Monday, April 13, 2009


RIP Well, Everybody


I don't mean to make light of course, but good god, everybody in baseball died this week.

But part of the beauty is that the game goes on. Or however Kevin Costner said it in Field of Dreams. So coming off a promising start to a short roadtrip (how about Friday night? I was in our Nation's Capital representin') that quickly devolved into the nightmare early season Comiskey road trips of old (at least Joe Crede didn't hit a home run for the Ashen Hosiery, but then again, maybe he did?). Keep the ball down fellas. And leave the assbats at home. It doesn't feel like the Twins have lost more games than they've won, but there it is. 3-4. Numbers don't lie. Nor do my hips.


"When they do score a lot of runs, of course they win!" I will never get sick of Bert. Never ever.

Welp, 1 out, 2 on, a double play ball is in order. And I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I get the impression if OMG were behind the plate, hitters would be waving at more of these down and away sliders, and hey there's the double play ball!

I like it when life works out.


Thing I Just Learned: "Midden" is a word. I was getting ready to [sic] that puppy up in my essay, but good thing I consulted the interwebs! It's a series of tubes!


This is not going like I envisioned in my head. I remember, and perhaps you do too, roundabouts 2002/2003 when the Twins couldn't lose to the Blue Birds? Even when it was Halladay/Rick Reed you thought oh, Rick Reed is gonna kill 'em.

I'm just anxious about the starters because I refuse to entertain the idea of a sophomore slump. Because that would affect pretty much everybody who starts. And I can't handle that.

Thankfully Lindt Chocolate doesn't know how to run the bases! Just your standard 3-5 DP.

See and then those bloops fall in and I hate that. Jeezy creezy.

But it could have been worse.


Iceman! Tell me what's good!

Say you want a Kubelution! Weeeeelll y'know, Bert, I was wondering how you were going to tie that broadcaster's death to the HR. Surprisingly classy, guy. Well done.

Kalas died in the same booth I stalked Don Sutton in. Memories.

Uh boy, that probably didn't go anything like anybody thought.

Good baserunning Dlmn! See, he knows, playing a kooky left field, that the way oh, so and so who cares who he is, played it, (Snyder! Thanks Bert) but all funky, so turn on the wheels for the RBI Man, Nikolai K Punto!

Wow, I was joking LNP, but I'm glad you took me serious-like.

Are the boys in a slump? Could this be a slump-busting game? MORE TO COME


1 pitch, 1 out! From Bert's lips to my fingers.

ALL YOU CAN EAT SEATS ARE BACK! Somebody who is more intrepid and industrious than I look to see if there are any in mid-late August. Because. Maybe. Just maybe. Somebody who's name rhymes with Par-lay will be in MSP.

Bert you are getting all meta on me! Bert Blyleven is watching you.

Man, Leviathan, I totally understand why you got out of the good Doctor's way. That is 530 pounds of 9'12" man sliding in their to grab that ball.


It should be the Vikings Draught Party: AMIRITE?

Who didn't Bert pitch for? Well uh that's that.


Damn blast hell and spite! Cuddy almost had him! Lindt chocolate, I've had about enough of you (I also say this when I have had enough actual Lindt chocolate)


Dammit, I hate when the Grand Casino commercials get in the way of first pitch XBH's (extra base hits. is this already a metric?

All Buscher does is hit doubles. I'm telling you.

Injured pitcher so I'm gonna put on some tea.

And is that that?


WV: I think he just scattered one to the upper deck.

RK: Wasn't Snyder a bad guy in one of the 3 Ninjas movies?

WV: Could be. I recall someone named "Tum Tum", perhaps an younger variation of Leroy.

RK: I remember singing "Rocky loves Emily" on the bus. In college. College.

Well anyway it's 4-3. We're working on some technical and visual difficulties


RK: Sandcastle smallballin' it

WV: That's a long single... errr double

RK: That ball was going 783 MPH

RK: Span the Bran Muffin - too fast for the naked eye

WV: They need to steal second so that Buscher hits a double.

RK: It's like a magical configuration.

WV: Cito Gaston is the Dorian Gray for sportsdom.

RK: Tally Hall keeping base stealing threat Kubel on the bag


RK: Scott Rolen. Who the hell is this guy?

RK: Anyway, being forward looking - I hope one day our guys can get a quality start

WV: So, holding the lead would be great.... I... I should say that more often.

RK: It's a luxury we often take for granted


WV: Not to disrespect the dead, but what's the big deal with Mark Fidrych

RK: I have no idea who that really is. And I know that makes me terrible

RK: Scott Rolen will never be Mike Schmidt!

WV: Man the Yankees are awful

RK: I feel like this game is taking forever

WV: It must have the same producers as ER.


WV: Gruyere, not melting under pressure.

RK: Generally not your fondue cheese

WV: But excellent for a croque monsieur.

RK: Or on triscuits!

WV: Go to Breslow - an intelligent decision. Because he, you know, went to a small liberal arts college in Connecticut.

RK: Yeah, the name eludes me

WV: Something makes me want to call it Fail. That's right, the Fail Slumdogs, whose natural rival is Hogwarths.

WV: We'll see if it was fortuitous that that was a strike out instead of a foul tip.

Not so impressed with Luis Ayala.
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