Tuesday, August 26, 2008


More Trials and Tribulations


Before these announcers put me to sleep, I have to share the latest injustice that has occurred. Here's the story. Recently, I ordered Thomas Frank's "The Wrecking Crew" because I like him a lot. Amazon for whatever reason shipped it to my old address in Blacksburg instead of my new place. So I called customer service and they shipped me a new copy overnight and assured me that my new address was my default for one-click shopping.

So today I ordered 40 or so books for various classes, and then I started getting the emails that my order was confirmed/shipped/whatever, and then I saw... MY OLD ADDRESS. But I used a bunch of 3rd party vendors for cheap used books, so I had to email all of them individually about this situation. Hopefully they can reroute the packages or the person in my old place is willing to hold onto the packages for me. Wish me the best.




"Base hit, I think." Haha, no! Not with Span out there! Believe!


Harris juuust missed it - boy, this game is really cruising! Especially when you're emailing book vendors. Yes.


Two walks in the game? This is very unacelike of Baker. That word looks weird. Perhaps I should hyphenate?

Well this isn't going well.

Guys, stop this. I need a win here tonight. Between the overzealous bike cop of last night and my debacle with amazon tonight, I need something to pick me up here.

I don't like tying my emotional well-being to a game of baseball, but I'm looking for good things here. That's all.

At least the M's are running themselves into outs. That's a good sign.

Now score some damn runs, guys!


Pinko starts the ball rolling for the whole scoring runs thing.

WV: Yo. You know I can't get enough of Hillary Clinton.

RK: I hear that

WV: But then, both Baker and Clinton are experts at falling short of expectations


WV: Twins' infield < Cheesecloth

RK: This season is reminding me of the 2001 collapse whoa that was quick


WV: Good memory--and I concur. If we can bring back Eddie, why not Rick Reed?

RK: Tony Fiore anybody?

RK: Barf

WV: I step away for 2 minutes and they're already out. Whatever this trend portends, it's not good.


RK: This is like getting shut down by Bautista... dammit

WV: The strange twist of irony last night was that the guy we didn't trade for single-handidly took it to us on the same day we released our "unenergetic" salt and pepper 3rd baseman.

RK: But let's be fair; the Beltre contract was too much to eat

WV: So if that trend is continuing, Lamb is somewhere sinking further into the gutter. Yeah. They dumped so much salary last offseason you'd think they could support 12 mil, but maybe it's a principle sort of thing.

RK: He's not good enough for the money they would have had to pay. I can see that

WV: It will be interesting to see if the new stadium revenue actually translates into any payroll increases in the next couple of years. Pirates fans (if there are any) probably know the answer to this.

RK: All the money in the world still needs a good owner and front office. The Yankees have the former, the Twins have the latter. The Pirates have neither

RK: That could have been worse. Much worse.


WV: Swinging at ball 4 after working a full count is a curious strategy there...I mean, OMG Nick Punto.

RK: Yeah, you could tell by the way he was hanging his head he knows what he did

WV: My strongest reaction wasn't that Gomez's shot went foul but that Trader Joe's advertises in a MLB ballpark. I feel somewhat awkward, like when I first drank with my father.

RK: You'd think word of mouf would be enough for TJ's

WV: Let's face it, not everyone has the balls to be Ikea.

RK: Dude, I get a catalog from them about twice a week


Sorry, WV and I were chatting about books. He feels my amazonian pain. And unfortunately, that doesn't mean I'm part of a BDSM underground society with tall women.


(Well, talking about Hegel is more fun than this game right now)

WV: Let's do a test: All I've Learned from Hegel Spirit is that capitalizing Spirit words in The middle of Spirit sentences adds Spirit instant credibility... See?

RK: Absolutely. Heh, Absolutely.

RK: You can't keep OMG down for long

RK: Errrm, why the hell is Kubel not in this game?

WV: It's OK I didn't want a big inning anyway... Kubel be damned!

RK: Morneau should give that RBI back

WV: "I'm Randy Ruiz, bitch!"

RK: "I'm 30!"

WV: He's a lot like us, getting his first job at the age of 30.

RK: Academe is a glistening prospect on the horizon

WV: It is. In the meantime, let's bask in our sesquipedality.

RK: Oh, apparently you don't get an RBI if you GIDP


WV: Gosh, you didn't even need an editor to catch that one. RK > Staff of Strib.

RK: Yeah, Gameday is my editor.

WV: A magician never reveals his tricks! I mean illusions!

RK: Tricks are something whores do.... for money!

RK: Scott is selflessly trying to give up the lead

WV: Hasn't this sequence occurred 4 or 5 times this series already.

RK: I feel like Bill Murray, but y'know, the real hell of that movie is having to chase Andy McDowell

WV: She could've had her dream role in Ratatouille but they had to go and animate it.

RK: I see what you did there


RK: Sigh, I just don't care anymore. I could really use a victory here in a dark hour for me, but Scott Baker, there's just no reasoning with him

WV: But making fun of Andy McDowell was a blast.

RK: It's almost too easy. It's like sending up Chris Matthews or something


WV: Hey, Brendan Harris still plays for us.

RK: Who the hell is Brendan Harris?

KK: I just got back from almost being attacked by a freaking racoon down by minehaha falls and I come home to these shenanigans?....whoa Punto. Karlee likey when your mad-y.

RK: Raccoons are vicious little bastards. I don't know this from experience, but let's not get epistemological here

KK: Raccoons scare me, it kinda chased me down the stairs, but I think it was just running away from my friend chasing it. Confusing. Maybe if I chase around baseball players they will eventually make it around the bases.

WV: I've always preferred logos to epistemes anyways.

RK: Gomez genuflects to the Whiffing Gods

KK: I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. That was just disgusting Cargo.


WV: Baker is getting hit on more than a stripper at a stag party.

RK: As these games get later and later, I really start to despise the West Coast

WV: I pictured you saying that in the same tone as Tim Armstrong when he screeches that California should fall into the fucking ocean.

RK: WV are you seeing this? In the year 20002, Ichiro led the league in hits!

KK: Them and their...in and out burgers and the need for me to want to bring over the bubonic plague via in and out burgers. But it costs $1.01 extra if you want it added to your double double. wow, I KNEW ICHIRO WAS a cyborg alien! year 20002 in the crab nebula sector etz-123q.

WV: And if you want to specialize your order at In-N-0ut you have to use their cryptic language.

RK: Baker, if you don't induce this double play, Elrond is gonna be pissed and you'll get no lemnas in Rivendell!

KK: Yeah, which is Arabic backward with sign language.

RK: You know what will save you from the insular In-N-Out? Wait till Five Guys gets out there. Same concept, less insider-oriented

RK: Welp, I'm 26... On the East Coast anyway. I'm gonna drink some Geritol and pull my socks up to my knees.

WV: Hopefully the Twins will give you a generous gift and score some runs.

WV: And don't forget your stone-washed Lees.

KK: You have to wear black socks with black penny loafers, and khaki shorts and an ugly golf tee. Do work son.

RK: Thankfully, I have only black socks and none of those other things. They don't call me Style for nothing

WV: Nothing but black socks, why you're Donald Draper. Do you see what I did there? I communicated my sophisticated cultural leanings by suggesting that I watch Mad Men.

RK: I've never seen it, but I've read The Conquest of Cool, so I know all about the 60s Madison Avenue insanity!

KK: I like cherry juice? Sorry thats all I got the raccoon spooked the funny out of me.

RK: Cherry is an underrated juice.

KK: Yes, that and Pineapple. I drink them everyday and I will live to be 134. Watch out.

RK: Silly person, the world will fry to death from climate change before that happens

KK: This is how un interested I am in this game, Im speaking of juice.

RK: Also the end of humanity!

RK: I can't get over the fact that this is Raul Ibanez. As in Raul Ibanez. Of the Royals. Rah-Ool Ee-Bahn-Yezz

WV: I stepped away for a second and gracious am I confused.

WV: I have the sound turned off and judging from the camera work there I was sure it was gone.

RK: This game shouldn't be as close as it is and the Twins I know would exploit that fact


KK: Very briefly I thought of kicking you in the mouth, Dick Bremmer.

RK: You need to share this information with we who get the Seattle feed.

KK: He was like "Very briefly, the Twins were ahead." But they weren't.

RK: Let's see what OMG can do!

KK: OMG can you like, OMG? omg... OMG double play? No

RK: Isn't there a camp in Northwest Minnesota at lake Corcoran?

KK: wakey wakey canadian bakey better go yard.

RK: If he does, it'll truly be the Age of Miracles

WV: He certainly tried to

KK: I'll turn on dream weaver and start doing the slow clap if he goes yard.

RK: I'm such a dork. I was thinking Adobe Dreamweaver

KK: Yep.

WV: That's bold Karlee. I would only do that on a triple that advances home on a throwing error.

KK: Justin Morneaus legs say: I can't go fast.

RK: He's built for comfort, not speed

WV: Goalies were always excused from speed drills.


RK: Stacey, I know, right? These announcers are such unoffensive bastards. Their even keelness makes me loathe them

WV: And you guys rawk for sticking Dreamweaver in my head. Luckily the new Franz Ferdinand single will swoop in to save the day.

RK: Taco Del Mar? Is that any good? I like tacos

WV: Taco Del Mar < Taco John's < Taco Bell

RK: TAKE ME OUT. The Verve have a new album out. Can you believe that?

KK: Wow, really? So does Rush, lulz

WV: Speaking of Canada, close race between Rush and the Tragically Hip.

RK: Broken Social Scene is up there in indie cred

WV: Good thing this game is so riveting

RK: Sometimes I'll spend a good hour watching Rush videos on the youtube

KK: I give them indie scarf points. Im speaking in code. Oh good band: "someone still loves you boris yeltsin" Alright how do you think this game is going to end? Any guess?

RK: This is what entropy looks like. Everything will just stop

KK: I think soviet russia is going to take over first base so there is no possible way we'll be able to even get on base. First base = Georgia

RK: Geopoliticized!


KK: J.J Putz-in-on-the-ritz.

RK: And now that song is in my head

KK: Jason Rubix Kubes. Ya know that guy who has such an amazing record against the mariners? Yeah that guy who will probably strike out and make me cry in my cherry juice.

KK: Excuse me while I gag up my spleen since the game is on the line and it's punto or nuffin'.

RK: Pinko will come through

WV: And the game comes down to Everett on 1st and Punto at the plate. Hey, who wouldn't like these odds.

KK: Ouch

WV: Sorry, OMG. Sigh.


RK: Seriously, the boys are on notice

RK: Stacey, it warms my heart that "anger salad" on the google brings you to PaB first.

Tomorrow (today) is my birthday, so guys, win one. For me?

keep up the good work, y'all. I'm not allowing myself to watch the game, as bad things tend to happen when I watch them play the M's. Oh, and I hate their announcers.
anger fucking salad
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