Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

I never thought that I'd ever find myself saying this, but... I'm hoping for a 2006 redux. Remember last year when interleague play was the cure for what ailed our boys? I know there's been a lot of sturm und drang and plenty of reasons for there to be - but if there was ever a doubt as to how important Mauer is to this club, I'm sure that doubt is erased. My prediction: Boof hits a double tonight.

You may also notice the title. There's a few reasons for this:

1. I can't think of anything clever to say
2. WV is out and about, so I can't rely on him to be clever for me (seriously, in his memoirs, he's gonna write, "Only reason RK was funny was because of me")
3. I want to make this interactive

So you get to pick! Leave your suggestions in the actual comments (I can't pay attention to the sidebar chat like normal when there's just one of us doing this), and I'll pick the best one at some point during the game. Then you'll be validated, and can skip your appointment with your therapist this week.

TOP 1ST

Boy, that looked just a little low and inside, didn't it? I mean, didn't it?

I'm pumped to see the BrewCrew wearing their old school unis. The fingers of the mitts make an M and the thumb and palm make a B. Get it? My junior year college roommate pointed that out to me.

Honestly, these guys have said "Capuano off to a good start" so many times you'd think they were potty training him.

BOTTOM 1ST

Best interchange of all time:

Thing 1: Bert Blyleven said that he changed his name legally to Boof Bonser

Thing 2: Well I don't trust much of what Bert says

Thing 1: Bert says you gotta look it up.

Thing 2: Well if you said it, I'd believe it. Not Bert.

And therein lies our ethos. BOOOOOOOOF!

I love this MLB Mosaic. It's how I know that Aaron Boone is getting high playing for the Marlins

And runners on the corners. Fantastic.

Gaaah, slowest double play eeeevveeeeer

Megan, I like your optimism, but when you start saying things like "it's only one run" it reminds me of that Simpsons episode with the pig that gets taken all over Springfield. "It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good! It's just stuck in the dam, it's still good, it's still good!" Let's hope your optimisim pays off!

TOP 2ND

The Twins without Mauer are worse than the Suns without Stoudamire and Diaw. Yeah, I said it.

After how horrible that at-bat was looking, Morneau putting one in the 4.5 spot looks fantastic.

Keep throwing, Capuano. I'm sure the scouting report on the MVP said he was a threat to steal.

Runners on first and second, let's see if the LFE is fully powered.

Oh good. With Punto Bonser Castillo next inning... well.

BOTTOM 2ND

I like when guys spell their name Geoff. Doesn't make any sense. Reminds me of Eddie Izzard's Dress to Kill: "In America, you say leisure, and in England, we say Lye-soo-rah"

Ooh, Stacey, you're most definitely in the front of the pack for a post title. I giggled a little bit. I giggle sort of like a girl. I bet you didn't know that about me. I can guffaw and howl like a grown-ass man, but when I just giggle, or if you'll forgive a little netiquette, lol, I probably sound like a junior in high school whose best friend just told her that the boy she totally likes said she was cute in chemistry class today.

Oh, Boof looked good that inning.

TOP 3RD

Hahaha, I switched over to the NYY/NYM game and they showed some chubby kid stuffing his face full of cotton candy. Wouldn't you like to get in the mind of a cameraperson for one day? Do you suppose one of them just pointed the camera and just couldn't stop looking? Like they're thinking, "So... disgusting... can't stop watching... diabetes... Wilford Brimley."

It reminds me of a couple of years ago, when people noticed that whoever the cameraperson was at the Staples center would kinda do a knee-high view upwards at women with large breasts. I think Kornheiser called it pervertcam.

Aaaanyway. There's two outs all of a sudden? Who'd have thought?

The two-out walk to Castillo? My inner Johnny Carson predicts an attempted steal.

Jeff Cirillo, you are SO not Phil Nevin! Triples are hot.

God I love 2-out rallies. And now the good doctor is up to smash the ball to kingdom come.

Stacey, yeah, the mosaic thing is available monthly (you get it with the premium package). In fact, I think that's how WV's doing it, because he's gonna spend June in Minneapolis and won't need it, obvs. That's short for obviously. But without vowels. It's fun to say. Try it! Right now.

No, he did not go, Mr. Brewer announcer man.

OK Sinn Fein. The carbomb is ready. The explosives are stuffed. The fuse is solid.

"Cappy"? Seriously guys. I'm sure he loves that.

OH MY GOD, I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER'S YET-UNDUG GRAVE THAT I WROTE THE STUFF ABOUT SINN FEIN BEFORE THAT HAPPENED.

What do you suppose the odds are that we could bat around after the first two batters making outs?

Well, close enough.

BOTTOM 3RD

Oh yes, believe it. I couldn't do much writing because I had to see it for myself. Boof "John Paul II" Bonser struck out the side.

TOP 4TH

Ooh, I thought the Lew Ford Experiment had a hit there.

I feel it - here comes Boof's double.

Or sac bunt, and here's my comment that makes you think I'm a lettered man in old-school baseball: At least we turned the lineup over.

BOTTOM 4TH

Haha, inside joke. Eh, OK. Stop laughing. It's times like this that make me miss Bert.

Bonser and Herzegovina is going to give El Presidente a run for his money with strikeouts... OK, so not really, I'm just trying to make a point here.

He's put down 10 in a row with 7K, and dammit announcers, I compiled that data real quick-like before you said it, and now I just sound like a hack. And if I wanted to do that, I'd write a political science paper and submit it to a journal.

TOP 5TH

Stacey, I'm writing my thesis too. Whatevs, I say. It's pretty much half done anyway. What's yours about?

Kevin, you just made me hungry. Those are two of my favorite food groups; beer and meat.

Hm, the announcers just called Morneau a "BC boy." I wish I was a Beastie Boy. I feel a close connection with Mike D.

The GIDP was not very Beastie though, Justin. In fact, I might say it's just plain wack.

BOTTOM 5TH

Geoff Jenkins should start a band called "Geoff and the totally unnecessary letters."

The 0-out walk is never a good decision. Hopefully Bsquared can get a double play going

And as I write it, it happens. So let it be written, so let it be done. I'm bigger than Moses!

I like it when Counsell bats. It's like he's trying to get a good read on the jet streams.

I love the camerawork here! They went to the concession stand and some lady pointed at the Miller Lite tap and nodded aggressively, as if to say, "Oh yeah, I am SO getting me some beer!"

TOP 6TH

Stacey, I'm doing mine on how the society of bureaucratically controlled consumption precludes the possibility of meaningful rebellion. In other words, blah blah blah. And there's nothing wrong with submitting a paper, but if I do it, then the world at large will know I'm a hack instead of just the faculty at Tech. Whenever I present at conferences I feel like such a fraud. WV doesn't, because he isn't.

Torii's steal was all on the catcher. Bad throw.

The Lew Ford Experiment has been programmed to produce runs!

I had a hankering for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Probably the best decision I've made all day.

BOTTOM 6TH

Uh. Sorry about that. I was eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Didn't want to soil my beautiful MacBook. I'm weird like that.

TOP 7TH

Here's a few other kooky things about me:

1. When I jam or peanut butter my toast, I don't use a base coating of butter. That's gross.
2. But when I peanut butter my toast, sometimes I slice bananas on it. OK, that's not so kooky, but sometimes I slice a pickle. Before you recoil in horror, go to your kitchen right now and grab a kosher dill, dip it in some peanut butter and go to town. You'll thank me.
3. I don't eat my cereal with milk. Any cereal. Ever.

Stacey, perhaps I'm just trying to undershoot so I'll pleasantly be surprised if people like it. Secretly, I'm obsessed with this idea. And here I just outted myself as an avowed leftist. Oops. I mean we're fair and balanced. And I do indeed plan on going on for a PhD because what else am I gonna do? I tried working for a bit. Wasn't a big fan.

Oh yes, this is a baseball blog, not RK 'n' Stacey's happy funtime grad school pow-wow hour. Though not a bad idea for public television.

Hey, not Phil Nevin just hit a dinger. He's a single and a double shy of a cycle.

Sister Jensen, who has direct access to my cellular telephone (we go a long way back) wants you to know that she's thrilled that Sinn Fein went to Denny's for her.

8 runs? What a gluttony of offense! I hope this is the catalyst that turns things around like last year's interleague play.

BOTTOM 7TH

I like the Kirby Puckett tribute stuff, but I just remember my good friend Jesse saying "Kirby Puckett doesn't hit his wife, Kirby Puckett hits homeruns!" with the earnestness of a 9-year old. There's a strange story that we don't know, but at the same time, why should we care (too much) about that? I feel uneasy with the Puck, I'll be honest. I worshipped him as a boy myself, as I'm sure did we all.

Boof is just motoring here.

Geoff And The Unncessary Letters up to bat.

11 Ks? BOOOOOOOF, we hardly knew ye.

TOP 8TH

Some guy named Elmer is pitching for the Brewers. And I like that.

Hey everybody! Cristian Guzman is on deck for the Nationals! But I can't watch it. Le blackout restricciones.

Well, that was underwhelming, but we still have a 7-run lead, and you know me, I can't complain.

BOTTOM 8TH

Stacey, yes it was shaved, and don't apologize. It's not like I talk about baseball very much anyway. I'm glad there are other dorks out there like me. Usually I do this and read. And drink. Uh, scratch the last one. Not really. For the kids.

Counsell at the plate, telling his upstairs neighbors to be quiet.

3 up 3 down, that's what I like to see from Guerrierrierrierrierr.

TOP 9TH

Yep.

BOTTOM 9TH

Punto went all Knucklehead McSpazatron and snagged that sucker!

And Joe Nathan's inning goes off without a hitch. Which is exactly what we like to see from the gentleman with a long face.

POSTGAME

Repeat after me: Interleague play is the cure for what ails us. This is the beginning of a fanatical ranting about RAGNAROK. This I believe.