Monday, May 19, 2008




What's going on, party people? I see the Nachos Rancheros are up 2 to 1, and because BOOOOOOOOF is pitching, I assume that means all of those runs are from gopherballs.

Then I see him throw a 4-pitch inning. That's pretty good.

Hey, I like robots, do you like robots? I'll post videos with robots in them periodically, yeah?


It's a good thing, being a disappointment in other peoples' lives and them disappointing me, that the Rubik's Kubel comes through with a knock when he needs to. Of course, he didn't go to SOUVENIR CITY! But perhaps later

Speaking of Souvenir City, I have to say that BBTN is more enjoyable lately, the guys seem to have more fun, and crack wise at each other. Crack wise. I'm 80 and your grandpa. Could it be the noticeable absence of Karl Marx Ravich?

People who live in the MPS, is there a building sentiment against Joe Vavra? I don't know the pulse, but yeah, the bats, they are silent

I'm about to curse.

Double-fuck you, Your player is straight bollocks. I miss Casilla's home run because of you? How often is that going to happen? About as often as Jason Renyt Tyner, I bet.

Alright, chill heem, just be happy the good guys are up 4-2 now.


I'm forced to watch the crappy stream from, so that's awesome. This is why I pay for premium!

Frank Catalanatto is from Long Island. I remember Michael Kay irritatingly saying that when he was with the BJs.

Kubel is also with leather! Salta- Slama- Salamander's fly ball died in the wind. Kidding! There's no wind! But wait till there is and there's no roof and everybody's fingers freeze and then the Discovery Channel has to do a special where Survivorman eats an anteater atop the baggie. Don't let that happen.


People keep emailing me asking for a link exchange. Hey blogpeople, why does this happen? How does find out about this blog and think there should be a link exchange? They probably make money doing this. To me, a link exchange is changing armor in Zelda games.

Anyway, in re: the baseball game - fuck buttons.


Fuck Buttons is actually the name of a... band. We'll say a... difficult band. OK, a noise band. Here, if you dare:

Bonser's looking a-pretty-pretty good, not gonna lie. Some good fielding behind him though. Notice I didn't call it defense. Because I'm a purist! Blah blah Buzz Bissinger computers are taking us over!


Congratulations to Mr. Jon Lester. A no-hitter's nothing to sneeze at, and I always root for cancer survivors. For my next controversial statement of the night: kittens are cute.

Also congratulations to Mr. Dlmon Yung, on his first triple of the season. You're getting closer to why the Twins picked you up! Keep trying!


Bert waxes philosophical about the transient nature of positions, starts, at bats, and Ray-moan Ortiz. He's like a modern day Schopenhauer. Except clearly not as depressed.

I heard Brendan Boggs drank 60 beers on a cross-country flight!

"You want to get into the 7th, 8th, 9th inning." True, Bert, but do you know what inning Jack Morris wants? The 10th, baby!

Franis Giacomo Catalanotto almost made me have some anger salad, but it barely went foul. I assume Giacomo is his middle name.


Now I understand why people drink Listerine.

But I believe in Guerrierrierrierrierrierrierr

You know how I like to talk about things other than baseball during tense moments, right? Did you also know I sometimes read books? It's true! If you'd like a recommendation for your summer novel, check out anything by Edward Abbey, but especially The Monkey Wrench Gang, especially if you're into ecological sabotage. And maybe you are, but don't tell me or anybody else!

I get the impression that when they go to Coomer it's the realization by Dick that they haven't talked to him in 3 innings. It's like that friend, you know the one, that you always forget to invite out. It's not that you don't like that friend, they just always slipped your mind. That's Coomer.

Guerrierr comes through! Of course he does!


Hey, it's Everyday Eddie Guardado! Or as Jon Miller would say in the playoffs, Guadardo.

Oh, Twingo. Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, I miss you. I feel so far away in the Commonwealth of Virginia

Nibbish, you're right about Young, don't get me wrong, I don't mind the high average, but we're loooking for a bit of power here, right?


I would be on my 8th nachos right now.

And beginning to look like Mexican Independence Day, but perhaps a little less jowl-y. I mean seriously.

That's the first time I've heard Reyes' voice, and it's awesome.

I feel Brandonsmash coming on. I'll explain that later when it subsides, but I'll say it has something to do with my friend BK

Well, I suppose the timing is about right, because I have to take off for a cocktail with some friends before they leave the country tomorrow. This does not bode well.

For all the bitching about Delmonster's batting, he's doing better lately than anyone without the initials 'JM'.
Nice blog.. I like the Twins this year but they don't seem to be able to get it done in the postseason. I'd love to see them make a play for a big name player and challenge the evil Red Sox.

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