Friday, August 22, 2008


Those Hale and Hearty


You get some special weekend blogging because I injured my ankle today moving a desk up some stairs; luckily I saved the stairs from getting hurt by buffering them with my ankle. So I'm icing it and watching baseball and generally feeling kinda pathetic, but like, a good kind of pathetic.

Did you enjoy our backhanded praise of Torii Hunter? I sure did. It makes me giggle. Tee. Hee.

I like this evolution into PaB sports media with various contributors. I'd like to open it up even more. We'll see where it goes.


Oh some baseball stuff happened while I was looking up sugar cookie recipes. Uh, seriously, I'll take this more seriously from now on.


Sean Fignewton, in a fit of golfing, offers one up to Span, in one one broadcaster who shouldn't be named would call a "can of corn."

Those hits by T-Bar aren't fair, but you have to live with it. Let's just hope that Hunter/Guerrero/Anderson/whoeverthehell is up next doesn't bring him around.

Oh, Teixeira, right. What a very Portuguese name he has.

Except for the Mark part.

I can tolerate walks. Just barely. But what I can't tolerate are walks that are a result of 0-2 counts. That's not right.

As you all know, I love the Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and this has been going through my head all day.


Good work Torii, keep doing it for the team!


Ruiz, remember this moment - I don't think you're in for many infield singles.

Delmon must be very acutely aware of the doppler effect he's up and out so fast.

Adam Neverhit up, I suppose now is a good time to go make a sammich?

Yep, I was right.


Never mind about that infield single, amazing Rando. ROE. Is that an acceptable acronym?

GMJ, y'know, the guy with the catch who did HGH after that to dupe the Angels into giving him an awesomtime contract, fails to do anything. Because he's a cheating cheater.


The Angels announcers are talking about syphilitic Bret Michaels. I have no idea why.

Cargo looks pretty good out there with the bat. For right now. I hope he heats up again, like icy hot when you break the whatever I'm still focused on my ankle right now.

Oh Cargo. Cargo Cargo Cargo. I weep for thee.

Saunders is a graduate of VT. The only VT grad currently in MLB. In case you'd like to know.

And that would have been a run Denard would have knocked in. If the Twins lose, there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth on my part.

Remember when Luis Rivas had the Angels' number? It was like, he'd have 3 HR a year, 2 against LAAAAA, like Denny Hocking and the Brewers? Do it Casilla.

No, wrong.


Johnny Mathis strikes out. It's not for him to saaaaay.


Oh Fruit and Cake walked.

But it doesn't matter because stone cold Span goes over and makes the catch and says excuse me Shawn, but your name is spelled incorrectly and you needed to get back to first. Don't be stupid


Saunders, if you harm one hair on OMG's head, I will punch you in the nethers.

I was hoping for 100 RsBI tonight, Justin, and that would have been the perfect time to do it. Perhaps next time, yes?

I miss Bert. Berty Berty Bert.

OK, seriously, I'm gonna hobble to the kitchen and make some toast. With jam, because Dlmon is up and there's 2 outs.

Oh I'm so sorry Dell man! I'm glad I decided not to hobble just yet! (Here's a secret. Most of the time when I pretend I'm not gonna watch, I really watch, because I just can't help myself)

I don't even care if Pinko continues the inning, but I of course hope he does.


Here's a story about Perkins. The diner by I-29 in Fargo, that is. I used to work for my dad in his test plots (He's a sunflower biologist. Or something. I really don't know what he does). And we had to work like early in the morning, but every once in a while we'd go to Perkins at like 4 in the morning and eat a huge breakfast before baking in a field all day (which we always regretted by 2 or 3 that afternoon). And anyway, one morning, I left my lights on (hey, I was 16) and my car was dead so I went and woke my dad up and had him drive me to Perkins really early. He was not thrilled, and I totally lied about leaving my lights on. So... sorry dad.

And then Perkins the pitcher goes 1-2-3 so everything's right with the world.


Neverhit, way to keep the leadoff man aboard streak alive.

Span, that ball wasn't hit hard, you saw it go to the cutoff man, why are you running? Why are the boys giving up outs? This is perplexing to me.

Even so, I wouldn't agree with the announcerman that "Saunders gets out of it." He still gave up a run, right?

But still, it should be at least 5-0 right now.


Pinko missed it by inches!

This doesn't feel right. That was a strike to Kendrick.

Gomez: Crow hop it lock it

[H]G[H]ary Matthews Jr has a big opportunity, the teevee man says. Hahaha, then he says "What can he do to keep this from being a lost year for him?" Son, his year is lost, his contract is lost, his career is lost. He's done.

And that's that.


By the time I'm done with this half inning, the Rays will have probably beaten the Bitch Sox, tying them with the Twins for 1st in the AL Central. Keep this alive, Minnesota, and take command of first place!

Ruiz is in from first! This is why I watch games. I love this kind of stuff. Talk about motoring around the bases!

Oh, that Pinko is sneaky fast


And Everett somehow managed to knock in a run!

Woah, I went to get a piece of bread, and Span did what? This game rules. Makes me forget about my bum ankle.


Go ahead and take your single, Shawnfignewton.

You idiot announcers - a home run is always better than a base hit. That is an eternal truth. The conversion rate of a home run from hit to run scored is 100% all the time.

Yes yes yes, I like this quiet night for the Halos. I can sit here and relish. Take it all in, baby!


Man, Morneau is terrible against the Angels, huh?

Aybar's all "I can stay back here, Ruiz runs like Kirby from the Nintendo, and I'm sure Tex OH SHIT"

Pinko RBI? KK must be ecstatic.

3 outs whatever, this is awesome.


Still pumped. I'm surprisingly not losing steam. Could be the persistent nagging of my injury. Do you all feel sufficiently sorry for me yet?


Sorry, I'm not paying too much attention right now, it just sorta feels good to be around while this is unfolding. The game is starting an hour earlier tomorrow and the announcers think that will help the Angels because that means the ball will carry better? What?


Oh Delmon, your antics are so antic-y. And bearable because of the situation.

Perkins, you did a hell of a job.


I predict a breakout game for Morneau tomorrow. Trust.

Mike Lamb?! The new Phil Nevin? Don't scare him!

Yeah, let's finish this.


Yeah, in comes Mexican Independence Day

Whoa, more than one batter! Reyes is truly expanding. All bodies are extended. Eat it, Kant.

Good work for the team Torii, you show 'em how to want it more than the Twins.

And that's it that's all that's all there is.


All things considered, I'm almost glad I'm unable to go out on a Friday, so I could see this gem.

"KK must be ecstatic"

Indeed I was, I was at a bar listening to my friends cover band play, and half of the time I was screaming and hooting and hollering for the game more for them.

They seemed jealous.
Pinko can touch my rest of the letters in his full name
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