Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Calves of Fire


Hey everybody, hope you all had a blast on Memorial Day, grilling out, fishing... um, grilling those fish, perhaps, for synergy's sake. I climbed a mountain over the weekend. Just one day actually, and the mountain isn't too terribly tall (1500ft. ascent) But holy hell are my legs sore still. I could try to make a parallel to a major leaguer's regimen of playing every day and the toll that must take on their bodies. But instead all I'll say is this: peanut butter sandwiches never taste so good as when you're on a hike.

Tonight's pitching match-up is downright mythical: The Dread Pirate Roberts Blackbeard vs. The Incredible Hulk (I can never remember if it's Bruce or David Bannister in the story. Maybe it's both depending on the source. I'm easily confused).


Oh, I still have some time. I don't know if I've addressed this or not, but WV hasn't been around much because he is still in school, that sucker. Because the Cardinal is on a quarter system, he pretty much bets done in mid-June. So he's taking a sabbatical to write papers and grants and... all that other shit.

Me? I'm a test subject! I run on a treadmill for a little while with electrodes on to measure my gait and stuff. I dunno. They pay me for it.

Hm, one of the announcers' last names is Lefebvre. I certainly use Henri Lefebvre in my thesis a lot THAT YOU CAN'T SEE FOR THREE YEARS. Not that you were looking. Ahem.

Aaand 3 quick outs


To me, it looked like Gathwright got picked off. Seems to me that if your name is Gathwright, you'd be better suited to being a character in an Oscar Wilde play instead of being a ball player.

I see I added a W in Gathright's name, but Blackbeard added a K to Gordon's name! Hey-o!


"Cuddyer was looking for everything but that fastball, right down the middle"
"Heh heh, what else could he have been looking for? Heh heh."

You better watch your tone, mister.

I still believe in you, Koobull.

I have the impression that if I opened my door and threw a baseball out of my apartment, Delmon Young would swing at it.


The one bright spot in these mlb.tv commercials: the All-Star voting is set to the tune of "National Anthem" by Radiohead. Good tune off a good album (Kid A)

"He couldn't have hit that one any better than that" respectfully, anonymous announcer for whom inflection classes would help, hitting it not to the left fielder would have been a better hit. Oh, but I'm probably just a stat freak who hates the game

3-pitch inning!


And-a movin' right along. Man, the wind is really keeping the balls in tonight. It's like the Metrodome ca. 1988


Man, Blackburn is just throwing it up there. I like it.

What an awkward swing from OfJesus

Pulled the chain! Sir Worthington Gathright, you may need to refresh yourself with cucumber sandwiches and a whiff of smelling salts; I do believe you have the vapors!


elizabeth, I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about, but I like that style. Are we talking about Gathright? I'm not exactly what people would call "smart."

Little castle! Breaking up the DP!

Oh EMH, it's you! I enjoy the name of your blog much. Madeline L'Engle's book confused me as a child. Still probably does.

Cuddly McDimples does not inspire a great deal of hope within my heart.


But I'll settle for a solitary RBI


Oh that's rich. Announcers talking about how all the Twins pitchers throw strikes, then they show a shot of Bonser & Herzegovina.



Hm, I have read The Importance of Being Earnest and even though it's one of my favorite plays, I can't recall that part. Oh well. Have you seen the version with Colin Firth? From 2001 I think? Good stuff.

RB, who is this Ryan Lefebvre guy? I enjoy his name. Very French. "All those letters? Fuck it, just don't pronounce the last 3" kinda thing.

"Pretty soon you'll look at your cell phone and say 'Taco!' and it'll ask 'Hard or soft shell?'" This Lefebvre guy is certainly number 3 after Dick and Bert.

Hm, that was underwhelming. Let's see if Cuddy can do something.

Cuddly?! What are you doing?!

In case any of you have burgeoning anger salad:


Blackburn used to be a little tubby, huh? I never would have guessed. All I really heard was chicken something and 260 lbs and I'm just gonna piece that together in my head.


That was all nature's fault, Komrade Kubel.

Bert! Hey Bert! I miss you Bert! It's not weird at all!


EMH, oh yes, now I recall. And spot on in re: Colin Ferth. He's in good stuff. Except that one with Emma Thompson where she's the nanny... Nanny McPhee? Shit's terrible.

Yeesh, stacey, I'll say. And how, exactly, does one find this work?

Blackburn is averaging 11 pitches per inning, with no walks. He does remind you a little bit of old Dark Beard, doesn't he? I wonder what he's up to? Besides fishing? You're absolutely correct, RB. He's efficient like... keeping a toothbrush in the shower. No, I don't like that. Help me out here people.


Haha, RB, accurate, but unpleasant.

Now that's just dumb luck, CarGo. Oh my, I think we have a new nickname.

RB, at first it sounded like Mr. White was being condescending, but now I see he's just genteel, which I like. But I don't believe in editing!

I'll look into it stacey. I'm all about finding stuff here at the Biomedical Engineering science blah blah blah. They're always looking for the perspective of social science people for the stuff they write. "No ma'am, that's not a metaphor, that's metonymy." Stuff like that.

The Twins did not score.


What did Silva do in 2005? 78 pitch CG? Seems the 1st inning may prevent that for Blackbeard, but I'm still tres impressed.

Haha, RB, I've never played "The Show," but the Bigs 2006 for my Wii allows me to have 27 K games with Santana. Which I like.


In your drinking game, RB, my only saving grace would be that I often have to spell Lefebvre. Otherwise, done.


-Mentions or youtube embed an 80s song
-Goes a half inning without talking about baseball at all
-Mentions Junior High
-Makes up a stat
-Guesses at someone's name

I'm mainly ambivalent toward the Teahen, RB, but I'm ambivalent toward a lot of things.

Like I'm not gonna let that Kubel K get to me.


Here's the question: if Bburn continues on the way he is, do you let him close it out? I know the answer to this question is obvious, but still.

RB, I like your style. You also answered the obvious question before it was asked. Of course you bring in T'n'P here.

Unless, of course, the Twins pile on.


For what it's worth, Sonic isn't all that great, RB. Are there In n Outs near you? Hot damn those are good.

RB, one of my tools is also "Hint of Lime" tostitos

Good batwork, Cargo. Score a run to give Blackbeard a shot at a CG.

It's true, RB, Carlos has about as many major league walks as I do. Which is zero. True fact.

Whoa, Mr. White has had some coffee. "zeezeedeedee situation you're in the situation all of a sudden zoobiedoobie situation you wanted to be in situation situation"


Blackbeard, out to finish that which he hath begun!

Sure, RB, life is all about choices. We have 5 guys around here, which is like a quasi-In-N-Out

I do believe a 27-pitch perfect game with no assists would be even more perfect than an 81-pitch CG with 27K

Good work, kid, but it's time to to bring in Mr. Nathan. I think if this wasn't Blackburn's first pair of sideburns, Gardy'd live him in, but that's a hell of an effort.

Oh God oh God oh God


I suppose that's gonna happen. Perhaps Dlmon could have played that differently. Can't help but think


I feel bad not having any confidence in Cuddy. I just can't help it.

Haha, Nibbish, it's true, like "Ah hell, I tried. When do we eat?"

It's true, Laurel, that's devastating. At least WE all know that W-L doesn't mean shit. Still.



I could be watching Good Eats right now! It's a sirloin episode, too! But my loyalty lies here.

Yes, round is a shape.

(holds breath)



Young Young, redeem thyself!

Or... do that

This... is... depressing. Come on lambda

I don't know what to say anymore. This game emotionally drains me.


At some point, I'll figure out what in God's sweet hell Gomez was thinking

I still have some love for the Crainadian. Sorry I'm not really writing sentences, but this is how I get in high stress situations. You should have seen me in my defense.

I pace and I twitch and rub my face and clean and make cookies. Not really, but I should.


Cuddy! Cuddy! My boy! My beautiful Virginian!

Walking to get to Dlmon? Can't really argue with that one.

It would indeed be satisfied if Young did *something*

I meant something besides Grounding into a double play, you... you... Oh, fuck it.


What's this Sweet Escape song? I've stopped blogging and am just responding to all your wonderful comments. Takes my mind off the game and are far more entertaining

Guerrierrierrierrierrierr looks pretty good here, not gonna lie. Basically I'm just trying not to pee.

RB, exactly. Probably should have left Blackburn in there. Probably. But what are you gonna do?

Oh thank Jebus.


I'm just too drained. Thanks for the company, everybody, you make this more fun.

Perhaps muffins would do the trick... Nope too risky, he should just retire to his boudoir for the remainder of the evening.
Hmmm... it is a little confusing having two Google accounts, maybe I should do somehthing about that...
Haha, well you mentioned Oscar Wilde. Have you ever read The Importance of Being Earnest?

Yeah, her books can be a little out there, but very thought provoking. Perhaps I will even get around to writing on my blog again, since I am using my newly graduated self to be a bum waiting on that call that will tell me that I will be a gainfully employed contributing member of society......
Been awhile since I've posted here.. Finally got the MLB package.. got the KC broadcast and it's good to see Ryan Lefebvre workin the mic.
The muffin scene at Jack's country house. The latter bit of Act II when Gwendolen and Cecily have just discovered the men's artiface and Algy and Jack are sitting in the garden eating muffins. I have seen the movie version. It is quite good. As many things with Colin Firth tend to be.
you wanna talk summer jobs? mine has to be the cushiest. I leave Sunday to spend a week in Daytona, FL grading high school AP tests. Not bad work, if you can find it.
Nick Blackburn = efficient
Efficient like...

Eating Taco Bell while sitting on the toilet? Wait.. no..
Watching this KC broadcast.. I can't imagine Frank White ever raising his voice. He just sounds like a pleasant man.

Meanwhile, Alexi Casilla has three hits.
some of my smarter grad school colleagues tipped me off about the job. you should sign up for next year. we read the US government and politics test, and it's apparently tedious work but it pays quite well for just a week plus they fly you down, put us up in a Hilton and we get to see a minor league game to boot.
oh, and I'm so happy you all have the KC feed. I love all the announcers, especially Frank White. He is full of interesting and helpful facts that makes me hate Joe Morgan all the more.
I think it's just me with the KC feed :) Seeing that the MLB extra innings package uses the home announcers.
If this were MLB 08 The Show, Buck would get a 95 mph fastball in his ear, but that's just me. I'll take the grounder to short.
Quick KC Royals Broadcast drinking game:

Drink when..

-Frank White sounds pleasant
-Ryan Lefebvre mentions a 60s cartoon
-You wonder how to spell Lefebvre
I've put everyone on the Twins roster on a strict cream & clear regimen. I play one game then sim three. I think I'm around 110-5 right now and am on pace for something like 800 home runs. And of course Santana is still a Twin.
I have this strange dislike for everything Teahan, not sure why. Just can't stand the guy.
you're not the only one, RB, it might be that California shit eating grin that he has going on.

aw, poor broken boyfriend. I miss Neshie!
I knew there was something about him.

Looked like "TJ" was gonna throw out his back with that swing.

I need to start making up stats for the PAB drinking game. Teahan has made babies cry in 19 games this year.
Alright, Blackburn might be reaching the end of his night.

I'll take the double play.. I'm thinking we might want to get ol 36 up in the pen, tho.
Another Sonic commercial. The nearest Sonic from me is a good 60 miles. Nice job, Bay Area, way to do nothing right. No Sonic, no BW3..
ugh, I hate TJ. His fielding has flashes of greatness, but not quite good enough to make up for his .000 average (as long as we're making up stats).

also, I'm pretty sure the Royals will not score another run the rest of the season.
Mike Lamb would have had a HR there had it not been for the wind. Instead, he's got an 0-4 dogshit night at the plate.

LOL. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the Royals get at least one more run this year.
Gomez with a TJ like swing. He's gonna be out of baseball by age 24 if he keeps hackin' like that. Ouch. I think I just pulled a disc watching it.
I guess Gomez is what they call a "five tool player." I'm a five tool couch sitter right now - beer, remote, laptop, beer, and beer.
Gobble just looks odd.
Wow, what is that, his 2nd walk of the year? Gomez just doesn't take pitches. 50 k's and 2 walks (there's a made up stat - drink)
yeah, Gobble is one of the least exciting part of the Royals 'pen. and that's saying something.
I couldn't name another pitcher in the Royals pen.
I like the call to leave Blackburn in, that is unless Alex dings one off him. But knowing the Royals luck, that won't happen.
oh, Alex, so anti-climatic, in so many ways.
There's an In-N-Out one block from me. They are good.

I've heard Sonic is overrated from about 6,000 different sources. Still, I want the option to get crappy food and not have to drive all the way to Tracy to do it.

How do you get hit on the foot? That's worthy of a 95 mph in the ear pitch. Want something that should hit you? That's it.
A 27 pitch perfect game - that's what I want to see. And everything to the first baseman - no assist game.
Ah yes, Mark Teabag...
hmm, I know there are two on, but I think that was a curious call. Just to prove it, Twitch 'n Pitch will walk the next guy, then set down three in a row.
If Alex Gordon scores, he will quickly vault to one of my most hated players. I will make it my mission in life to heckle him at every opportunity.

Way to "take it for the team," Alex. The ol' 75 mph curveball off the foot.
oh fuck, I shouldn't have said anything.
Well, that is depressing....
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Like I said, can't stand Mark Teabag.
seriously, though, I can't be the only one thinking that Nathan would do something like that, right? May have been his first blown save of the season, but there have been some close calls.
That's about the most douchebaggy hit to tie a game I've ever seen.

Alex Gordon, welcome to hell. You're gonna hear it now.

Stay tuned for alexgordonisadouche.blogspot.com
Good God, what the hell was that, Delmon??
Teabag is probably gonna use this line in bars to pick up chicks now:

"Did you see that 420 foot blast I hit off one of the best closers in the game? Tied the game. Bend over."
I think I spotted The Big Sweat's gut out there in the bullpen.
I love how after he dove, Delmon looks into the infield like "what do I do when the ball gets BEHIND me?? Oh, delay and give up and let the batter get all the way home? THat's cool with me, I was just chillin' here, anyway"
Now would be a great time for the Twins' third home run of the year.
good luck against Soria, that was a good call by Hillman bringing him in.
I said Twitch & Pitch owes Blackburn dinner, Kevin replied that he should help Blackburn when he moves or something much tougher.

'Cause man, that sucked. These things happen, but still. Ouch.
Kubel missed that one and he knew it.
I feel bad cuz Cuddy is my favorite Twin. He needs to calm down and drink - heavily. Come to the park severely hungover and see what happens.
Damn Reyes is "in shape"
If you swing and get hit by the pitch, when you get to first, the first baseman should be able to take a free shot at you.
Looks like Morneau is giving him shit over there..

"How could you swing at that AND get hit? Loser."
Thank you for the relatively non terrifying inning, Dennnyysss
Speaking of dogshit nights at the plate... Delmon Young 0-5
Reyes looks very, very big on a 56" TV. I mean far more ginormous than usual.
If Frank White says an inside the park HR is "something you don't see very often" one more time, I'm going to pants myself.
I've seen terrible at bats in my day, but wow, that one just might top the list.
Remember when Delmonster looked like the more sure thng and Gomez looked like the guy who should have started the season in Rochester??

Ah, those were he days...
that was really really funny, and dead on. GoGo needs to watch tape of himself and learn to calm down a bit.
I could be watching Red Dawn on FUSE. But like RK, my loyalty lies here.
...and yes, Gomez did his best to make me look like an idiot there, but I've seen my fair share of Cuddy strikeouts, it could be worse.
I'm hoping there'll be cause to change Praise/Bury to praise some Twin for some clutch hitting soon, but I'm not optimistic at the moment.

Anyone else notice how for their most recent at-bats, Mauer went for the fences and Morneau hit a single? I swear, there are times lately when I think there's a Freaky Friday thing going on with those two.

Kevin (that husband of mine) always says "Why have we given up?" when Crain comes in. Right now he's dealing with laundry in the basement so as not to watch-- Kevin, that is, not Jesse Crain. That'd be weird.
I've got nothing.
I'm sure I'll regret saying this in about 15 minutes, but Crain actually looked pretty solid there, that strikeout pitch to Teahen was blazing, I'd almost think about giving him a second inning.
I totally disagree, RK, but maybe that's because I would be happy with either team winning. Happier if it's the Twins, but I've invested a lot emotionally in the Royals this season and they've been killing me lately.
I'm thinking that perhaps the Twins should score some runs now. That'd be cool. I'd go for that.
Okay, I'll premptively answer this question with 'never', but when is Dick going to realize that being speedy /= Automatically an awesome bunter?
This loud heckler needs to be shot.
Gload. Now that's an awful name.
apparently bad left fielding is contagious.
That low and away slider gets Cuddy every damn time.
Hold your sack, Cuddy has three hits!
Very pleasantly surprised by this turn of events.
Words I'd not thought I'd hear any time soon: "Cuddyer delivers" and "his second RBI of the game".

Thank goodness. Now let's get another run or two.
Cuddyer needs to think back to the days when he talked about opening a bar that looked like a gas station. When he does that, the hits and RBI will come.

Meanwhile Kubel NEEDS a hit. 0-6 is not an option.
Wouldn't it be something if DY hit a grand slam? LOL.
Christ Young, can you do ANYTHING right?
Man, wouldn'tit be something if they had called ME up at home, delayed the game until I was able to drive from Carlos, MN to Kansas City, suit up and pinch hit for Delmon Young? After all of this, I would of course it a grand slam on te first pitch.

This scenario was just as likely, when you think about it.
True, that is just as likely.

At least Young caught that ball.

Billy Butler. That name almost sounds fake.
His parents do not have much imagination.
You know what would be even better - you get called to pinch hit and you don't suit up.. just show up in jeans and a t-shirt, hit one about 500 feet.

I really wish stadiums would STOP playing this goddamn song. The Sweet Escape doesn't belong within 20 miles of any sporting event.
GIDP is what I wanna see.
Or a K. I like strikeouts too. Now an out, just one more out . . .
Wow, I can honestly say that I could've done better. At least I would've only gotten one out.
"It's Gardenhire's fault you're still out there!"
Courtesy of the loud douchebag heckler.

We get it. You've said that over and over and over again. Now kill yourself.
What an odd fucking game. I noticed the cussing becomes more prevalent here as the game goes on and the Delmon Young debacles increase...
Ah, that game totally had the feel of a bitter defeat to it. Glad that Gardenhire is currently unable to field a club of 9 Delmon Youngs.

But with cloing tchnology the way it is, that day is coming soon.

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