Tuesday, April 24, 2007




RK has a late class, so fasten your seat belts, we've got a Clash theme going this evening. Seeing how we're playing the Team With A Racially Insensitive Nickname That Plays Near Lake Erie, I decided against the Custer's last stand route.

But in any case, RK and I might start a White Riot if the Twins can't put up some runs. Meanwhile, Santanista! will hopefully put the Clampdown on the Cleveland hitters. The pirhanas, unless they're Lost In The Supermarket, better show up for tonight's game. The pirhanas, however, aren't the only ones without Complete Control over their bats---Dr. Neau has also been faltering during crunch time as of late. All in all, if the Twins don't get their act in gear, they'll have to search for new Career Opportunities.

With respect to coaching, I feel pretty comfortable because Gardy Can't Fail .

You guys decide, Should I Stay Or Should I Go?


RK: Not gonna lie guys, always more of a Cheap Trick kinda guy myself. I mean "guys" in its gender-inclusive form. It's a neuter noun for me. Which makes picking up the declensions much more difficult... anyway. JOHAN AND GLOBAL WARMING BLEW UP THE FIST-POUND! I SAW IT!

WV: Nice

RK: I prefer to do Hawking's theory of time with my fist pounds. You make contact, blow it up, and then retract, and while making a sucking in noise, reconnect the fists

WV: As far as George Eliot goes, however, I'd prefer to mimic Silas Marner tonight as opposed to Middlemarch

RK: Is there any other blog where you could possibly get this invaluable information?

WV: Wow, why do I hear Zach de la Rocha's voice in my head?

RK: You're a... bull... on parade?

WV: Yeah, either drop the hits like De La O or get the fuck off the commode

RK: Grand Casino is apparently closer than you think. Like watching you shower close.

WV: Haha

RK: From here in, Jason Michaels is now George Michael. He will be my father figure.

WV: Potential

RK: Ha, I love how Johan was halfway to third base before the umpire rung Tom Sizemore up for being a washed-out actor

WV: Danny Bonaducci on deck

WV: That pitch there was on purpose, trying to lift Gordito's spirits

RK: Santana will now crush Blake's dreams

WV: Aaaany second now.

RK: Stone.

WV: I appreciate the comparison of Johan and Viola, but Bert might be off base here. Their arm motion can't be that similar, I mean, Johan's elbow isn't in the press box.

RK: Harsh, but accurate.

WV: I guess Hafner turns into Optimus Prime against us

RK: Semi truck Optimus Prime or stupid space base Optimus Prime?

WV: Leg's go with semi truck

RK: I'm a purist like that too.

WV: We're on a 12 step program.

RK: Can I be nervous now?



WV: Let's hope Fausto hasn't yet sold his soul to Beelzebub for eternal knowledge and power.

RK: And women. Or is that me?

WV: Let's go with it

RK: I'm just saying what you're all thinking.

WV: All together now, "Not Necessary!"

RK: One of these days, Punto is going to lose both arms and his nose


RK: It is tiiiiiime, Brother Joe, to rise up and put one into the seats!

WV: I swear I've seen that double play about 80 times this season. Isn't this what hell is for some people?




RK: Wow, so impending free agency trade bait might get fined or suspended for keeping his promise of giving the Royals champan-yah?

WV: Hmm...I think Fausto might've already made his deal with the Prince of Gar..err Darkness.

RK: I mean honestly, what kind of luck is this?

WV: I was gonna send Casey Blake a bottle of champagne, but after that baserunning blunder, I'm going to drink it myself

RK: I'm going to go take a battery acid shower.


RK: re: Sinn Fein, "Good attempt but not the right decision?" Where's my cake? I want to have it and eat it too

WV: Maybe if they want me to buy group tickets they shouldn't show large gatherings of choochbags in the stands concurrently

RK: I think he was mouthing, "I'm drunk and don't know why I'm cheering!"

WV: After failing again, Blake can now go home and pen "Songs of Experience"

RK: Santana is his qua self


WV: Matt: Are you going to blame that on Kubel too..oh wait.

RK: We kid because we love. We're both Kubel, and in fact, the triune Jasonhead entire apologists.

WV: Well, let's see how the Pear King's at-bat goes

RK: I like Dick's point that it seems like we're sucking, but we have one of the best records in the AL

WV: That would comfort me if our schedule were a little tougher up to this point

RK: But that's somewhat moot; if the premiere teams aren't doing any better, what's the impact?

WV: Touché

RK:You know, I feel like we somehow won there

WV: I'll take an out and Casilla on 2nd

RK: Absolutely.

WV: Defeated


WV: Great, now Hafner's OBP isn't Google %

RK: 8 billion.

WV: Remember when google used to mean something other than a search engine?

RK: I think it was even spelled googol

WV: And it had nothing to do with a Russian short story called "The Overcoat"

RK: Was the coat virtuous and working toward the greater glory of the Peoples' Republic?

WV: "In Soviet Russia, road forks you"

RK: OK, we can give Kubel a little flak on that one. But not much. He was shaded right.

WV: The first baseman is still making us pay for last night's pun fest

RK: Mustn't hesitate, grasshopper. Must be like Al Newman in 1991

WV: QTF, why did he hestitate?

RK: Indecision.

WV: Well 3 runs, that should about cover it for the evening

RK: So uh... whaddya wanna talk about

WV: This guy's got quite the routine at the plate

RK: It's the only time he's on camera since he never gets on base


RK: Mauer really does have one of the sweetest swings in the game. I mean, goes without saying, but still.

WV: Possibly, Ben. It seems insurmountable.

RK: This is possibly promising, but I'll keep my head shut.

WV: Man I miss Hormel Dollar-A-Dog nights

RK: Did you ever take a road trip from Northfield just to go a Wed. game? I know I did from St. John's

WV: Oh without a doubt.

RK: More times than I should probably admit.

WV: Alright, we can roll with this.

RK: In light of empirical evidence, we can't expect anything better

WV: Hunter's thinking, "How can I stretch my boxers into overalls"

RK: Or, "I wonder if I should hit into a 643 or 463 DP?" OK, that's mean. Sorry Sinn Fein. I don't have a car, but don't blow me up

WV: I was bracing myself for another baserunning gaffe there

RK: Wow, is there a weaker arm than Damon in the AL? We've got a winner! We've got a winner! Juice by Sizemore!

WV: Sizemore secretly believes he's pretty enough to be in The Strokes

RK: The Strokes secretly believe they're still the "It" band

WV: They're carpooling to the same Surreal Life episode as Tom Green

RK: Well... I guess he put some good wood on it.


RK: I like missing the 1st out

WV: Don't like it so much when the 2B throws wide from 10 feet away

RK: Nice shag by the Good Doctor!

WV: It would seem that our fortune is turning.

RK: Let's not exhale just yet


RK: I don't think Casilla swung till he was out of the batter's box

WV: I'm starting to think that if Casilla played basketball he'd be a Harlem Globetrotter with all his useless tricks.

RK: The tide must be high tonight. Sandcastle's not looking so good

WV: Pirantas aren't looking too hot either. I'd blame global warming, but he's batting 3rd


WV: I'd say we were streaky but our streaks come once a game and are 2 or 3 run outbursts

RK: I streak better than that from my shower to the bedroom

WV: We need to start a pool called: "Who's going to commit the error tonight?" Prizes TBD

RK: Bartlett's too easy

WV: Sorry Sister Jensen, but it's true. We should trade Silva to the Yankees while he's still respectable

RK: Haha, for Mientkiewicz, straight up. Think Buster Olney would even notice that trade?

WV: He'd notice the blocked sunlight as Gordito approaches the East Coast

RK: Doug would keep one foot on first in the Bronx until he landed in Minneapolis

WV: You know those mini-basketball games at Chuck E. Cheese?

RK: All too well

WV: How you are hit and miss but then all of a sudden you hit like 20 in a row? We need Santana to hit that groove.

RK: I'll take Bert saying "ho ho ho" and tapping his belly any day

WV: Never a bad day with him in the booth


WV: I think they've converted the Metrodome into a hyper-gravity center

RK: I remember that ride at the fair.

WV: This is getting to be a little depressing


RK: I love how even when Santana has a bit of a rough start, he can pitch forever

WV: After last night I'm sure the bullpen is grateful

RK: Didn't need the 2-out walk now.

WV: I'm going to go ahead and blame this on the umpire totally botching that strike on Sizemore

RK: I need to quit talking. Forever. Go live in a hole and everything. And you are correct sir.

WV: This is altogether unfamiliar territory for me.

RK: Well this isn't the end of the inning I was envisioning

WV: Minnesota Twins: Get to unknow 'em

RK: Don't gotta see this

WV: Earlier, I built a flood dike around the Sandcastle

RK: Good call


WV: Boy we're on a real streak of giving inconsistent mediocre pitchers their best career starts

RK: Someone's gotta do it

WV: I'm not even a little excited right now. I can't even muster enough of a will to imagine that Barlett could tie this up.

RK: Yeah, my brain is failing me right now

WV: It's like the opposing team can read the future and position themselves in the field accordingly

RK: Good thing we didn't waste the brain energy to use our imaginations


RK: Looks like the Metrodome slip-n-slide funpark is coming to fruition.

WV: Guerrier to Punto: Pysch!

WV: *more depression*

RK: I'm gonna go find my scotch.

WV: Not having Castillo and Rondell can't be this debilitating can it?

RK: We need some hoverboard action, ASAP


WV: The fact that the Yankees keep sucking has nearly stopped making me feel better

RK: Schadenfreude is good

WV: What's one of those things called again..a.....trot? a....scamper? Oh yes, a walk.

RK: I've seen one of those before.


WV: I mean, what else are you gonna do?


WV: Definitely

RK: I asplode.


RK: Stacey, I like your style

WV: Bourbon bourbon bourbon

RK: Scotchy scotch scotch

WV: zzzzzz

RK: Wake me up before you go go

WV: Stacey: You're not Tyner-ing too hard....Sigh. Maybe we better avoid the puns.


WV: In good news, Jeter was hit by a pitch for the second straight day and left the game

RK: God we're horrible

RK: I was watching this video and I was like, "What is this again?" Then I remembered I was watching a baseball game

WV: A part of me would like them to either win or lose. I'm not sure extra innings would be cool

RK: I'm boycotting extra innings tonight. I have grading to do

WV: Justinsupportable

RK: Faulty fuse on Fein's carbomb

WV: I mean, good for Kubel, but y'know, scoreboard

RK: Great managerial move there Gardy

WV: Mercifully over


RK: My head hurts.

WV: This game gave me glaucoma of the eye.

Ah I don't know! Lol
It's Johan.. it's at home.. (not sure where I'm going with this)
Is it just me, or does a 3 run deficit seem bigger than Reyes' face right now?
Wow...I didn't even comment and my name got brought up because of Bartlett..and I'm asssuming he had an error and I missed it? I apologize for missing the majority of the game...Paradiso with it's fajita's and margarita's on special got the best of me :) However I missed the free taco bar :(
maybe some extended series of puns featuring one of our players is just what the team needs to get out of this funk. It seemed to work for Garko yesterday. Like how tragic it was that Don Ho, singer of "Tyner" Bubbles died last week. Am I trying to hard?
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