Wednesday, June 11, 2008
...The Hell?
PREGAME
So I was feeling kinda bad, being away for so long, on account of me not being able to watch Orioles games and taking the weekend off (boundaries, people). To make up for it, I seized upon (what I thought was) a good idea, and made Twins Street Fighter characters. Mauer shooting a fireball, etc. It really works if you're 25 and had a Super Nintendo growing up. Relatedly, you could get 600 homers a season playing Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball. Uh, whatever.
Then the team hit a 5-game losing skid, and these pictures of hitters displaying power seems woefully inappropriate. So until such a time as is warranted, the aforementioned pictures will stay locked up in my photoshop vault. I have a feeling I'll be able to tell my cell phone to make me a taco before the Twins put up 10 runs a game again.
But of course, I'd love to be proven wrong.
WV is almost done with his quarter (Stanford still uses quarters - weirdos) and if you're privileged enough to be his friend on the facebook, his paper on The Birth of Tragedy is becoming increasingly literal. That guy!
TOP 3RD
WV: If only the Twins pitching staff could manage itself, like Gardy's Kinetico water softener.
RK: No Hafnter at 1st, I wonder what John Gordon will do with his North Dakota trivia factoids.
RK: Some people would have you believe that there is 200 billion barrels of oil just laying around there, which doesn't make any damn sense. So I watch CSPAN all day, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
WV: Like our Norwegian and Germanic ancestors, we're in danger of falling prey to the Roughrider Propaganda Machine.
RK: Until Byron Dorgan says something about it, I don't believe it. PHIL JACKSON'd
WV: If anyone's bored:
WV: If Cates makes the big, he can be ELNP (Even Littler Nicky Punto)
WV: Grady looked more like Tom Sizemore there...
RK: Zing! Laid out like Tom Sizemore after a 4 day bender
WV: The hits are coming so fast John Gordon is about two double behind in his reporting.
WV: "Joe Cuddyneau hits a double off the bag, Carlos Mauer scores!"
RK: My video player is lagging, but my stat updater is in real time
RK: So I can see the future on my sidebar
RK: "Carl Lewis goes back to the dugout." I feel like I should do something with this. Have you seen Carl Lewis' gawdawful music videos?
WV: Oh have I. I've got a feeling we'll soon have more awesome embedded videos.
WV: The only time Kubel's bumblebee dance is acceptable is when he hits one of those into the seats.
RK: Yum yum bumblebee bumblebee Kubel
BOTTOM 3RD
RK: They're interviewing SeeSee Sabathia from the torso up. I guarantee he's preparing himself a huge plate of nachos
WV: And budgeting for the fat contract he'll receive in a few months.
RK: This is the worst interview ever. He's just sitting there, they're not even talking to him. Oh good, the inning is over, so they can put this interview out of its misery
TOP 4TH
RK: It's fun watching the game with no audio. Good Eats > Cleveland announcers
RK: BUT, Good Eats < Bert
BOTTOM 4TH
RK: Why does MLB tell me to keep watching? Of course I'm watching!
RK: That'd be like a waiter telling me to "keep eating" at dinner. No shit, Gaston, I'm on it
WV: And it's not like you can change the channel.
WV: And Nicolas Garkozy grounds out...very effeminately.
RK: And takes 4 months of vacation!
WV: I'm sure Joowan truly has a stiff neck. Somebody's looking to extend that MLB per diem through a stint on the DL methinks...
RK: The less I see of him right now the better, though
RK: Ahnd Pheralt whalks
WV: Wow, a inning-ending double play. At least Cleveland has good reason to boo--us, we're rebuilding.
BOTTOM 5TH
RK: I wonder if the number to get tickets to the Jake is still 420-HITS, or if someone clued them into it
WV: It certainly still is.
WV: Hafner: I was gonna live up to lofty expectations, but then I got high.
RK: He needs to go back to Jimmytown and reconnect with what made him. Or have a sleepover at Darin Erstad's house
RK: I also like your facebook philosophizer, Gadamer. That or I just liked my Puerto Rican professor saying "Gadamerian"
WV: Ha. If I ever teach Gadamer, it'll be to the tune of the Ramones. Gadamer Gadamer Hey!
RK: I'll teach him by pronouncing his name "goddamn-er". Because I'm juvenile like that
WV: If you ever write a sub-par essay on Gadamer, your advisor can write: "You Gadamer'ed it all to hell!"
RK:The only essays I write are sub-par. And then I say "shit, would you believe a double?"
TOP 6TH
RK: lambda really has a hard time laying off the high fastball
WV: I'm not sure that pitch that got Harris out was a strike earlier
RK: I think everyone: you, me, the Indians, the Twins are now coasting through this affair.
WV: Yep, this game definitely has taken an April in Senior Year turn
BOTTOM 7TH, TEAM WITH RACIALLY INSENSITIVE NICKNAME THAT PLAYS BY THE SHORES OF LAKE ERIE DOWN 6
WV: I guess the Twins must think that 6 runs will be enough.
RK: Let's hope so, seems like we'll have Boooof coming out the pen soon
WV: Boof: "I'm gonna sink this bitch."
RK: Is it weird that I still remember the full title of that episode?
RK: Oh shit.
WV: Tom Sizemore, he's not. Boof feels more comfortable with an ERA over 6, so.
RK: Remember when the bullpen was good?
WV: You'd think with all of our troubles they'd let the starters go longer.
TOP 8TH
RK: You might think. Like a Cars song. That is the Cars right?
WV: I think it is.
RK: When I get nervous about the game I plunge into 80s nostalgia
WV: Me, I get just plain anxious. Like George F. Will trying to decide between ideology and objectivity.
RK: I reiterate: If I were to open up my front door and throw a baseball out of it, Delmon Young would swing at it
RK: George F. Will doesn't see the difference. Pure ideology and pure objectivity are the same thing
WV: If only the Twins were down 10, Dlmon would knock one out.
RK: I don't believe there's such a thing as a "meaningless homer," but some clutch hitting would be nice here
WV: Right homers are what we need--not any of this clogging up the bases
RK: You shut your mouth, Dusty Baker
WV: Delmon's swinging at everything is very un-TK
BOTTOM 8TH
WV: Big K there; Jhonny ghoes dhown ohn shtrikes.
RK: I'm still pretty nervous
WV: Whew.
RK: Exactly, I was singing "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" by the Human League to keep it together, and that's dire straits
9TH INNING
WV: If I could steal bases, I'd wink after standing up, every time.
RK: Sure, it's a rare occasion where winking would be appropriate
WV: That insurance run somewhat relieves me
RK: Both Cargo's and the Sandcastle's hitting streaks are alive
RK: I like when Justin does the damn thing
POSTGAME
WV: I enjoy the win, but I don't like what the bullpen is doing. They gotta get it together like a Beastie Boys song
RK: I get the sense that if they don't get it together, they'll be moving apart via the waiver wire.
WV: I feel Death Metal's loss like whoa right now
So I was feeling kinda bad, being away for so long, on account of me not being able to watch Orioles games and taking the weekend off (boundaries, people). To make up for it, I seized upon (what I thought was) a good idea, and made Twins Street Fighter characters. Mauer shooting a fireball, etc. It really works if you're 25 and had a Super Nintendo growing up. Relatedly, you could get 600 homers a season playing Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball. Uh, whatever.
Then the team hit a 5-game losing skid, and these pictures of hitters displaying power seems woefully inappropriate. So until such a time as is warranted, the aforementioned pictures will stay locked up in my photoshop vault. I have a feeling I'll be able to tell my cell phone to make me a taco before the Twins put up 10 runs a game again.
But of course, I'd love to be proven wrong.
WV is almost done with his quarter (Stanford still uses quarters - weirdos) and if you're privileged enough to be his friend on the facebook, his paper on The Birth of Tragedy is becoming increasingly literal. That guy!
TOP 3RD
WV: If only the Twins pitching staff could manage itself, like Gardy's Kinetico water softener.
RK: No Hafnter at 1st, I wonder what John Gordon will do with his North Dakota trivia factoids.
RK: Some people would have you believe that there is 200 billion barrels of oil just laying around there, which doesn't make any damn sense. So I watch CSPAN all day, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
WV: Like our Norwegian and Germanic ancestors, we're in danger of falling prey to the Roughrider Propaganda Machine.
RK: Until Byron Dorgan says something about it, I don't believe it. PHIL JACKSON'd
WV: If anyone's bored:
WV: If Cates makes the big, he can be ELNP (Even Littler Nicky Punto)
WV: Grady looked more like Tom Sizemore there...
RK: Zing! Laid out like Tom Sizemore after a 4 day bender
WV: The hits are coming so fast John Gordon is about two double behind in his reporting.
WV: "Joe Cuddyneau hits a double off the bag, Carlos Mauer scores!"
RK: My video player is lagging, but my stat updater is in real time
RK: So I can see the future on my sidebar
RK: "Carl Lewis goes back to the dugout." I feel like I should do something with this. Have you seen Carl Lewis' gawdawful music videos?
WV: Oh have I. I've got a feeling we'll soon have more awesome embedded videos.
WV: The only time Kubel's bumblebee dance is acceptable is when he hits one of those into the seats.
RK: Yum yum bumblebee bumblebee Kubel
BOTTOM 3RD
RK: They're interviewing SeeSee Sabathia from the torso up. I guarantee he's preparing himself a huge plate of nachos
WV: And budgeting for the fat contract he'll receive in a few months.
RK: This is the worst interview ever. He's just sitting there, they're not even talking to him. Oh good, the inning is over, so they can put this interview out of its misery
TOP 4TH
RK: It's fun watching the game with no audio. Good Eats > Cleveland announcers
RK: BUT, Good Eats < Bert
BOTTOM 4TH
RK: Why does MLB tell me to keep watching? Of course I'm watching!
RK: That'd be like a waiter telling me to "keep eating" at dinner. No shit, Gaston, I'm on it
WV: And it's not like you can change the channel.
WV: And Nicolas Garkozy grounds out...very effeminately.
RK: And takes 4 months of vacation!
WV: I'm sure Joowan truly has a stiff neck. Somebody's looking to extend that MLB per diem through a stint on the DL methinks...
RK: The less I see of him right now the better, though
RK: Ahnd Pheralt whalks
WV: Wow, a inning-ending double play. At least Cleveland has good reason to boo--us, we're rebuilding.
BOTTOM 5TH
RK: I wonder if the number to get tickets to the Jake is still 420-HITS, or if someone clued them into it
WV: It certainly still is.
WV: Hafner: I was gonna live up to lofty expectations, but then I got high.
RK: He needs to go back to Jimmytown and reconnect with what made him. Or have a sleepover at Darin Erstad's house
RK: I also like your facebook philosophizer, Gadamer. That or I just liked my Puerto Rican professor saying "Gadamerian"
WV: Ha. If I ever teach Gadamer, it'll be to the tune of the Ramones. Gadamer Gadamer Hey!
RK: I'll teach him by pronouncing his name "goddamn-er". Because I'm juvenile like that
WV: If you ever write a sub-par essay on Gadamer, your advisor can write: "You Gadamer'ed it all to hell!"
RK:The only essays I write are sub-par. And then I say "shit, would you believe a double?"
TOP 6TH
RK: lambda really has a hard time laying off the high fastball
WV: I'm not sure that pitch that got Harris out was a strike earlier
RK: I think everyone: you, me, the Indians, the Twins are now coasting through this affair.
WV: Yep, this game definitely has taken an April in Senior Year turn
BOTTOM 7TH, TEAM WITH RACIALLY INSENSITIVE NICKNAME THAT PLAYS BY THE SHORES OF LAKE ERIE DOWN 6
WV: I guess the Twins must think that 6 runs will be enough.
RK: Let's hope so, seems like we'll have Boooof coming out the pen soon
WV: Boof: "I'm gonna sink this bitch."
RK: Is it weird that I still remember the full title of that episode?
RK: Oh shit.
WV: Tom Sizemore, he's not. Boof feels more comfortable with an ERA over 6, so.
RK: Remember when the bullpen was good?
WV: You'd think with all of our troubles they'd let the starters go longer.
TOP 8TH
RK: You might think. Like a Cars song. That is the Cars right?
WV: I think it is.
RK: When I get nervous about the game I plunge into 80s nostalgia
WV: Me, I get just plain anxious. Like George F. Will trying to decide between ideology and objectivity.
RK: I reiterate: If I were to open up my front door and throw a baseball out of it, Delmon Young would swing at it
RK: George F. Will doesn't see the difference. Pure ideology and pure objectivity are the same thing
WV: If only the Twins were down 10, Dlmon would knock one out.
RK: I don't believe there's such a thing as a "meaningless homer," but some clutch hitting would be nice here
WV: Right homers are what we need--not any of this clogging up the bases
RK: You shut your mouth, Dusty Baker
WV: Delmon's swinging at everything is very un-TK
BOTTOM 8TH
WV: Big K there; Jhonny ghoes dhown ohn shtrikes.
RK: I'm still pretty nervous
WV: Whew.
RK: Exactly, I was singing "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" by the Human League to keep it together, and that's dire straits
9TH INNING
WV: If I could steal bases, I'd wink after standing up, every time.
RK: Sure, it's a rare occasion where winking would be appropriate
WV: That insurance run somewhat relieves me
RK: Both Cargo's and the Sandcastle's hitting streaks are alive
RK: I like when Justin does the damn thing
POSTGAME
WV: I enjoy the win, but I don't like what the bullpen is doing. They gotta get it together like a Beastie Boys song
RK: I get the sense that if they don't get it together, they'll be moving apart via the waiver wire.
WV: I feel Death Metal's loss like whoa right now
# posted by RK @ 6:49 PM 
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man, I missed tonight's game because I was holed up in a stairwell with the class I was teaching waiting out tornado warnings...at least they pulled out a win!
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# posted by 
: 2:36 AM
: 2:36 AM << Home
