Thursday, September 04, 2008


What the Crap


I told myself I wasn't going to watch, so I says, I says, "RK, you are not going to watch this game." I didn't even finish watching last night's game just knowing how it was going to turn out after 3 errors ruined everything.

"I don't need this," I said

"You have other things to do," I said

"You'll feel better if you just stay off it," I said

THESE ARE THINGS DRUG ADDICTS SAY WHEN THEY HIT BOTTOM. Baseball shouldn't do this to a person.

And here I am. Always already, I'm here.


KK: I want kubel to go yard, but for some reason I feel that's asking too much.

RK: I just want some ducks on the pond. Let's start small

KK: The Dark Knight strikes again..dun dun dun. I think he's the only guy on this team who is really paying attention at the plate, ye know what I mean?

RK: Heh, Daunte Culpepper retired. Which makes sense, because once you're past 24, the QB/RB doesn't make much sense. See pre-dog fightin' Michael Vick

KK: Culpepper is a good example of what happens when you show boat too much. Even the dolphins don't want you.

KK: Tolbert, you still have to make up for last night. So does pridie.

RK: I'm not sure Pridie can. He has absolutely no excuse

KK: As for Punto, his charm and pinko-ness makes him alright in my bok.

RK: Hey, sometimes ground balls eat you up or you make a bad toss to first. Freakish coincidence on back-to-back plays, but they happen. But deciding to start playing kickball in right? Come on man


KK: Pridie is the guy who gets picked last....him and the kid that smells like rotten syrup. (justin morneau)

RK: Haha, oh that kid. I knew that kid. Sweet, but not that sweet

KK: And you think the paste on his chin was from him eating paste, but he was busy defying gravity and the human bodily structure in the boys bathroom. See, this is what happens when we suck. I'm horrible.

RK: I have no idea what you just said

KK: Good. Thats good.

KK: Oh wow another single? Slowey......come on now show em the heat. The hot stinky chedddaaar!


KK: Pinko wonder boy is up to bat. And it's already an 0-2 count. Its still weird seeing that 2 in the HR column

RK: Yeah, when did those happen?

KK: OH HAI THERE double , nice to see you. I miss you! Australia misses you!

RK: SCK looks eerily calm

KK: So I guess they listen to Bob Marley after games and act like they didn't just get another horrible loss handed to them. I wish I was that stone cold bad-ass.

RK: That's just Span's way. He's focused on the next kill; there's no dwelling

KK: He's been doing that a lot lately. Sand Castle better get Pinko in. Because double plays are pretty anti-american. But he isn't american but, eh. I give up.

RK: OMG can get him in

KK: OMG, omg better.

RK: Oof, these nachos I ate for dinner are making me tired

KK: ALRIGHT AC/DC is on the radio, Justin Morneau is up to bat. Set that ball on the rock and roll train to homerun land!

RK: I'm not so sure that 1-0 pitch has been a strike all night


KK: Slowey says: I like flying bitches out.

RK: Seriously, I'm thinking a lot about these nachos. I even made my own chips, son. Oh, this is a baseball blog? I see


KK: YOUR OWN CHIPS? Oh you're scoring high in my "men to marry" black book. You're super close to Stephen Colbert.

RK: It's not like I ground the maize myself, but Tostitos are stupid-expensive. All you gotta do is cut small corn tortillas into quarters and bake 'em. They're strong as steel too. I learned it from AB. He said to fry them but I don't have a fryer

KK: Oh you are super smart. And baking is waaaaaaay better son!

RK: My baseball sense are faltering. Everything I see looks like a hit... Even a routine grounder by Kubel

KK: Red Dog is going to do work right quick.

RK: I bet no matter what the result, the ball will go the right side of the field


KK: Here's a thing to think about. Who would win at a base paths running marathon ala morneau vs redmond? At home plate is maple candy, a 24 pack of coors light and a Jimmy Johns sub.

RK: Morneau would win by two miles easy. If there was chewing tobacco - different story

KK: Or a lifetime supply of stetson cologne.

RK: Ladies love a Stetson man. Jacque Jones is with the Marlins. I was curious

KK: I consider that insanity curious in itself. I like saying Jacque Jones. It's a powerful name.

RK: *clap clap clapclapclap clapclapclapclap* Jacque Jones!, didn't translate well.

KK: hahaha I can hear it in my head. It was gorgeous. Write more songs please. ORLY DBL PLY

RK: An ode to Rod Barajas: Rod Bara-has a nice car. Rod Bara-hasn't got a base hit

RK: That's stupid. But I'm standing by it. Scott Rolen sucks so hard it's painful.

KK: Punto picks up that ball and cradles it to casilla for that nice 3rd out.


KK: Wow he caught that like a hawk attacking a field mouse.

RK: Take notes, Mr. Pridie!

RK: No joke, I just got an email from "TheFuture"


KK: Well fuck thats nice, you know the Jays are (maybe were) the team in last place for most hrs, we were second?

RK: Well what the hell

KK: At least uh... Tampa is winning?

RK: Even Yankee schadenfreude doesn't make me feel better

KK: I am very cold. Very. Very cold. I think it's the lack of run support.

RK: It's all just so... empty. Now I know how Camus felt

KK: So many mccain commericals, so not caring.

KK: OMG is starting to hit to short stop instead of second base. Atleast he's pulling the ball? What?

RK: Yeah wait, I think that's backwards

KK: It's backwards day, I forgot to tell you. You didn't get the memo?

RK: Could they be getting out any faster?


KK: If we get swept I'm going to rally against our suckness infront of the dome, maybe one of the cops on the horse will tase me or possibly get tear gassed.

RK: But isn't the convention over tomorrow?

KK: Yeah, but i can still rally against the twins suckness, dammit.

RK: Right, but your hopes of getting tasered will be dashed

KK: I bet they have some tear gas left. Who knows, if I cause a huge ruccus, and get some people to join, I'll get night sticked by the light rail police.

RK: This 2-0 deficit feels so insurmountable

KK: OMG TOLBERT, don't make me lease out a night stick and show you a world of pain son!

RK: You can't snag 'em all

KK: Gotta catch em all! It's like pokemon.

RK: We didn't get that in Fargo on the basic channels. I did watch digimon for a bit though. I didn't get it

RK: *whew*

KK: I just heard the best joke ever "Pamela Anderson has screwed more black men than FEMA" That alone put me in a better mood

RK: What? No, Scott Rolen sucks. Does not compute

RK: Oh barf


KK: Wait where did the MN TWINS go, why am I watching a 55+ softball beer leauge play? They show that shit on tv? Oh wait..oh..why are they wearing the same exact uniforms as the MN TWINS, and why does one look like mike redmond?

RK: This really reminds me of '01 when everything was great and then they couldn't beat the lowly Devil Rays

KK: Playing the bitch sox at the dome will pretty much be a inner division stand off to win the division of all divisions ahh la la la la.


RK: I know that Scutaro is from Long Island because Michael Kay wouldn't shut up about it once upon a time when I lived in New Jersey

KK: Did he go to any elite colleges like breslow did?

RK: For Michael Kay, being from Long Island is even better

RK: The universe sucks the end

KK: The universe= Jesse Crain

RK: Oh no, I mean universe in the metaphysical, existential sense


KK: Ohhhh well

RK: I'm so glad I'm not blogging this weekend. I'm in no mood to watch this kind of baseball


KK: I get to see it live. I might get kicked out, who knows

RK: This is kinda ridiculous

KK: This makes me feel sad. But I mean we just suck against them and thank goodness we dont have to play them again. Right? Right.

RK: Yeah, I guess

KK: Im glad this is the last game, just think if we played them for all the 14 days. Now think about them apples hahaha.

RK: Hey another Santana trade product!

KK: Yeah and he's just GRREEEAAAATTTT

RK: Well alright then

OK enough of this

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