Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

OK, we really know the MNTwins don't fully control their own destiny. If both teams win out, then there's the non-playoff play-in at USCF. You may know it as Comiskey. BUT! - yes, if the CWS lose and the MNTwins win, then the magic number (isn't it great that now we talk about the magic number as a good thing?) is 4, could make things a hell of a lot easier.

There are two guys standing in front of the teevee tonight and I guess we're supposed to watch? I'm probably the worst political scientist since Samuel Huntington (zing!) but this game is more important than the debate. OK OK, I'll put on the... CNN? Whatever in the background.

Oh Dick and Bert, so good to be here.

Email/IM me if you want in on this special Friday liveblog

TOP 1ST

RK: They're wearing the Sunday unis. I hate the Sunday sleeveless look

SJ: I like it... and speaking of sunday...i may be at that game 

RK: Jersey's oughta have sleeves, and that's that. You lucky duck

RK: Delmon Young freezes on fly balls so much DQ should sign him to be a pitch man. AND CLEVELANDIA IS UP 1!

SJ: He could be Blizzard of the month. Woohoo!

BOTTOM 1ST

SJ: Let's go Sandcastle. We know after last night you know how to hit

RK: Trey Hillman has a Tom Selleckesque quality about him

SJ: Hehe, oh baby oh baby

SJ: I need some whiskey

RK: Absolutely

SJ: Woo, a baser!

RK: I have never been this glued to a game involving the KCRoyals

SJ: i don't think anyone has....even royals fans

RK: Dr. Neau owns the Royales though. I like him up here. I think he'll hit a dinger tonight

SJ: I like where your heads at. Maybe go all Longoria-like?

RK: That would be a thing of beauty

SJ: Or not

TOP 2ND, NO SCORE

RK: Heh, Bert just called the Royal pitcher "Zeinke"

RK: i can't help but like the royals. i hope they lose every game against the boys, but i just can't hate 'em

SS: yeah, the Royals play the game right. It would make me happy if they don't lose the division, as long as we make the playoffs

RK: OK then, grounder right at somebody yes please

SJ: only one batter in the royals line up has hit a homer against liriano... and it's this guy

RK: Who hasn't Miguel Olivo caught for?

SJ: i'm still not used to "Target Field"...doesn't sound right...

TB: Well, you'll have all of next season to get there...

RK: I don't like that name one damn bit

TB: I would have fallen in love with Land O' Lakes Field myself

SJ: Target Field next to Target Center....it's too much Target... I love the place, but seriously

RK: Hennepin County paid 2/3 the cost, I'd like that recognized in the name, but alas

RK: 2-0 Cleveland and I'm so very much ignoring this bases loaded jam right now la la la

TB: 'Tis over, at least it is in this dimension

SS: Whew

RK: I've caught up to your future, TB, now let's save John Connor

BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE

TB: So is Karleeeeeeeeeee still at the Dome making out with Span? Or is she back

RK: KK is at the dome; makeout status unknown

TB: Holy crap, is Telly an elf?

RK: Um no, see Scott Baker

SJ: I'm still disturbed that LNP is the spokesperson for Continental Diamonds... I just picture him all blinged out

TB: Oh..there's Span...no lipstick stains

SS: or that a woman would like him enough to accept a diamond from him, SJ?

RK: I may have trolled some CWS message boards, and let me tell you, Southside fans have a thing for Natalie Punto

SJ: Well, I think I may accept a diamond from him...I mean, it is LNP. I bet he gets a discount. Maybe he hooks the rest of the guys up?

RK: Good AB, Dlmn. I can't believe I'm saying that. CWS have pulled to w/in 1. Hrmph

TB: I was going to say...it would have been a rather strange alignment of the planets to have a great at bat from both Dlmn and Buscher...alas

TOP 3RD, SAME

SS: at least we're getting some hits

RK: Yeah, this Davies guy is no slouch. At least we're sorta making him throw a few pitches

SS: Davies has had a couple of good starts back to back, but Splitty just let me know he's been struggling out of the stretch so hopefully we can keep it up

SJ: Well son of a...

RK: It all... it all happened so quickly

RK: Alright, so now Frankie needs a strikeout. Aaaand the White Sox have taken the lead

SJ: "Delmon Young does have a good arm in left field" -- thanks Dazzle aka Captain Obvious, I was not aware of that

TB: F-Bomb throwing batting practice I see

SJ: Frankie gone wild

RK: Well this isn't going at all like I planned

SJ: Why are Gordo and Dazzle talking about Ichiro? Did I miss something? Are we all of a sudden playing the Mariners?

RK: Ha, well y'know, apparently someone in the M's clubhouse wanted to get all LL Cool J on Ichiro and knock him out

TB: Wellllll

SJ: Frankie (says) relax

SS: ugh, I hate when the minor leaguers act like big leaguers

SJ: Haha, it's better vice versa

RK: That's true, laurel, the money helps, but it irks me to no end that the taxpayers of Hennepin County don't even get to see the stadium they mostly paid for named appropriately

SJ: Well hot damn, we got an out

TB: Woot another one

RK: I can handle down three. Let's keep it that way

TB: As pathetic as it is that we're celebrating getting the Royales out

RK: This team is playing their best baseball this season. These aren't going to be easy wins, if wins at all

TB: Well that's just great

SJ: I'm so glad I can't see the game sometimes..ie, now

SS: ok, I'm switching over to the radio, I don't think I want to see it either

RK: Down 4, I don't like that so much. And 'cisco has thrown about 60 pitches

SJ: Humber warming up

TB: You know I think Mauer himself is resisting the urge to charge the mound...

SJ: Now that would add some excitement to this game

SS: ok, I'm going to try hard not to freak out. It's early, we can still get to Davies

RK: It is safe to say, Liriano does not have his best stuff tonight. Make me an ESPN analyst immediately!

SJ: Woo! The half of the inning is done!!

BOTTOM 3RD, ROYALS UP 4, THE HORROR, THE HORROR

TB: So now let's score 55 runs and then go home and have cake

SJ: Ice cream cake?

TB: Sure Cold Stone Cake

SJ: Even better

RK: Span eats Stone Cold cake. Granite frosted with iron filings

TB: So that's how he keeps his fucklion mane so thick and manly

RK: That fierce a chin strap at his age is no accident

SS: now this is analysis you can't get from ESPN

SJ: very true

TB: Nope...or any sort of Twins coverage for that matter

RK: Oh, my apologies, er, the Mets need Jerry Manuel to keep them loose, because THAT'S HOW YOU WIN BALLGAMES

TB: So was Gardy notified that Pinko is .185 against the Royals? Because if that's not a reason to put Brendan Harris in tonight, nothing is

SS: I've also heard it's useful to score more runs than your opponent, when looking to win a game

SJ: Yeah, I'm disappointed my boyfriend is not playing... Thats crazy talk Stacey

TB: Punto: These Royals pitchers and their crazy fastballs are just so baffling to me

SS: I demand more triples from IHOP

RK: Oh my god that was the dumbest question yet from carsoup.com

SJ: What was it?

SS: even dumber than the one from St. Cloud yesterday?

RK: "If there's a tie in the division, why would the game be played in Chicago?"

SS: because Minnesotans just didn't want it enough to have the game played there

SJ: We don't like our baseball here

SS: they could learn a thing or two from Sarah Palin

TB: Because head-to-head records apparently aren't decisive enough to determine who has the advantage

SJ: How did Bert answer?

SS: shit, Span? why do you have to be a bad boyfriend?

SJ: Because there is more Coors in Chicago?

RK: He answered correctly, and said something to the effect of your point, TB

TOP 4TH, SAME, DOOM - IMPENDING

SJ: At least your boyfriend is playing SS..

TB: They should play it in a neutral stadium, like Midway Stadium

SJ: Hell, they should just do it in Yankee Stadium

SS: apparently it's not being used

RK: Interestingly enough though, they're not starting demolition on it till 2010, so clearly they're hedging their bet about the new stadium being done on time

TB: "Oh...sorry...THIS is the last year of legendary Yankee Stadium!!! Come one, come all!!"

SJ: ahahahaha

SS: alright, Kiko, if Davies can strike out the side, you can too

SJ: aaaaand humber is back to warming up

TB: It's like those furniture companies that have three-year-long going out of business sales

SJ: there's one in the area here that I swear is going on 5 years...

RK: Hey, going out of business can be good for business

SJ: i should really stop in and see what they got

TB: They probably have like half a futon and a badly stained mattress

SS: everything must go!

SJ: Joseph Moses III is the contestant for something tonight....that is one hell of a name

RK: He has a beard, guaranteed

SJ: my thoughts exactly

SS: Bet he only wears sandals

SJ: and he's obviously catholic

TB: I bet he could part the Technicolor Sea or something

RK: Is one DP too much to ask?

SS: I love Vi, and I want the best for him, but I am so glad he just lined out. Kiko is "pitching on thin ice" according to the Royals radio guys

SJ: well, he is in MN and it is fall...

RK: That does explain a lot. "Y'know, there's two sides to the plate." Oh Bert. I love you

SJ: Just two?

RK: Are you questioning Bert?

SJ: QTF on that sequence?

TB: That was an unnecessarily immature game of pickle!

RK: The rundowns... not been good. EMH, email a screen name and join in!

SS: I can't help but get excited when there's a pickle, even when they don't end well. Probably seen Sandlot a few too many times.

RK: The Fox stole home!

SJ: who stole home?

RK: No one, just a line from the Sandlot

DK: it's the jet stole home 

RK: Well there's the source of confusion

SJ: Yup

SS: Yeah yeah

SJ: nice work RK

RK: You, SJ, of all people should know better than to assume I know what I'm talking about

SJ: good point

DK: Rrrriiiing him up

BOTTOM 4TH, SAME

RK: How many pitches has the Davies had? I am ready for him to be done

SS: 55... OMG... 56

RK: Morneau needs to come up like a fuck lion right 'bout now

LK: Morneau is so due. Or deau. (If you're Canadian)

RK: I'm just glad Dick didn't say "Quickly 0-2" There is no other way to go 0-2 if not quickly

SS: I like the idea of the fuck lion, but feel that it doesn't come across quite as well from a woman

RK: Fair point, but every time I say I think of this and that's always a good thing

RK: Yes, OK a million people. Transcription is going to be the bees knees

LK: Morneau beats the relay? That's gotta be at least as rare as a blue moon.

SS: does anyone else ever think of circus music when they hear Callaspo's name?

RK: Small victories, I guess. Maybe next we can dare to dream of consecutive base hits?

DK: Shhh. RK, consecutive base hits...what will you think of next? 1-2-3 innings by the pitching staff?

SJ: I think I need to take another percocet. Such crazy ideas

TOP 5TH, SAME

TB: YAY BRENDAN HARRIS

SJ: boyfriend!

RK: That's the first time anybody has ever said that, TB! That's a fact! But I'm glad he's in there

RK: The Team-With-The-Racially-Insensitive-Name-That-Plays-Near-Lake-Erie has retaken the lead!

LK: I just love the footage they keep showing of Go-Go hula-hooping. Would rather we had new footage of IHOP triples, but whatever.

SJ: i like how dazzle just thinks that buscher is injured....yeah, it's called hitting into a dp in your only at bat

DK: My god..the Royals have learned how to hit for extra bases

TB: Brendan's entrance does nothing to prevent the continuance of Royal hittin'

RK: The only thing worth noting so far in this game is that Twins fan eating half a hamburger in front of the camera to the horror of his girlfriend

SS: the Royals broadcast had IHOP dancing in the dugout earlier, no hula hoop though

DK: ANGER SALAD

SS: FUCK YOU, BILLY BUTLER

TB: Ehhhhhhhhh *grumble grumble grumble*

DK: RK: odds of a strike?

LK: Aaarg!

TB: Wait- what is Liriano still doing in the game?!

SJ: So Gardy...you know how you just benched Buscher...maaaaaaaybe you should try benching Frankie -- Humber is up for the third time...and it's the charm for him! Line change!

LK: And now they're taking 'Cisco out. And I'm becoming more interested in watching the Cleveland game on Gameday.

RK: DK, well, I'll probably stick around. I mean, I'll just keep refreshing my caucasian and see what happens

TB: First pitch strike! Why wasn't Humber just the starter!

DK: well, I just got here, thus I don't want to see a strike, unless they come in triplets against Royal batters

LK: Garko with a grand slam!!!!

SS: Gordo, if you love me even a little bit, you will get out right now!

LK: Cleveland 9, Bitch Sox 4.

TB: HUMDINGER I LOVE YOU

DK: Clevelandia just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Garko

SJ: Ha!

SS: Hum, please pitch like you did at Rice. I hated you then, but now you're on my side

SJ: I like how the crowd cheered its loudest so far in this game when they updated the score of the Clevelandia game

TB: Holy hell, way to go buddy

DK: Humber K2

TB: "That's how you win Cy Youngs, baby!"

SJ: At least somebody is following their job description

DK: "Frankie, gimme the keys man!"

BOTTOM 5TH, ROYALS STILL UP A BUNCH

SS: lts g Dlmn!

LK: Brian Buscher is throwing up in the tunnel, that's why they put in Harris.

DK: THREE and 0...with Harris on deck

LK: I kinda felt like throwing up for a bit there during this game too.

DK: Dlmn wlks

TB: Ruh Roh

LK: It doesn't sound like they played "Cherry Pie" for Harris for this at-bat (as they so often do). I always laugh when they play "Cherry Pie" when he comes up.

DK: he looks so good makes a grown man cry. and in this case, it's the PA operator at the Dome

SS: the Royals radio guys were just hailing Davies for his command, good thing he's helping prove their point

SJ: So apparently there was a coaches only party in Gardy's office last night after the game...

DK: Beis on bols

TB: They knew better than to think it was over

RK: Must not have lasted too long, with Ullger sending everyone home no matter what

DK: well...at least it's a productive out

TB: That's like our Meteorology prof today..."Yeah, but it's a dry cold."

[there's a general, hard to transcribe sense of "QTF" going on here]

RK: He was out by 10 feet

DK: Dazzle fails at conveying any truthiness of close plays

SJ: That he does...I'm glad your listening in the future like me

DK: Span the fuck lion would have scored twice on that

SJ: Well then

RK: The uh... Bitch Sox are still losing? Right?

DK: Yes

TOP 6TH, WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH

RK: What's going on here tonight? Is this the work of Davies? Or did the boys relax a bit too much after the Sox sweep? Why is my eating the SAME DINNER as every other win this week not helping?

DK: RK - different team, different food required

LK: White Sox still losing 9-4. Six runs scored by Cleveland in the 5th, gotta love that.

SJ: Please tell me I don't have to go out and break my other leg to get a comeback tonight....It was a little much last night

SS: maybe you need to eat a Roayle with cheese, to signify our dominance over them

DK: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

LK: I just had a BTC (Bacon, Tomato, Cheddar) sandwich. Oh crapcakes. (Sandwich tasty, Twins not so much right now.)

SJ: Alright...who wants to break my other leg for me? If it's like last night, it gaurentees a Twins comeback..

DK: *grabs bat* this'll be the most contact anyone from Minnesota has made with anything with a bat all night 

RK: SJ, I lived in Jersey a while. I know a guy can do it right

SJ: Alright...I got my painkillers and a bottle of whiskey...let's do this

RK: grumblecakes > crabcakes > crapcakes

SJ: dye hit a 2 runner...

DK: Rick Stelmaszek needs to walk up and down the 3rd base seats holding a sign. "WANTED: ANYONE WHO CAN KEEP ROYALS OFF BASES"

SS: I'm feeling the need for a Mijares milagro

DK: I'm feeling the need for 8 runs

RK: But we must touch Davies! Like Foucault's hand of the sovereign

SJ: I feel the need...the need for...ah fuck it, I just want some effort..

BOTTOM 6TH, LOVE IS OVER

DK: RUN FUCKLION RUN!!!

SJ: WELL DONE!

LK: I love triples!

SS: that's the triple I was looking for, boyfriend!

TB: OKAY

RK: There's a groove from 1st to 3rd. The Span groove

LK: Hits to the gap are awesome. And it's funny when the other team gives up on going after the ball.

SJ:: WE'RE ON THE BOARD!!! WOO!

TB: A muchly useful run, Casilla, but not so about that out thing.

LK: A productive out is better than just an out. But we really need more runs. And Joe definitely needs a hit.

SS: OMG! "The People's Choice" in the Twin Cities, according to Bob Davis

RK: Chairman Mao-er indeed!

SS: Indeed

RK: I would buy his little red book

LK: Crap

SJ: I would buy his... never mind

RK: Wait I see increasing numbers on the CWS ledger

TB: I am resisting the urge to throw things at the TV. My only holdback is the fact that it's my roommate's TV

RK: Save that for a wii remote. Then Nintendo will buy you a new teevee

LK: Justin needs to show some signs of life or at least of knowing how to not get out.

SS: Em Vee Pee, this is a very important time for you to make your case and get a hit

RK: One of those hits that goes 700 feet preferably plz

DK: Gordo, Dazzle, I don't need to hear about Harry Caray's drinking problems...there's a game on

SJ: All of this talk about booze on the radio is making me thirsty...

RK: That is brilliant

DK: SJ, you and me both

LK: What's the pitch count up to? Let's get to their bullpen already.

SJ: I like how they threw Ron Coomer's name in during the convo... I'm shocked Hrbek wasn't a part of it all

LK: We saw someone with a Coomer jersey at the game the other night. Husband said: "it's gotta be another Coomer." 'Cause really, who'd buy a Coomer jersey?

DK: Did we have a secret council meeting in the clubhouse today and say "Everyone try and backwards K tonight"?!?!??

TB: You missed the memo on the meeting? Tisk tisk..

DK: I thought that until I saw a Jeff Reboulet jersey, LK

RK: I saw someone at the Dome once with a homemade Coomer jersey. Trust

TB: Hey! I was there! At the First Avenue place thing! There! On the commercial!

LK: Hanson is playing First Avenue tonight. I kid you not.

DK: TB see if your roommate wants to go see that one too

TB: That's a much better ticket than the reason that I was there, mind you

LK: No, I don't know why I know that. I just do. Mmm-bop-hmm.

RK: Say what you will about Hanson, I thought the middle girl was hot. Imagine my shock.

TOP 7TH, WHATEVER

LK: Let's have a 1-2-3 inning, guys.

SS: LNP, you have a glove for a reason

RK: SS, Bert agrees with you

LK: I love it when Nicky tries to throw an imaginary ball to first.

LK: NO WAIT I HATE THAT

DK: gordo is pronouncing Humber like normal people pronounce "herb" (the seasoning, not the late radio broadcaster) Apparently the "H" is silent

SS: I have to say, I wish I was at the Dome right now, if only so I could shave that shit off Gordo's face

LK: Lots of Guardado jerseys at the Dome these days.

SS: the Royals announcers were confusing Eddie with Reyes. They are talking about how they should have had their binoculars so they could tell that Eddie is not sweating as much as Reyes would be

LK: I guess people pulled them out of the back of their closets.

RK: I have a Pierzynksi jersey in my closet if it ever comes to that. That's right, I'm not ashamed of it

SJ: Thats ok RK, we can't all be winners

LK: I have a Guzman jersey, I wore it when we played the Nats.

DK: ironically enough, BOOOF is wearing Mr. Owl's number

LK: Formerly Al Newman's number. Well, when he played.

RK: AJ was my boy when he was with the club. The end

DK: suddenly I get why he picked 62 for his epilepsy stint as our 3B Coach

LK: 'Cause AJ had his number.

DK: Deficit re-expanded

LK: Gah!

SS: what the fuck just happened?

DK: a Royal completed the 360 foot sprint, passed go, collected 1 run and $200

SJ: "they have the runner tied up between 1st, 3rd, 2nd and 3rd"...I totally see it Gordo, such great radio commentary today

SS: Billy Butler is a slower runner than Prince Fielder. that should not have happened

LK: Gutierrez is up with bases loaded for Cleveland. 2 outs.

RK: Finally, some good news!

LK: Dear Cleveland, Another grand slam would be lovely. Thanks, The Twins

DK: hahahaha Bitch Sox radio announcers pleading for Brian Anderson to "show them the ball" from Garko's Salami

SJ: haha...that was great...i loved the "unbelievable" at the end

LK: White Sox putting in a new pitcher: Ehren Wassermann. EHREN. Such a name.

SS: DP! Finally!

BOTTOM OF THE 7TH, KCR UP THIS MANY

LK: And folks at the Dome go wild (not just the ones with Eddie jerseys) And Wasserman throws four balls in a row to walk in a run. Awesome. Cleveland 10, Bitch Sox 6.

SJ: No more Davies! There is a God

SS: Kubey, show me your MViceP potential

SJ: I'll take a baser...

SS: yes! we should be able to knock Nunez around the park

RK: Need some runners

SS: 3-0 count on Dlmn, how often does that happen?

RK: Dick: "Depth perception, so critical in this game"

SS: nice work by your boyfriend, SJ

RK: Now for some PUNTO POWER

SS: oy, this is certainly not going as planned

RK: Alright then... go Clevelandia!

TOP 8TH, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW TV ON THE RADIO ALBUM YET?

SS: are we all losing steam, just like the team?

RK: Well, I'm drunk

SS: Excellent

RK: And on only one caucasian. OK 8 RUN RALLY GUYS CMON FOR REALZ

BOTTOM 8TH, I HAVE BEEN TO COTTON EYE JOE

WV: Wow, well. Fine. Maybe we should blog the Indians-White Sox instead, that's closer.

RK: I forgot to eat sleeping pills with this vodka

LK: Gobble gobble gobble. (It's obligatory, you know)

RK: Well ain't that just the berries

SS: ugh, the Royals radio guys are going on and on about how this will be 7 straight road wins for the team

RK: Let us hope not!

LK: Clevelandia scores another run on a wild pitch to Choo.

RK: I choo-choo-choose Clevelandia to win this game

LK: 11-6 Cleveland over the oh so bitchy sox.

SS: OMG, lets keep that average up by getting another hit

LK: Joe-Ma needs a hit.

TOP 9TH, THIS IS NOT A BASEBALL GAME

LK: Wow, the crowd at the Dome is really thinning out. Or else everyone just suddenly needed a Dome Dog.

RK: Probably that

LK: Man, I'm really gonna miss Dick & Bert during the offseason. Dick's innocent questions. Bert's completely inappropriate answers.

RK: The offseason is a cold, lonely time

TB: Yes, well for those of us with FSN at least Anthony LaPlanta will still do our high school hockey matchups

TB: Wonder if Telly Hughes would be his color commentator

LK: I spied Ron Johnson on the Big Ten Network the other day.

LK: Maybe Korecky should've started the game. Or come in right quick.

BOTTOM OF THE 9TH, GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS

SS: I don't want to give up on the team, but I'm glad that the end is near

LK: 'Course if we can't score more than a single run against the freaking Royals, it doesn't matter

LK: WTF Justin? Good grief.

RK: Let's just... get this over with

SS: as it is, we might as well conserve energy for tomorrow

LK: I still have last night's game on my TiVo, may need to watch end of it as palate cleanser.

RK: Gardy will say "hey guys, we still gotta win some games. so go battle your tails off. ruff"

SS: and then he will kick some dirt at their feet

LK: Bert: "It always comes down to pitching." Of course you'd say that Bert

RK: Sweet mercy

SS: pitching...and hitting, and defense, and sometimes coaching