Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Oh Hi Evening Game


Tonight's post title is from the cosmically bad 2005 film "The Room." Go ahead and watch what happens when a dude gets 6 million to make a film just because. WV might be stopping by tonight, so who knows? If anybody here wants to write a 2 page reaction to Foucault's "Abnormal" series of lectures at the College de France - feel free. OK we're good. Any other responsibilities I can dump on you people? No? Let's begin.


Just glad we have Dick and Bert again for the night game.

God Verlander is a good pitcher. Seriously. Would you not want this guy on your team?

Hey Ordonez still plays for the Tigers huh?

There's that commercial again that assumes the Tigers will be in the playoffs! Oh, Cassandra, your wise voice so oft ignored.


RK: Dunston checks in looking OK so far... well for all of 1 batter

WV: If Verlander is like the hot cheerleader, Dunston is the farm girl with wide hips perfect for child bearing.

RK: Which is necessary for social reproduction of labor

WV: If Polanco were on our team, he'd be in a distant third behind Casilla and Gomez for thickest goatee.

RK: D-Span caught that like college kids are catching Swine Flu

RK: ... Meaning of course, sexily


WV: At Leland Stanford Jr. University we have a first week tradition where the seniors make out with the freshman on the quad. It was somewhat toned down this year.

RK: At Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University there's a first week tradition where everybody gets blind drunk, and that tradition continues for the rest of the year

RK: Verlander touches 97 like it's nothing

WV: That guy in the stands wearing the Jeremy Bonderman jersey must be lonely.

RK: His buddy with the Mike Maroth jersey couldn't make it

WV: That's bad karma, I'm surprised they let him in.


WV: I don't think that Verlander has thrown anything besides a fastball yet.

RK: Why would you? He's blowing it by them

WV: Well, as Derek Zoolander would say, there's more to life than being hot. He was being sarcastic of course.

RK: Iceman! Spleets!

RK: Well shit.

WV: That was like batting practice. Well the joke is still on Detroit because to get Cabrera they had to take Dontrelle Willis too.

RK: Scott Baker should be taking notes about how to avoid the big inning

WV: Give 'em an Inge, they hit into a double play.

RK: This could be the result of a Miner flaw they had last game


WV: Well, we play best when Detroit jumps out to a 1-0 lead.

RK: The Dutchman is pitching well though

RK: See that wasn't even fair what he did to Punto


WV: It's a shame we can't bring the roof of the dome with us on roadtrips.

RK: So how about a 30 minute rain delay?

WV: I just discovered why the Wii's blue light randomly comes on from time to time. I say this to you nintendo: I'll download your system update when I damn well feel like it

RK: Yeah, don't cave to the New World Order of unified world government

WV: Hmmm

RK: Oh dear.

WV: So how about winning the next 2?

RK: The game is still young.


RK: You know it's been a while since Kubel pounded one... but that'll work too, I guess. Boy, not a lot going on there worth typing about.


WV: Shit, would you believe a double?

RK: And then an infield hit?

WV: Well, when you get down to it, we're starting some guy named Duensing against Justin Verlander. Maybe if we put in Keppel now he won't start on Friday.

RK: Then it would fall to Manship or Liriano and there's your problem

WV: You just grab life by the throat and shake it like a bartender mixing a martini.

RK: Dodge!

RK: Let's see some of that offensive prowess you had last year, Neverhit

WV: If he squeezes his eyes shut and swings with total abandon, he might just hit a shallow pop fly to the outfield.

RK: Pretty close!


WV: But let me ask you this: Do you have what it takes to be an umpire?

RK: I'm not going to Compton to find out!

WV: Because if you go to that camp, they teach you to dodge fastballs by sending you into Compton wearing a red uniform.

RK: Oh I thought I was watching a show about catching big fish, but really it was just Delmon Young flailing at the plate

WV: As frustrating as this is, it's rather entertaining watching this guy pitch.

RK: I know, this guy is a hell of a pitcher, period


WV: I am intrigued by the role that balance balls play in umpiring a major league baseball game.

RK: I'd file it under one of those "oh shit we're charging them a bunch of money we have to make them do something"

RK: Adding and subtracting Bert - I get it

WV: Yeah he's really hammering that home tonight.

RK: Hey didn't Gardy look like a ray of sunshine there popping out of the dugout

WV: Ok then.

RK: Game... is still... young?

WV: You have to expect that Keppel will give up a couple of runs just to warm up, he'll be fine now.

RK: So long as it's out of his system


RK: The 6th inning magic that I may be making up should make an appearance

RK: Span the Bran Muffin got lucky there, just cold goin' for two.

WV: Well, it's either this or Ace of Cakes, so I'm going to keep watching Verlander strike us out.

RK: It's time for Mauer to get a hit today

RK: How is this freak of nature hitting 98 in the 6th?

WV: I got a generic bake and rise pizza for dinner, so no matter what happens today there will be a silver lining. Prettay pret-tay pretty good

RK: That's how I feel every day with my Magic Bullet blender. I'm pretty sure I could figure out a way to make pizza with it

WV: Oh for sure

RK: Not gonna lie though; the juicer sucks

WV: Who drinks juice anyway

RK: Not I, Caesar

WV: I imagine Leyland will let Verlander throw 150 pitches tonight.

RK: Oh yeah for sure


WV: Well, if you think of it as 3-0, it doesn't seem so terrible.

RK: Right, but they can't give up any more either

WV: Bert just had to get his spanglish-ized pronunciation of Nick Punto into the broadcast

RK: He heard a soccer announcer yell "Gol!" once on Telemundo and it really stuck

WV: He probably wasn't paying attention during the WBC when the Dutch played Italy. Or, he thinks that they speak Spanish in Italy

RK: Are you kidding me with that catch?

WV: Prretttty, pretty good

RK: Pretty soon we'll just see Mauer charging up into the stands like a bull, leaping row upon row

WV: Leyland: Hey come on, throw me out, I need a smoke. Mauer will be for whom the bell tolls.

RK: Jesse Crain warming up? Awesome?

RK: I know I shouldn't be so nervous - something tells me this game is a lost cause, and yet, and yet I can't let go that Joe Mauer will hit a grand slam. Could totes happen.


WV: Well that inning didn't do much to inflate Verlander's pitch count

RK: Huh, hey well that took 13 seconds


Well hello Jesse Crain from 2006


RK: D-Span 2: Book TV getting it done late

WV: And if there were ever a time for Mauer Power, it is now.

RK: Well back to back RsBI from Mauer and Kubel will do too. Within 1! Must not get excited. Getting light-headed and numb and mouth-tingly.

WV: Surprised they're not pitch running for Kubel

RK: Well a base hit scores anybody, right?

WV: You'd think so

WV: That might have been the pitch.

RK: Nah, too far outside. We'll see how it shakes out against Rodney

WV: Alright, well they've at least validated our continued watching of the game


WV: Well fuck

RK: This darkens my mood considerably

WV: And Detroit celebrates like they've all got jobs again

RK: Hello 2008 Matt Guerrier


RK: Well, let's see if the bottom of the lineup can do something here

WV: I guess Mike Redmond is as good as gone huh?

RK: I think it's safe to say

WV: I really wish that Tolbert and Punto weren't the next two hitters. Morneau and his fractured back would give us a better shot here.

RK: It'll be left to Punto

WV: Punto's gotta be due for a homerun right....RIGHT!?????

RK: Derp

WV: Huh.

WV: That dinger last inning sure is a bummer.

RK: Yeah I'm not sure I like this "Granderson" fellow

WV: Or this Raburn guy.


WV: Well what're you gonna do, the next two are winnable

Been awhile since I've been here. Nice to see you guys are still up and running.

Tigers can suck it.
Inge. If there ever was a douchebag who needed to K, it was him.
Top half of the order definitely needs to get it done tonight, because the bottom half has just been goddamn terrible.
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