Tuesday, April 01, 2008


A Reasonable Expectation


I'm a the real is the rational person. As some of you may or may not know, neither WV nor I live in Minnesota. He in San Francisco California, and I am tucked away in Blacksburg Virginia. Forget DC, I have cherry blossoms outside my apartment!

Also, the city with the highest concentration of cherry blossoms in the US and A is Newark New Jersey. Hard to believe, I know. The point? I've lived in a few cities with cherry blossoms, and that's probably been a good thing.

But I like living in Hokieland. The Hokies seem to have that Minnesotan "Be good, but not THAT good" mentality (See recent NIT and loss to SJ's Jayhawks in the football). As you are well aware, however, I don't get Twins games.

So how do I watch them? I drop down some major bank to get mlb.tv ULTIMATE FIGHTING. Premium. Whatever. And you know what the coolest thing is? Mosaic! I can watch a million games at once except - it's not working. I called the customer service line and the first thing they say is that it's not working. It'll be up tonight, but come on guys, you had all off-season to work on this, right?

Next year I'm getting Extra Innings, next year I'm getting Extra Innings... shudder.

Whinypants away!

Also, did anybody else notice this? In the 3rd inning or so last night, I could have sworn on my yet-undug grave that Joe Morgan said that he was in Montreal. Can anybody confirm this?

Oooh, Alton's doing epplants on Good Eats. I love eggplant.

WV in later - west coast bias!


BERT! Oh my gentle Jesus, I've missed you. Is it your birthday soon? I bet it is!

Oh, before we start: memo to Sinn Fein: The Twins were something like 4 games over .500 from 03-07 when Santana wasn't the starter, and won something like 85% of the times he did start. He's the reason they got all those postseasons berths. I'll probably miss him a little more. Harrumph.

What? Bert is talking about pitch count? What did Dick put in his drink?

Remember when Gary Matthews Jr. took steroids? Yeah, me neither.


Hey, I remember Marty Cordova! Hm. Maybe I should just list a bunch of people I remember instead of watching these doubles in the gaps.

First pitch swinging from Hunter - some things never change.

I suppose that could have been worse. The good thing is that the boys are about to see Jon Garland. You remember him, right? From the Bitch Sox? Perennial fifth starter? Oh yes.


God, Speedy Go[m]ez can barely even ground out. That's amazing.

Thanks EMH, I'm glad I'm not the (only) crazy one. I caught it on the repeat showing last night. Yeah, I watched the game twice, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Well that was nothing to write home about.

TOP 2ND II TO ....(the Romans didn't have a notation for zero)

Doubles for everyone! I have recently hit a double off of BOOOOOOF

Oh, Alton is doing Pomegranate now on Good Eats. I've always wondered how to deal with those berries

Hey everybody a strikeout!

Yes. My life is complete with Bert barking BOOOOF!


Who the hell is Telly Hughes? When did he get here? I can tell I'm gonna like this guy. Where's Clay Matvick?

"We'll welcome Telly to the tele!" Oh Bert, when you retire, we're gonna give you this site.

Jensen, really? That's fantastic! I hope he keeps mentioning it then. In re: football game - I'm glad my flight to Vegas was delayed or I would have lost a little money.

The Rubik's Kubel makes a guy wonder why exactly we have the Monroe Doctrine. I'm not hating, not yet, but it's kind of perplexing all the same.

I hope we're not seeing the return of the dearth of offense


Psh, Rod Carew would have hit that bouncer out the park, Vlad

2 quick outs; this is more like the Boof I want to see

Caramel Delight Fiber One Cereal is delicious

That Web Gem by Harris was down-right Puntonian. I really hope that word catches on. If stupid Michael Kay can put Jeterian in the nation's lexicon, we can use Puntonian to combat it.


When Bert said "Great play to retire the side," in my head I heard "Re-Tyner the side." I really miss this guy.

No curveballs for little leaguers, 3 quick outs, it truly is the most wonderful Tyner of the year.


Loyal reader and other co-blogger TL says the following:

"He's so handsome, the dirt slides on him. Hundreds of ants are actually cheering in that photo. He'll hit 3 HR on his good looks alone and save the day."

There was some more good baseball, but you didn't come here for that, did you? You poor thing.


Is this a baseball game? Do you feel like there's something missing in it too?


Mike from Naples makes life even more complicated. If we can't score 2 runs by grounding out 3 times in 4 pitches, how are we gonna score 3?

Adam Everett, stop it. The Pear King would not have made that error. OK, maybe he would have, but SJ doesn't have a mad crush on you so we don't need to be as forgiving.

Hm, under review, turns out layout isn't my thing. These things and more are what WV's presence brings.

"A wondrous mix." That's right, Dick. and now we're down 4-0.

We can say that this is an inauspicious start for BOOOF, right? I mean, am I going on a limb here?


Sorry, I got a phone call, but hey, a run!

TOP 6TH 4-1, MAY AS WELL BE 400-1

Kayla, you are probably correct with your comparison

But the pitching and defense is holding well. I just can't help myself, I deep down believe in the rally. It's a true fact.

Wow, Bon Jovi sounds just like he looks, doesn't he?

My video player went all jankee lo-fi on me. Are we out of the inning? Hahaha, most insightful baseball blog ever.


"So that takes care of Mauer's single." You have no idea how right you are, Dick. On so many levels.


Did Dick just call the Reyes Sampler Platter "The Big Sweat?" Because that's kinda gross.

... Let's talk about something else.

I recently read the book White Noise by Don DeLillo, and I can very much recommend it. At some point the son talks about how the sun's Corolla has nuclear explosions way more intense than the Russian IBMs that are pointed at us. When asked "isn't the Corolla a car?? He replies, "Everything's a car." Such is consumer culture for you!

Boy, Young does not look good out there in the outfield.


I hope this leadoff double isn't wasted, but part of me thinks... no, I mustn't allow myself.

Garland, however, has looked really good. I have to admit. I sort of remember him owning the Twins, but apparently he has a 7-8 record against the good guys.

It's the return of no wait you're kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did, did he? the return of OFFENSEFUTILITY.


Well, there was a home run by Ed Koch, man. But on the upside, Dick Bremer knows this eternal truth: you don't put ketchup on a bratwurst

Hey, I remember Tony Fiore too! I also remember RsBI.

I do kinda feel bad for Lance Bass though. Hopefully he can minimize this damage.

Once again, this video feed is choppy, so I missed the cool play the Chairman had. It's giving me anger salad.

Izturis has the worst hair in all of baseball.

"I think it's a clean slide; you're not out here to kiss each other, you're out here to win a ball game." Don't worry Dick, I wrote it down.

It's pretty much my job.


Joe, this is not what we expect of you. What a sad game this is.


Joowan takes revenge for his hotfoot.

The agnus makes a nice throw over to first, and he must be cursing the hell out of this artificial turf.

My attention has turned to other things, but I'm hearing the clinketyclink of the runs being tallied, so I assume we're down by about 40 runs.

But no matter how sad I am about this game, hearing Dick and Bert talk always puts a smile on my face. RALLY


Aw, they're trying to remember gifts they gave to each other.


B: I remember that long underwear you gave me
D: Yeah
B: I haven't taken them off since you gave them to me - and you said I was smelling wood!

Reason number 452 why we named this blog what we did.


Cynical thought of the day: If LOBs determined the winner of games, we'd probably 120 games.

But you know me, I'll be here tomorrow.

Yes. I can definitely confirm that. I was wondering if he had somehow teleported to Montreal for that inning.
Your Hokies still put up a good fight in that football game.. you know, everytime Bert mentions the pitch count he has to donate $10 to Parkinsons or something like that... I hope Dick reminded him..
Yeah it was during a Spring Training game.. Bert said pitch count, Dick said he should have to do something for every time he mentions it and poof! He donates money! Genious! That doesn't look like I spelt that write...that doesn't look right either..oh well..it's late...
the pear king > adam everett
We started a Dick & Bert Drinking Game over at WinTwins.net earlier this year. Because it had to be done (it's entirely possible it's already been done, but I can't recall running across one).

I was at tonight's game and found myself wishing I was at home in a comfy chair watching the game on FSN because I really needed some Dick & Bert humor.
I didn't realize Reyes' nickname was "The Big Sweat" until I started playing MLB 08 "The Show" (great game, btw, not to mention I've got the Twins sittin pretty at 28-2).

Still trying to decide if I want to (erik) plunk down some more cash to get mlbtv. I probably will. Not being able to follow the Twins here in CA is getting old, fast.
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