Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Oh Hi Evening Game
PREGAME
Tonight's post title is from the cosmically bad 2005 film "The Room." Go ahead and watch what happens when a dude gets 6 million to make a film just because. WV might be stopping by tonight, so who knows? If anybody here wants to write a 2 page reaction to Foucault's "Abnormal" series of lectures at the College de France - feel free. OK we're good. Any other responsibilities I can dump on you people? No? Let's begin.
TOP 1ST
Just glad we have Dick and Bert again for the night game.
God Verlander is a good pitcher. Seriously. Would you not want this guy on your team?
Hey Ordonez still plays for the Tigers huh?
There's that commercial again that assumes the Tigers will be in the playoffs! Oh, Cassandra, your wise voice so oft ignored.
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: Dunston checks in looking OK so far... well for all of 1 batter
WV: If Verlander is like the hot cheerleader, Dunston is the farm girl with wide hips perfect for child bearing.
RK: Which is necessary for social reproduction of labor
WV: If Polanco were on our team, he'd be in a distant third behind Casilla and Gomez for thickest goatee.
RK: D-Span caught that like college kids are catching Swine Flu
RK: ... Meaning of course, sexily
TOP 2ND
WV: At Leland Stanford Jr. University we have a first week tradition where the seniors make out with the freshman on the quad. It was somewhat toned down this year.
RK: At Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University there's a first week tradition where everybody gets blind drunk, and that tradition continues for the rest of the year
RK: Verlander touches 97 like it's nothing
WV: That guy in the stands wearing the Jeremy Bonderman jersey must be lonely.
RK: His buddy with the Mike Maroth jersey couldn't make it
WV: That's bad karma, I'm surprised they let him in.
BOTTOM 2ND
WV: I don't think that Verlander has thrown anything besides a fastball yet.
RK: Why would you? He's blowing it by them
WV: Well, as Derek Zoolander would say, there's more to life than being hot. He was being sarcastic of course.
RK: Iceman! Spleets!
RK: Well shit.
WV: That was like batting practice. Well the joke is still on Detroit because to get Cabrera they had to take Dontrelle Willis too.
RK: Scott Baker should be taking notes about how to avoid the big inning
WV: Give 'em an Inge, they hit into a double play.
RK: This could be the result of a Miner flaw they had last game
TOP 3RD, TIGERS UP 1
WV: Well, we play best when Detroit jumps out to a 1-0 lead.
RK: The Dutchman is pitching well though
RK: See that wasn't even fair what he did to Punto
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
WV: It's a shame we can't bring the roof of the dome with us on roadtrips.
RK: So how about a 30 minute rain delay?
WV: I just discovered why the Wii's blue light randomly comes on from time to time. I say this to you nintendo: I'll download your system update when I damn well feel like it
RK: Yeah, don't cave to the New World Order of unified world government
WV: Hmmm
RK: Oh dear.
WV: So how about winning the next 2?
RK: The game is still young.
TOP 4TH, TIGERS UP 3-0
RK: You know it's been a while since Kubel pounded one... but that'll work too, I guess. Boy, not a lot going on there worth typing about.
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
WV: Shit, would you believe a double?
RK: And then an infield hit?
WV: Well, when you get down to it, we're starting some guy named Duensing against Justin Verlander. Maybe if we put in Keppel now he won't start on Friday.
RK: Then it would fall to Manship or Liriano and there's your problem
WV: You just grab life by the throat and shake it like a bartender mixing a martini.
RK: Dodge!
RK: Let's see some of that offensive prowess you had last year, Neverhit
WV: If he squeezes his eyes shut and swings with total abandon, he might just hit a shallow pop fly to the outfield.
RK: Pretty close!
TOP 5TH, SAME
WV: But let me ask you this: Do you have what it takes to be an umpire?
RK: I'm not going to Compton to find out!
WV: Because if you go to that camp, they teach you to dodge fastballs by sending you into Compton wearing a red uniform.
RK: Oh I thought I was watching a show about catching big fish, but really it was just Delmon Young flailing at the plate
WV: As frustrating as this is, it's rather entertaining watching this guy pitch.
RK: I know, this guy is a hell of a pitcher, period
BOTTOM 5T, SAME
WV: I am intrigued by the role that balance balls play in umpiring a major league baseball game.
RK: I'd file it under one of those "oh shit we're charging them a bunch of money we have to make them do something"
RK: Adding and subtracting Bert - I get it
WV: Yeah he's really hammering that home tonight.
RK: Hey didn't Gardy look like a ray of sunshine there popping out of the dugout
WV: Ok then.
RK: Game... is still... young?
WV: You have to expect that Keppel will give up a couple of runs just to warm up, he'll be fine now.
RK: So long as it's out of his system
TOP 6TH, TIGERS UP A MILLION
RK: The 6th inning magic that I may be making up should make an appearance
RK: Span the Bran Muffin got lucky there, just cold goin' for two.
WV: Well, it's either this or Ace of Cakes, so I'm going to keep watching Verlander strike us out.
RK: It's time for Mauer to get a hit today
RK: How is this freak of nature hitting 98 in the 6th?
WV: I got a generic bake and rise pizza for dinner, so no matter what happens today there will be a silver lining. Prettay pret-tay pretty good
RK: That's how I feel every day with my Magic Bullet blender. I'm pretty sure I could figure out a way to make pizza with it
WV: Oh for sure
RK: Not gonna lie though; the juicer sucks
WV: Who drinks juice anyway
RK: Not I, Caesar
WV: I imagine Leyland will let Verlander throw 150 pitches tonight.
RK: Oh yeah for sure
BOTTOM 6TH, 5-2 LOS TIGRES
WV: Well, if you think of it as 3-0, it doesn't seem so terrible.
RK: Right, but they can't give up any more either
WV: Bert just had to get his spanglish-ized pronunciation of Nick Punto into the broadcast
RK: He heard a soccer announcer yell "Gol!" once on Telemundo and it really stuck
WV: He probably wasn't paying attention during the WBC when the Dutch played Italy. Or, he thinks that they speak Spanish in Italy
RK: Are you kidding me with that catch?
WV: Prretttty, pretty good
RK: Pretty soon we'll just see Mauer charging up into the stands like a bull, leaping row upon row
WV: Leyland: Hey come on, throw me out, I need a smoke. Mauer will be for whom the bell tolls.
RK: Jesse Crain warming up? Awesome?
RK: I know I shouldn't be so nervous - something tells me this game is a lost cause, and yet, and yet I can't let go that Joe Mauer will hit a grand slam. Could totes happen.
TOP 7TH, SAME
WV: Well that inning didn't do much to inflate Verlander's pitch count
RK: Huh, hey well that took 13 seconds
BOTTOM 7TH, SAME
Well hello Jesse Crain from 2006
TOP 8TH, SAME
RK: D-Span 2: Book TV getting it done late
WV: And if there were ever a time for Mauer Power, it is now.
RK: Well back to back RsBI from Mauer and Kubel will do too. Within 1! Must not get excited. Getting light-headed and numb and mouth-tingly.
WV: Surprised they're not pitch running for Kubel
RK: Well a base hit scores anybody, right?
WV: You'd think so
WV: That might have been the pitch.
RK: Nah, too far outside. We'll see how it shakes out against Rodney
WV: Alright, well they've at least validated our continued watching of the game
BOTTOM 8TH, 5-4 TIGERS
WV: Well fuck
RK: This darkens my mood considerably
WV: And Detroit celebrates like they've all got jobs again
RK: Hello 2008 Matt Guerrier
TOP 9TH, TWINS DOWN 2
RK: Well, let's see if the bottom of the lineup can do something here
WV: I guess Mike Redmond is as good as gone huh?
RK: I think it's safe to say
WV: I really wish that Tolbert and Punto weren't the next two hitters. Morneau and his fractured back would give us a better shot here.
RK: It'll be left to Punto
WV: Punto's gotta be due for a homerun right....RIGHT!?????
RK: Derp
WV: Huh.
WV: That dinger last inning sure is a bummer.
RK: Yeah I'm not sure I like this "Granderson" fellow
WV: Or this Raburn guy.
PREGAME
WV: Well what're you gonna do, the next two are winnable
Tonight's post title is from the cosmically bad 2005 film "The Room." Go ahead and watch what happens when a dude gets 6 million to make a film just because. WV might be stopping by tonight, so who knows? If anybody here wants to write a 2 page reaction to Foucault's "Abnormal" series of lectures at the College de France - feel free. OK we're good. Any other responsibilities I can dump on you people? No? Let's begin.
TOP 1ST
Just glad we have Dick and Bert again for the night game.
God Verlander is a good pitcher. Seriously. Would you not want this guy on your team?
Hey Ordonez still plays for the Tigers huh?
There's that commercial again that assumes the Tigers will be in the playoffs! Oh, Cassandra, your wise voice so oft ignored.
BOTTOM 1ST
RK: Dunston checks in looking OK so far... well for all of 1 batter
WV: If Verlander is like the hot cheerleader, Dunston is the farm girl with wide hips perfect for child bearing.
RK: Which is necessary for social reproduction of labor
WV: If Polanco were on our team, he'd be in a distant third behind Casilla and Gomez for thickest goatee.
RK: D-Span caught that like college kids are catching Swine Flu
RK: ... Meaning of course, sexily
TOP 2ND
WV: At Leland Stanford Jr. University we have a first week tradition where the seniors make out with the freshman on the quad. It was somewhat toned down this year.
RK: At Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University there's a first week tradition where everybody gets blind drunk, and that tradition continues for the rest of the year
RK: Verlander touches 97 like it's nothing
WV: That guy in the stands wearing the Jeremy Bonderman jersey must be lonely.
RK: His buddy with the Mike Maroth jersey couldn't make it
WV: That's bad karma, I'm surprised they let him in.
BOTTOM 2ND
WV: I don't think that Verlander has thrown anything besides a fastball yet.
RK: Why would you? He's blowing it by them
WV: Well, as Derek Zoolander would say, there's more to life than being hot. He was being sarcastic of course.
RK: Iceman! Spleets!
RK: Well shit.
WV: That was like batting practice. Well the joke is still on Detroit because to get Cabrera they had to take Dontrelle Willis too.
RK: Scott Baker should be taking notes about how to avoid the big inning
WV: Give 'em an Inge, they hit into a double play.
RK: This could be the result of a Miner flaw they had last game
TOP 3RD, TIGERS UP 1
WV: Well, we play best when Detroit jumps out to a 1-0 lead.
RK: The Dutchman is pitching well though
RK: See that wasn't even fair what he did to Punto
BOTTOM 3RD, SAME
WV: It's a shame we can't bring the roof of the dome with us on roadtrips.
RK: So how about a 30 minute rain delay?
WV: I just discovered why the Wii's blue light randomly comes on from time to time. I say this to you nintendo: I'll download your system update when I damn well feel like it
RK: Yeah, don't cave to the New World Order of unified world government
WV: Hmmm
RK: Oh dear.
WV: So how about winning the next 2?
RK: The game is still young.
TOP 4TH, TIGERS UP 3-0
RK: You know it's been a while since Kubel pounded one... but that'll work too, I guess. Boy, not a lot going on there worth typing about.
BOTTOM 4TH, SAME
WV: Shit, would you believe a double?
RK: And then an infield hit?
WV: Well, when you get down to it, we're starting some guy named Duensing against Justin Verlander. Maybe if we put in Keppel now he won't start on Friday.
RK: Then it would fall to Manship or Liriano and there's your problem
WV: You just grab life by the throat and shake it like a bartender mixing a martini.
RK: Dodge!
RK: Let's see some of that offensive prowess you had last year, Neverhit
WV: If he squeezes his eyes shut and swings with total abandon, he might just hit a shallow pop fly to the outfield.
RK: Pretty close!
TOP 5TH, SAME
WV: But let me ask you this: Do you have what it takes to be an umpire?
RK: I'm not going to Compton to find out!
WV: Because if you go to that camp, they teach you to dodge fastballs by sending you into Compton wearing a red uniform.
RK: Oh I thought I was watching a show about catching big fish, but really it was just Delmon Young flailing at the plate
WV: As frustrating as this is, it's rather entertaining watching this guy pitch.
RK: I know, this guy is a hell of a pitcher, period
BOTTOM 5T, SAME
WV: I am intrigued by the role that balance balls play in umpiring a major league baseball game.
RK: I'd file it under one of those "oh shit we're charging them a bunch of money we have to make them do something"
RK: Adding and subtracting Bert - I get it
WV: Yeah he's really hammering that home tonight.
RK: Hey didn't Gardy look like a ray of sunshine there popping out of the dugout
WV: Ok then.
RK: Game... is still... young?
WV: You have to expect that Keppel will give up a couple of runs just to warm up, he'll be fine now.
RK: So long as it's out of his system
TOP 6TH, TIGERS UP A MILLION
RK: The 6th inning magic that I may be making up should make an appearance
RK: Span the Bran Muffin got lucky there, just cold goin' for two.
WV: Well, it's either this or Ace of Cakes, so I'm going to keep watching Verlander strike us out.
RK: It's time for Mauer to get a hit today
RK: How is this freak of nature hitting 98 in the 6th?
WV: I got a generic bake and rise pizza for dinner, so no matter what happens today there will be a silver lining. Prettay pret-tay pretty good
RK: That's how I feel every day with my Magic Bullet blender. I'm pretty sure I could figure out a way to make pizza with it
WV: Oh for sure
RK: Not gonna lie though; the juicer sucks
WV: Who drinks juice anyway
RK: Not I, Caesar
WV: I imagine Leyland will let Verlander throw 150 pitches tonight.
RK: Oh yeah for sure
BOTTOM 6TH, 5-2 LOS TIGRES
WV: Well, if you think of it as 3-0, it doesn't seem so terrible.
RK: Right, but they can't give up any more either
WV: Bert just had to get his spanglish-ized pronunciation of Nick Punto into the broadcast
RK: He heard a soccer announcer yell "Gol!" once on Telemundo and it really stuck
WV: He probably wasn't paying attention during the WBC when the Dutch played Italy. Or, he thinks that they speak Spanish in Italy
RK: Are you kidding me with that catch?
WV: Prretttty, pretty good
RK: Pretty soon we'll just see Mauer charging up into the stands like a bull, leaping row upon row
WV: Leyland: Hey come on, throw me out, I need a smoke. Mauer will be for whom the bell tolls.
RK: Jesse Crain warming up? Awesome?
RK: I know I shouldn't be so nervous - something tells me this game is a lost cause, and yet, and yet I can't let go that Joe Mauer will hit a grand slam. Could totes happen.
TOP 7TH, SAME
WV: Well that inning didn't do much to inflate Verlander's pitch count
RK: Huh, hey well that took 13 seconds
BOTTOM 7TH, SAME
Well hello Jesse Crain from 2006
TOP 8TH, SAME
RK: D-Span 2: Book TV getting it done late
WV: And if there were ever a time for Mauer Power, it is now.
RK: Well back to back RsBI from Mauer and Kubel will do too. Within 1! Must not get excited. Getting light-headed and numb and mouth-tingly.
WV: Surprised they're not pitch running for Kubel
RK: Well a base hit scores anybody, right?
WV: You'd think so
WV: That might have been the pitch.
RK: Nah, too far outside. We'll see how it shakes out against Rodney
WV: Alright, well they've at least validated our continued watching of the game
BOTTOM 8TH, 5-4 TIGERS
WV: Well fuck
RK: This darkens my mood considerably
WV: And Detroit celebrates like they've all got jobs again
RK: Hello 2008 Matt Guerrier
TOP 9TH, TWINS DOWN 2
RK: Well, let's see if the bottom of the lineup can do something here
WV: I guess Mike Redmond is as good as gone huh?
RK: I think it's safe to say
WV: I really wish that Tolbert and Punto weren't the next two hitters. Morneau and his fractured back would give us a better shot here.
RK: It'll be left to Punto
WV: Punto's gotta be due for a homerun right....RIGHT!?????
RK: Derp
WV: Huh.
WV: That dinger last inning sure is a bummer.
RK: Yeah I'm not sure I like this "Granderson" fellow
WV: Or this Raburn guy.
PREGAME
WV: Well what're you gonna do, the next two are winnable
# posted by RK @ 6:59 PM 
Comments:
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Been awhile since I've been here. Nice to see you guys are still up and running.
Tigers can suck it.
Tigers can suck it.
# posted by 
: 9:20 PM
: 9:20 PM
Top half of the order definitely needs to get it done tonight, because the bottom half has just been goddamn terrible.
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# posted by : 9:27 PM
: 9:27 PM << Home
