Wednesday, September 24, 2008


6 Solid Innings


Bert thinks the dread pirate Blackburn will go 6 strong innings. Here's hoping to more!

Dick tries to build suspense by making us wonder if Kubel will be in the lineup today. Kind of a no-brainer, but hey, one quick look at gameday says he is indeed in. Awesome.

I'm kinda dragging a little bit tonight, folks. I ordinarily don't like to drink caffeine at night, because I am how you say old. But perhaps this is worth it. Then again, just thinking of the possibilities of getting to Mark Buerlehhserrueuerhle (1-2 5+ ERA vs. MNTWINS) get my motor going.

So to speak.

Once again, if you want to participate, email me. If you already emailed me, you know my AIM screen name. Let's both rock AND roll!


Hehehehe, they showed the AJ "Mr Owl!" Pierzynski clip. Heeheehee

RK: Not the most auspicious start for the dread pirate Blackburn

SS: Aaargh

RK: I can haz dbl play?... God I love being right.

SS: he's just lowering the bar a bit so that when he pitches 6 shut out innings it will be even more masterful

RK: Yeah, he'll get better as he settles down from the excitement of the big start. Exactly. And that's how it's done

SS: I think it's ironic that his last start was on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

RK: You're a font of knowledge. It's things like that I wish I had known


RK: I feel good feelings here. Take notes, Cargo, that's what a leadoff man does

SS: I know it's late in the season, but I'm officially naming Span my back-up boyfriend. I've had a boyfriend void since Neshie got hurt.

RK: The Stone Cold Killer is a good choice. Hell yes little Sandcastle

SS: damn straight the Bitch Sox aren't as fast as we are, Bert. They should change their name to the Lead Sox

RK: The Chinese Toy Factory Sox!

SS: ha, now I'm imagining Nick Swisher chained to a table putting stuffing into Tickle Me Elmo dolls

RK: Em Vee Pee needs to go to work... Errrr, ok

SS: wow, your feed is way ahead of mine

RK: Yes, I can inform you from THE FUTURE

RK: This joke is already really stale, which just proves its truth: Delmon Young swings at the first pitch. Blows my mind


RK: Uh, that pitch to Thome was a strike in any way, shape, and form

SS: this is just setting up another shot at a DP

RK: I look at that little red dot on second base, and I seethe. He should not be there

SS: scoreboard alert: KC is up 9-0 on Detroit! If I want only two things from this division, it's for the Twins to win it, and for the Royals not to be in last place.

RK: I agree. I'm totes rooting for the Royale with Cheeses until Friday. Also, that should have been the third out, instead the game is tied. Stupid umpire. Who is that behind the plate? Bad call, Alfonso Marquez

SS: grr, at least there are two outs now

RK: Gaaaah none of this should be happening!

SS: deep breaths, everybody stay calm.

RK: Bert mentioned the sideburns! I'm not the only one who sees the similarities between Mauer and Bburn! GAAAAAH

SS: Sideburn's aren't quite as nice though

RK: Oh thank the baseball gods

SS: I love me some reassurance from the future

RK: It's brilliant, isn't it? I'm almost jealous


RK: Holy shit, Ron Coomer is wearing a tie; this is surely an important game

SS: what, no Telly? wow, now my feed is jumping forward in time. How did Harris get on base?

RK: Infield hit

SS: sweet. I always wonder why announcers are so reverent about players who like to get dirty. isn't that one of the main points of the game?

RK: Right, I mean like, is there anybody who won't slide? It's not like they do their own laundry

SS: I slid every chance I had when I played softball--whether I needed to or not

RK: Your boyfriend comes through! And Pinko chug-chug-chugs home

SS: Yay! Span reminds me of someone. I'm thinking the Daily Show's Wyatt Cenac but I'm not sure.

RK: That's not bad! Oh Ozzie, bitch bitch

RK: This game is unfolding more or less beautifully. Like a piece of art ushering in the aesthetic dimension, I am liberated from the fetid reality of my everyday life

SS: Word

RK: Marcuse would be pissed that I appropriate that idea to a baseball game. But whatever, he's dead... He's going to walk Mauer! Or let him drive in another run!

SS: has anyone ever seen Joe stressed or worried? I swear he must be the calmest person I've ever seen

RK: We do have some cool cats, to be sure. 3-1 lead after 2? I'll take that


SS: whew, I'm starting to calm down a little myself. this has been quite the game so far

RK: Right, and you think "boy, too bad they didn't get more off of him," but damn, we are absolutely getting to Buerhle tonight

SS: yeah, I would have liked a lot of runs, but a few is better than none.

RK: Absolutely. If Bburn can settle down a little bit, which he should because THE POWER OF SIDEBURNS COMPELS YOU

RK: Harris Teeter with a Web Gem! Y'all have Harris Teeters out there in HuskerNation?

SS: no, no idea what that is

RK: It's a pretty sweet grocery store chain. I was going to roadtrip to Lincoln this weekend for the big game and to see my parents, but alas, my responsibilities keep me tethered here

SS: oh yes, how could I have forgotten for 1 second about the big game. Too bad you couldn't come, I could have showed you around town

RK: More than my party people parents! I think not! ok probably last time we were in Lincoln we went to the zoo

SS: Zoo Bar?

RK: Nope, the children's zoo. Fun times with the neice

RK: Sure you don't want to call that a ball blue? I mean, last time you did, oh, oh, Thome voluntarily sat down because he is a bitch


RK: Oh, Telly is here, stumbling through his lines

SS: I see. well, next time you're in town let me know and I'll take you to the other Zoo. It's our live blues bar.

SS: do we have Marny too, just to round out the cast?

RK: No word, but wait until the lottery ticket giveaway

RK: COREY KOSKIE IN THE BOOTH?! I may have squealed when I heard that

SS: woo! maybe they can find Dougie somewhere and I'll really feel like I'm in college again

RK: You know what would do it for me? Guys like Rick Reed, Matt Lawton, and oh, what the hell, Tony Fiore

RK: Surprise bunt from Punto DO IT

SS: I'm so jealous of the people there watching the game right now. I saw the Twins play twice this season, neither on in MN

RK: I only got to watch the Nationals, which is... not fun

SS: the last game I saw was the Twins in Seattle, the one where we let them score 10 runs in one inning. talk about not fun

RK: Well... at least Cargo turned the lineup over... for the next inning


RK: Corey's looking pretty good. He said "out" and it was all Canadian and cute

SS: this is enjoyable. I miss Koskie

RK: At what point do the Bitch Sox publicly say they regret trading for Griffey? After the season?

SS: My token Bitch Sox fan friend has stated his disapproval on facebook, so it can't be long now

RK: I spoke too soon

SS: ugh

RK: Oh, I was kinda hoping for the Blackburn of June tonight

RK: Oh good lord what is happening not again not again not again

DK: I see we be winning

SS: For the time being

RK: Not for much longer!

SS: Boof looks like he's putting weight back on

RK: Good, he was effective when he was fat

SS: Reyes must be sharing some of the KFC with him

RK: Not a very good rundown there, Gardy is displeased

SS: Pickle!

DK: Oh well, Nikolai pitches out of it

RK: Wow, we have 2 futures going on here. DK is in the realtime future, and SS's game feed is lagging behind mine and seriously, there's a baseball tesseract going on here


DK: RK, you're just not thinking 4th dimensionally!

SS: wow, that guy is lucky he did not catch the ball, otherwise the fans around him would have murdered him

RK: There's an ant on a string and a unicorn, and all Charles Wallace can taste is sand. That's all I know. Yes, Twins fans need to know better

SS: does this mean the DK is in the distant future? are robotic beings ruling the world?


DK: no robotic beings

SS: good, so the humans are not dead

DK: North Dakota doesn't have any robots...not since Travis Hafner left

RK: Or... since I left?

DK: that works too

SS: If only KK could send us texts from the game. That would blow our minds

RK: We would indeed have all angles covered


RK: I was kinda hoping this would be the inning that the boys shut Buerhle's motherboarding system down

SS: as long as Sideburn continues to do the Robo-boogie, we'll be cool

RK: Homer Blanky? WANT

SS: ooh! though that looked homemade. must find someone who can knit.

RK: Damn blast hell and spite

TB: Booyah. More awesome sauce poured on by the Twins defense

DK: I can has dbl play? kthxbai!

RK: I love the future

SS: "bases empty for Thome" is music to my ears

RK: Like Samuel Adams, bases empty for Thome is always a good decision

TB: There are more standing ovations this week than there are at the State of the least...the ones I've seen lately.

RK: Dread Pirate Blackburn, you're killing me here

SS: if you're going to walk him, why don't you just hit him and save the pitch count

DK: no kidding

TB: Now that wouldn't be very nice

RK: Well it's his last inning, right?

DK: in fact, hit him - we still haven't gotten revenge for that whole bat to Global Warming's head incident last year

RK: Hm, good point

DK: Nikolai in line for the win

TB: And Blackburn makes another jam walk the plank


SS: whew, so far so good

RK: I could use a couple of insurance runs for my peace of mind though

DK: ever wonder what would happen if umps could just tap catchers on the shoulder when they try and frame pitches? "I'm not calling can throw it back now..."

RK: I can tell you from my experience umping, I just gently say "throw it back"

DK: I can tell you from my experience umping, passed balls that hit your feet hurt *glares at TB*

TB: Hey now. Control is not part of the equation when it comes to 8th grade pitching

RK: I feel like old wounds are being opened. That's good

TB: To be honest I don't even remember anything of the sort. I was young and restless and a very bad pitcher.

RK: This strike zone is more shape-shifting than Rebecca Romijn in an X-Men film

DK: sounds like Mark Buerhle

SS: Bert is obviously answering the AFLAC trivia in a time delay, too

RK: Guarantees 100% accuracy

DK: death by 6-4-3

TB: At least it won't inflate the LOB totals

DK: Delmon 2-3 I love how our outfielders wait till the last week to start hitting (see Gomez, Carlos)

TB: Gd by Dlmn

TB: Note to Gardy: Harris hits like Pinko if you make him play twice a month.

RK: Well that's not going to do it. I don't like 1-run leads

DK: hark! a newcomer

RK: Yeah, it's like when a new challenger comes in when you're playing Street Fighter II on your Sega Genesis


SJ: Hey hey

SS: What dimension are you experiencing the game in tonight?

SJ: Old school radio

DK: You and me both, SJ

SJ: i feel like i'm using a sega genesis right now for a computer

TB: That wouldn't be all bad

SJ: ooo -- breslow pitching

RK: He went to Yale, did you know that? I bet it get mentioned in the next five minutes

SS: was just about to say something similar, RK

RK: And he has a degree in biochemical engineering, so if the baseball thing doesn't work out it'll be ok! A ha a ha haha

TB: Yeah, he's just doing this to pay off his loans.

DK: biochemical engineering...that sounds dangerously like "steroid production"

SJ: yeah it does

RK: Whoa, hey now. Maybe Juan Rincon went to Yale?

SJ: ahhh...i love the chorus of boo's for AJ

DK: "AJ, Former Twin..." wow...there's something I didn't know - thanks Dazzle

RK: But did you know he can turn his head all the way around like all the other owls?

SJ: So what are the odds that AJ gets attacked by a bear while he's hunting one?

DK: y'know, I like this whole not-sucking badly phase the bullpen's in now

DK: they need to keep that up through like...oh...October 18th or so

TB: The bear probably would want to eat his honey-colored hair

RK: They have the Dome magic


RK: Whoops, refreshed my mosaic and now Punto is out. Sorry, LNP

RK: Buh. Chigabuh... why, Gomer, why?

TB: So any idea what the record for bunt-on-two-strike strikeouts is? Gomez definitely is challenging that.

SJ: Wow -- I blinked and missed this half of the inning...



TB: Oh drat, Boof and stuff

RK: (B)Oof

SJ: I remember when I claimed Boof as one of my new boyfriends at the beginning of the season...I had one helluva hangover the next day..

RK: You wake up, look over and think, how did I get stuck with this guy? I'm kidding SJ, you're a saint

TB: I can just tell Gardy's mumbling to himself "Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my Go-ahhhhh!" much like the manager in Rookie of the Year

SJ: Haha

RK: I think you'll see Boof challenging for a starting job next year

SJ: Did they just say this could give Boof some attitude?

TB: We'll see about that.

DK: look at that - a comebacker. Lending credence to my theory!

DK: Boof = small planet = gravitational pull = increase in comebackers, to paraphrase 

RK: Hey, that sounds like physics. I believe!

DK: though that single just blew a hole in that argument *mutter*

TB: Well at first contact it was a homerun, but the net effect made it drop in front of Dlmn

RK: Don't you hate it when Dick makes a call for the wrong team? Like, did you know J-Dye is due?

DK: Jermaine Dye 0 for 7 in this series makes me happy

SJ: It's almost feeding time for Boof -- they've got pitchers warming up

DK: I see someone finally told Gordo how to pronounce Latin last least he didn't say My-har-ees

SJ: BOOOOOOOOF is really excited cuz he gets to eat now

TB: He's missing the roll of the tongue.

RK: One step at a time. One step at a time. Does he still say Ray-Moan! Yes, Bert! BOOOOOF indeed!


DK: at least he didn't say Lye-van, though I suspect it was hard to concentrate on saying Bon Jovi's name amongst the expletives

SJ: I wonder what Ray-Moan is up to these days?

DK: apparently, Livan on a prayer's ERA finally dropped below 10.00 in the NL

TB: Tends to happen when you play the Padres

RK: Raymoan is playing in minor league Buffalo

SJ: Wow, I bet that's a confidence booster for him

TB: ...and the sandcastle washed away

RK: Bloop and a blast here. I feel it in my baseball bones

TB: Bloop...."Aw...blast."

RK: I should make my desires more specific

DK: Well, there's another bloop

TB: the Mike Victor Papa bloops one for ya

DK: However you want to slice it

RK: I'll take Kubel at the plate any day

DK: w00t for Jim Thome leading off an inning, at least there can't be baserunners that way

RK: Is the inning over? Man is my feed slow

TB: Ye are looking too far ahead, ain't over as far as I can tell

DK: no, but Gordo just said a hail mary about the whole Thome batting with bases empty

SJ: Yeah he did

TB: unless Kubel is the entertainment between innings.

WV: Boy, if ever there was an appropriate time for using a "your Mom is..." line.

DK: Nice throw there AJ! *points madly to el beisbol* runners moving around los beisos!!

SJ: He must of thought he was bear hunting

TB: Gomez woulda been in the dugout by now

RK: Ha, right, on a slide into third

TB: Ok, now we can worry about Thome

DK: Twins on a mission to leave the population of Grand Forks, ND on the bases tonight

RK: Well shit


WV: My stars, we're putting in Mijares.

SJ: I don't know if he's warmed up enough...

RK: Mijares of the 1.50 ERA? Wow

WV: Well, there is a lefty up right

RK: True. And then you call on Crain I suppose

TB: True, granted the lefty's of the Thome variety

SJ: Whoa - we flashed back, it's the 23rd of September? Old age is creeping up to somebody..

RK: Surprise! You get to do it all over again

DK: What was I saying at lunch today TB? You can never have too many hard throwing lefties not named JC Romero

TB: Apparently not.

WV: Leaving Mijares in huh?

RK: I like it

TB: May as well

TB: Two outs. Fact.

RK: I believe!

SJ: "Mijares has ice water in his veins"

WV: I, doubting Thomas, take my word back. Until something bad happens.

TB: Woo Mijares!

DK: Mijares FTW

SJ: Somebody get Mijares a burrito!

RK: Reyes is on it

TB: Morneau is no sieve. Now for insurance. The one you really need to have.



RK: I keep having to renew my feed, probably because a lot of people are watching this game and it is giving me anger salad something fierce

TB: Way to go Brendan.

RK: God dammit I want to watch the game. I blame Comcast, SW VA and the entire Eastern Seaboard

DK: bring on Twitch 'n Pitch!

SJ: Twitch 'n Pitch!

DK: obligatory baserunner?

TB: For sure, DK, for sure


WV: Gomez says, " Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball. ..... "

WV: And yes, Neverhit is Roger Dorn in my mythology.

RK: Span is Willie Mays Hayes!

SJ: Wild Thing is played by..??

DK: Crain!

RK: Word

DK: I can't hear Gordo over the Dome crowd

RK: That's probably OK

WV: I guess swinging wildly at breaking balls is a Caribbean thing.

RK: I uh, kinda hurt my ankle nervously pacing around my apartment. Yep

WV: And the synergy with the DQ FlameThrower ad behind home plate is capitalism at its finest.

DK: so Sinn Fein was Caribbean?

WV: Ha!

TB: Hey they're showing the crowd. Where's Karleeeee

WV: Sinn Fein definitely had a predilection for plantains and johnny cakes.

SJ: I like how we just got the play-by-play on Nathan's breathing there over el radio

SS: I'm anxiously awaiting word from the future whether Alexi #2 gets out or not

TB: More fouls

WV: Nathan hasn't thrown this many pitches in an inning since Little League.

TB: One down.

RK: And 3.6 to go. OK, that one's really obscure. Sorry

SS: Yay future!

TB: Hmmmmmmmmmm. Nope, nothing.

WV: I was recently wondering what Ben Folds was up to. OK, I had to google that. But the first sentence was true.


SJ: Go go!

DK: Speaking of Sinn Fein, I suspect he wouldn't have caught that

WV: Agreed

SJ: That makes up for 3 strikeouts...

WV: You're absolutely right, there's no way.

RK: AJ shakes his head and says, "Yes, I am a bitch. Owls are assholes"

WV: Well, at least if we do win, it'll be by getting 2 of the biggest d-bags in baseball out.

DK: There's our obligatory baserunner

SJ: Seriously...

TB: 'sok Nathan. There's our obligatory baserunner. This is standard TB Theory.

TB: Up by one, let one on. Tie game, strike out the side. Up by two, load the bases. Or something like that.

SS: whoa, I wasn't following that that was the theory for a second and got really worried

TB: Yeah sorry. I'll stick for now to the "up by one, let one on and then strand him" theory




DK: Thank you Blackburn for at least going the regulation amount

SS: the future is beautiful!

DK: I'll take 5 good innings

TB: I'll take a win however the hell we get it, thank you very much.


WV: For pure bliss, I switched over to listen to the Hawk, but the jackass is busy praising the Twins. I hate it when he does that.

DK: hahahahahah

RK: The final refuge of a scoundrel! And by that I mean Hawk needs to stop talking to the White Sox players like they're his friends at a beer league softball game

Let's do this again tomorrow, huh? Shouldn't mess with a good thing.

.5 games back! Slowey will sit down more bitches tomorrow!

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