Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

Short pregame, have to see how Wally Zerrrrbe'ack and the Cavs are doing against the Wiz (who could incidentally use some of their magical alchemy to come up with some better unis). Today it's Blackburn v. Westbrook, which by my accounts could phonetically pass for a dual at the O.K. Corral. In reality though, we've got two ground ball pitchers with questionable curve balls.

Addendum: Let's all give RK a pat on the back for finishing his Masters thesitation. That's right. I created a new word for that 120 page behemoth.

TOP 1ST

I LOVE inning-ending double plays, I do, but Punto's near-errant throw has me wondering if the Pear King put a curse on the Metrodome turf on his way out of town.

BOTTOM 1ST

Let the Garko puns commence!!

I can tell it's Mauer's birthday because karma is with him---that line shot did result in a force out at 2nd, but not a double play. I can feel it--good things are going to happen today.

I bet that when Waste Management decided to sponsor the "Clean Up hitter", they were betting there's be more line shots to the right field seats!!!!

Good things are going to happen today.

TOP 2ND

Donnie Garko puts aside the troubling visions of a large bunny rabbit to drop in a single and ruin Blackburn's no hitter.

Can I just repeat that I love inning-ending double plays? And that this Harris guy is OK? Casilla...who needs Casilla.

BOTTOM 2ND

Kubel, not exactly fleet of foot. I appreciate the single, however.

Mike Mendoza-Lamb is slowly but surely becoming dignified of the hyphenation. .146, now .160. .200 here we come!

Lamb, nick punto have no business getting on base with 2 outs and Gomez DEFINITELY has no business getting hits to the outfield. It's a bizarro world!!!

TOP 3RD, TWINS UP A FIELD GOAL

This parade of drives to the outfield has me a bit apprehensive...I'm sure it will be ok. Right???? RIGHT?????

Dlmon: The John Stockton of outfield assists. Let's get Cuddy back so that every hit to the outfield turns into a single.

It's nice to have big arms in the outfield, it's a shame that we've had to use them so frequently.

BOTTOM 3RD, TENUOUSLY STILL UP A FIELD GOAL

Mauer, karma is indeed with you---doubling your refreshment, doubling your fun. Singles are boring right? Break out the extra base stuff for the special occasions.

Good things are going to....Damn! Picked off of 3rd.

*Forget karma attribution

TOP 4TH

STACEY: Yeah, "consummated perfectly" makes it seem like it was a predestined outcome drawn up beforehand. And it's somewhat dirty, but I'll leave it at that.

I was wondering how long it would take Gordo to start using farm metaphors to describe Hafner. "Built like a mule, could pull down a house! I bet he bailed a lot of hay back in North Dakota!!". Yep, and he threshed wheat, covered wagons, participated in barn dances and chewed hayseed.

Not to mention struck out a lot.

BOTTOM 4TH

Strike 3 to LNP and so on and so forth.

TOP 5TH, TEAM WITH RACIALLY INSENSITIVE NICKNAME THAT PLAYS BY LAKE ERIE DOWN 3

1-6-3 inning ending double play!! Why, this is more desirable than a Good Eats marathon. And that is saying something.

Blackburn is settling into some kind of groove, and that's not good news for the team with a racially insensitive nickname that plays by Lake Erie.


TOP 6TH

Great glovework in left field is something I had come to miss while Hoverboard was out there the last two seasons. I'll forgive Dlmon's disappointing plate appearances if this keeps up...

BOTTOM 6TH

Not that I'm complaining, but all of these 1-2-3 innings leave much to be desired in the way of blogging.

7TH INNING

With the frequency that our pitchers put balls into play, not having good fielders would be like not having tornado insurance in the middle of Kansas.

LNP and Dlmon are the only ones without hits. What do you all think the over/under is on Dlmon getting it first? I know LNP will make me eat my words.

Toblerone at third, with some speed. Ultra speed at the plate....it would seem like an ideal situation for a squeeze right? Oh...ground out to second. If you all could see me, you'd know that I resembled a deflated balloon.

Squandering is the operative gerund for this stage of the game.

TOP 8TH

It's a shame that Blackburn is getting pulled, I was intrigued by the possibility of a shutout without a single 1-2-3 inning. It could've been Silva-esque. Admit it, you all miss the big guy a little bit, right??

The big guy is 3-0. btw. While that would be nice, it probably wouldn't do anything about our ass bat epidemic.

The Big Sweat does precisely what a lefty specialist is supposed to, and the collective shutout effort is intact.

BOTTOM 8TH, TWINS 3, NATIVE AMERICANS 0

Stacy: El goro y el flaco. I like it---the Twins are that much closer to officially being an over the top variety show on Univision. Reyes' appearance also could be compared to an episode of Sábado gigante. Am I right?

POSTGAME

This season's like a roller coaster baby baby, I wanna ride.