Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

Apologies to Ernie Banks. I had to move my computer into the living room because I'm only able to watch the game on TBS, so that probably says something about my pathetic life, but whatever.

DK told me that in one-game playins, the away team is 11 for 14. So hey, that's good!

Let's see what we got here:

Nick Blackburn, who has not been pitching like the Dread Pirate Blackburn, more just like Dreadful Blackburn, but could it be that Ozzie's comments could fire him up and we'll see the Blackburn of July? Maybe

We have John Danks coming on 3 days rest. He's never had to do that before, but he only threw 80 pitches in his last start. None of this means anything of course

Hey Cal Ripken Jr. is an analyst for TBS. I had dinner with him once. He has scary white teeth.

WV is going to be here later - he has to give a presentation on Sartre, which could be apropos depending out the outcome.

My emotional well-being is at stake here. I'm gonna go put some coffee on and start saying ridiculous things in a few minutes. Could you be mine, would be mine, won't you be my coblogger?

Both pitchers are evenly matched, just like these teams are evenly matched. Let's go insane together.

Shit, I finished this 15 minutes early. What else should I say?

Eck and Rip picked Griffey and Thome respectively as their big guys tonight. I love this stuff. Remember in 2002 when everybody said the Athletics were going to romp all over the Twins and they were gonna lose in like 2 games and they wouldn't even show up for the 3rd? And then the Twins won it?

Gardy and Ozzie were talking, and that helps me remember that for these guys it's a game, and they can have fun with it, and they can laugh and whatever... errr, this isnt' working. Score 10 runs in the first like that one time against Baltimore. DO IT

TOP 1ST

LK: Interesting. Cuddy is DHing. Harris at third.

SJ: I'M EXCITED!!!!!!

DK: omg...Harris starting...Gardy grew a brain?

RK: Did Span just get booed?

DK: and we can haz 6-man ump crew? kthxbai. 1.5 times the blown calls!

LK: We all need homer blankies. I hope any Twins fans at the game are wearing bright colors.

SJ: I heart when my boyfriend starts

LK: Does Joe-Ma look nervous? Maybe as nervous as he ever does, which isn't much.

RK: God I love Span in leadoff

SJ: leadoff walk! love it!

DK: Ball four, base hit. aw crap...I'm quoting the effing Hawk...damn yesterday's game being only on WGN

LK: Yesterday's game was on ESPN2 as well.

DK: school doesn't get the deuce

SJ: ps -- i left the bar to come home for the game so i could be with you guys...feel special 

DK: fact: Darrin Jackson was a Twin...1997

EH: I kept an eye on yesterday's game with the sound off.

LK: Remember when Alexi was the best on the team at bunting?

SJ: Yesterday's game was not the best...

DK: someone posted a gameday screenshot of the pitch thrown to Ramirez. my grandmother could've hit a homer off it

SJ: i love dazzle talking about the sea of black and how easy it is to spot your favorite vendor as they wear bright green

DK: in a word: fuck

SJ: argh!

EH: Jeez

RK: Now that's just dumb luck

DK: baseball gods, why must you provide the bitch sox with such favor?

SJ: do they seriously just boo everyone there?

EH: Probably

DK: OMG should line one off Danks' shoulders

SJ: So I have a tough choice, Morgan or Crown?

BOTTOM 1ST

LK: FRACK! GIDP is what I wanna see.

RK: Oh, I had to remind myself to breathe just there

DK: There you go, DP

SJ: Nice work on the rundown

EH: Sweet

RK: Good job by Casilla there

DK: anybody else mad that after out-dueling the BItch Sox in the first 18 games we're playing this in their stadium?

LK: Yes, I hate the coin flip.

RK: The tiebreaker rules are stupid, to be sure

EH: yeah. why on Earth do they use a coin toss to decide?

LK: Though at least if we win the White Sox can't whine about the Dome.

SJ: Yes -- but just think of how sweet it's going to be when we get to celebrate being the division champs in their stadium -- we should spray champagne on their fans

LK: Who am I kidding? These are the Bitch Sox, they'll still complain.

EH: True enough

RK: Keep it down, Nikolai

LK: I think they need a few more announcers in the booth.

SJ: Woo!

EH: I'll take that

TOP 2ND

LK: Alrighty then, now let's get some hits! (And runs!)

SJ: I'm down for runs

DK: anyone got over/under on a bench clearing brawl before this is over? cause from the sounds of it you could cut the tension at the Cell with a knife

SJ: Ooooh

RK: Justin, please break your slump. I say this as a concerned citizen

DK: ok...Morneau, do some Waste Management and deposit that Danks garbage in the seats, please

LK: Please Justin, please get it together. ARGH. Why is Justin swinging at bad pitches? It's like he's Jacque Jones up there.

RK: Grumblecakes

LK: Good grief, make him throw more pitches, guys.

RK: Good thing we have Delmon up oh wait

SJ: Remember when we used to take about 10 pitches and then knock one out of the park? Let's do that. That's fun

LK: C'mn Dlmn!

SJ: I felt that swing all the way over here. Oh super... drink time.

BOTTOM 2ND, NO SCORE

RK: That Arby's commercial... good bestial fun (?)

LK: I'm still haunted by the talking baby commercial from earlier.

RK: Well for the love of...

EH: little green apples?

RK: Those are pretty tasty. Especially in a pie

LK: Let's focus on the positives: Thome is easy to double-up.

SJ: Thats right...go back to first. however it would've been quite exciting to see that double play

RK: We can still see one...

LK: Please let the Twins not make any big mistakes tonight (like losing a ball in the lights).

RK: The baseball gods are listening

SJ: Nice work blackburn!!

RK: The Bratz doll is up

LK: Stop showing that grand slam! (I was in the other room when it happened yesterday, had hoped to avoid seeing it at all.)

RK: Mr. Owl is good for a groundout, right?

LK: Let's hope so

LK: I thought we didn't walk guys. This worries me.

RK: I love being right

LK: Oh thank you, AJ

EH: Thanks, AJ!

TOP 3RD, STILL NO SCORE

LK: C'mon Cherry Pie!

SJ: Let's go boyfriend!

SJ: Are they seriously booing Punto?

LK: They're scared of him, 'cause he's such a tiny superhero.

RK: Nobody ever accused the Southsiders of being overly intelligent

SJ: That's for damn sure

EH: True story

LK: I suppose he's the only remaining piranha from that year with the piranhas.

LK: Keep battling, LNP, keep battling. Now I think "battling" looks weird and wrong plus it makes me miss BatGirl.

RK: Hell yes, Nicky

SJ: nice work LNP...way to get my 10 pitch at bat!!

SJ: are they seriously going to boo everyone everytime they come up to bat?

RK: Yes, because they're troglodytes

LK: C'mon, Go-Go!

RK: Punto: psych!

LK: IHOP hit .384 against White Sox this year? Wow. Had no idea.

LK: I'd love to see Danks throw the ball away.

SJ: I'm all for Danks wearing his arm out throwing to first if he wants...

LK: I just like to say "Danks" as if it's the bad sound your computer makes when you hit the wrong key.

RK: It is a good noun to verb

LK: Crapcakes

BOTTOM 3RD, SAME

LK: Did the Twins not get my memo about scoring a lot of runs early?

EH: They want to keep the suspense going.

LK: TBS told them to, maybe.

RK: "Might be a close game" I feel like I could be a baseball analyst no problem. I'm probably at least half as smart as Eck

SJ: Can your nickname be "Captain Obvious" then?

LK: We all could do better than Telly Hughes. *Lots* better.

RK: Captain Slackass. I've always wanted that nickname

EH: Is Gardy nervous? He is totally speed talking.

TOP 4TH

RK: Yeah, he's totes mumblecore

SJ: I think this is a good time for some Mauer Pauer

RK: Unlikely with 2 strikes, but I'll take a single to left

LK: It's so nice to see Joe landscaping the batters box there. Nicer if he gets a hit too. WTF? Two strikeouts of Joe-Ma? How is that possible?

EH: Joe! what happened to one of the best eyes at the plate?

LK: Is Joe sick or something?

RK: Boy, ugly inning for the boys

LK: Good grief

SJ: QTF?

EH: You can say that again

BOTTOM 4TH

RK: OK, easy DP potential here, right?

SJ: Right

LK: GIDP would be fab right now, please. I get nervous whenever announcers praise any aspect of our team.

RK: Haha, you're such a good Minnesotan, LK

LK: It's true, it's true

SJ: NICE WORK UMP!

EH: Hehe!

RK: Sit down, bitch!

DK: Dazzle you did NOT just call Konerko "Paulie"

SJ: Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one who heard that...I was thinking that the Morgan was starting to talk...

DK: Twins are tighter than things that are not fit to publish I see

LK: Ugh. But at least Justin caught it.

SJ: You're not Punto...stop trying to make the fancy play Casilla!

LK: Get some runs for Blackburn guys, please.

TOP 5TH, STILL NO RUNS

LK: I'm not sure playing Cuddyer is the best idea ever.

SJ: I think Cuddy might be a sleeper surprise here...I think he'll have a shining moment

DK: w00t

RK: Standup double!

LK: Thanks Cuddy!

SJ: Lt's g Dlmn!

RK: All's right with the world, Young swings at first pitch

SJ: Way to advance the runner

RK: Productive out

LK: Yay!

RK: SQUEEZE

EH: Does Ozzie have a towel around his neck, or a really bizarre sweatshirt?

RK: Towel

SJ: Come on boyfriend

DK: Damn

RK: Bad call, dudes

EH: That is a good way for Cuddy to get hurt again too.

BOTTOM 5TH

RK: BlackCatBurn

LK: I guess I can kinda understand why the Twins might try that given it was Griffey with the throw and AJ at the plate. End result still sucked though

RK: Mr. Owl is good for two groundouts, right?

SJ: just think if it was like kubel running in...

LK: Cuddy needed to do some sort of magic trick as he came in to distract AJ. Obviously

RK: AJ is bitching, further proving the Onion's hypothesis that owls are assholes

SJ: Blackburn on fire!

LK: Blackburn!

SJ: I think Ozzie should start talking more shit...

RK: I gotta say in re: Blackburn. I am pleasantly surprised

LK: Now seriously guys, score some runs. I mean it!

TOP 6TH, STILL NO RUNS, O RLY?

LK: A two pitch out? Darnit, Nick! Though I guess if you average it with that 10 pitch at bat . . . Still.

RK: Stop wasting ABs!

LK: Why are we making Danks look like freaking Cy Young?

RK: 2 out rally: I would like one

LK: Get big hits . . . at Denard's.

RK: Denard's, I like that a lot

LK: Some loud guy at the Dome yelled prices on Dutch Boy paint . . . at Denard's. It was hilarious.

EH: Nice camera work there...

RK: "You wanna get a lead." O RLY?

LK: Anyone know the pitch counts for Danks? Blackburn?

RK: Danks has 83?

EH: Danks has 83

LK: 84 for Danks now. It's like the announcers heard my request.

SJ: Those black towels will be nice to clean off the champagne we will spray them with after the game...muah ha ha ha

SS: So, one hit so far? Awesome

EH: but a bunch of walks - two I think.

SJ: it was a double by cuddy....then he ran over AJ...

RK: Well shit

EH: Argh

LK: ARGH

SJ: Sandcastle, washed away

DK: Grrr

BOTTOM 6TH, STILL NO SCORE

SJ: nice snag!

EH: HOT!!

DK: Glove save and a beauty!

RK: If you don't bring your bat to the game make sure you bring your glove!

LK: I like that Justin Morneau guy

DK: normally, that'd be wrong sport, but Morneau IS Canadian...

LK: He really should get a gold glove someday.

SJ: I love having first baseman with goalie experience...

EH: Yes please

RK: Who is in charge of the cameras?

EH: "A strike to die"

RK: Hahaha, it's like Hamlet in here

SJ: I'm loving these 1-2-3 innings by Blackburn

TOP 7TH, STILL NO SCORE

LK: And the English majors laugh out loud.

LK: I'm assuming Justin won't be bunting as Joe just did.

RK: He sure needs to figure something out

LK: Though no one would expect it.

SJ: Note to Justin -- one RBI from tying the druggie! Let's go!

LK: We think it'd be funny if Justin made it his "thing" to be behind Josh Hamilton and then rally to beat him.

RK: 6 pitches! They gotta wear this guy out! Get to that shitty bullpen!

BOTTOM 7TH

LK: I'm ready to start swearing and I'm a mild-mannered Minnesotan, dammit. Blackburn's gotta be all SRSLY?

RK: You're right Nibbish, but of course we all hope for an outcome in the boys' favor

SJ: This is the worlds quickest game...

RK: Didn't Mark Mulder have a 1 hour 38 minute game years ago with the A's once upon a time?

LK: Their pitching coach is on the phone? Please call in someone awful, thanks.

SJ: NO NO NO FUCK FUCK FUCK

EH: SHIT SHIT SHIT

LK: Bright side mode, no one was on base, and the Twins were gonna have to score at least one run anyway.

SJ: I like bright side mode...but FUCK

LK: I know, right. Figures it'd be Thome though

SJ: Of course. Just wait until we see the emm vee pee performance coming up from Dr. Neau

LK: I was worrying re Blackburn going into this inning, we've asked an awful lot of him.

SJ: Blackburn has been beautiful...absolutely beautiful

LK: And we didn't exactly let Blackburn sit down while we batted. Probably didn't even have time to wrap his arm.

SJ: I still have faith...it's not over

LK: But they have Jesse Crain warming up.

SJ: What goes around, comes around....we've got ours coming

LK: Danks can't keep on the way he's been.

SJ: We don't need the long ball (although it'd be nice)...our small ball is going to come through

LK: It would be really sweet for small ball to win the day, especially after all the Bitch Sox bitching.

SJ: all we need is that one bullpen pitcher before Jenks....

SS: the radio guys said there was work in the pen, that they thought Danks might have called down and said he was hitting a wall

LK: Oh God

EH: That was heart attack inducing

SS: good decision walking Ramirez.

LK: AJ's good for another groundout, right? RIGHT?

SJ: at least

SS: he's even in line for the DP

EH: perhaps a DP

LK: GIDP! DO IT!

SJ: Moons over Mijares!

LK: Will the other starting pitchers all hug now like in the last game of the season? 'Cause that was cute.

SS: the only thing that is keeping from freaking out entirely right now is that my mom just made pumpkin bars and they are delicious. As delicious as a GIDP would be from AJ

LK: GIDP, please please please.

EH: ok, well it was a grounder.

RK: OK, AJ is good for a million grounders

LK: Another out, please, that would be good. <--- stating obvious

SJ: NICE CATCH OTHER BOYFRIEND!

RK: Delmon, thank you for coming up big defensively

SS: thnk y Dlmn!

TOP 8TH, BITCH SOX UP 1

EH: I am seriously gonna keel over here. This is killing me.

TB: Mijares rox the sox

LK: I honestly don't know how I survived game 7, 1991. I was much younger then, I guess.

LK: Danks has gotta be tired now, right?

RK: Only thrown 93 coming off of 80

DK: Harris, now would be an awesome time to get a hit

SJ: Do work son....and by son I mean the Twins

LK: Maybe he's rusty from sitting in the dugout all that time. Or something

SS: Delmon, if you had to get out, you could have at least hit Danks in the arm and knocked him out

LK: Heh. Waitaminute, i blinked and there was an out already? Crap.

RK: You know Dlmn and first pitches

TB: Brendan!!!

SJ: Nice work boyfriend

LK: Base hit!

SJ: here comes the small ball!

SS: beautiful! he was swinging well in that AB

TB: Marc Fein? Any relation to Sinn Fein?

SJ: tolbert running...

LK: I don't care what AJ said unless we get to make him eat his words later.

SS: Seriously?

SJ: yes...tolbert is the pinch runner, and was not prepared at all

SS: well, best of luck to my backup boyfriend

SJ: we subbed sexy for sexy....my thoughts anyways...

SS: I really wish they would stop calling LNP "Punt-o"

LK: C'mon Danks, throw it away.

RK: Oh fuck

LK: GAWD

BOTTOM 8TH, SAME

[RK would like to apologize to contributors and readers of the blog. He's too jittery and "running around" to transcribe right now. We appreciate your patience]

SS: HR, that's pretty much ridiculous logic right there

RK: Yeah, that was pretty stupid

SS: like if the game ended 1-0 here, it would somehow be terrible if Nathan hadn't pitched

LK: Well that's surely what we'd all feel bad about. Awful. Just miserable.

DK: Well crap

DK: Thome needs to GIDP

SS: if he does, can we roll over the second out to count for the 9th?

LK: Yes please

SS: screw the old guys! now, as in the election, youth will reign supreme!

LK: HR has a mancrush on Joe Nathan.

TB: I mean really, who doesn't?

LK: It's the horseblow, isn't it? ;-p

SS: good god, does AJ think he's Billy Idol or something? He looks hideous

TOP 9TH, SAME SCORE, LAST CHANCE

DK: so we're sending up a combined 0-6 to the plate in the 9th

SJ: HERE WE GO BOYS!!!!!

DK: at least Span's walked twice

LK: RALLY TIME

SJ: Remember how fun it was to beat them last time? LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!! Rally caps, baby!

SJ: KUBEL pinch hitting!

RK: Well... he's getting the bat on the ball

SS: he knows what he's in there for

LK: if he could connect with one of those fastballs, that'd be nice

SJ: FUCK

LK: Okay, Go-Go could've done that. Or, you know, bunted or something.

SJ: Still have faith

DK: c'mon D'Nard

SS: ok, boyfriend #1. looking so manly, better get a triple

DK: triple and score on an error DO IT

RK: Well here it is

ALL: Shit