Thursday, May 29, 2008


Meat Sweats and Other Food Comas


I'm kicking myself for giving up on last night's game - I should learn to be more hardcore. But also the Twins should remember that I'm a quarter of a century old, and staying up past midnight too many consecutive days makes me put on my crankypants and tell kids to get off of my lawn. And I don't have a lawn.

Tonight's danger - I made blue cheese cheeseburgers. You know the kind that you put the cheese crumbles between two patties and melt some on top? Oh yeah, that. Best one of those I ever had was at the St. Clair(e?) Broiler. Man, I love that place. I could talk about food all night, and I would, save for the fact that this here is a baseball blog and I shouldn't be so stupid.

Tonight we have Slowey Gin Fizz up against Kevin (Dave? Dan?) Hochevar, who sounds like he should be doing weekend sports for the Valley's choice, KVLY News 11.

It's a Fargo thing.


Whoa, the Royals read Cargo like a book there. I can't imagine he's been that far away from stealing the bag.

Justin, that was ugly, if you don't mind me saying. You were waving at that like you were on a float in a parade


That was the first Radke comparison tonight by the Royals announcers by my count. Let's keep track!


Gotta switch my laundry to the dryer. Let me know if anything exciting happens!

I see nothing exciting has happened.


EMH, never can remember that. I'll try for future reference, but I'll forget in about 18 seconds.

Aaaand to the bottom half we go.


"Hey, this is A.J. Burnett" Hey A.J.! When are we gonna hang out like you said that one time? Just kidding, but I like his informality with the anonymous viewer.

Touchy touchy, Lefebvre, I'm sure people will understand if you don't pronounce a difficult name the first time!

Could you imagine Bert with a hard name? He'd be like "Manatha- Marsalla - Manowar - fuck it, Johnson."

And Kool Slow D puts down a guy in his first Major League at-bat. And then a quick as lightning double play! So the third inning is over, and the games been going for 38 minutes. We're on pace for a 1:45 game!


Oh Scott Ullger, it's like you're just messing with the guys - Stay, slide wait! Backward! Upside down!

While Casilla's pirouette to try to get to the bag was impressive, he probably was out of baseline. At least he didn't try to take the catcher out.

Cuddy! After reader Laurel called you out you're producing!

Confidential to Laurel - can you call out lambda for me? I like him so much, and even more so if he'd produce

The interstitial music showing Rookie starts sounded straight out of a level from Mega Man X2, maybe my favorite SNES game.

Here we go lambda, as soon as I can figure out the Mac keyboard shortcut to make the appropriate greek letter - I will do such a thing.

Well, I suppose I have to give OfJesus some credit there.


I'm spending way too much time trying to figure out this lambda keyboard shortcut. But look! 

Oh, I'm such a terrible fanboy

I'm glad Mr. Slowey is cruising here - just imagine how he'd be with some more run support. Eh? Eh?


Mr. White sounds so pleasant. How does one get to be that pleasant? I'm certainly not.

2 outs runner on 3rd? I want to see Global Warming at the plate... and of course he comes through. 2 inches short!

(Insert "that's what she said" joke yourself. I'm above that)

Cuddy is swinging a broomstick up there, that's his problem.


Ha, in my google search for "mac keyboard shortcut lambda" this post comes up on the second page! Google, you are frighteningly aware. I won't stop until you sing "Daisies!" Anybody else here seen 2001?

I've said it before: I really really like our young pitching staff. Except Boof.

Remember when I said that if I threw a baseball out of my front door Delmon Young would swing at it? Similarly, if I threw a baseball out of my front door, Carlos Gomez would streak over and catch it. Or at least back up - shit, this is falling apart.

But it doesn't matter, because the Royals are doing their best impression of the 2007 Twins, with this GIDPing!


I enjoy this Lefebvre guy - tells the story of Kubel's hometown Belle Fourche SD - and then says "Well, there you go!" He should have ended it by saying he found 5 dollars.

Mr. White knows his Disney films! I have an unhealthy knowledge of all those mid-90s Disney films.

There goes the baker with his tray like always
The same old bread and rolls to sell
Every morning just the same
Since the moment that we came
To this poor provincial town

OK, enough of that.

Lambda! Way to leg it out! OK, that was Hochevar's fault, but still, awesome.

Teabag has been making some good plays out there, but RB has alerted me to his douchiness, which I no longer doubt.

Otherwise, I like the Royals. I want them to do well when not playing the Twins.

Gotta make like Mike D and get my clothes right out the dryer

Hey, 3 runs! Made it back just in time to see Just in Morneau Strike out


RB, good idea.

Waaaay out in front there, Mr.... bat-swinging person.

That may have hit his foot, but he didn't sell the call. Welcome to the bigs, Aviles!

Hillman's trying to do the "pump up my team by getting tossed" thing. But not very well.

TH: What was that, Blue?
UMP: That was a fair ball
TH: You sure?
UMP: Yep
TH: Dang, son
UMP: Nice talking
TH: OK, but I'm very angry right now

RB, I noticed that, and this can get out of hand. It's not just transposing letters "Guadardo," and his name could get very long by the end of the game.


I don't know if anybody's done this before, but I fully recommend this method of tee shirt folding - takes like 1/10th the time

There's English versions, but how can you pass up the original Japanese?

RB, that's fun! eJesus would be like a techno-utopian's dream!


2nd Brad Radke reference! Shit son, Lefebvre just said they're ALL like Radke

RB, yep, between he and Eric Milton, child laborers in Latin America had to make a TON more baseballs.

I just noticed that! Slawry. Coming up: salary or celery?

7 shutout innings! Good work, Cole Slaw!


Damn! I lost a sock! I feel like Raphael in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

RB, I agree. I like this Gomez dood.

I've always hated the word "camaraderie" ... and now you know that.


Casillas: it ain't pretty, but he gets the outs

Celery is in command.


Y'know, the double play doesn't bother me. I just want this game to be over. I feel so dirty when I get this attitude.

RB, true, close call, and lord knows I had a variety of excuses for calling outs or strikes. Too cold, too hungry, etc.


Come on, salary! I also have ears that stick out, so I feel a certain kinship with him.

Yeah, alright guys, cheer for your one run. Congratulations. This is like when I would get my vanity point against David Wright's brother in tennis. Oh yeah, totally name-dropping the fact that I have often played tennis with David Wright's brother.


One out away from a CG shutout, the CG itself is beautiful, especially for a rookie. I'm gonna be away this weekend up in the District of Columbia, so I will continue to pray for mojo.

Re: St. Clair(e?) Broiler

No e.
Missed last night's game, a little late to the party tonight.. dealing with the aftermath of a night with Iron Maiden.
I'm going to make it a point to hit Teabag in the ear every time I face him in The Show.
Frank White added an 's' to Casilla.
Aviles should have screamed, took off his shoe, and threw it to the backstop. Gotta sell the call, rook.
Since Mr. White can add letters to names, I'm going to remove them.

Ross Load.
Midwest casinos never look as exquisite as they're made out to be in those commercials.
Alex Gordo...

If I were a member of these Kansas City Royals, I would call him Gordo. Good nickname.

Speaking of Radke, remember the year he gave up 146 dingers?
Ok Mr. White is getting a little messed up.

Kevin Slawrey is now on the roster.
I think Lefebvre just emphasized "Slowey" to get Mr. White back on track. Will it work? Stay tuned.
Gomez still does some dumb things (we've laughed at some of his wacky at bats), but man, he's got a solid career ahead of him.
Four hits in the game for Carlos.. nice.
He just wants to keep calling him Casillas.
This game needs to end so I can make dinner.
Slawry has some nasty stuff tonight.
This game is moving right along thanks to Celery.

The Island of Dr. Morneau draws a walk..
Cuddyer was safe. That's the case of the ump wanting to go home.
I hope the home plate ump decides he wants to beat the traffic and starts calling pitches two feet outside strikes..
No shutout, but a nice complete game.. I'll take it. Way to go Celery!
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