Pulling A Blyleven

PREGAME

If anyone has deja vu, it's because we also blogged today's earlier bloodbath in which the Twinkies, despite Ramon Ortiz and Scott Baker's best efforts, scored 20 runs and still white-knuckled themselves a victory. For thoughts there, scroll down.


HEY HAWK--YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOARD....YES! Right where we left off, Justincredible, was just that. 100th Career Shot! Congrats, sir.

I heart crooked numbers.

BOTTOM 1ST, TWINS UP A FIELD GOAL

Hey Garza, 4 fastballs in a row? Have we learned anything? Go see Dr. Bert on how to throw a curveball.

And he eventually caught up to your 6th fastball in a row and hit a single to right field. I'm tapping my foot impatiently, mister.

So Matt, did that curve ball you threw for a swinging strike 3 to Iguchi make him look totally ridiculous? Yeah.

Good thing the Pear King pumped up his Nike Air's so he could catch that high pickoff throw from Garza for the 2nd out.

Watching the Bitch Sox getting picked off and fling their bats all over the field, it's like Major League before they got good.

Clevelandia down 3 to Toronto, the Tiggers down 3 to Boston. The AL East is our friend.

It'd be really great if Jim Thome COULD HOLD ONTO HIS FUCKING BAT! It's not that difficult you clumsy oaf.

Anyways, Matt Garza gets to take some hacks now at Gavin Floyd as we've lost our DH. Gardy will now forever be able to convince Terry Ryan to carry a 3rd catcher. It looked like Redmond was respnsive and ok, perhaps stitches and a concussion.

With any luck, Garza will lose his bat and knock AJ into next Tuesday.

Sit down Thome, you graceless uncoordinated lump of butterfingered shit.

TOP 3RD INNING

RK: Wow, I hate Jim Thome even more now. I hope the Twins still win playing National League style

WV: As long as Dr. Yes is on our team, we're in good shape.

RK: Justincredible!

WV: Torrincredible! Wha happened!

RK: Torrid Hunter completes the double-dip in Comiskey I mean US Cellular Park

RK: : I mean the place where crazy people attack first base coaches

WV: Right. Hanging sliders are God's gift to hitters

BOTTOM 3RD

RK: Y'know, for all Dick's talk about the dangers of using both Redmond and Mauer, he's been vilified. I know I rolled my eyes every time he mentioned it

WV: Right. Wow, was that a curve ball Garza just threw for a strike?

RK: Two in a row, son

WV: Too bad Red Dawg's out, I was hoping to use a Bull Durham/Tim Robbins-Kevin Costner motif tonight.

RK: Which ties into the fact that Gary Gaetti is a manager for the Durham Bulls currently

WV: He'd probably be an upgrade at 3rd base at age 50

4TH INNING

RK: Garza's looking pretty sharp here

RK: I wonder how often this has happened, where the P had to hit in an AL game

RK: I just saw the replay and FUCK YOU, JAMES THOME

RK: Hopefully that Asshole Who Plays For The White Sox put some flypaper on his gloves

RK: I think we'll drill his ass before the All-Star break

WV: Oh yeah.Let's have Carmel Apple do it

RK: I like the idea. Candy Cane has nothing to lose

WV: For anybody who wonders where our nicknames come from, note the creative juices at work on Carmen Cali at the moment.

RK: Oh, the juices

WV: The etymology of Sinn Fein remains a mystery to us all, though

RK: I want AJ to strike out so very desperately. Damn.

WV: Remember when Jermaine Dye was a potential MVP? That's funny.

RK: That is a good joke

5TH INNING

RK: Good to see Cuddy finally getting into the offensive action

WV: Considering the 8 line drives Cuddy has hit right at people today, this has to be some kind of redemption.

WV: The Bitch Sox are to pitching what Bush is to music.

RK: Anathema?

WV: I'm gonna look that one up....and, yes agreed.

TOP 6TH INNING

RK: I hope we can single-handedly start the Bush v. Smashing Pumpkins debate again.

RK: Those were some bloody battles in 8th grade

RK: But wait, Mr. Stefani isn't making music anymore? O rly?

WV: These games are a lot easier to watch when we're the only ones scoring lots of runs.

RK: Maybe Kubel there was waiting for a ball MORE down the middle of the plate

WV: I could also get used to the Rubick's Kubel being a consistent hitter.

WV: Right, it's pretty obvious these umps are sick of being there.

WV: Hey, look at the Garza Strip dropping down a text book sac bunt.

RK: So here's something vitally important to the baseball game. What happened to Weezer? I'm listening to the Green Album and it's rocking my face clean off my skull. I miss that from them

WV: See, the Geek Chic wave hit, and it hit hard, and suddenly Rivers Cuomo was no longer quirky. He became yuppie, and that's a bad, bad turn to make.

RK: I knew it was the end of an epoch when I saw a music video with them at the Playboy Mansion

RK: But man, the Green Album is summer, if you catch my meaning. Like Jones Green Apple Soda. Tastes like summer. Only way to describe it

WV: At this point Guillen is running out of things to be embarrassed by

RK: Surprising, considering the treasure trove of things

WV: Suppose there's rumblings and grumblings to bring back Jerry Manuel?

RK: I smell a bases-clearing double

RK: Or. Not.

BOTTOM 6TH

WV: I smell an end to Garza's night.

RK: I pray for a double play ball, but you're right

RK: Nice!

WV: The plaintive cries from Hawk Harrelson for the baserunner to get back just made my night

WV: If were to pick someone to praise for both games, the Pear King would be a dark horse candidate, methinks.

RK: Oh, a regular Bill Bradley in 2000

RK: Or John Edwards in 2004

TOP 7TH

RK: Moryes; I do believe you've given me a case of the vapors!

WV: The White Sox are like a sports incarnation of My Chemical Romance. Except that they suck EVEN more

RK: And probably wear more makeup

RK: "Getting past that stage of being called the piranhas?"

RK: Is there a better way to describe how this team own the Bitch Sox?

RK: Yeah, let's switch piranhas to "team that bends us over its knee often"

WV: Jesus Queen of Mary

RK: Now this is just... I almost feel sorry for the Southsiders

WV: When Jeff Cirillo is taking you from behind, that's a real problem.

WV: This is like the line of cows going into the slaughterhouse

RK: I want to be a graduate of Moo U!