Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

Zak and Sara will be Jake Peavy's nickname when he comes to the White Sox. Behold!

"Sara spelled without an "h" was getting bored
On a Peavy amp in 1984
While Zak without a "c" tried out some new guitars
Playing Sara with no "h"'s favorite songs"
-Ben Folds, Zak and Sara

Let's see what kind of destruction the boys can wreak on my fragile psyche today!

Hey, did you know that if you comment on Pulling a Blyleven I will talk to you DIRECTLY? So, suicidal entrepreneur, yes, I spelled Existential the same way Joe Morgan spells "consistent" (eg one letter down), what on earth is "Dog day?" What makes them rule so? How can I, as one individual, submit to their rule?

And if you want to like actually maybe liveblog with me, you know the drill if you're in the know. Maybe. See, being told what happens in THE FUTURE can really mess with me and then it's like why am I watching this? On the other hand, the way the boys have been playing, I could ask that regardless of any temporal contingencies.

TOP 1ST

Just something to chew on during the game. I'm teaching an Introduction to Political Theory course in the fall. Have you taken this class? If you have, what kind of books did you wish were on the syllabus but weren't? If you have not, LEAVE ME ALONE. Just kidding. My theory classes are awesome.

"Bartolo Colon - oh my God, they shot him." Bert, seriously. I am laughing out loud.

Seeing Super Colon Blow brings back memories. Specifically in late 2003 when the radar gun in Comiskey was all janked up and had him throwing 103 mph in the 7th inning.

Did the stadium start playing "Classical Gas" after Span K'd?

I have nothing remotely funny or snarky to say about Mauer - the man is brilliant in every way. Probably is also very good at physics.

Jesus Christ, the are playing that song. But like a Western Pancho Villa kinda version.

I remember a couple years ago there used to be some people who would be all up on this blog, just cold Kubel hatin'. And WV and I were like "Slow your roll, bro-heys, he's a good hitter. Believe." And now look at him. I'm like a proud father.

Wow, is the Nicene Crede rocking Oakleys from 1988 VERY MUCH?

BOTTOM 1ST, TWINS SCORE 1

Uh oh, Tolbert's gonna beat himself up over that one. Literally. In the shower. Instead of water, he uses hydrochloric acid, by the way.

Dread Pirate Blackburn that was an amazing move!

"That'll leave a bark mark right there!" I'll just add that to the Bert Blyleven lexicon.

Calling J-Dye out there was a kiss and makeup call for not punching out Alexei. It all evens out.

And now the organ is playing a version of the song in all the Geico commercials? What is happening in this ballpark?

Kubel and Span please stop doing that. It's bizarro-world in here.

TOP 2ND, TWINS UP 1

So. Morales will be the White Sox starting catcher in 2 years time, yes?

Hooray, the Bitch Sox can't throw the ball either!

Scored two runs, but let's score 18 more so I can relax a little bit OK?

I swallowed my heart pretty hard when it looked like Span was going to knock both runners in with a double down the line, but cruel fate! I'll share a bon mot from my adviser: "Fate is for people so poor they have to live in the swamp with a flyswatter."

They're walking Dr. Neau to get to Kubel WTFBBQ?

Smoooooooth managing, Ozzie. Honest to god.

Is Cuddy your buddy? He ought to be. BOOM

The Nicene Crede is making me feel a little tingly. That's as far into it as I'll go. Use your imagination. Or don't, I mean, I understand.

Haw haw, oh Dick, you always get my hopes up when there's a fly ball and I was all B2B2B jacks with Leviathan? Alas, it died 10 feet short. Things don't feel so ominous now, do they?!

BOTTOM 2ND, TWINS UP 8

The 2003 flashback continues the way they keep talking about Rick Reed. I know, I know, not the same Rick Reed, but blah blah blah.

TOP 3RD, SAME

Who puts two spaces after a period anymore? I don't want to get into a discussion about em spaces, but unless you're on a typewriter from the 30s, it's not necessary. And I'd take off points for that on an essay. Much like having 1.5" margins, using Courier New font - how would I ever suspect that the person may just be trying to artificially elongate their paper?

I'm so terrible - instead of listening to Dick and Bert I'm trying to figure out which strange song the organist at US Cellular will play.

Mauer didn't even swing and that thing was a double. He just put the bat over the plate and that's what happened.

Walking Morneau again - you've made the Rubik's Kubel very angry.

Apparently not angry enough.

BOTTOM 3RD TWINS UP 9

I liked to see the double play, but I'm also liking watching child prodigies play piano so hard. Is anybody else mad at their parents for not making them learn to play the piano, or French? Mine said, but you didn't want to. Yeah, but I also used to think girls were gross, so let's not give too much autonomy away here, huh?

Oh wow, nobody scored? It's like the White Sox have become the Twins, the Twins the White Sox.

TOP 4TH, SAME

DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE? To feel good during a baseball game?

BOTTOM 4TH, TWINS UP TEN (10)

Baseball!

TOP 5TH, SAME

If you were to say, "RK, you have too many expectations for Mauer. He will, on occasion, make an out." I'd be like yeah, but I can't help myself.

And you can't either.

BOTTOM 5TH, SAME

I realize I'm running out of steam here, but what can I say?

TOP 6TH, SAME

Could it be that the Twins not scoring in the 5th was some kind of aberration?

I have to give it to the hecklers I'm hearing. Your team is down 10-0 and still razzing the third string catcher? Alright, son!

I will miss you, Lance Broadway, if only for that awesometime name.

Punto's hustle literally produced an RBI there. Like, literally literally

TB: Yes, somebody should let him know that we are proud of him not sliding headfirst.

RK: Ooooh Span's a little salty after that plunk

TB: Just cold took one for the team, eh

RK: Hey, Gobble! I need to pay better attention

TB: BAHAHAHAHA. That one was a real turkey, Gobble.

RK: Are you speaking from the FUTURE?

TB: I may be

RK: Hot diggety damn!

BOTTOM 6TH, TWINS UP 16(?/!)

TB: I remember these games back in the day in my youth. Then again I also remember when we did this in 2007

RK: Sure, one game a season doesn't make. But this is how you bust a losing streak

TB: Makes the pain of losing Breslow go away a little bit.

RK: I'd say I'll miss Yale. But I probably won't

TOP 7TH, SAME

TB: At this point I think Cuddy should handwalk the rest of the way should Leviathan get a hit

RK: If only KK were here so we could make fun of her for bagging on him

RK: Oh interleague play is happening this year up in Wrigley Field, huh? Thanks for the hot tip, Dick

TB: Is it safe to call the streak over?

RK: Yeah, I think a little confidence is in order

TB: Hey Twins fans at the game! You guys wanna play?

RK: I wouldn't mind seeing Tolbert pitch an inning

TB: One almost forgets that Blackburn is pitching like a rockstar

RK: I know, I think he's under 80 pitches

TOP 8TH, STILL 20-0

TB: Okay how about 10 more runs

RK: Didn't the Rangers blank the Orioles something to the tune of 30-0 a year ago or so?

TB: Could be. The internets told me it was 30-3

RK: The internet is the keeper of the Flame of Truth, so I'll go with it

TB: I sense not enough tension in this game for the Twins side of things.

RK: It's kind of amusing though

BOTTOM 8TH, SAME

TB: Hwhat? Where did Dread Pirate go?

RK: Yeah, that's somewhat surprising

TB: You're welcome for our support, Cuddy

RK: Whoopsie

DK: I kind of want us to shut them out

RK: I'd like them to as well. And also score 3 more times for the all-time MLB shutout record

TB: A shutout would be just gravy.

TB: Well fiddlesticks

TOP 9, TWINS UP 20-1

I just want to point out the organist has now played "Inagaddadavida (or whatever the hell)" and "Sail Away with Me" by Styx

BOTTOM 9TH, SAME

I think we have a general consensus to let the score speak for itself and to just bask for now.