAKE!
RK: And kayla wins the internets and fan of the day, we have a soft spot for early 90s Bay Area punk here at PaB
WV: The great thing about living in the aforementioned Bay Area is that I finally get the geographical references.
RK: I felt that way about Beastie Boys songs after living in the New York City area a couple years
WV: Right, because indexicality is a prerequisite for the complete musical experience.
RK: If you believe in that authenticity claptrap... uh, wait, so yeah, Buscher is on second with Redmond hitting
RK: Maybe we shouldn't have returned our gaze to the game
WV: Somebody have RonDL send his hoverboard to Lamb.
TOP 8TH
RK: In comes Mexican Independence Day
WV: So, having been asked about our outfielder's arms, Gardy responds: ""Young has got a cannon," said manager Ron Gardenhire. "The kid in center can throw it. [Jason] Kubel doesn't throw too awful bad." Care to attack that last sentence?
RK: With some work experience as an editor, I'll allow it and chalk it up to Gardy's vernacular
WV: Right, he subscribes to the Woody Allen philosophy of negativity.
WV: I don't recall a time that we've discussed so little baseball, and that's an accomplishment.
RK: I'm seriously struggling today
BOTTOM 8TH
RK: Punto has a multi-hit game, and Jerry White's saying, "Now don't get yourself out."
WV: That or, "I don't see you much, what's your name again?"
zzzzzzzzz
RK: stacey, I do believe all you can eat seats > Gardy bobblehead
RK: "Walk him; you'll know where he's at." Bert is brilliant
WV: Will Morneau deliver later? We shall see.
[15 minutes later]
WV: I long for Torrid in these clutch situations.
RK: Heh, I still miss Johan more
WV: Just hold it one second, I'm still trying to work through Tyner leaving.
RK: Meh. Looks like we have some Death Metal coming our way.
TOP 9TH, MOST BORINGEST GAME EVEREST
WV: Wouldn't it just be wacky if the winner of this game executed with runners in scoring position?
RK: Gomez!!! Wow that woke me up
RK: #1 play
RK: Chinese restaurant opening near you soon
WV: It's ok; with Garko Auto Insurance you're protected against theft.
RK: l, I bet Gogo dancer will have #1 Web Gem and have #1 on Sports Center's top plays
WV: Well...this inning reintroduced "heart palpitation" into my vocabulary.
RK: Yeah, I'm up now.
BOTTOM 9TH
RK: Stacy, I did not know that Death Metal turned vegan. Let's hope he eats his rice and lentils and keeps his protein up
WV: Craig Monroe as a pinch hitter. Why not.
TOP 10TH
WV: Free extra inning blogging, feel free to send donations to....
At least you have Dick and Bert to entertain you. "Oh you got Dick on your shirt?"
2:00 PM
Yeah, this would be excruciating if I didn't have Dick and Bert
An effective bullpen, you don't say!
We'll account prior lapses to "hiccups"
BOTTOM 10TH
WV: All I have to contend with are Ron and Carol's My Local Hardware spots. And I will say, I do appreciate the delayed emphasis Gardy puts into bathroom caulk.
WV: Hardware Hank is not one to shy away from innuendo.
RK: I remember from my youth, my Dad being very enthusiastic about bathroom caulk. In a totally non-innuendous way
WV: Yeah, your Dad never barked at your Mom either. That I know of.
RK: Let's move away from this line of discussion
WV: My Kubel is terrible, huh?
RK: Wretched!
RK: I was talking about right now for when Mr Neau to deliver
WV:Sweet sweet nectar!
RK: That's how he rolls
POSTGAME
RK: Solid pitching is what we expect, and they delivered. The lack of offense is still discomfiting, but if we can get the ball tossed like this, I'm happy.
WV: Right, and this way there's no surprises.
RK: And for finding out/knowing our Operation Ivy reference, kayla is our fan of the game, throw her blog a link, won't you?
WV: You know it: Hi, This is a Twins Blog..
# posted by WV @ 1:59 PM 
Comments:
<< Home
It's totally HGH.
And after Harris hit his homer, I realized I might have to love a republican. It's hard to cope right now...
I've also decided the rest of the team needs to start hitting the ball.
Preferably through the gap.
And after Harris hit his homer, I realized I might have to love a republican. It's hard to cope right now...
I've also decided the rest of the team needs to start hitting the ball.
Preferably through the gap.
you should also praise Blackburn for having "better sideburns than Mauer" ...at least according to Cuddy's introductions from yesterday's game.
# posted by 
: 3:16 PM
: 3:16 PM
you're from fargo? serious? i live 45 minutes away from fargo! our news channels give us daily travis hafner updates... and it annoys me.
that was clearly a "damn I shouldn't have started my slide 40 feet from the base" helmet throw from Nicky.
# posted by : 3:32 PM
: 3:32 PM
exactly, RK. I'm also under the impression that Nicky understands baseball about as well, too.
# posted by : 3:39 PM
: 3:39 PM
I think next time LNP is mad, he should crush his helmet in his hands. It would instantly turn to dust.
Or, he could not try and steal like that again.
Either works for me.
Or, he could not try and steal like that again.
Either works for me.
i highly doubt you're the only people struggling to watch the game. in fact, i stopped paying attention momentarily in like the 4th inning to watch the video "ass like that" by eminem on youtube... i saw drillbit taylor yesterday and the freaking song is stuck in my head
oooo, ooo, who wants to go to the game on May 4th with me? I'm sure that's right before my finals week and I'll have papers to write and grade, but it's worth it for a Gardy bobblehead.
# posted by : 4:25 PM
: 4:25 PM
woo, Neshie! Did y'all know that he became a vegan in the offseason? He's my most perfect boyfriend ever.
# posted by : 4:39 PM
: 4:39 PM
"you know, they always call 3rd base the hot box." um, Bert, don't you mean the hot corner? I'm pretty sure hot box means something else entirely...
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# posted by : 5:15 PM
: 5:15 PM << Home
