Tuesday, August 12, 2008

 

The curse of the Moose

PREGAME

The dread pirate Blackburn was in grammar school when Mussina was majoring in everything at Stanford (seriously, a player goes to an ivy or similar caliber school the announcers will talk about them as if they're the second coming of Pierre Bourdieu - thought I was gonna say Einstein, didn't you? Be honest.) So perhaps Sideburns is unaware of the mystical voodoo grip that Moose holds over the Twins from Minnesota. Everybody knows that in astrologism that the Constellation of the Moose (Graybeardus Controllus Pinpointi) when in the house of Leo, holds an advantage over the Gemini (Piranhas Horribilis)

It's just me tonight people, WV is off enjoying California, so let's not feel toooo bad for him. It's not badly. Seriously, just bad. How come people say badly? Do they also say goodly when describing how their food tastes? Uh, anyway, I'm gonna go write a love letter to Lynn Truss.

TOP 1ST

Oh dear, kind of an ignoble way to start the game, Nikolai, but that's OK. If the pitchers didn't give up runs early, how could the Twins be the best come from behind team in the history of baseball?

TRUE FACT. Don't bother to look that one up.

Robert J. Abreu you DARE to run on Global Warming? Warms the cockles of my heart to see the K-CS DP.

BOTTOM FIRST, TWINS DOWN 1

Haha, I was updating my delicious library (if you have a Mac, get it. If you don't, then get one and then get it) and I heard Dick yell "And Span-!" and I thought oh he must have hit a home run too, but Dick has just as much enthusiasm for a single from Bremer.

It's consistency like that which makes Joe Morgan fall asleep happy at night. What a strange sentence.

Wow, the umpiring is subpar here. This makes me a sad panda. Wait, Joe has a stiff neck and isn't playing? Why am I pounding away on this here blog?

Hey it's Wilson Betimint, remember when he played for the Dodgers? Am I making this up?

TOP 2ND, SAME

*Gulp* Long strike.

Look, Ima eat a burrito, so one sec.

Hot damn, another double play! Now let's pray that the Twins are able to finally do something against Mussina.

BOTTOM 2ND, SAME

Y'know, before that ball landed, I could tell Dick was thinking about Johnny Damon's junk. And Bert chimes in with "Johnny Damon was using everything he had to stop that ball."

Hey, so let me ask you this. I design tee shirts. Yes, I'm artsy like that. If I made one with a picture of Bert on it, would people be interested in this?

Good work Delmon, now the boys have to capitalize this like Rockefeller.

I want Ron Coomer's job. I want to be sitting watching the game and every once in a while Bert would say, "RK, who sang that song in the Breakfast Club?" and I'd say "Simple Minds" and he'd say "I heard it in a Target commercial." And I'd say "Yeah, ain't that just the berries"

Brian Buscher: All he does is knock in runs.

Remember when Damon would at least try to throw the ball in?

Twins take-a the lead?

Ryan, it's true, Mussina will eventually utilize his underhand pitch. Just wait for it.

TOP 3RD, TWINS UP 1

Ron Coomer, look at the camera!

Bburn has 15Ks so far. True fact.

Hm, Bert at fantasy camp? I have fantasies! Y'know...

BOTTOM 3RD, SAME

The thing about the fantasy camp is that I have so many other fantasies that I'd rather have come true that they just don't have camps for. That I know about. Ahem.

Alright, enough of that joke.

But there was no baseball worth talking about. What do you want from me?

TOP 4TH, SAME

That strikeout was downright Jeterian. Oh it was Jeter.

ZzzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZ

Oh these burritos are happily sitting heavily in my stomach.

Bobby Meecham! Pleased to Meecham. Like Cal Meecham. Of MST3K The Movie fame. Which I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. I'm in one of these boxes, come find me!

OK now I'm awake because Giambi went after that pitch like it was a syringe of cheatjuice.

Shit shit shit and to think that this shouldn't have happened because GIAMBI WENT ON THAT SWING.

Anger Salad!

BOTTOM 4TH, TWINS DOWN 1 DUE TO SOME BULLSHIT

Adam Everett is already having a long week and it's only Tuesday.

And then he goes and totally redeems himself!

Don't go anywhere: reflections by Glen Perkins coming right up!

TOP 5TH, KNOTTED AT 3

Bert's gonna give Perkins a wedgie, and this sentence almost didn't elicit a response from me because well, of course.

Are you all hearing Perk throw Livo under the bus?

I fear a cheeseburger binge by Bon Jovi

Come on now, you never ever ever walk a Molina. It's a rule of thumb

Stupid stupid stupid

And in comes Boof. Let's be done with this.

BOTTOM 5TH, RK'S GETTING SOME COFFEE, AND THE YANKS HAVE RETAKEN THE LEAD BY 1

My God, Marney Gellner! How the hell have you been?

Sometimes I'm like a fraidy-cat watching a horror film and I can't watch. I know Jason Kubel is batting right now and I know I should be watching, but I just can't!

And I'm glad I didn't watch. Damn blast hell and spite

TOP 6TH, SAME

It's like bizarro-pitchers tonight! Who the hell are these guys? They say hello when they leave and goodbye when they come in!

Wouldn't it be bad bye?

No, it's still goodbye

(anybody?)

Y'know what? I have a conference paper proposal to write, so

ON STRIKE

Comments:
Damon almost took one in the seeds.. ouch.
 
Mussina doesn't have his stuff tonight.. clearly.. hopefully we chase him early.

Mussina is the anti-Mariano Rivera, with 9,223 pitches as opposed to the one.
 
Admittedly, most of the guests they have in the booth talk about shit I just don't care about..
 
This umpire has a very ... um ... interesting strike zone. Pass the word down the bench - it's swing at anything time.
 
Christ what an awful half inning.
 
For the record, RK, that's my fave Seinfeld episode! Should have bid the Boof with a fond 'hello' when replacing him with Breslow.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?